Slaying The Dragon
by smartkid37
Summary: When one of their own is arrested, the team makes one startling discovery after another; all of which threaten to completely rock their world. Can the team save the one in trouble? Episode Tag: Flesh and Blood
1. Trailer

**STORY TRAILOR**:

In a bid to save the one in trouble; personal boundaries must be crossed and it is soon discovered that nothing is ever as it seems and there are deep, dark secrets that lie beneath the surface and threaten to tear apart the very fibers of the NCIS team.

Can the one in trouble be saved?

Will that person break under the pressure of having their skeletons exposed?

Will the team be able to bring their fallen back from the brink?

**Coming soon ...........**


	2. Chapter 1

_We apologise for the long wait for this.  
We were trying to get Fractured Rules finished, but it has taken on an extended life of its' own._

_We hope you enjoy this one._

_Takes Place immediately followiing "Flesh and Blood"_

_

* * *

__3:30 AM Monday Morning_

Gibbs woke well before his alarm clock even thought about disturbing his peaceful slumber; He glanced over at the LCD display and frowned at the time, he was wide awake before his internal alarm clock decided to wake him up. Something was wrong; someone important to him was in trouble. It was the only reason he ever woke up out of a sound sleep like this.

His gut was churning to the point of nausea and a sense of unease started to steadily make its' way up his spine signaling that it was in fact, time to get himself up to find out exactly what it was that made him feel this way. He swung the covers back and perched on the edge of the bed so he could grab his phone off the nightstand. Sighing heavily, he flipped it open and breathed a sigh of semi-relief when he saw that there were no missed calls; _no one had called; no one was in trouble and everything was seemingly okay_.

_So, then why was he awake at this ungodly hour?_ There was no rhyme or reason for it but he wasn't willing to blow it off completely. Gibbs finally stood up and headed down to the kitchen to turn on his coffee maker ahead of the timer. He decided to hit the shower before the machine finished brewing so he could wake up more fully.

As he stood under the spray, he tried desperately to relax but couldn't; his muscles were wound tighter than a drum and there was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind which did nothing but make the churning in his gut intensify. He was now fully awake and his warning senses didn't allow for any thoughts of actually crawling back into bed and getting a couple more hours of much needed shuteye; it simply wasn't acceptable.

Once showered and dressed, he went through the normal motions of getting through the earliest part of the day. It was the most peaceful part and under any other circumstances, was one that he relished; the calm before the storm so to speak. The only difference in this morning was this nagging feeling that wouldn't leave him alone long enough to enjoy his routine; someone was in trouble and he absolutely no idea as to who or even what the problem actually was.

Determined to keep going until something came to light, he fixed his breakfast, got in his first two cups of coffee, and prepared his third one for the road. Regardless of the earliness of the hour, he was now ready to face the day and so he headed over to where he kept his phone and keys in the hallway and scooped them up. Gibbs frowned deeply when he noticed the flashing screen on his phone that was an indication that he'd missed a call and it grabbed his attention instantly. Setting everything else down, he flipped his phone open and glanced at the information and cringed when the time stamp placed him in the shower at the time the call. He was focusing on the time of the call for a second and finally managed to let his eyes roll over the caller id. His gut clenched so much that it became almost painful; The caller was none other than one of his agents; _Tim McGee_.

Quickly Gibbs hit the speed dial for Tim's phone and sighed with frustration and worry when he got the young man's voicemail.

_"You have reached the voicemail of Tim McGee. Please leave a message and I'll return your call as soon as I possibly can. Thank you and have a great day."_

With a sigh borne of what he was feeling, Gibbs quickly thought of the best message to leave in return.

_"McGee. It's Gibbs. It's 4 in the morning and you called me twenty minutes ago. I'm sorry I missed your call. I'm here if you still wanna talk. In fact, call me back so you can tell me what's going on. I'm waiting for your call."_

Now, the sense of foreboding morphed into the realization that something was wrong and now he knew who was the cause of his worry this morning. That little tidbit of information made him worry more because no matter what, Tim would always be the baby of the team and despite the years making the boy stronger; his innocent naivety made Gibbs want to protect him at all costs. Snatching his keys and coffee back up, Gibbs sped to his car and headed out to Tim's apartment, hitting the buttons on his phone to call the closest person in proximity to McGee's apartment as he moved.

"Ziva Da'vid." He was met with a sleepy answer on the fourth ring and felt a pang of guilt at having woken her up.

"Ziva! You heard from McGee lately?" Gibbs asked loudly. He wanted to break through the sleep fog he knew was most likely still hanging over her brain.

"Gibbs? Heard from McGee? No. The last time I saw McGee was when I left work Friday night, he was still at his desk working. Why? Gibbs what is wrong?" Ziva's voice rang loud and clear now in his ear; Gibbs had sounded the call; one of the team was in trouble and she was fully awake for action.

"Dunno, he called my phone twenty minutes ago but I missed the call. I want you to go check on him. I'm on my way up there now." Gibbs gave her his request and knew he had struck a chord of worry in her when he heard the rustling of the covers being thrown back.

"Certainly. It is a good thing he gave us both a spare, yes?"

"Yeah. Call me when you get there."

"Yes, Gibbs." Ziva ended the call abruptly and left Gibbs with nothing to do but snap his phone shut and drop it down in the passenger seat as he put his foot down harder on the gas.

For once, Gibbs agreed with Ziva about the spare key to Tim's apartment and mentally thanked Tim for insisting that both his boss and Ziva have one for emergencies. Gibbs had tried to veto the idea at first; he tried to put his foot down and had even gotten less than pleasant about it. Thinking about his people in an emergency situation that would need someone to enter their residence didn't sit well with the boss and he detested any conversation about the idea; his people were always safe….No! His family was always safe. He knew deep down that it wasn't always the case but he needed to believe that in order to stop from worrying about what the world could do to them.

Tim, in a rare show of strength and stubbornness that had surprisingly outweighed Gibbs' for once, had laid the key down on his boss's desk and simply walked out of the squad room without saying another word on the matter. It had taken the young man a good fifteen minutes to come back and when he had, his posture was that of a defeated man; a man who'd tried to accomplish something but had come up with nothing and now had to live with a sense of failure. With all credit to his youngest agent, he'd gotten right back to work and no more had ever been said about the episode. That had been three months ago.

Gibbs reached the apartment complex a good twenty minutes later and was starting to feel the added worry of not hearing back from Ziva. His gut was already in knots but, if at all possible it clenched further when the realization hit him; _Tim's car's not here._

Without a second thought or hesitation, Gibbs parked his car in the spot reserved for Tim's apartment and stepped out; he locked his car and headed warily up to the young man's apartment. As he walked up the stairs, he hit the speed dial number for Ziva's phone and sighed with relief when she picked it up on the 2nd ring.

"Ziva Da'vid"

"Ziva, what's goin' on? Why haven't you called me back? What've you found?" Gibbs growled out his questions in rapid order to show her how annoyed he actually was at not getting that call.

"Nothing. I have found absolutely nothing. McGee is not here. His dog is not here. Nothing is out of place and nothing is here that can tell us where he might be." Ziva defeated tone scared him slightly. "The only thing that seems to be missing is the recording tape from his answering machine."

Gibbs reached the apartment and opened the front door that Ziva had not locked behind her since she'd known he was coming. He soon joined Ziva in the living room and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder before looking around himself. He could tell that her keen eye was right and that absolutely nothing was out of place in the pristine, quirky apartment. Tim's home looked tidy but had a comfortable lived in feel to it and It struck Gibbs at that moment, that it fit his agent perfectly; the man was tidy and he was more than comfortable to be around. He didn't go for the flashy exterior that DiNozzo favored….well apart from his Porsche...but chose to just be content with himself and his appearance. That was something Gibbs admired in him; that and his modesty with his achievements. While he did brag occasionally, it paled in comparison to the majority of the time and so wasn't something that bothered Gibbs.

Not having anything else to go on, Gibbs headed back to the living room and ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

"Ziva! Call Abby and Tony to see if they've heard from him. Ask them whether McGee told them where he was going this weekend and where the hell he hangs out."

Ziva nodded and as she made the calls, they both headed out to drive back to D.C. and into work. Her first call was to Abby. They all knew that Tim remained somewhat close to Abby; even after everything he'd been through and while their relationship had cooled somewhat to the point where Tim no longer accepted everything she did as okay; he did still consider her a friend and usually kept her updated on what was going on with him.

"Abby Scuito" The sleep laden voice of their Forensic Scientist was thick on the other end of the phone.

"Abby. Have you heard from McGee this weekend?" Ziva jumped straight to the point.

"Ziva? Have I heard from McGee? No, why? Wait a minute! It's barely four in the morning and you're asking if I've heard from Tim? WHAT HAPPENED? HAS SOMETHING HAPPENED TO TIMMY?"

"Abby. ABBY! We do not know. McGee called Gibbs over a half hour ago and McGee is not at home. There is nothing out of place at his apartment. Gibbs and I are trying to locate him. We need to know if anyone knows where he was going this weekend."

"I'm calling Sarah! And I'm comin' in to trace his phone!" Abby replied anxiously. She was now completely awake and scared for Tim knowing that her best friend had never, in all his years on the team, called Gibbs like this. Suddenly, she was scared to death that something horrible had happened to him.

"We will meet you there. Please let us know what McGee's sister says." Ziva instructed before she ended the call and dialed Tony's number.

"DiNozzo!" Tony had never been good at being woken up and was more than a little bit ticked off at being woken up at this time in the morning.

"Tony. Have you heard from McGee this weekend? Do you have any idea where he might have gone? Was he planning on going somewhere?" Ziva bombarded her teammate with the questions that she needed the answers to an hour ago.

"Whoa, Ziva! Slow down! What's going on?" Tony's reply mirrored the urgency of her questions and was now fully awake and on full alert.

"Tony! Have you heard from McGee?" Ziva pushed urgently.

"No. Last I saw him was Friday night when he said he had to drive home with his sister. Said something about having to be home by 10 Saturday morning. WHY? What's going on?"

"Gibbs missed a call from him over thirty minutes ago while he was taking a shower. Now we cannot reach him or locate him. Gibbs believes McGee might be in some kind of trouble but, you say he went home for the weekend? If that is true, apparently, all of this concern was for nothing, yes?" Ziva's question was born out of pure frustration.

"No, Ziva. This is cause for some real concern." Tony said with genuine worry in his voice as he quickly got dressed, grabbed his keys and practically ran out to his car.

"Why, Tony? I do not understand. If McGee went home to his family then why would that be a problem?" the Israeli's confusion was almost palpable even through the phone.

"Ziva, Probie's been on this team for 6 years now. This is the first time, he's **ever** called Gibbs for anything other than an active case. And we don't have an active case right now. This is **definitely** a reason to worry; **really** worry. I'm heading in to the yard now."

"Gibbs is already there and Abby is on her way, as well. I, too am already headed that way. We will see each other there. Hopefully, we will find out what is going on with McGee." Ziva declared with conviction and a slice of hope."

Yeah, hopefully." Tony answered with a sense of trepidation as dread flooded over him.

"Tony, Abby said she was calling Sarah. I am sure, we will find out something with that call." Ziva was trying to be encouraging and hoped that she had managed to convince Tony better than she had convinced herself.

"Let's hope so, Zee. Let's hope so" Tony answered in return, the worry still thick in his voice.

Twenty minutes later, all of them were now assembled together in Abby's lab while her machines were warming up. Her computer was already searching for the GPS co-ordinates from his phone call to Gibbs and when the 'ping' sounded, everyone held their breathes whilst the information popped up on the screen.

All four of them breathed a sigh of relief when the coordinates came up and showed that he had called from his hometown in New York State. To an outsider, the team seemed to work as a collective and their bond was stronger than just that of colleagues; to the team, it was the norm and they all felt equally pleased when they found out where their errant friend was.

While knowing he had called from his parents' home managed to uncoil the tension in his gut a bit; the uneasy feeling didn't completely leave Gibbs. If anything, the knowledge raised more questions than answers. As he stood there trying to think of the potential situations of what was going on, the question of what would cause his normally silent agent to call him at 3:30 in the morning had him withdrawing from the conversations around him. He was pulled out of his thoughts by his phone ringing.

"Yeah, Gibbs."

"My office. Now." Vance's voice was sharp and unexpected and Gibbs felt that knot tighten up automatically at the call. Vance hung up and left him standing there staring at his phone in shock. Looking at the clock, Gibbs did a double-take; looking at it again in shock. _Here it was only 4:30 AM on a Monday morning and Vance was already here and in his office? _

The biggest concern was that Vance was already demanding to see Gibbs at this early hour. He felt the sense of unease that had travelled up his spine at the first call, travel down into his gut and engulfed the knot that was already there in an iron grip that left him feeling emotionally winded. It was enough to make him feel the nausea kick in again and as he glanced at the other three members of his team, he realized that they had been listening in and were now looking his way with deep worry etched on their faces. He filled them in on what had just happened knowing that they needed to be kept up to date.

"I think Vance's got something."

**"Oh, my God! Vance is here already, too? Oh, No, This ISN"T GOOD! Something HAS happened to Timmy, I can feel it!" **Abby shrieked; each word more distressed than the last one.

"ABBY! You said you couldn't reach Sarah on her phone? Do you have the number to the house phone? Did you call it?" Gibbs demanded, knowing Abby needed to be calmed down. The only way in which he knew to do that was to try to focus her mind so she could be of help.

Abby shook her head sadly

"Figure it out while I go see what Vance knows."

As Gibbs headed up to the director's office, the three remaining team members seemed to instantly lose focus as each of them were suddenly drawn into thoughts of McGee. Tony felt a huge glob of fear harden in his gut and knew that this was a sign of trouble for his probie. It didn't matter that Tim had been a bona fide member of the MCRT for over 6 years now; he had always been and always would be Tony's "Probie". Tim had long ago reconciled himself to that fact; after figuring out that it was Tony's way of mentoring him and being his 'big brother' rather than another way for the senior field agent to bait him. As a matter of fact Tim and Tony had just talked about this late Friday night when Tony had stopped by to check on him.

_Friday night_

_Tony had had a hell ova day, what with his father's shenanigans and finding out that he needed to be bailed out the mess he'd made with staying in a posh hotel suite he couldn't pay for. Tim had helped Tony figure out what DiNozzo, Sr. was up to and had helped him cover the cost of his father's room. And, he'd done it with sympathy and compassion. _

_As Tony had left to go see his father off, Tim had wished him luck and given him that gentle smile of encouragement that always came from Tim's heart when it was , when Tony had arrived at the younger agent's door, a couple of hours later, Tim had been anything but understanding and sympathetic. He'd been bitter and more than a tad bit angry. _

_When Tony had asked what was wrong, the younger man had clammed up and refused to talk about it; absolutely refusing to let Tony in on what was bothering him_

_."You know, I'm here for you, right? C'mon, Tim' we're brothers. You can talk to me. We're a team. We're the best of the best, you and I. Didn't we prove that already?" Tony coaxed gently._

_"Maybe you should be telling Gibbs that." Tim said bitterly. "Tony, I have to get up early in the morning. Now's really not a good time."_

_"You going somewhere tomorrow, Probie?" Tony asked with concern._

_"Yeah. I have to drive my sister home. Supposed to be there by 10 and it's a long drive. She and I will have to leave here no later than 7 to do that so I need to get some sleep, Tony. "_

_"All right. But, what did you mean by telling Gibbs what I said, Probie?" Tony conceded._

_"Forget it, Tony. It's not important. Please, I appreciate you stopping by, but I really need to get ready for the drive in the morning." Tim statement was said with a deep edge of resignation._

_"All right, Probie. You call me if you need anything, all right?"_

_"Yeah, Tony. I will. Thanks." Tim said without conviction._

_As Tony was leaving, Sarah McGee had been coming into the apartment. Greeting each other, Tony had respected Tim wishes and left with a deep rooted concern. On Saturday morning, Tony had returned at 6:30 with breakfast in hand for Tim and Sarah and a large flask of coffee that they could drink on the road. He discovered that they had already gone despite Tim saying they needed to leave by 7. _

_Had something happened to change that? Taking out his cell phone, Tony tried to call his probie; only to be met by the voicemail message. Not knowing what else he could do, he left a message._

_"Hey, Probie, I came by at 6:30 to bring you two breakfast and coffee for the road, but you're already on the road, I guess. Drive safely, all right? And remember, you call me if you need anything. I know something's buggin' you man and I sure wish you'd talk to me about it. But, I guess you will when you're ready."_

Now, here it was 4:45 AM Monday morning, and with no further word from Tim throughout the entire weekend. Mix that with the troubling phone call to Gibbs over an hour ago and Tony just knew that something had happened; especially seeing as Vance was already here and had summoned Gibbs to his office; Tony was genuinely concerned, but most of all, he was starting to feel that pang of panic that left him feeling emotionally drained. He'd attempted to check in with the younger man several times during the course of the remaining weekend, but had come up empty. Thursday and Friday had been unusual for Tony; what with the sudden arrival of his father, who hadn't come to see him ever before; not even when he lay in the hospital dying from the plague.

The team had been great; helping him through it, working the case even while he'd slipped back into his teenage persona for a bit and even earned the threat of being benched from the boss. Tony had known it was only the fact that he was Gibbs' favorite agent that kept the boss from making good on that threat. Lord knows if Probie had messed up like that, Gibbs wouldn't have just benched him; he'd have most likely suspended him for at least a day.

Yeah, Tony had gotten a 'get outta jail free' card on that one and knew he owed it to the boss and the team to get things back to normal. He couldn't help but think back, for a minute, to the way Gibbs had talked to him after his father had finally blown outta town; with Tim's help. It was always great to be able to talk to Gibbs about everything and anything.

But, while it had been Gibbs who'd talked to him man to man; no, more like genuine father to son; it had been Tim who'd figured out what Tony's father had actually been up to; figured out how to help Tony help his father; and had done it all with genuine concern and support for Tony. It had been great. Having both of the other guys on the team in his corner had helped Tony tremendously and he wasn't sure how he'd gotten so lucky as to have both of them always looking out for him; but he was eternally grateful.

Sure, Abby and Ziva were in his corner, too; but to have the guys always there for him, felt strangely comforting and almost as if he actually did have a father that cared and the brother that he so desperately wanted. Especially since Tim often times felt unappreciated and belittled. He still rose to the occassion any and every time someone needed him. Tony genuinely appreciated that about his Probie, even if he hardly ever told him so.

Tim just hadn't been himself on Friday night and Tony had hated to leave things unsettled between them; especially since he had no idea what had sparked this in his surrogate little brother. As Tony sat contemplating what could possibly have happened to his probie, his phone rang.

"Agent DiNozzo"

"Director's Office. Now. All of you." Gibbs said cryptically. His tone was a mix of concern and _was that anger_?

"On it, Boss." Tony said to the broken call as he put his phone away and quickly reeled Ziva and Abby in. "C'mon, Boss wants us up in the Director's Office."

Tony led the way and Ziva couldn't help but ask the question that played on her mind.

"Does this mean something bad _has_ happened to McGee?"

"I hope not." Tony's answer was soft and heartfelt; he really didn't know what to expect but his gut feeling was that it wasn't good and whatever it was that had warranted being summoned to the director's office was bound to be bad. As they entered the inner office of the Director, they were surprised to find Gibbs waiting for them with a morose, saddened look on his face.

"It'll be a minute." Gibbs explained.

"Boss, please tell me this isn't something about Tim. Tell me he's not in trouble or worse."

Tony's use of Tim's Christian name made Abby's eyes snap up to look at Gibbs. The boss took a long drink from his coffee without looking at any of them.

"Damn It. I knew it!" Tony exclaimed. "Boss, What's going on?"

Remarkably, Abby remained quiet, although the others knew it was because she was deeply upset and didn't fully trust her emotions at the moment.

"Have to hear it from Vance, Tony." Gibbs directed quietly. His eyes managed to give him away though and it wasn't long before all three of them knew Gibbs was upset and whatever this was, was bad, really bad.

They stood there waiting knowing that it wasn't going to be good news and that they weren't going to like what they were about to hear. Each one of them started the silent torrid battle with their emotions as they waited. When the Director's Office door finally opened up, they were all struck by how obviously unhappy the Director was as the man directed the four of them into his office.

"Have a seat."

After Tony, Abby and Ziva had done as he'd directed, and Gibbs had taken up a spot by the window, leaning against the wall as he watched; Vance clicked on the TV and the screen was filled with a news story being aired. According to the words that were written on the screen on the TV, the newsfeed had aired Sunday morning at 7 AM from Johnstown, New York_. _

_Oh, No! That's Probie's hometown! _Tony's mind screamed at him.

The reporter told the tale of a tragic situation brought about supposedly by self defense ; Ziva and Abby paled as they watched and what little strength they had, was situated in their hands as they clutched their seat cushions for support; their fingers had turned white from the effort and both of them sat there staring at the screen without blinking once.

Tony surged to his feet and started to pace with the agitation he felt whilst watching what was going on. **"This can't be real!" **he exclaimed with angry denial that made Abby and Ziva jump.

"No. No. No." Abby kept saying sadly; she was unable to accept what she was seeing and hearing on the news and wanted someone to jump up and tell her that it was some horrid, cruel joke.

"There must be some mistake! Surely this cannot be real" Ziva added. Her voice was the epitome of calm though the team had long ago started to recognize the steely edge which betrayed her feelings or fear.

Vance silently pushed a button on the remote and froze the video before he turned to look at Gibbs for a short meaningful moment. Gibbs closed his eyes to hide his emotions; he had to be the strong one here because if he wasn't, then his team would shatter. He could almost feel the emotions radiating off them from across the room already and for the first time ever, Gibbs didn't have the means to make this go away. Hell, he didn't even know how to fix it or to make it better.

Looking back at Leon, knowing he was waiting for some kind of response from the Team Leader, all Gibbs could do was nod slightly at him. The Director would have to be the one to tell them; Gibbs couldn't bring himself to do it. Being strong, in this case; didn't involve being the bearer of bad news; not this time.

Vance looked at both of Gibbs' agents and then at Abby and then back at the agents before he spoke; He kept his tone official but with a hint of sadness that the situation merited.

"No. No mistake. Agent McGee's been arrested and is being detained as we speak."

**"What the hell for?" **Tony's demanding voice echoed as it rang off the walls.

"For Murder."


	3. Chapter 2

"Wait, according to that report; it was self defense!" Tony reminded them as he shot to his feet angrily, his eyes instantly finding those of the boss he'd trusted for the past 9 years to stand by him and everyone else on the team. "Probie's not a killer! Look how long it took him to get over accidentally killing that cop! C'mon, Boss! You know this!" Tony 's eyes were pleading as they fixated on Gibbs; the older agent felt even more of a pull at the already frayed edges of his heart, at the pure desperation and anger that was there.

Gibbs looked back at Tony with an unreadable expression. He was stuck between a rock and a hardplace and for the first time in his career, he didn't' know how to help one of his own. Not only that, he was too close to the case; a case that because of McGee Sr.'s prior military service as well as McGee's status as an NCIS Agent; dropped itself squarely in NCIS' lap without question.

"We are going up there to help him, right?" Tony demanded through clenched teeth. The silence in the room hung heavily as the occupants all tried to rein in their thoughts on the matter.

"No. DiNozzo. You're not." Vance's quiet declaration hit him like a freight train and left Tony feeling more than a little bit winded.

"What? Why not? He's one of us!" Tony could feel his anger pushing dangerously through the roof and knew that it wouldn't be long before his blood started to boil over.

"I do not understand. You would let them travel across the world to Somalia to help me?" Ziva's question was rhetorical and everyone stayed silent as she glared at them before continuing "You let them risk their lives to kill a terrorist and bring me home, but you will not allow them to go to New York to save McGee from this tragedy?" Ziva's anger rang through the room and she saw Abby flinch slightly at her harsh tones.

"It's not that simple, Agent David." Vance looked at her without blinking an eye and gave his simple answer as if it would explain everything in its own, cryptic way.

"**We can't just leave him in jail!"** Abby wailed as her tears streamed down her face. She couldn't even begin to comprehend what she was hearing. _They were gonna just let her Timmy be tried for murder without trying to help him or even let his team talk to him?_

"You thought I had committed murder on the Damocles, yet you allowed me to clear my name, continue to pursue Agent Status here and remain on Gibbs' team. Why do I get the feeling that you are not extending McGee the same courtesy, respect and unity ? Has he not proven himself to you? Has he not dedicated his life to this job? To this team?" Ziva volleyed the last set of questions directly at Gibbs. "Does he not mean as much to you as I do? As Tony or Abby do? Is that what this is about?" Ziva angrily pushed as her temper got the better of her.

"It has nothing to do with that, Ziva. My hands are tied." Gibbs quiet answer was loaded with a sadness that the team didn't often hear from him and it tugged at each and every one of them "It's not like I wanna see him in jail."

"That's never stopped you before!" Tony stubbornly shot back with anger so hot it literally radiated off of him. "You cleared my name; you cleared Ziva's name; you helped Abby out. Why is it always so different when it comes to Probie, Boss? When are you gonna stop treatin' him like he means less to you than the rest of us do?"

"McGee has waived his right to NCIS help." Vance announced loudly. He knew he had to break up what he viewed as a potential explosion of emotions that no one on this team would recover from. He knew people seldom refrain from saying what shouldn't be said when they were this angry and no one had time for this to get out of control or the fallout from it if it did.

"What? How is that possible? It's a murder involving a former Naval Commander, Just because it's Tim's father doesn't mean he can stop NCIS from investigating!" Tony anger melded with his confusion. He was starting to see red and the fact that he had no idea why the hell his Probie had made that decision added to his angst.

"Not what I said, Agent DiNozzo." Vance replied steadily. "I said. He's waived NCIS' help; not their right to investigate the case." Vance kept his tone even and calm so he didn't stoke this angry fire any more. He'd expected this and was prepared to be as heavy handed as necessary to keep this team's emotions in check for their own good.

"Well, then. What? Wait! Why the hell would Probie do something so stupid? Why wouldn't he let us help him?" Tony asked incredulously.

Gibbs was still reeling from the truthful revelations from his team about how he had treated Tim. He hadn't fully realized he'd been doing it but now, as he thought back, he realized that everything they had said was true. His heart already felt bruised, battered and breaking before the meeting started and now it was truly shattering into small pieces at the conversations around him. He answered Tony with a tone loaded with the emotions that he was feeling at that moment; anger, regret, bitterness and a touch of what could only be described as pain. He had to deliver to the people who he had long ago started to think of as his surrogate kids, the blow that would seemingly tear them apart; As a Father whose' youngest son has gone beyond his reach, he completely understood their feelings.

"Because he's already pled guilty."

The room stilled and the silence that hung around him was more telling than any words that could have been spoken. It was so still that you could have heard a pin drop onto the soft carpet that spread throughout the large office.

* * *

"Yeah. Gibbs." Gibbs answered his ringing cell phone brusquely as he descended the stairs to the squad room. It had been a tense fifteen minutes since he revealed that Tim had pleaded guilty and he had no idea how he was going to rein in his team's emotions so that they could work on the case…unofficially. He glanced at his watch and was surprised to find that it was still only 5 AM; he felt as though it should have been a damn sight later than that.

The team had already disbanded from Vance's office and was back in the squad room. The near silent atmosphere felt unusually oppressive and it hit him like an invisible wall. He waited patiently for the caller to speak and looked down at the shocked, stony faces of his kids; He felt their emotional overload filling the air so thickly that he could have cut it with a knife and knew, that no matter what the outcome, they were all going to have to pull together to get through this; something that was going to be difficult given their present states of mind.

"_Agent Gibbs, this is Tim's Mother."_

"Mrs. McGee." Gibbs calmly answered the woman he knew had to be buried under grief, but kept his greeting short and to the point.

"_My son has told me not to ask you for help. I'm calling to beg you to help him anyway; for me; for him; for everything he's given you and your team; that job; Agent Gibbs, you can't let him go to prison!"_

"Mrs. McGee. I understand what you're saying and I understand what…" Gibbs stopped in his trek down the stairs and back pedaled up a few to gain some distance from his team for what was obviously going to be a longer conversation than he'd planned. The least he could do was keep it private.

"_NO, you don't! You __**can't**__. The truth is, Agent Gibbs, that you have no idea what's going on with my son. Tim! He needs his team! He needs YOU! I know you've always assumed he had the perfect family. I know that he never offered to correct you on that assumption. But you __**have**__ to know the truth! You have to help him! Please! _

"Mrs. McGee. My team is not investigating your husband's death."

"_Agent Gibbs! I am not asking you to investigate the case! I'm begging you to save my son! Your agent! PLEASE! Please, come up here and at least talk to him! I'm begging you! He trusts YOU with every fiber of his being and even if he can't bring himself to ask you to help him; he knows he needs your help! He just doesn't think he deserves it! Please, show him he's wrong!"_

"_Forget it, Mom. Tim absolutely forbid you to talk to Gibbs, didn't he?" Sarah McGee asked in the background._ "_If he finds out you did, he's gonna be really, really angry and will hit the roof." _

The phone line went dead and Gibbs knew that the call had been unexpectedly cut from the McGee's end. He pulled the phone away from his ear and stood on the stairs glaring at the screen as if it had wronged him in some way. He felt the words stab at him like a knife in the gut as they whirled around in his mind. Mrs. McGee's pleas had already begun tearing at his already shredded heart but Sarah's resigned denial had twisted the knife that her words had impaled him with. It left him with an emotional pain so deep that it threatened to tear him apart.

His emotions played havoc with him as he stood still staring at his phone and he felt them rise up him angrily; they raced through his mind leaving him feeling as though every breath was a struggle to pull in. He had to get out! He had to get away to reel in these torrid thoughts that threatened to consume him so totally that he felt his chest tighten. Without a word or even a glance at his agents, Gibbs abruptly left the upper floor, and headed out.

* * *

"Tony, surely he does not intend to just do nothing!" Ziva declared with a steely conviction.

"Even if he does, Ziva, I damn sure don't! No way in hell am I gonna let this happen!" Tony's angry comeback could be heard throughout the entire floor and rattled the other teams that had only just settled at their desks to start the day.

"What seems to be the trouble?" Ducky walked into the squad room and automatically drifted to Gibbs' chair. As he sat down he took the time to listen to the painfully distraught team members. He could tell just by the haunted look on their faces and their raised voices that they were upset about something very serious. The fact that Gibbs wasn't anywhere in sight while his agents were this upset sent up the red flags for the M.E. as he glanced around at the seething team members. His eyes gently flitted to Abby and he couldn't help but frown at the never ending torrent of tears that flowed down her face.

Tony and Ziva soon told the tale as much as they knew and understood it and were engrossed in what they had heard that they didn't see Abby slowly make her way over to Tim's desk. It wasn't until her knees gave out and she sunk heavily into his chair, that they noticed how upset she actually was. Her body seemed to convulse with every sob and the free flowing tears had stained her satin black top betraying the fact that she hadn't actually stopped crying since they found out.

Ducky's face took on an ashen look as he absorbed what was being said and the depth of emotion that filled the air around him. When the three team members finished telling him everything they knew, Ducky had to take the time to calm himself down. He gave himself a moment before walking over to Abby and knelt down in front of her before drawing her into a comforting hug until she calmed down enough for him to pull back.

"Tony, I need to go and speak to Director Vance." He looked over towards Ziva and then back at Abby "I will be back soon." With that, he stood and made his was up to speak to Vance.

While Ducky was gone, Ziva and Tony tried to raise Abby's spirits. "Abbs, we won't give up even if Probie pushes us away. It's tough if he doesn't want us to help." Tony's words had no effect what so ever and comforting Abby seemed like an almost impossible task.

"Abby, Please. You must calm down. We will do our best for Tim. He did not give up on me and I have no intention of giving up on him. There will be a perfectly plausible explanation for everything."

"I hope you're right Ziva because he doesn't belong in prison." She let out a small sob and glanced up to the stairs to see Ducky making his way back down.

The M.E. looked beaten down after what had been a fruitless talk with the Director and he soon announced to the stricken team that he was going to go talk to their Fearless Leader and that they were to carry on as usual until they heard back from him. He took a moment to give each of them a look of encouragement, hoping it would help ease their minds; but knowing it wasn't nearly enough to get the job done. He silently promised to be quick and vowed to drag Jethro back here by the hair on his head if need be. Jethro's team needed him more than he needed to be with alone with his thoughts.

The remaining members of the team were left along without a guiding compass to show them the way. They felt lost and floundered slightly; not because they didn't know how to do their jobs; or weren't good at them; but because they were being commanded to break the code and they were no longer capable of doing that. The team had been torn apart several times before; but never like this; and never from Tim McGee's end. They had never felt as though they wouldn't be whole again and Tim's plea of Guilt had pretty much been a done deal on that front. This time, Team Gibbs was true and deeply broken; broken by the fact that they were being ordered to leave a man behind.

* * *

Gibbs sanded the plane for the boat that he'd never thought he'd build again. He'd finally made it through that phase in his life; had worked though his mindless grief and the need to keep his hands occupied in place of hurting someone. Yet, here he was again; needing something to occupy his hands and keep his mind on a level enough plane to think things through.

His team had been broken apart before, several times. Each time it had happened, it had hurt like hell; although some had hurt more devastatingly than others. Kate's death had damn near been irreparable. So had his four month stint to Mexico; the damage had been damn near irreparable and it was something that he'd later found out about behind the scenes. The story that Ziva had died had been the last almost unfixable break; thankfully, that was one break that had proven to be just a fracture; one that every single one of them had worked hard so they could repair the damage.

He knew that even though he'd never admitted it to any of them; well, okay, he'd admitted to seeing and appreciating Tony's efforts and had once in a while offered to be there to listen if Ziva needed to talk. Abby, of course, had always been unstoppable when she needed to talk; which was fine. Gibbs was glad to be there when she needed someone to listen. No; the one person who had never exhibited the obvious need to talk; had been Tim.

Gibbs had never made the effort to try to break down the wall that the young man had built around himself, after all, they had all known Tim had more of a family unit to support him and help him with everything than anyone else on the team had. _Why was it that something truly bad had to happen in life before people realized what they were doing wrong in someone else's life?_

Why had he allowed himself to break his own rule when it came to Tim and assume everything was all roses and light for the young man? Gibbs couldn't help but wonder but vowed to change his ways if Tim pulled through this.

Tim McGee was the silent one; he was the eager beaver; the people pleasing; gentle natured team computer expert. He was never satisfied with his work unless Gibbs was satisfied with it and always seeking approval. He was modest to a fault and never talked about his family; always taking everybody's crap on the chin; most of all he was Gibbs' agent. His computer skills were second to none and Gibbs always saw him as his tracking extraordinaire; the kid was loyal to a fault and was just as honest. He was nothing less than a damn good agent. _So what the hell happened?_

As he worked the hand sander along the grain of the wood, his mind returned to the broken words from his agent's mother:

"_Tim told me not to ask you for help…"_

" _Agent Gibbs, you can't let him go to prison!"_

"_The truth is, Agent Gibbs, that you have no idea what's going on with my son!"_

"I know you've always assumed he had the perfect family. I know that he never offered to correct you on that assumption. But you _**have**__ to know the truth!"_

"You have to help him! Please!"

" _**Pleas**__e come up here and at least talk to him! I'm begging you!"_

"_I'm begging you to save my son! Your agent! PLEASE!"_

He trusts YOU with every fiber of his being and even if he can't bring himself to ask you to help him; he knows he needs your help! He just doesn't think he deserves it! Please, show him he's wrong!"

_" He needs his team! He needs YOU!"_

As the desperate pleas of his agent's mother tore through his heart alongside the exemplary person Tim McGee had always been and, in his eyes, still was, Gibbs felt his anger at the unjustness of it all rising up and beginning to boil over. _Why did it have to come down to not only saving them from legal trouble but saving them from themselves as well?_

With all the pent up anger he'd built up, it started to bubble over and left him with the urge to throw something heavy; He glanced at the boat frame and resisted the urge to swing his sledge hammer at what would be another beautifully crafted boat; instead settling instead for wrapping his hands around the support beam that held it and holding on until he was able to push his emotions back down.

"Jethro, I understand from your team that young Timothy is in very serious trouble." Ducky's voice drifted down the stairs before his feet could be seen on the steps.

Gibbs was thankful that he'd been given adequate time to school his emotions; although around Ducky, that was never necessary. He took himself over to his work bench and used it to lean against in preparation for a serious conversation.

"Yeah, Duck. He is." The younger man let out on a frustrated sigh. "And there's not a damn thing I can do about it."

"Oh I do believe you are quite mistaken in that belief, Jethro." Ducky corrected quietly. "You can show him he is not alone, even if; as I understand; he has stated something to the contrary."

Gibbs had no answer for that. He knew without a shadow of a doubt that had this been Tony they were talking about, he could have gotten through to his agent and gotten him to realize that he mattered and that whatever the problem was, Gibbs would listen and try to help as best he could. But, this wasn't Tony. This was Tim and Tim was a different situation altogether.

The fact of the matter was, Gibbs had no idea how to break through the walls Tim had built around himseld; something that was evident in the request he made to his mother and sister, that they not to contact Gibbs. Shaking off that line of thinking for a minute, Gibbs focused on something that was bothering him badly about what had been said to him earlier.

"Ducky, you've been his TP since he's been here. Anything in his medical file that would point to abuse when he was younger?" Gibbs' question was asked out of the blue.

"No, Jethro. Why would you ask such a thing?" the M.E. was shocked by Gibbs' question and couldn't see the correlation.

As Gibbs relayed the conversation he'd had with Mrs. McGee; Ducky's mind began to spin. _Could there be sealed records somewhere in Timothy's past that would explain his mother's words? How could the young man have hidden anything near what she was suggesting from his medical records?_

"I suppose it is possible, Jethro, that sealed records somewhere, would explain something like that. Not to mention Social Service records and police reports. After all, they do live in a completely different state. I suppose it is a plausible explanation for not knowing anything about it. But what on earth did she mean about you assuming he had the perfect family? Surely, you noticed over the years that he never went home; always talked about spending the holidays with his sister; never mentioned spending them with his parents. How, anytime the team's plans changed for the holidays, Timothy never said a word about the change of plans?"

"Now that you mention it, Ducky. I never caught on to that." Gibbs admitted guiltily. "Guess I broke my own rule when it came to McGee and his family."

"Because both of his parents were still alive and as far as you knew, still together, you assumed their marriage was happy and that his plans always included them even if he didn't mention them specifically," Ducky reasoned. "And you assumed that any change of plans had been smoothed over by Timothy."

"Yeah. Somethin' like that." Gibbs answered sadly.

"So, where does that leave you and the rest of Timothy's very upset and concerned team now?" The M.E. pushed encouragingly.

"Back in Vance's office. Can't even get started trying to figure this out or fix it without getting past the pitbull guarding the gate, Duck."


	4. Chapter 3

_A/N: Awesome job on this chapter, Shelbylou._

_So, we were advised that we'd missed handing out a needed Tissue warning earlier, so we'll endeavor to not overlook such necessities again._

Tissue Warning: Shouldn't need one here.

* * *

"No!" Vance declared.

"If there's a chance in hell that he can be cleared and proven innocent and get his job back; are you seriously tellin me that you don't want him back, Leon? Cause I sure as hell do!" Gibbs said with a sharp edge of steel in his voice. "More importantly, if we can help him get his life back and not have to spend his life in prison for something that was self-defense; we owe it to him! He's one of us, Leon, I'm not just gonna leave him behind!"

"Getting his job back, is not an option, Gibbs and you know it!"

"Do I? What makes this any different than clearing Tony when he was set up or Ziva or McGee's sister or even McGee from shooting that cop?" Gibbs pushed angrily with such a venomous conviction that even the strongest of souls would undoubtedly bow down to his argument. It wasn't that it was a valid point, which it was, it was the strength and vehemence by which it was said that made it all the more poignant.

Vance was one of those stronger souls; it was unusual for the man to swallow his pride and bend to someone else's will and to see this stubborn, straight laced man come up short on that question was truly a sight to behold. Sitting down, he stared Gibbs down; or tried his hardest too anyway. Coming up short on that, he conceded.

"Alright, Gibbs. 1 week. That's all I can give you."

"All of us, Leon."

"Are you out of your mind?" Vance was shocked at the statement.

"No. McGee will most likely only talk to Ducky or Abby and I need Ziva and Tony to work the case." Gibbs pushed with a reasonable argument that couldn't really be refuted.

"Alright. But, Palmer stays here. And if I need Ducky or Ms Scuito back here; they better get back here."

"Get temps, Leon. This is too important." Gibbs knew he was pushing his luck and that the director would soon stop being so compliant to his requests.

"Gibbs!"

"Leon, if I'm right and Ducky or Abby are the only one's he'll talk to; it won't help him or his case if you have to pull them back here before we're done. Do you want us to be able to figure this out or not?"

"What makes you think that McGee will only talk to Dr. Mallard or Ms. Scuito?" Leon asked skeptically.

"Something his mother said to me over the phone earlier." Came the serious reply that held no doubt.

"Fine. But I'd better see some damn fine results; and they'd better be on a silver platter. You're gonna owe me for all the arm twisting I'm gonna have to do to make this fly with SecNav." Leon said sternly.

"Nah. He knows how much of an asset McGee is to NCIS. Abby and Ducky, too." Gibbs said with a smirk as he and a silent Ducky headed out. Ducky headed to the elevator while Gibbs took the stairs

He used the short walk down the stairs to take stock of the situation and just before he reached the landing before that last small set of steps, he ran his eyes over the two remaining agents in his team.

"Pack a bag; we're going to New York."

"Halleluiah! Tony yelled out triumphantly at the same time Ziva's agitated  
"About time." Was blurted out.

_*THWACK*  
*THWACK*_

"Thank you, Boss!" Tony said with genuine gratitude. It was nice to know the boss's head was back in the game and that the older agent was able to finally do the right thing. That knowledge was music to their ears and they all felt inordinately better knowing that the boss was going in after the one that had gotten lost.

"What was that for, Gibbs?" Ziva asked in bewilderment.

"For doubting that we'd try to get him back." Gibbs replied earnestly and with a passion that made even the stoic Israeli frown.

"Boss, you're the one that said your hands were tied." Tony reminded him gently so as not to anger the boss anymore than he was.

"Technically, they still are, DiNozzo." Gibbs' cryptic answer baffled the two younger agents.

"Then, why are we going?" Ziva question was born out of the strangely obtuse answer that Gibbs had offered previously.

"Because we damn sure can't do anything to help him from here. Well, almost. Ziva, you and Abby run a fine tooth comb through McGee's history. And I mean fine tooth! Tony, you're with me. Go get us a sedan. Meet me out front in 10." Gibbs ordered as he headed down to the lab.

After filling Abby in, and getting her to help Ziva figure out what they could to help the team help McGee; Tony and Gibbs headed out to Tim's apartment; equipped with the spare key that Tim had handed him in case of emergencies. Gibbs was pleased once again that he wouldn't have to actually break in. He was unsettled enough having to rifle through his agent's private life without this knowledge; especially, given the young man's refusal to ask for the team's help.

"Boss. What are we looking for?"

"Anything that'll tell us something that will help us figure out what's going on with him. Go check his living room."

"On it , Boss. Hey, the bookcase! Probie's bound to hide stuff in here, right?"

"It is possible, I suppose." Gibbs answered as he did his own search through Tim's desk.

"Hey, look at this! I remember this book! I loved this book! But it was never a hard-cover like this, or this size though! It's always been a softcover book that was wider than most books in general."

"Tony! Get lookin'!" Gibbs fairly growled at him without so much as looking his way.

"Boss, I am looking, I swear. Look this book cover doesn't belong on this much smaller book. Probie's got a really attachment to this kid's book for him to still have a copy at his age! And such a weird version of it, too." Tony tried to explain why he was focused on the book as he held it up for Gibbs to see.

Gibbs stopped what he was doing and looked over at the book Tony was holding up. Even from across the room, he could make out the unmistakable cover of the classic children's story of monsters in a mythical land that come to life in the little boy's dreams. Seeing it brought a sharp pang of memory back to the boss as he remembered sadly how that very book, had often been the one he'd read to his Kelly while she settled into bed for the night. It had, after all been one of her favorites. As a matter of fact, it was one of the few things of hers that he had kept and was still in the box of her things in the room that had been hers.

"DiNozzo, put the book down! Less words, more work!" Gibbs finally snapped off, as he attempted to move himself past the painful memories and back to the pain of the current situation his youngest agent was stuck in.

"Okay, Boss. Sorry." Tony answered as he set the book down flat on the shelf and moved on in his search.

Between the two of them, they managed to search through every inch of Tim's apartment for clues but came up completely blank.

"We've got nothing, Boss." Tony sighed heavily and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "Probie's holed up in a cell somewhere and we've got zilch."

"So what, DiNozzo? We give up?"

"I didn't mean that and you know it, Boss" Tony whined.

_THWACK_

"Thanks, Boss."

Gibbs pointed his finger in his Senior Agent's chest.

"I may be your boss but I was also a marine and we never leave our men behind. Don't you ever forget that Tony." Gibbs's low, dangerous tone left him regretting doubting his boss.

"Got it, Boss."

"Good. Pack up McGee's computer. Abby can go through the information on there."

Tony scrambled away and deftly unplugged Tim's machine…_Damn Probie; am I glad you taught me how to do this quicker than I used to be able to do it!_

Thirty minutes later, found them carting Tim's home computer down to Abby's lab for her to sift through the data on there. Gibbs knew that it was going to be invasive and that Abby wouldn't feel 100% comfortable in doing what needed to be done; it was necessity though and he needed Abby to have a clear head for whatever she could find. McGee would just have to either hate them or forgive them later; for now, they needed to help clear his name. Gibbs watched Abby re-connect the computer and couldn't help feel the pang of regret and loathing at having to do this; but, while, they might not find anything, he didn't feel like they were doing their best if they weren't checking all avenues of clues they had available to them.

The team headed out two hours later; their overnight bags were stowed safely in the trunks of the two separate cars that they had decided to take. It would make following leads easier if there was an extra vehicle available and one of the cars would undoubtedly be used by the people who had to share their time going inbetween the jail and the McGee house when they got there. As Tony drove Abby and Ducky in one car; Ziva drove with Gibbs in the other. As the miles disappeared, Gibbs took his phone out and made a phone call.

"_McGee Residence."_ Came the unmistakable broken voice of a very upset and obviously traumatized Sarah McGee.

"Sarah, This is Agent Gibbs. "

"_Agent Gibbs. Tim doesn't want your help. I know you know that."_ Sarah said bullishly.

"Sarah. Can I talk to your mother, please?" Gibbs pushed past the younger woman's feelings for Tim's sake and got directly to the point.

"_She's sleeping. This has been really hard on her."_ Sarah's voice broke more at the mention of her mother's plight and Gibbs wanted nothing more than to reach through the phone, sweep her up in his arms and comfort her until she finally fully trusted him to help.

"Sarah, I know it's hard to lose a parent like this, and I know that it's gotta be hard on both you and your mother."

"_You don't know anything, Agent Gibbs! You assume to know everything; just like you always have with my brother!"_ Sarah cried, as her voice broke completely. Gibbs could hear the sobs down through the phone.

Ziva looked over at Gibbs after hearing Sarah's breakdown from the driver's seat. She held out her hand and waited for Gibbs to hand over the phone so she could talk to Tim's ailing sister. Gibbs glanced at Ziva before silently turning his head to look out the window and swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat. He was trying desperately to be the strong one and found himself silently demanding his emotions to go back where he usually kept them; under lock and key.

"Sarah. This is Ziva."

"_Ziva?" Are you coming here like my mom asked Agent Gibbs to do?"_ the hope in the younger girl's voice choked Ziva up for a second.

"Yes, Sarah, we will be there in a few hours. You do not need to wake your mother if she is sleeping, Please do not tell your brother we are coming. I do not want him to get upset. I am sure he will talk to Ducky when we arrive."

"_Yeah, you're probably right. Tim's always had nothing but the best things to say about Ducky. He thinks the world of him. Thank you for coming."_ Sarah said with relief in her voice, even as the tears were still audible.

"Sarah. We are all coming. Even Agent Gibbs is coming. We will do what we can to help all of you." Ziva promised with an air of enthusiasm that was given to try to pacify Sarah.

"_Thank you. Will you tell Agent Gibbs that I'm sorry? I know he probably hates me after that case with Jeff and now all this; but I really am sorry."_ Sarah said sadly.

"Relax, Sarah. Agent Gibbs does not hate you. He understands that you have a lot to deal with right now. We will see you when we arrive, all right? In the meantime, you should get some sleep."

"_Yeah. You're probably right. Okay, Thanks again, Ziva."_ Sarah sounded weary and Ziva hoped that she could get some sleep. Sarah signed of and Ziva handed the phone back to Gibbs.

"She thinks I hate her? Where does that come from?" Gibbs asked in surprise.

"From her murder case and now the way she has been speaking to you." Ziva answered honestly.

"Oh, for cryin' out loud." Gibbs' frustration rained down as he turned back to the window, letting the blur of scenery calm his agitated mind.

"She said to tell you she is really sorry for the way she has been speaking to you." Ziva added softly with the hope that it would soothe the storm that was steadily brewing. She could feel the stress rolling off Gibbs in waves.

"Yeah. I figured. What I can't figure is what the hell McGee's hiding that could have pushed him to kill his own father." Gibbs answered back calmly but with frustration ringing clear.

"Well, whatever it was, we know it must have been truly horrible. We all know McGee is not a killer." Ziva had desperately tried to rationalize Tim's actions in her own mind but drew blanks every time.

"Yeah. But, even after going through his computer and everything else we could find, we've come up with nothing. Not even a clue!" Gibbs' frustration started to rise again leaving Ziva with the sense that maybe it would be better to simply ride out the storm rather than try to ease it.

"Unless you count what his mother said to you over the phone." Ziva offered. As with Tony and Abby; she had been shocked and upset at the implications that arose from the words Tim's mother had said to Gibbs. He'd shared them with the team because he felt it was necessary that they all know everything that had to do with the case of why their teammate would have been pushed to do something like this.

"Yeah. Like it or not, that seems to be the only clue we have to go on." Gibbs admitted. "McGee's done a damn fine job of hiding whatever it is. I still can't believe he left no trace of any problem in anything personal."

Ducky napped as Tony drove the car. The journey had so far been silent; the only sounds coming from Abby as she cried hopelessly. Finally, she couldn't stand it any longer.

"Tony, why wouldn't Tim tell me about his family? When we were dating, he refused to talk about them. We never even had more than a few words on the subject. He would always change the subject. His eyes would cloud over and then just for a split second, they'd fill with something I couldn't quite figure out. And it was always like the sun had gone out of the day for him, after I'd try to ask him about them. After the first 2 or 3 attempts, I never brought them up again. Even when Sarah was set up for murder, he wouldn't let her spend any time with me and he wouldn't talk about his family then either. And look how we've never seen or heard from her again. I mean. He mentions spending the holidays with her, but when his plans change, he never says anything about it being a problem "

"Jeez, Abby. All that spells out some serious family problems." Tony was feeling just as frustrated as his boss.

"Yeah, but why didn't we see it?" Abby asked tearfully.

"Because, like Gibbs, we assumed. Assumed that because Probie had both parents and a sister; that that equaled a perfectly happy family. Why do you think Gibbs never made any attempt to reach out to him when things got rough for him? He assumed that Probie had his parents to fall back on and didn't need him."

"Looks like I'm the only one with the almost perfect family, huh?" Abby asked. The steady stream of ears continued to flow leaving her pretty green eyes puffy and swollen.

"Abby. We'll do what we can for him when we get there. But, to do that, you'll need to have some sleep under your belt. You're no good to us like this and Probie's gonna need us to be bright eyed and bushy tailed. Come on Abbs, at least try to get some." Tony directed as he turned on some soothing music to hopefully lull Abby into sleep. She was overly upset and she pretty much wore her heart on her sleeve; the only problem was, that heart was visibly broken and she was working herself up into a frenzy.

"Okay." She breathed out her sigh and rolled up jacket to use as a pillow before propping it in the crook of her shoulder and resting her head against it.

Up in the front seat, Ducky looked over at Tony in the softly lit car interior and smiled proudly at him. Tony briefly glanced his way giving the M.E. the chance to see the hope and fear that resided in the senior agent's eyes. Soothing Abby was the easy part. Helping Probie was the mountain that they still had left to climb. As they passed the halfway mark; Tony called Ziva to let her know they needed to be stopping to switch off. Ducky had promised he was rested enough to drive and they needed to take advantage of the stop in the trip regardless.

Back on the road, both vehicles inhabitants were silent as the passengers slept and the drivers kept their minds on the road, as well as their missing teammate and his dire situation; The problem was, that with only the road as their companion, they felt their hearts breaking; Tim McGee was in trouble; worse, Tim McGee wanted to go this alone without his family there to support him.

The question that needed to be answered was why.


	5. Chapter 4

_A/N : Tissue Warning: Having a box hand is advisable._

_We finally see a glimpse of Tim in this chapter**.**_

* * *

**Fulton County, New York  
Correction Facility**

NCIS Special Agent Tim McGee no longer existed. That man was dead. He died the very moment the man known as his father had taken his last breath. NCIS Special Agent Tim McGee had murdered a man. The circumstances didn't matter; mitigated or not; self defense or not. He, Tim McGee had killed the man he'd known as his father; and so he deserved whatever he had coming. It was that simple. No story to plead his case; no excuses.

As a matter of fact, the young man who'd silently walked into the correction facility un-cuffed and unshackled mere hours after the tragic situation had come to an eerily silent end, hadn't uttered a sound. He hadn't looked anyone in the eye and hadn't even made a phone call; although it was possible that he had attempted to make his one granted call.

None of the guards could be sure though, because when the young man's cell phone had been placed in his hand one last time, he hadn't even flipped it open. A kind hearted guard who could see the kid was devastated at the hairpin turn his life had somehow survived albeit as a wreckage he obviously couldn't fathom; had opened the phone for him and softly encouraged him to call a friend to help him out or maybe a lawyer. The young man had pushed one button, waited less than twenty seconds and then quickly closed the phone back up, absently setting the phone down on the desk and standing stock still, waiting to be led to where ever it was they wanted him to go next.

As if in a fog, from the moment the man in the house with him had stopped moving and Tim had picked up the phone and made the call he'd had to make. He couldn't even remember what happened while he'd waited for the police to come. From the time the police had arrived at his parent's home, he did what he was told when he was told to do it; and spent the rest of his time, lost in the thick haze that had had been nice enough to envelope his mind; saving him the trouble of thinking; and even more blessedly; from feeling. Somehow, he'd managed to continue functioning since Saturday evening, when this event catapulted him into this new arena.

Although, if you were to ask him, he wouldn't have been able to tell you anything he'd done or said in the hours since the police had showed up at his parents' house and escorted him out, for some reason, without handcuffs or shackles. He vaguely remembered the bright flash of the camera as his mug shot had been taken. Somewhere in the abyss of his mind, he recalled the sheriff's deputy rolling his fingers through the ink to get his fingerprints. Handing over his badge, id and service weapon; _had he done that? No, he didn't' think he'd done that._

Then again, those weren't things he usually took with him when he went home to his parents' house. _Home. Yeah, what a funny word that was._

_"Boy, you're worthless! Haven't I always told you you're nuthin' but a pain in my ass? Always makin' me look bad! Embarrassing! Hell, you've been doin' this since you were five! You'd think you'd a stopped acting like this long before now! Didn't you ever learn anything from me? What the hell's wrong with you?"_

_Sometimes it had even felt like home while he was at work; as if the shadows had followed him just to haunt him and keep him tripped up and miserable. Friday night before he left work had been a prime example._

_"Hey, Tim! Did you hear? Gibbs told Tony's dad that Tony's his best agent. Told him he'd be proud to have a son like Tony. Why doesn't he ever say nice stuff like that about you? I mean you bust your ass for the guy; it's the least he could do. Why do you stay with a boss like that, anyway?"_

_Hearing that had immediately reinforced a lifetime of his father's words to him. How many times had his father reamed him out about his lack of a stellar career? _

_"You think you somethin' important 'cause you're a Navy Cop? That's just a military wanna be! You settled!" _

_"I ain't never figured out why they took on your sorry ass, any damn way! You couldn't even make it in the military if you'd wanted to! What a disgrace! Five generations of McGee's worked their way up through the ranks, all the way to General; and you, couldn't even make the grade!"_

_"You're nothing! You'll never be anything! Just ask that boss of yours! Why the hell you think they never send you overseas? Cause you're nothin' to them! Hell, Boy, you're not even good enough to go undercover for them! Six years as an Agent and you still can't cut the mustard! You're nuthin!"_

_It had been often enough that it had started rolling off his back like water to a duck a long time ago._

_"Why don't you ask yourself why they even bother to keep you around? It's probably just cause they don't wanna go through the trouble of training a newbie. Even to them, you're nuthin!"_

_He'd had that one shoved down his throat right after he'd killed the undercover cop. It had helped keep him feeling kicked and beaten for a long time._

_This reaming out Saturday night, though, had been different; sharper, more brutal and with much more devastating results than ever before. This time had been on top of the viscious scuttlebutt he'd been handed before he left work Friday night and had not only soured his mood; taken a huge chunk of his hard earned self-respect; and left him unfocused; but it had also left him vulnerable to his father. Tim had been fair game for his father's viciousness for the first time in four years. And it had caught him completely by surprise; the numb acceptance had been in place for so long; he never even realized it had been chipped away so far that he was now vulnerable to the sting and genuine pain of the attacks. The price for that vulnerability and loss of focus; life in prison; or worse; the chair._

As Tim struggled to stomp his recollections back where he'd shoved them routinely throughout his life; some of them insisted on being revisited.

The dreaded call had come before he'd even gotten home Friday night.

_"I want you home for the weekend. Be here before I get up in the morning. Both of you. Don't be late!"_

_He'd been the dutiful son once again, just like he'd been his whole life, passing the message to his sister; carting his dog off to the kennel; re-freshing his overnight bag that he'd learned long ago to keep packed and ready, waited for Sarah to arrive; given Tony the brush off; and left for his parents' home, a mere 30 minutes after Tony had driven away Friday night. It didn't matter that he was bone tired and ill-prepared to spend a weekend with his parents. No one disobeyed Cmdr McGee; at least no one in his family, anyway. The consequences were too brutal; too severe; to scarring._

_What day was it? How long had he been in here? When would they come cart him off to the federal pen? Had he even gone before the judge yet? _From deep beneath the fog and the pain, a piece of his soul prayed that whatever was gonna happen to him now, would just hurry up and get here.

Mindless shuffling when led, staring at tray after tray of food he couldn't eat; hours spent trying to find sleep that wouldn't come without the menacing eyes of the man he'd killed haunting him; and the bitter pill of being completely and totally alone; all had become part and parcel of his waking moments since that night. Nothing registered with his brain; numb and on auto-pilot; he was left alone so long as he wasn't needing to be offered food or instructed to shower after being propelled to the showers. It never even registered with his brain that he was being left alone by everyone; guard and fellow prisoner alike.

It wasn't so much his status as a Federal Officer; as it was the state he was in; without a doubt this young man had been broken. There wasn't a lick of pride or even self-preservation anywhere on him. It didn't take a psychological degree to see this man was not going to do well if he had to stay in here much longer. At this point, even a blind man could see that Tim McGee was indeed a shattered young man who was desperately in need of a friend and a lawyer; someone to give a damn about him and help him come back to the land of the living and deal with whatever it was that had taken place that night.

Unbeknown to the young agent cum prisoner, he was no longer in this alone, as much as he thought he wished to be. He'd made those wishes clear the first and only time his mother had come to see him. There had been no misunderstanding or mis-communication:

_8 AM Sunday Morning_

_"Tim, you have a visitor." The kindly guard told him_

_Tim shook his head in unmistakable refusal._

_"Normally, new inmates, like yourself, aren't allowed visitors, but since this is obviously hitting you pretty hard, we're gonna make an exception and allow you your visitor. It's your mother."_

_Tim got up off his bunk, searched for a piece of paper and scribbled a note; handing it to the guard after he was done; an unspoken request to pass the note to his mother._

_"So, you don't want to see your mother." The guard pushed just to make sure he understood what was going on._

_Tim shook his head, laid back down on his bunk and rolled away from the guard; his face to the wall; curled up in a ball; and gently rocked himself back and forth; the sight actually bringing a mist to the guard's eyes._

_Oh, yeah, it was unmistakable, this young man thought his life was over. Whatever had happened that brought him here; had been so horrible, the young man couldn't face it. And he had been an NCIS agent for the past six years? Man, how tragic this all was. The kindly guard made the decision right then and there to do whatever he could to help this young man while he was here. If giving this note to his mother was what this young man really wanted; then he'd do it for him. _

_Turning away from Tim; the guard hoped he was doing the right thing; was at least helpfully doing what Tim seemed to need; leaving him in peace. As he walked back toward the visitor's room; the guard read the note; needing to know what he was getting himself into:_

_Mom:_  
_You and Sarah forget about me. I have to pay for my crime._  
_Do not call Gibbs. He doesn't need to be bothered with this._

_When he handed the young man's mother the note, he asked her who this "Gibbs" was. Mrs. McGee informed him of who Gibbs and the team were and the guard strongly advised her to get them up here to help her son even if her son believed he didn't want their help._

_"Right now", he explained, "the young man is so devastated he doesn't realize what he needs or wants. Help him from a distance. Tell them to come when I am here." he advised her. "I'll sure he get to see them; sees that they've come for him."_

_Presently_

With what little conscience thought that made it through his blockade, he managed to think of being grateful that his mother had not returned. He didn't want her here, didn't want his sister here either. Obviously, they agreed with his assessment of his sorry self; so sorry, he didn't deserve visitors; especially those who now had to deal with the consequences of what he'd done; face their lives without the man he'd taken from them. Why would they want to see him after what he'd done? The last thing he wanted or needed was to face someone he'd have to answer to for what he'd done.

As hour faded into hour, day turned into night and back again; he remained locked behind the fog; barely even remembering that he'd made a phone call for help in that first hour after he'd taken his father's life. Had he called someone? Who had it been? Had they even come to see him? He hoped not. He did not want visitors. Only innocent people deserved to have people give up their free time to come visit.

Now, propelled once again out of his comforting cell; comfort brought about only for the solitude it provided him with and the walls that provided his eyes something to gravitate toward even if they couldn't focus; his eyes glimpsed the blur of his feet as they moved, still on automatic pilot. Still content to hide behind the fog that had stubbornly remained in place over his mind; he was unaware that he was now in an area of the facility he hadn't been brought into before now.

As he steadfastly kept his head down; the kindly guard gently bid him to raise his head and look straight ahead. Seeing the glass partition shook the tendrils of support that held the fog in place; seeing a mass of color standing on the other side of that partition; vaguely; out of focus; and seemingly too far away; rattled those hooks. With the numbness held in place with a fierceness of a mother lion; his eyes refused to focus and his brain refused to get on track; too content with remaining quietly in the peaceful world of mindlessness.

Even as he looked at the bodies on the other side of the partition; he didn't see them individually; didn't comprehend who they were or even what gender they were; or even that they were people.

With a shake of his head, he turned away and trudged back down the hall with no thought to where it was he was going. Even in this state of chaotic emptiness; he instinctually sought the solitude of his alone space where no one bothered him. While his mind never registered that it was a jail cell; it did accept the feeling of being surrounded by solitude.

He was alone in his private hell and he was okay with that, after all, he'd earned it.


	6. Chapter 5

_A/N: Okay, Shelbylou was able to get her internet service back just in time to get this to me,  
So, I figure that means we should go ahead and give it to you early._

_Tissue Warning: Let's just say that BOTH of your authors had tears in their eyes with this chapter._

* * *

_Even as he looked at the bodies on the other side of the partition; he didn't see them individually; didn't comprehend who they were or even what gender they were; or even that they were people. __With a shake of his head, he turned away and trudged back down the hall_

"Boss?"

"Oh, Gibbs!"

"Oh, McGee!"

"Jethro, he is beyond devastated!"

"Yeah, I know, Duck. He didn't even see us. The guard was right. It's like he's not in there right now." Gibbs stood on the other side of the glass staring at the empty space where his agent had stood. He couldn't get the sight of his younger surrogate son looking so lost and broken out of his mind and wanted nothing more than to sweep him up in his arms and soothe the pain away.

"It's obvious, this is too much for him to handle, Jethro. We knew it would be. Young Timothy is such a sensitive soul and I'm not entirely sure whether or not his mind has snapped already." Ducky's fears hit all of them like a blow the gut and left them feeling winded.

"So what do we do for him now?" Ziva asked pointedly. She had managed to regain her composure and was working on getting them back on track and away from the pain of seeing their friend and teammate like this.

"Ziva you and Tony come to his parents' house with me. Let's get this mess sorted out." Gibbs somberly instructed as he looked at both of them in turn.

Whereas Gibbs gaze was transfixed on the place that Tim stood; Tony's eyes followed the retreating form of his surrogate little brother and he didn't look away until Tim had turned the corner completely, leaving him staring at an empty corridor. It was then, and only then, did he snap his eyes back to his boss so he could focus on his boss' order to get moving on the reason they were here.

Ziva nodded at Gibbs' words, fully prepared to dig into this with a vengeance. There was no way she was prepared to leave McGee here, resigned to this fate. Not as long as she had breath left in her body anyway. She could honestly say that Tim McGee had been a true friend to her from day one and had even risked his life alongside his teammates to rescue her from her personal hell. When people were wary of her, Tim had always shown her a modicum or respect and warmth that made her transition from Mossad to NCIS that little bit easier. The very least she could do in return was turn over every rock and look in every crevice until this was resolved and his name was cleared; surely she could return the favor and bring her best friend back from his own personal level of hell. There was no doubt in her mind that Tim was completely innocent, but it was also sadly obvious that there was no doubt in her friend's mind that he was just as guilty. Ziva was determined to prove him wrong and understood that there were two parts to this battle; The first; exonerating Tim from these terrible charges, the second; making Tim believe that no matter what, he is an innocent bystander in this because there was no way in hell that Tim was a killer. Tony clamped his hand on Ziva's shoulder to try to calm her down and when she turned to glare at him, she felt her heart break at the look of sheer desolation on his face. She was pulled back to the conversation that Gibbs was now having with Ducky, but placed her hand over Tony's to show him that she appreciated the support.

"Ducky, where do you wanna go from here?" Gibbs gently asked the M.E.

When Ducky. failed to answer his question, Gibbs looked more closely at his long-time friend and frowned at what he saw. It was obviously the older man was just as deeply troubled by Tim's situation as Gibbs was and the look of abject fear and worry on his friend's kindly face made Gibbs frown deeply.

As he watched Timothy walk away from them, Ducky thought back to how quickly things had taken a turn from relatively optimistic to soul destroyingly devastating:

_Twenty minutes ago:_

_They'd arrived at the Correctional Facility wearing their NCIS jackets and caps and sporting their badges and id's; taking full advantage of their status as Federal Agents to appear willing to storm the gates if necessary. Luckily, it hadn't been, as one guard in particular seemed extremely pleased to see that Tim had a posse here to see him._

"_You Tim McGee's people?"_

"_His Team, yes." Gibbs had quietly corrected __him; he didn't sense any maliciousness in the man; no, the warmth in the officer's inflections left him sensing that Tim had __ally in the man._

"_Good. He needs you. I'll go get him__ but I warn ya,__ don't expect much of a reception__. H__e's not really with it, hasn't been since he got here." The guard's __words were said with a deep sadness and the team were all hit by the sheer magnitude of the situation at hand. Not only was Tim being accused of murder; he was suffering deeply for it too. The guard turned and walked away to get Tim._

"_Oh, dear." Ducky worried._

"_Duck, we knew this would hit him hard." Gibbs quietly reminded his friend. "Let's just wait and see what we're up against."_

_When Tim appeared, all of them sucked in their breaths in shock. Nothing could have prepared them for the state their beloved teammate was in. It was obvious that he hadn't been sleeping or eating well; as the prison clothing literally hung off his__ frail body__. It was shocking what two days' time had done to him His eyes __were vacant and devoid of any emotion; something that was highlighted by the __darkened, tell-tale signs of serious sleep deprivation. His movements were__ nothing but mechanical and mindless and gave the impression that Tim was simply moving through the motions; he wasn't living; he wasn't truly there; he was just doing what he was told without any conscious thought and looked totally dazed._

_The guard had been right, Tim wasn't with it. When the guard spoke __softly__ to Tim; the young man obediently raised his head up and __simply looked in their direction; those usually animated, bright green eyes didn't really see anything, they looked straight at them with a deadened, cloudy and unfocused look to them__. Every one of them could plainly see that Tim wasn't __really__ seeing them __and he stood there simply doing what he was being told to.__ This was worse than they imagined and __seeing Tim like this tore at their already fragile emotions._

_Even Ducky, with all his training and experience, hadn't forseen this degree of withdrawal from the young man he'd come to love as a surrogate son __just as__ much as Jethro did. __All the team members held a special place in his heart and when one of them was hurt or was lost, then the M.E. felt the blow just as much as they did. He __itched to get in that room with Timothy and let him know much more solidly that the young man was no longer alone in this nightmare that had become his life._

_Looking at the distraught young man standing on the other side of the partition now, Ducky recalled that the young man's mother had called Jethro back before they'd arrived and advised him of her need to take care of the funeral arrangements and the likelihood of her not being home when they got in because of it._

_Jethro had __told__ her that there was no problem with her doing __whatever she needed to do and had kindly __asked her if she'd needed help or company. __The woman had finally let the stress and emotion sweep over her and had__ broken down in tears over the phone; thanking him but refusing the offer._

_Jethro had told him that, before he'd managed to gently end the conversation, Tim's mother had tearfully read the note that Tim had asked the guard to give her. __A__s Jethro repeated the conversation to him, Ducky could see that it had __completely__ broken Gibbs' heart to hear the words his troubled __Agent had written down for his mother__. The M.E. had been quick to feel Jethro's pain and lay a comforting hand on his shoulder in an attempt to show his support __despite the bruise he could feel forming on his own fragile, heart. He had no idea how he could fix this and that it was going to be a long, arduous journey. It was after all, one thing to know your family was in danger, but another to know that they were being pushed away._

Even now, as Ducky looked at the place where Timothy had walked away from them and had disappeared from his sight, he wasn't really hearing Gibbs' words as his old friend talked to him or the team; It wasn't the that he was ignoring the words, he just couldn't get past that painful note the young man had written to his mother and it replayed in his mind; pushing any other conscious though or sense away.

_**************  
Mom:  
"You and Sarah forget about me. I have to pay for my crime.  
Do not call Gibbs. He doesn't need to be bothered with this.  
***************_

Gibbs quietly told Tony, Ziva and Abby to wait for him out in the lobby of the building. Without a word of argument, the three younger people cast worried looks at their beloved M.E. and did as they'd been asked.

After giving his old friend a few silent moments to pull himself together, Gibbs attempted to gently pull him back from wherever it was his thoughts had taken him.

"Duck?"

Hearing Gibbs softly call his name broke Ducky from his thoughts and he promptly cleared his throat of the lump that was fast forming there as he turned to his friend to speak his mind.

""Jethro, I do not want to leave here until I've spoken to Timothy."

"Okay, Duck. We're gonna get movin' on getting this sorted out from the house. Call me if you need me or if he wants to talk to me." Gibbs answered back quietly. The last part was said at practically a whisper and there was a tang of bitterness to the tone. Ducky knew that Gibbs didn't hold it against Tim, the older agent was simply irked and hurting at the fact that Tim was in this situation in the first place, and felt almost helpless about it.

Seeing McGee like this had seriously rocked Gibbs off balance as well. He'd known Tim would be upset; but this? This was seriously troubling. _Was Tim too far gone into guilt and blame to recover?_ Well, Gibbs internally decided, _it didn't matter if it looked that way or not; he wasn't leaving this town without doing his damnedest to help his agent. And he wouldn't let any time be wasted on getting to it_.

"Jethro, I will not push him to talk to me if he doesn't wish to." Ducky warned. "I will simply endeavor to make him aware he is not alone."

"Yeah, Duck. I know." Gibbs said quietly as he headed out. He stopped before opening the door, turning back to his friend. "Duck, his JAG lawyer should be here in the morning. You might wanna let him know that."

"Jethro, how did you manage that?" Ducky was surprised by this turn of events.

"Called in a favor. It didn't take much; McGee's a good guy and there aren't too many people in the JAG office that don't know that."

"I will walk out for a moment with you. I wish to speak to everyone." Ducky said suddenly.

"Sure, Duck" Gibbs held Ducky's gaze but soon fell back, allowing the older man to walk out ahead of him.

When they reached the lobby of the building, the older men found themselves surrounded by the younger team members, all vying for information on Tim. Before they could bombard them with questions, Gibbs spoke.

"Hey!" Gibbs watched as they all calmed down enough to hear what they had to say "Ducky has something to say."

"Thank you Jethro. I'm going to stay with Timothy in hope that the dear boy will speak to me. I know you have all been shaken by the state you saw him in just now but I don't want you to let that get in the way of finding out what really happened during the course of this past weekend, because Timothy needs you."

"How? Ducky you saw him. Probie's a mess and didn't even know we were there." Tony sounded frustrated and hurt at what he had seen.

"Anthony, whereas it seems hopeless now, we must keep hold of that little flicker of hope that may well prevail. If we lose that then what chance does that young man have?" Ducky understood Tony's fears and frustration and wanted nothing more than to soothe it away. He couldn't fully smooth out the wrinkles of unease that had befallen them all; but he would try his hardest to.

"I know, but, man! What the hell? He's been arrested for murder and looks as though he's died inside. I can't for….."

"No, Anthony. in that you are correct, you can't, but you _must_ try to look forward and help him. Anthony, for Timothy's sake! We are all he has at the moment."

"Yeah Ducky. All right." Tony reached out and pulled the girls' into his arms. Abby had stood silently and cried whilst Ziva looked as though her emotions were hanging by a thread.

"All right, Let's go, We've got a crime to investigate and a man's name to clear." The authoritative tone left no room for arguments and the three younger team members soon broke apart.

"I wanna see him." Abby's request wasn't unexpected but still shocked everyone.

"Abbs, Ducky's staying here to try to talk to him. I.."

"I wanna stay with Ducky, Gibbs! I wanna see Timmy!" Abby was practically begging, her plaintive cry wreaking havoc on all of their already frayed nerves and shattering hearts.

"Abby, does he look like he's up to a social visit?" Tony's sympathy soon gave way to irritation at Abby's request. He had no idea where she was going with this and didn't want anything to jeopardize Ducky's chances. He felt guilty as soon as he'd snapped out the comment but didn't say anything.

"I have to try to let him see I'm here for him!" Gibbs eyed his forensic scientist warily and shook his head with defeat.

"Fine but it's Ducky's call. You do as he says. If he says McGee's not ready to talk to you, so be it." Gibbs ordered sternly, although his volume was still remarkably quiet with reaction to the state Tim was in and the reason for himself to hold it together for his team, he mentally girded his emotions and fought to think of the case involved; the most important case they'd ever been given to work; even if they hadn't been assigned to work it.

"I promise." Abby vowed.

Ducky had remained silent during this exchange but now offered an encouraging smile to everyone. "I'm sure you'll find out what really happened and be able to clear Timothy of this horrid mess. I, meanwhile, shall endeavor to get him to open up to me. I will keep you informed. Now go, Abigail and I will be fine; I'll take good care of her."

"Thanks, Duck." Gibbs offered as he led the way out of the building.

Gibbs, Tony and Ziva left in the same car and headed to the McGee family home; silence reigned inside the car as they all tried to make sense of what had happened. Every one of them was deeply disturbed and upset at seeing Tim in that state and the knowledge that there was nothing they could do for him twisted the knives in their guts that much more. There _was_ nothing they could do except solve the case of what had driven him to take his father's life and hope that Tim would eventually come back to them.

The Team Leader had expected that they'd see anger and bitterness from Tim since it had been self defense; but maybe there was something hidden much deeper behind his actions than anyone realized; something that had been brewing for a lifetime. Whatever it was, had possibly finally boiled over and had driven Tim to do the most drastic thing imaginable. Nothing else made sense; after all, this had come from the most mild mannered person Gibbs had ever met. It just _didn't_ make sense!

Even all the years on the team putting up with Tony's juvenile and downright cruel pranks and jokes had never garnered anything near this reaction from the young man. Tim had always, surprisingly, been stoic about everything and never stayed down no matter what had been thrown his way; not death of a teammate; not getting hurt on the job; not having a crazy woman try to kill him; and not even accidentally killing that cop; nothing had knocked him off his feet like this. This had Gibbs' heart feeling like it was being ripped out of his chest. _He had to find a way to save this young man; there was no way in hell he was gonna leave him to this miserable existence. Tim deserved better; so much better._

As they pulled into the driveway, Gibbs got out and requested Tony and Ziva to investigate into the case further with a trip to the local police station for information on it while he waited for Tim's mother and sister to return from the funeral home. Mrs. McGee had graciously told him where to find the spare key so he could let the team in when they arrived. Wearily, he took himself inside to think and hopefully, find some good coffee.

* * *

The guard returned to the visitor side of the glass partition and approached Ducky and Abby.

"Well, do you think you can help him?"

"Yes, but it will take time. I would like to speak with him, please." Ducky's gentle request was said with a deep sense of concern.

"Look, Dr. Mallard, is it? It was bending the rules to let him see you to begin with. He's a new prisoner and they don't get visiting privileges before they've been here at least 2 weeks."

"Sgt. Lewis. I am not just Timothy's co-worker, I am also his treating physician while he is on staff at NCIS and for the moment, that status has not changed."

"Oh, well, why didn't you say so? Sure, you can see him. Young lady, you will have to wait out here." The officer turned to Abby and offered her a rueful smile that completely belied his authoritative tone.

"I know." The Lab Rat's voice was full of sorrow and resignation.

Tim was shaken from his private mental retreat for a second time in less than an hour; he couldn't help the fission of fear that ran up his spine as the kindly Sgt Lewis came to get him once again.

"C'mon, Tim. Your doctor wants a look at ya. I think he wants to make sure we're treating you right."

Tim mindlessly cooperated as his feet obediently went where he was being led; his mind was still hiding out among the mass of fog that remained, thankfully, in place. _His doctor? Since when did he have a doctor? _Surprisingly enough, his mind had reached out and snatched enough cohesive thought to ask itself the questions. His mind didn't manage to find the answers though and so it retreated once again, back into the fog and the blessed numbness that that wonderful fog provided as a bonus. Tim's movements now smoothed out, as if completely on auto-pilot once again. Being led to the visitor's room; with a table and a chair on either side of it, he was propelled into the chair at the table and left alone in the room.

The door to the room opened a moment later and Ducky walked in. The doctor stopped mid stride; as his mind tried to take the shock of seeing Timothy's state up close and personal like this. Once the shock wore off, Ducky felt his heart break for this young man; He was so lost and alone, so bereft, that it was clear he truly felt completely alone and helpless; it was written all over him.

"Oh, Timothy!" Ducky exclaimed with complete compassion and tears in his eyes. He moved over to the broken young man and placed his hand on Tim's shoulder "My dear boy, what on earth have you gotten yourself into?."

Tim didn't respond and stared haplessly at his hands.

"I can't help you if you don't talk to me, Timothy. You need to come back from wherever it is you are hiding." Ducky quietly encouraged.

Nothing, no reaction at all. That in itself was telling and left Ducky with a sinking feeling deep in his gut.

"You know, young man. I can stay here all day if need be. That's the benefit of being a doctor; now, whilst I'm sure you won't do that to an old man, I'm not sure whether or not you are fit to be detained. Unfortunately the other option is a little bit more unsettling and you will be detained in a psychiatric hospital." Ducky sighed heavily "**Timothy!** Trust me when I say, I do **not** want to see that happen and I am here to help you so come back to me this instant, young man!"

Ducky's admonishment seemed to have the desired effect and the M.E. could almost see the fog as it dissipated from Tim's mind.

"Ducky?" he whispered as he raised his eyes up far enough to desperately look at the man in front of him. He prayed that he'd heard right. Blinking repeatedly in an attempt to clear the hazy confusion from both his mind and his eyes, Tim felt tendrils of hope rise up from the ashes of his soul.

"Oh, Timothy!"

"Ducky!" Tim whispered painfully and let the locked up tears slip down his face. Wiping at them desperately, Tim turned his head away with shame, slipping free of Ducky's hands on his arms, unwilling to let the M.E. see him break down; unwilling to let any of them see it happen.

'Oh, my dear lad! Are you all right?"

Tim shook his head at Ducky's question

"Will you let me offer you a hug? I know you need some sense of comfort right about now, Timothy and I would be more than happy to oblige."

Tim shook his head again, unwilling to go where he wouldn't be able to stay; better that he suffer it all; than have a piece of comfort that would only be snatched away no sooner than he'd experience a taste of it. That kind of torture he wasn't strong enough to survive.

"Oh, Timothy. I understand, lad. Have you been eating? Sleeping?"

Again, Tim shook his head in denial. As his head gestured to the M.E. he felt his eyes gain some more of their clarity.

"Timothy, I understand that you have pled guilty to this truly dreadful charge."

Tim nodded in despaired agreement, his eyes now on his own feet.

"Timothy, you must tell me why you would throw your life away by pleading guilty. Why will you not allow yourself to clear your name?"

"Because I did it, Ducky. I killed my father. Nothing can change that. Nothing can bring him back." Tim said sadly. The sound of his own voice for the first time in three days startled him, causing him to flinch involuntarily.

"Timothy, will you consent to me standing in as your acting Physician? I need to check you over and make sure you are well."

"Okay." Tim meekly agreed with his eyes still on the floor, knowing Ducky would dig his heels in until he got what he felt was absolutely necessary. If it hadn't been necessary, the M.E. never would have mentioned it. With this knowledge in mind, Tim refused to be difficult for his long time surrogate uncle.

"You need to talk to someone Timothy and we want to help you."

"We?" Tim whispered without looking up. His eyes were still too wet with stubborn tears and he steadfastly refused to let them go in front of someone else; most especially anyone from his team…._His team? Not anymore, it used to be his team but not now; not after this._

"Your teammates."

Tim shook his head once again.

"You don't wish to see your teammates?" Ducky was a little surprised. He remembered Jethro's words of warning that Timothy would probably only consent to seeing the M.E. and Abby. There had not been time to get to the bottom of why that was.

"Timothy, might I ask why you don't wish to talk with them?"

"I'll talk to you." Tim quietly allowed without actually answering Ducky's question.

"Wonderful. All of your team mates have come to be here for you and are very worried about you."

Tim once again shook his head in denial.

"What is it, dear boy? What are you not agreeing with?"

I don't want to see anyone else, Ducky." Tim answered quietly, his voice almost a whisper.

"Timothy, while I understand your sentiments. I do find it uncharacteristically selfish of you to not allow your teammates to see you and let them see that you are all right." Ducky kept his admonishment to a soft tone, not wanting it to come out as anger.

"I can't." the young man's voice remained a near whisper.

"Why ever not? They are all extremely worried about you!" The M.E.'s tone crept up as worry and confusion took root in the depths of his soul. There was no reason that he could see as to why this young man wanted to keep everyone at arm's length.

"No, they're not. They can't be." Tim said miserably and got up from the chair to walk over to the window. The light of late afternoon was shining through the spaces in the blind and cast horizontal patterns over Tim's troubled face.

"Timothy, I'm afraid I do not understand why you would say such a thing." Ducky replied with concern.

"Do you know; this is the first time I've seen the light of day since Saturday?" Tim asked as if not quite hearing the question the M.E. had just put to him.

"Oh, Timothy!" Ducky couldn't help but throw sympathy to the young man like a lifeline; one he desperately hoped Timothy would grab onto.

"Did you know this is the first time I've heard my own voice since then, too?" Tim kept going, suddenly relieved to have someone to talk to that wouldn't judge him; at least for the moment. He wouldn't allow himself to go too much longer into this enjoyment; he knew they'd snatch it away from him soon enough. It would hurt much less if he curtailed it before they could; or before Ducky, like the others, gave up on him or decided he wasn't important enough to stand by or help.

"Abby doesn't belong here. Please make her leave." Tim said absently as the image of the woman he still carried the torch for, flared behind his eyes.

"Timothy, she simply needs to see for herself that you are alive and okay."

"Am I?" Tim whispered response dripped with nothing but doubt and uncertainty.

"While you are alive and for that we are all profoundly grateful, it is most obvious that you are most definitely not okay, Timothy. Please allow us to help you." Ducky was almost begging now.

"No one can help me, Ducky." By now Ducky expected the stubbornly downcast eyes and the quiet somber tone that accompanied the words. The desolation within the tone tore Ducky's heart to pieces.

'Timothy, you must not be so resigned to this fate. At least allow us to help where ever we may." The older man tried yet again to reach Tim.

"No one can fix this or undo what I've done." The younger man stated with quiet resigned realism that ran so deep that it seemed to hold some kind of control over him.

"Timothy, NCIS has already hired your lawyer. He will be here to speak with you tomorrow." Ducky advised him, hoping it would break the despondent mood the young man was entrenched in.

Tim's eyes snapped up off the floor and even as they flew to Ducky's they filled with fear. "NO!" he said with a slice of that fear he didn't realize he was letting out.

"Timothy! What ever's the problem?" Ducky's worry flared within him once again and left him feeling breathless.

Tim's eyes hit the floor again and he bowed his head with shame. All of a sudden, his shoulders slumped and began to shake. Ducky took in his change in demeanor and shame filled face and felt himself worrying over the picture of sheer, abject misery that stood before him now.

Ducky stood up and approached him, wanting to comfort his ailing young friend. He felt a slice of hurt when Timothy backed up to the wall and slid down to the floor, wrapping his arms around his knees and bowing his head down to his lap. Silent sobs shook his shoulders as the tears fell freely.

Ducky was most concerned, not about the start of Tim's emotional release, but for the emotions he knew were still bottled up within the young man. For Timothy to refuse to be comforted was deeply troubling. But even more troubling, was the almost instantaneous change in the young man now, as he obviously pushed himself to quickly gather up those emotions that had escaped; and shove them back where they'd been hiding. Sure enough; wiping his face on his sleeve, Tim stood back up and looked out the window once again, silent as the day was long.

"Timothy, come sit, I must check your vital signs in order to make this visit an official one from your personal physician's standpoint. I will feel much better seeing for myself that you are healthier than you appear to be." Ducky felt a wave of relief wash through him as he reached out and grabbed the only means to take the situation back under some semblance of control without pushing the young man too far.

Tim dropped his head and did as Ducky requested, taking a seat at the table. Tim stayed completely silent throughout Ducky's ministrations the M.E. decided that it was better he respected the silence as well as the obvious struggle the young man was waging with himself to keep it together; as a result, he didn't press Tim to talk. When Ducky had completed checking Tim over and had put his tools back in his bag, he returned to the table and sat near his patient, without crowding him.

"If you do not wish to see them, Timothy, what would you have me tell them when they ask why?" the quiet question was full of concern.

"Justice should prevail." Tim answered quietly but with the conviction of belief not only in his own guilt, but in the very system he'd devoted the last six years of his life to uphold.

Ducky remained silent, knowing full well that Timothy's idea of justice in this case was severely prejudiced and that there was no use trying to get him to see this. No, it would better serve the young man if the team simply went about helping him as best they could in finding out what happened and what Timothy's real fate was to be.

"Timothy, will you not even allow Jethro to speak to you?"

Tim's head shook in earnest denial to the M.E.'s request.

"My dear boy, you must tell me why. You know Jethro will want to know why you won't see him. Anthony will want to know why he isn't allowed to speak with you as well.

"They've always been a team without me. Tony has Gibbs. Gibbs has Tony. They don't need me. They never did. I've always been the team screw-up. And now, they really don't need me." Tim answered somberly. Ducky realized that this was the most Tim had spoken at one time since he entered the room and felt relieved that the young man's voice had strengthened slightly with the explanation.

"All right. I will let them know how you feel, although I fail to understand where you have gotten this belief from. Will you still talk with me?" Ducky inquired gently. Now that he had gotten through Tim's defenses, he wanted to make sure he could still stand on the other side of that emotional wall.

"I'm not even sure why you're here." The young man somberly admitted.

"Timothy McGee! I am here because I care a great deal about you and what happens to you and you should very well know that by now!" Ducky admonished with more anger than he intended to inflict on the already distraught young man.

"Thanks, Ducky." The lack of guilt for upsetting the M.E. that would usually be present in Tim's tone at this point; did not go unnoticed. The young man's voice hadn't really changed tenure since he'd begun talking and was still full of guilt and shame and even disbelief that anyone was here to help him.

"Timothy." Ducky said much more calmly. "Please do not give up on us by giving up on yourself. Trust us to help you through this."

"I can't." Tim answered in a broken whisper.

"Why not, dear boy?" the older man asked softly as he walked up to Tim and finally managed to reach out to him, placing a comforting hand on his arm.

"What if it's not enough?" Tim's desolate fear filled the small space between them. His eyes shined with tears even as they remained downcast.

"Oh, Timothy!" Ducky soft tone was soothing as he physically pulled the hurting young man into the hug he obviously so desperately needed but was afraid to accept.

Tim didn't fight Ducky's hug, but he did hold on tight to his mental determination to not melt into it, refusing to return the embrace. He was so desperate to melt into the embrace, to soak it up; to allow it to permeate his being and calm his shattered and crying soul but the bigger part of himself still demanded that he prepare for the upcoming reality. The fact that he might not ever have it again was soon to be his new existence and so here he was, stubbornly forcing himself to physically uphold the shackles he'd placed on his ability and willingness to accept physical comforting; all the while resenting himself for not accepting this last chance at physical caring and compassion; before it was gone.

As Ducky felt the young man stand firm even as his body shook with the tremors that such determination not to be comforted produced; he began to fully understand what was going through the young man's head about this; why Timothy had flinched and pulled away from him earlier. In an effort to take the pressure off the young man, Ducky released him and stepped back, and in a typical "Gibbs" maneuver, he tipped Tim's chin up so he would look the M.E. in the eye for the first time since he'd arrived in the room.

"Timothy, you do not need to suffer in this way. Accepting comfort from your friends is nothing to hide away from. We all wish to be of comfort to you in this difficult time." Ducky kept his tone soothing and encouraging in hopes it would help the young man's unsettled nerves and downtrodden spirit.

Tim swallowed hard as his eyes dashed everywhere around the room; anywhere so that he didn't look Ducky in the eyes.

Ducky released the young man's chin and stepped further back from him to give him some space.

"Will you continue to allow me to visit with you and speak with you?" the M.E. asked, kindly changing the subject.

"Until you give up on me." Tim said in a near whisper as he finally looked at the M.E.

"I will **not** give up on you. I will return later this afternoon and we'll talk, all right?"

"Okay." Tim allowed himself a ghost of a smile for a mere second, but wasn't able to allow it to stay in place any longer.

"Good." Ducky said as he patted the young man on the arm and picked up his bag and headed toward the door. As the M.E. placed his hand on the door and prepared to open it, he was stopped by the sound of Tim verbally reaching out to him, finally.

"Ducky? " Tim's voice floated across the room.

"Yes, dear boy?" the M.E. stopped and looked back at his patient.

"Thank you." Genuine gratitude infused the air between them with Tim's quietly spoken words.

"You are quite welcome, Timothy. I will be back. Why don't you eat something and get some rest, hmm?"

"I'll try." Tim whispered.


	7. Chapter 6

As Ducky came out of the prison visiting room and returned to the lobby of the detention center; Abby descended on him with the questions that she needed answers too burning brightly in her eyes. It was that lost, questioning look that finally undid Ducky and all he could do was sadly shake his head as at her as he ushered her out of the building. Once in the car; he pulled out his cell phone and called Jethro with a heavy heart. His voice was leaden with sadness as he relayed the information that had broken his already bruised heart.

"_Hey Duck. You manage to see him?"_ Gibbs got straight to the point. He wasn't one to beat around the bush at the best of times, but when one of his own were in trouble, his was focused soley on what had been bothering him.

"Jethro, I did manage to see Timothy and actually got him to speak with me.

"_How'd he look up close, Duck? Is he okay?"_ Gibbs asked with deep concern.

"He has not been eating or sleeping at all and I expected that; but seeing him like that Jethro….." Ducky took a moment to gather his thoughts "We all know how badly he took things the last time he accidentally took a life. This time is bound to be much, much worse for him."

"_Did you get him to tell you why he pled guilty? Why he told his mother not to call us?"_ There were questions that needed to be answered and it was Gibbs' duty to ask them; the only problem was that, despite the desperate need to know, he wasn't sure if he would like the answer.

"He says it's the truth and nothing can change the truth or the fact that he cannot bring his father back. He said…" Ducky's voice broke.

"_Duck? What'd he say?"_ Gibbs pushed gently knowing the visit had upset his friend. It tore at him to hear the usually vibrant, jovial M.E. bowing down to the onslaught of emotions that rushed over him but he needed to hear what had taken place between Ducky and Tim; he could offer comfort later.

"He said Justice must prevail."

"_Damn it."_ Gibbs softly muttered._ "Okay. Is he willing to at least see us and talk to us now that he knows we're here for him?"_ Gibbs pushed the questions forward as much for the answers as to give Ducky something else to focus on.

"He will talk with me as his acting physician but he does not want anyone else to see him here, Jethro. As it is he's unsure of why I'm willing to speak with him. " Ducky sighed heavily glanced over at Abby. She was currently staring out of the window and Ducky could see the small shakes as silent tears flowed steadily down her face.

"_What aren't you telling me, Duck?"_ Gibbs kept pushing forward with a gentle tone; he needed this information and knew that there was no way Ducky would offer it without a gentle shove in the right direction..

"Nothing that will help any of us get through to him, Jethro."

"_Ducky, just tell me."_ Gibbs encouraged._ "What else did he say?"_

"I asked him what his wishes were regarding letting his teammates see that he is okay for themselves."

"_I'm guessing his response wasn't very encouraging." _

"No, Jethro, it wasn't. He specifically asked that I not let Abby be there. Timothy says she doesn't belong there." Ducky sent an apologetic look sideways at Abby and slipped his hand into her open palm. He gave it a quick squeeze as the Lab Rat's breath caught in her throat at what she was hearing. The silent tears soon gave way to a full torrent of sobs which were loud enough to pull at Ducky's emotions even more.

"_Okay. He's still looking out for her. That's a good sign and means we haven't completely lost him yet. What about seeing the rest of us, Ziva? Tony? Me?"_

"Jethro, I told him I'd return to talk with him again later this afternoon. I need to drive Abby back to meet up with you so that I can go and talk to the coroner as we discussed." Ducky swiftly changed the subject and desperately tried to divert the conversation away from an answer that Gibbs wouldn't like.

"Ducky! What did he say about Tony, Ziva or I seeing him and talking to him?" Gibbs demanded. His softly, softly approach was now getting him nowhere and he felt irritation surge through is veins at all this beating around the bush.

"Jethro., I don't believe…" Ducky hedged nervously. He didn't want to have this conversation over the phone; much preferring to speak to his friend face to face, at least that way he could provide a modicum of comfort if needed.

"Ducky, just tell me. I need to hear it. You know that." Gibbs said much more calmly but with enough authority to hopefully push Ducky past his concern for Gibbs' feelings. Whatever Tim had said was too important to hear to let feelings get in the way.

"He said the strangest thing, Jethro and I still don't understand where on earth it came from." Ducky paused momentarily " He said '_They've always been a team without me. Tony has Gibbs. Gibbs has Tony. They don't need me. They never did. I've always been the team screw-up. And now, they really don't need me'. _Jethro, what does he mean by it?"

A deep sigh was heard on the other end. "I don't know Duck. He say anything else we need to worry about?"

"Jethro, when I informed him that his lawyer would be there in the morning to talk with him; he became extremely upset. I do not understand why"

"I do. Thanks, Duck. I'll talk to you when you get here." Ducky frowned at Gibbs' quiet reply and was about to reply when phone call was disconnected. He pulled the phone down from his ear and quietly closed it.

"Oh, Ducky!" Abby cried as the M.E. put his phone in the holder on the dashboard. He took a quiet minute to gather his thoughts before pulling Abby towards him with the hand that he was still holding.

Abby's breath hitched at the sudden movement, but she was soon enveloped in Ducky's small, but strong arms and took comfort in the fact that he was offering her his love and support. The tears that had dried up temporarily soon returned and before she knew it, she was crying into the hug. She felt Ducky rub at her back and silently thanked him for the fact that he knew that this was one thing she had to do; she had to release her grief at not being able to see Tim.

After a few minutes, he pulled back and handed her a tissue with a gentle pat to her shoulder; he didn't waste any time and pointedly pulled the seatbelt over his body before starting the car. The drive back to the McGee's was silent and filled with a heavy, oppressive air of sadness and despair. When they arrived at the house, Abby got out and quietly retreated to the guest room she'd been given to share with Ziva. She made her way to the bed and curled up under a blanket in complete, abstract misery. She felt her eyes prickle with fresh tears and sobbed harshly into the empty room.

Gibbs had been blown away by Ducky's report of Tim's responses. _What the hell was going on with this kid? _He knew the best chance of finding out was through Ducky and he sent up a silent prayer of thanks that Tim had at least gave himself a small window of freedom from his guilt and grief and had provided himself with that much of an outlet. It was obvious the kid was determined to accept the full brunt of the law for whatever had happened. But, it was just as obvious that something had happened here, something extreme and beyond his agent's control. It was the unknown situation that had set the wheels of his agent's demise in motion and whatever it was, had gone spiraling out of control; with the end result being the death of Tim's father; and Tim taking the fall.

When Ducky reported that Tim reacted badly to the news of the lawyer; Gibbs immediately realized what had to have been going through his agent's mind. Relying on years of experience of talking to victims of crime; most especially crimes of the domestic nature; it was easy to see that it was the one thing that Tim had to be scared of was that he didn't want to drag his family's business through public attention and scandal, by testifying. All of a sudden he was hit by the revelation that, knowing Tim, it was more than likely that the kid was reluctant to bring this kind of negative attention down on the agency, as well.

Gibbs wished there was some way they could keep this from being another burden on the young man's mind. Maybe Ducky could find a way to ease that concern from Tim's mind when he went back to talk to him later today. There had to be a way to take some of the pressure off this kid. Hopefully, the lawyer they send to defend him will be as helpful as Tim needed

Anxious for Mrs. McGee and Sarah to get back from making the funeral arrangements for Tim's dad; Gibbs couldn't do anything but pace the plush, carpeted floor in his guest room. His thoughts were racing and he hoped that Tony and Ziva would find some answers hidden in the police report and that Ducky would at least be able to find some golden nugget of information at the coroner's. There were too many unanswered questions and the timing of their arrival had obliterated any chance of talking to Mrs. McGee and Sarah until they returned from their appointment with the funeral director.

He was torn out of his thoughts by the sound of footsteps walking on the wooden flooring downstairs; he walked to the doorway of his room and gazed out; just to see Abby move silently to her guest room. It was all quiet for a moment until Abby's sobs echoed through the quiet house and tore at every fibre of his being.

Gibbs steeled himself against the onslaught of emotions that rolled out of his scientists guest room and set out to find Ducky. His search didn't take long and he soon found his friend still sitting forlornly in the car; having not moved from the driver's seat yet. Getting in the passenger side, Gibbs shut the door and looked over at his friend.

"Duck? You alright?"

"No, Jethro and I fear that it will be quite some time before I feel alright again. That young man is so devastated that he's completely beside himself. You know what? I literally had to yell at him to rouse him from the fog he had allowed himself to retreat behind."

"Yeah, I figured, Duck. McGee's too gentle a soul not to be torn up by this; whatever 'this' is. Talk to me; what's upset you the most?"

"The shock." Gibbs frowned at Ducky with confusion "Jethro, he was genuinely shocked that we've come to help him!"

"That was kinda expected. He told his mother not to call us. Anything else?" Gibbs kept his voice as calm as he could for Ducky's sake.

"He looked so lost and broken, I felt led to embrace him so he would know we genuinely care and that he's not as alone as he obviously feels."

"How'd that go?"

"Jethro, he refused to allow himself to be comforted. He's afraid to feel that warmth because he is preparing himself for the times when that comfort and friendship will longer be available for him to get. He's resigned himself to this fate he's been cast into."

"Not for long, Ducky. We'll figure this out."

Ducky remained silent, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"Duck, what is it? What happened that's got you this upset?"

"I urged him to not give up on us by giving up on himself. I told him to trust us to help him." Ducky's quiet admission was accented by a lone tear rolling down his cheek.

"What did he say?"

"He said he couldn't. Jethro, he so desperately wants our help; but he's afraid to reach out for it. It took every ounce of his inner strength not to break down in front of me"

"Did he tell you why he's afraid to trust us, Duck?" The fact that Tim had all but admitted to the distrust, hit Gibbs like a punch to the gut. It was the one thing he had prided himself on ….._his team's trust._

"His answer came as a question. He asked "what if it's not enough."

"Oh, God." Gibbs said quietly as he tried to digest the emotions that must be raging through his grieving and obviously shattered agent. "Ducky, are you okay to talk to him again? I don't want you to do this if it's too much." Gibbs tried to let his friend off the hook.

"How I feel does not matter here, Jethro. We both know it is vital that I talk with him again. Timothy needs someone he will talk to and right now, I am that person. Until we can determine what it is that frightens him when it comes to talking to a lawyer; I'm afraid we may even lose his cooperation on that."

"He doesn't want to have to go to trial, Ducky. Lawyers mean trials. "

"There are other ways, Jethro. He's so genuinely frightened of the notion; he actually allowed himself to break down for a moment when I brought it up." Ducky was trying his best to alleviate his young friend's agony and wanted to lay all the cards on the table.

"NO. There will be no deals. We are not letting McGee take a deal. A deal means admitting guilt and it'll ruin his life. The only acceptable alternative to a trial is finding the evidence and clearing his name before it gets that far."

"You're right, Jethro. I need to go talk to the coroner's office before I head back. I'll keep you informed of what I find." Ducky said as a means to end the conversation.

"You all right?" Gibbs asked one last time.

"Yes, Jethro, I'm fine. The sooner we can get to the bottom of this, the sooner we can get Timothy cleared and back home with us where he belongs."

"I hear ya there, Duck. Call me." Gibbs glanced back over at Ducky in time to see the short nod and got out of the car to head back into the house to talk to Abby.

Knocking softly on the door to her room, he opened it and let it open completely as he took himself to the bed and sat down at her waist.

"Abby?" he whispered her name softly and reached out to rub small, soothing circles on her back.

"He won't talk to me." Abby cried without sitting up. "He won't even let me see him."

"Abbs, he's grieving; he's scared; he's hurting' do I need to say more?" Gibbs found it hard to be the voice of reason when he was feeling every bit as torn about this as she was. It was his duty and his automatic role to comfort her when she was upset, so he pushed down his own emotions but held firmly to his compassion for all of his surrogate kids and what this must be doing to them.

"No. Guess it wasn't such a good idea for me to come." Abby said regretfully.

"Maybe, he'll change his mind when he's has time to talk things out with Ducky." Gibbs offered soothingly.

"Why would he say that about you and Tony?" she asked as she finally sat up; swiping away her tears with her hand.

"I dunno, Abbs but I'm sure Ducky'll get him to open up to him and let him in to what he's thinking."

"What do we do now?" she asked miserably.

"You could come have something to eat while Sarah and I explain what happened." Mrs. McGee's quiet and calming voice came from from the doorway.


	8. Chapter 7

A/N: We apologise for the delay.  
Might want to bring a tissue with you.

* * *

Abby swiped at her face again and let Gibbs to help her up off the bed. Together, they followed Mrs. McGee out to her kitchen; they were just in time to see Tony and Ziva arriving from their trip to the local police station.

"Did you get it?"

"No, Gibbs. They are not cooperating. According to them, it has already been submitted into record and we must access it from there." Ziva answered crossly.

"We'll deal with that later. Get the tape recorder. The only way we're gonna figure out how to help McGee is if we get this all down in our records"

"Has NCIS already begun to process this case?" Ziva asked.

"They handled the house the night it happened. I don't know what else they've done on the case. I haven't heard back from any of them." Mrs. McGee offered quietly.

"Tony." Gibbs said.

"Check with Vance. On it Boss." Tony said as he headed out of the room to make his call in private.

Sarah McGee sat with her shoulders slumped, tears steadily falling down her face, as she silently listened to the questions and answers that surrounded her. Ziva glanced over at her and saw her pain; it was raw and unadulterated, making the usually prickly Israeli, walk over to her to offer her comfort by way of a hug. Sarah didn't hesitate and moved into Ziva's arms; holding on for dear life with the desperation of a drowning person clinging to a life-raft.

Gibbs looked at the two of them with a tug at his heart. He knew this was rough on his agent's sister. And he knew that she wasn't gonna be easy to talk to. For that reason alone, it was better that Ziva maintain the closeness; for all of them concerned, most especially Sarah, herself. It was the least they could do for Tim.

While they waited, Mrs. McGee fixed a pot of fresh coffee and set out a pitcher of Iced tea; a plate of sandwiches soon followed. As she set the cup of coffee in front of Gibbs, she offered him a flash of a small smile that instantly reminded him of her son, whenever the young man was desperately trying to reassure someone that he was okay; when he really wasn't.

"Boss, Vance wants to talk to you." Tony said as he handed Gibbs the phone.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"_Your case now_. _Gibbs_" Vance informed him. _"Case file and all forensic reports from the house are already on their way back to you. Nearest NCIS is 5 hours away. Ms. Scuito will be better coming back here for anything that she needs to do, she can stay here and run it all from here."_

"Leon, this is not a good idea."

"_Why the hell not?"_ Vance demanded. The man never did like his authority being challenged.

"Because he won't talk to us. You're asking us to help put him away and I won't do that. Leon."

"_Treat this like every other case and don't lose your objectivity. You wanna keep McGee outta prison, then you'd better solve the case, Gibbs. And you'd better hope you know your boy as well as you think you do_." Vance answered snappishly as he hung up.

"Agent Gibbs?" Mrs. McGee asked tearfully.

Gibbs drew in a deep breath and exhaled slowly before turning to the distraught woman and ushering her back to the table. "This is now officially our case. Case file is on its' way from the team that worked the scene when it was first called in. Abby, looks like you're heading back if we get anything you need to run through your lab.

"Gibbs!"

"Vance's orders, Abby." Gibbs cut her tirade short. He didn't agree with Vance's decision, but he refused to undermine his boss in front of McGee's family.

"Damn it!" Abby complained and crossed her arms in defiance. She looked like a petulant child and whilst her team was used to the glare, Sarah found it funny and giggled. The knock on effect was spectacular and lifted the mood in the room slightly as Abby and Ziva smiled.

"For now, let's go over what happened. Start with when you and your brother left his apartment." Gibbs directed at Sarah.

"It started before then." Sarah admitted as she struggled; once the giggles stopped, she was obviously uneasy and struggled to raise her gaze from the floor whilst Gibbs spoke to her.

"Okay, when did it start?" Gibbs kept his voice calm in an attempt to relax the young woman. He knew and completely understood her need for a little bit of serenity in a turbulent situation and didn't want to add to her worries.

"When Tim was seven." Mrs. McGee answered quietly for her daughter.

"MOM!" Sarah cried out; she was shocked and outraged at her mother for disclosing that kind of personal information.

"Look, Sarah. I know this is personal and I know it's hard. But, if it's gonna help your brother; gonna help

us clear his name; give him back his life; we need to hear it." Tony butted in gently.

"He's gonna be so pissed at us." Sarah sad sadly, as her mother's shocking words continued to wreak havoc on her mind on top of everything else she was already trying to deal with.

"Not if it clears his name and gives him back his life." Ziva sounded stoically confident as she looked at Sarah with a look of sympathy.

"That's all that matters to me. I don't care how upset he gets. Well, that's not true. He's been through so much already." Tim's mother said as her voice broke and tears breached the levy behind her eyes. She lifted her shoulders and walked out of the room before the dam broke completely.

Gibbs looked silently and pointedly at his three people before following Mrs. McGee out of the room. He followed the sound of her sobs, finding her in the large office, braced against the window as she looked out, probably seeking solace from the peaceful scene in her spacious backyard.

_Just like McGee_. Gibbs thought with a small mental smile as he gently closed and locked the study door to allow them to talk in private. It was obvious this was too difficult for his agent's mother to talk about with an audience.

"He's been the best son any mother could ever ask for, you know?" Mrs. McGee said quietly through her tears, as her sobs died down, "I've never understood how it was I got blessed with such a great son." She stopped talking as the tears flowed harder.

"He's a damn fine agent, too. I've always been proud of him. Proud to have him on my team." Gibbs told her quietly.

"He doesn't know that." Her tone was still quiet and filled with heartache and pain. She finally managed to stop the torrent of tears before turning to look Gibbs straight in the eyes. "He's never known that. To tell you the truth, Agent Gibbs, the only reason he's never walked away from you; from your team is because no matter how bad he felt at work; no matter how worthless or unimportant he was made to feel there; he had already experienced it here; thanks to his father. I failed him. I was his mother and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop any of it! If anyone should be behind bars right now, it's me, not Tim." She said shakily, as her voice broke yet again.

Gibbs walked over to Tim's broken mother and handed her some tissues. He waited patiently and quietly to give her the silence to pull herself together enough for her to talk things out.

"Thank you." She said quietly as he handed her the tissues.

"Think you can tell me what happened?" he asked her gently.

* * *

"This is so hard on her." Sarah said shakily.

"Sarah, we still need to know what happened. You said it started before you and Tim left to drive up here." Tony said gently.

"Apparently, Dad had already left a message on Tim's voicemail. He always has such nice things to say. So loving. So warm." Sarah said with thick sarcasm. It was obviously a sore subject for the youngest McGee and her switch in mood soon had the atmosphere feeling so thick, that you could have cut it with a knife.

"Did you hear the message?" Ziva asked calmly.

Sarah reached into her shirt pocket and withdrew a micro-cassette tape from an answering machine. Silently, she handed it to Ziva. Ziva pocketed it in her own shirt pocket and thanked the younger woman quietly.

"Sarah. Tell us what happened when you got to Tim's apartment." Tony encouraged.

"He was so pissed. I haven't seen him that upset since… well, in a really long time." Sarah said tearfully.

"Yeah, he did seem really pissed when I stopped by to talk to him, right before you got there, Friday night." Tony agreed.

"I was worried that he was too upset to drive, but he wouldn't talk about it. He just told me to catch some sleep while he drove. When I woke up, we were already pulling into the driveway. Even though we got here hours before my father's stupid deadline, he was already on a tear. Tim wanted to make sure I got a full 8 hours sleep in since I'd have to spend the weekend studying. That's why we left for home Friday night, instead of real early Saturday morning." Sarah's eyes never left the floor as she told them exactly what had happened.

"A tear?" Ziva questioned with a look of total confusion.

"An adult temper tantrum" Tony explained without taking his eyes of his teammate's younger sister. He'd been wondering about that time-table. Why had Probie felt the need to lie to him; or at least, not be straight with him about his travel plans? Something still seemed off about this.

Sarah cracked a piece of a smile for a second, before the tears returned. "Tim didn't deserve this, he's been putting up with this his whole life; he didn't…he shouldn't have had to deal with it anymore…" She turned and escaped outside to rein in the sorrow that left her feeling restless and as if she were drowning.

Tony, Ziva and Abby were all left with precious little more to go on and had a mountain of unanswered questions that were left hanging. Ziva shook her head and silently slipped outside to try to talk to Sarah on a one to one basis in the hope that their newfound trust and respect would help the young woman open up.

* * *

"When I said it started when Tim was 7; I meant that it started for Tim when he was 7. It started for me when he was six. I never understood what started Matt on the path he took, Agent Gibbs. I still don't understand it. "Mrs. McGee said in a small sad voice.

"All I know is from the minute I told Tim he was gonna be a big brother, when he was seven; my little boy made it his job to protect me from his father. I can't tell you how many times he stepped in between his father and I to take whatever Matt dished out; not that Tim didn't always try to step in between us, even before he found out about the coming baby; it just got worse for him at that point. I was stuck, Agent Gibbs. I had two children to try to protect, I couldn't protect them both at the same time. You have to know, I never wanted either of my children to go through this; to feel this pain."

"Mrs. McGee…"

"Ellen, Please."

"Ellen, did you ever file a report against him?"

"He was a Navy Commander and we lived on the base, Agent Gibbs. Do you really think I would have been taken seriously? Besides, it was all verbal. Who was gonna care about a strict father trying to stay on top of his kids?"

"Did you try to get away from him?"

"So many times, I lost count. He always tracked us down and dragged us back. Took his anger out on us for it. Finally, I stopped trying. It was too hard on Tim. On top of everything else, he didn't deserve to keep getting verbally abused and be given new nightmares because I couldn't protect him; because his father was angry at me. You have to know, Agent Gibbs, Matt never laid a hand on Tim or Sarah. If he had, we'd have left him the first chance I got and we would have never looked back!"

"Ellen, I need to know of any police reports; anything in writing that will help Tim out; something that will substantiate the history and pattern of verbal abuse." Gibbs told her gently. "The more history you can lay out in writing, the better."

"I'll write it out for you." Ellen said sadly. "I'll do whatever you need me to do to help Tim. But, it's like I said, Agent Gibbs, I never filed an official complaint because I knew no one would take me seriously."

"We need to get Tim to make a statement to us, about what happened."

"Why do I get the feeling that you don't care if you see him or not; if he's okay or not?" Mrs. McGee asked with a deep sorrow that seemed to seep into Gibbs heart.

"Ellen, I care about him. But, right now, the clock is ticking against us. We need to prove his innocence first; be his friend later. I've got a lawyer coming for him in the morning. We'll let him take care of getting Tim's statement about what happened."

"Thank you; for hiring a lawyer for him and for not demanding that he see you or talk to you. It's probably for the best. He doesn't think he has anyone that cares about him anymore. He won't fight this. He believes he deserves whatever happens to him now." Tim's mother's tears returned leaving her convulsing with bone wracking sobs.

"Take me through the weekend. What happened?" Gibbs pushed gently. He wanted nothing more than to wrap the woman up in his arms to try and soothe her pain; he needed answers though and right now, finding out what had happened was more important.

"Matt would always call Tim and demand that he come home for the weekend, at the last minute. Always gave him an unreasonable time limit to be here or else he'd be greeted with the threat of a beating. It didn't matter how old Tim got, Matt always held the threat of physical violence of Tim's head. When Tim was summoned home, he was supposed to bring Sarah with him or else. Half the time, Sarah couldn't get away from her classes at the last minute; or Tim would refuse to tear her away from her studies. More times than I can count, Tim couldn't get away for the weekend because of work. He would pay the price when he got here. A lot of times, Matt would meet him as he walked in the door and stand there like a roadblock; and scream and yell at him about what a no good son Tim was. He'd be relentless, never letting up until he ran out of steam."

"How did Tim handle it?" Gibbs had no idea. Sure, he knew that Tim carried some deep rooted worry at the weekends; he'd witnessed the lost look in his agent's eyes when they were on call. What he hadn't realized was that the reason behind it all, was his family life.

"He did his best to stand his ground. Wouldn't let it become confrontational; he'd take whatever Matt dished out, if it meant keeping it off me or his sister. Matt would always have his little tantrum and then leave. He'd disappear for the rest of the weekend only to come back and do it again right as Tim was trying to leave to go home. Since Tim started working for you, the fact that he couldn't get home very often seemed to help the situation. By the time he could get home, Matt's rage had cooled and resorted to reaming Tim out for only ten minutes and then leaving. It seemed like those times that Tim came home under his own time table, were the only times Matt didn't come back to scream at him again as he was leaving to go back to D.C."

"How long had he been doing this?"

"Since the beginning. For some reason, my getting pregnant with Sarah seemed to set him off and he was never the same since."

Silence ruled the air between Gibbs and Mrs. McGee for a moment while both seemed lost in thought. It wasn't long, however, before the investigator had a question that needed to be answered.

"Was he Sarah's father?" Gibbs asked with a sudden flash of insight.

"No." came the whispered admittance.

"And Tim?" Gibbs persisted with his heart in his throat, as if he already knew the answer.

"No."

"Did your husband know that?"

"NO!"


	9. Chapter 8

"Oh, my God! Agent Gibbs, are you telling me that all of this was my fault? He turned into this monster because he knew neither of the kids was his?" Mrs. McGee asked in complete horror as the realization hit her with the force of a punch to the stomach.

"Are you positive he _didn't_ know?" Gibbs asked her cautiously.

"Now that you ask; no. I'm not. I thought I was positive he didn't know all these years, but I suppose there's always a possibility that he found out somehow. Oh, God! They're gonna be so devastated! I did this!" Ellen burst into tears again and it wasn't long before her anguish became so acute, the sobs were once again wracking her small frame.

"Do the kids know?" Gibbs pushed to get the complete scope of the secrecy out into the open

"No!" Mrs. McGee admitted in abject remorse.

Gibbs was trying his level best not to judge what this woman had done and he found it tolerable to be compassionate only when he focused on the abuse she'd suffered through; it was the fact that her children had paid the price and the young man that he cared greatly about; thought of as one of his surrogate sons; even if; as Ellen had pointed out; Tim had never felt it or realized it, was currently suffering in more ways than one. Hearing that Tim's parentage had sparked what seemed to be a lifetime of verbal abuse not only sparked anger in Gibbs; but a deep compassion for his agent as well as a burning question as to the possibility that this was behind what happened that night his agent's father died. Out of respect for his agent and what he'd want to be done for his mother; he supposed; Gibbs refocused his thoughts back to the conversation at hand and the person he was having it with.

He harnessed all the compassion he possessed and enveloped her into an embrace; he hoped to ground her with physical support that she had obviously been lacking all her life. That small action seemed to be the straw that finally broke her and Gibbs felt her tremble with emotional overload as it washed through her. Her tears were endless but after what seemed like hours, she finally pulled away and swiped at the wetness on her face. It was a sight to behold and a skill that Gibbs knew, she had perfected over the years; it was simply the fact that she could pull herself together at the drop of a hat and stop weeping just as quickly.

"You have to believe me, Agent Gibbs, I _never_ would have stayed if he'd ever laid a hand on either one of my children! But, he never did. He _never_ hit either of them, but I know the verbal abuse was bad enough. How can I help Tim knowing I can't even look him in the eye ever again? How am I supposed to tell Sarah that she's had to watch her brother take the verbal abuse to protect us, because of me?" She was broken with a guilt so thick that she could have physically wrapped herself up in it. To Gibbs, it looked as if she was trying to do just that. He no longer had to wonder where his agent got that trait from.

"Ellen, this won't help anyone. It especially won't help Tim. We need to stick to the facts of what happened, when it started, all of the details of what it was about, and exactly what happened when Matt was killed. Has anyone told you what his cause of death was?"

"Tim accidentally strangled him." Ellen whispered.

* * *

Ducky returned to the jailhouse to visit Tim again. He hoped and prayed that he could get the young man to open up and accept the support that was being freely given by everyone; it was a solidarity that the young man just couldn't see, which was something the M.E. wanted to at least try, to stamp out of him and make him see what was clearly evident in front of his face. He sat in the room waiting patiently for Tim to arrive and as the door opened, he couldn't help but turn to watch the young man shuffle in. It was the same, familiar room they'd been allowed to use for their last visit and as Ducky scrutinized his young charge, he couldn't help but feel upset at the state Tim still seemed to be in.

"Timothy. Are you feeling any better? Have you at least rested or eaten since I was last here?" Ducky asked gently with deep concern.

"I'm okay. Ducky. I'm not really hungry and can't sleep." Tim's quiet answer seemed to ring through the small interview room.

"Can you tell me what seems to be the trouble with sleeping?"

"I can't…." Tim's voice broke slightly and Ducky watched with interest as he cleared his throat "I can't close my eyes without seeing…" Tim stopped completely and got up from the table to move over to the window. He stood there silently looking up at the light that diffused from the panes of glass.

"Do you think you can tell me about it?" Ducky encouraged.

Tim shook his head "I can't." Tim said regretfully with a resigned shake of his head. Ducky felt his heart threaten to shatter and stood up from the table.

"Timothy. I'll be right back, all right?" Ducky was hit by a sudden epiphany. Timothy was a writer, wasn't he? Hadn't the young man always said writing was therapeutic for him? Instead of forcing him to talk about things to ease his troubled mind, he could write it out; it would be easier for him to get his feelings out this way and might give everyone a glimpse of what was bothering him.

Tim watched Ducky leave the room and he felt the walls start to close in on him; he had been once again, left alone and lonely in the world and it was that knowledge that made his gentle heart break even more. _How much more of this could he take? Maybe he should just go back to his original idea and block everyone off. He could get used to the isolation now, instead of putting that inevitable happenstance off._ _He felt the tears prickle in his eyes because being able to talk to Ducky was a huge load off his shoulders. But, how long would it last? Any day now, he would be yanked away from this slim piece of comfort to face the consequences of what he'd done._

He wasn't naïve enough to believe he could be saved from the jaws of justice; _how could he be immune to it, he was after all a murderer; the very thing that he had fought against all these years_. Blinking away stubborn tears, Tim set about talking himself into the decision to stomp down on his emotions harder than he'd ever done before

Ducky returned unexpectedly, a few minutes later and Tim was surprised to see him carrying a writer's notebook and several pens in his arms. It was one like Sarah was always carrying around to her classes and he couldn't help but cock his head with the silent question that he wanted to ask. After the shock of the M.E.'s returning had worn off, the question that popped into his head, escaped his lips.

"What's going on, Ducky?"

"You are a writer at heart, are you not, Timothy?" Ducky asked with an amazing insight that made Tim blanch.

"Not anymore." Tim's answer came too quickly and held a vehemence that surprised the M.E.

"What do you mean, my dear boy?"

People died because of my book, Ducky. I've had no….._desire_ to even type another word of my stories since then."

"Oh, Timothy. Surely, you haven't allowed the actions of one less than sound minded individual influence whether or not you pursue your dreams?" Ducky didn't know whether to be incredulous or saddened by that revelation; it was one thing that the young man had seemingly given up on life, but to give up on his dreams as well?

"My dreams aren't worth someone else's life, Ducky. They darn sure aren't worth two. We almost lost Abby because of my dream so, no thank you!" For the first time, Ducky saw Tim's determination rise. It didn't matter that it was in anger and frustration; it meant that there was a small glimmer of the man that he used to be, locked in there.

"No, my dear boy, I can imagine that it would certainly color your thinking on the subject."

"Besides, Tony and Ziva gave me hell about it. You know, Tony actually threatened to kill me if I ever wrote another book. So, no! I'm not a writer; not anymore." The determination seemed to drain away completely leaving the broken young man in its wake once again.

"Timothy. I did not ask you if you had written another book. I asked you if you were a writer at heart!"

"That heart stopped beating years ago, Ducky." Tim insisted stubbornly.

"I disagree. You have merely allowed life's hurdles to stifle it for so long that you now believe it to be true. I however, know that who you are on the inside, doesn't just go away. I want you to at least try. Write down your experiences; what happened on Friday; growing up under your parents' roof; anything and everything you wish to include in your writing, don't hesitate to include it. I have secured permission for you to be left alone to do this."

"For how long?" Tim asked cautiously.

"For as long as you wish to write. I must ask you, first. Are you having any thoughts of ending your own life?"

"What? No!" Tim's objection and outrage was instantaneous but his eyes betrayed the fact that he had indeed thought of just that and his denial had been instinctual, not a genuine attempt to lie.

"Timothy. Promise me that you will not entertain such notions any longer." Ducky pushed gently with a deep sorrow and pain over the fact that he would even think about this.

"Ducky." Tim's dejected plea was heartfelt.

"Timothy, do you value our friendship?" Ducky asked.

"Of course I do. You know that." Tim said heatedly.

"Then, out of respect for me and our friendship, I must ask that you make me this promise."

"Okay. I promise." Tim vowed solemnly knowing that the promise was one that he would never be able to break and that it pretty much sealed his fate; he was going to be lost and lonely in a prison where he would be seen as the enemy because of his career.

"Wonderful. Shall you begin writing?" Ducky didn't even try to keep the jovial relief out of his voice and smiled warmly at Tim.

"Now?" Tim's disbelief nearly brought a smile to Ducky's face.

"Is there some reason you are unable to do it now?" the M.E. asked with a touch of concern.

"Are you leaving already?" The panic was raw and left no doubt in the M.E.'s mind that Tim truly didn't want to be alone anymore.

"No, Timothy. Our hour is not up yet." Ducky answered reassuringly.

"But, you want me to spend that hour writing?" Tim asked in quiet surprise.

"I want you to do what is comfortable for you. If you are more comfortable writing things down than talking about them, them yes, indeed. I want you to spend the time writing. I believe it will help you tremendously. Timothy, I think you want to talk; not need to. You need to have someone there to help you through and I am willing to be that person and am happier knowing you have some form of outlet for your feelings that is comfortable." Ducky had hit the nail on the head and Tim wondered how this man had worked his way into his life to the degree that he now knew his people inside out.

"Ducky, if I tell you something, do you promise not to let my Mom or Sarah to find out?" Tim asked seemingly from out of the blue and in an extremely subdued voice.

"Timothy, I will keep whatever confidence you need of me. However, it is something that will help you clear your name of this tragedy; you must know I will do what I can to make sure anything that can be done will be." Ducky vowed.

"Thanks Ducky. I have something I need you to read. But you'll have to go to my apartment to get it." Tim replied almost apologetically.

"Just tell me where to find it and I will make certain it is retrieved." the older man promised calmly.

"Okay…"

* * *

Abby and Tony were left alone in the kitchen with the emotional overload of Tim's family; Tim's situation and the helplessness they were wrapped up in. Luckily it wasn't for long; as Ziva and Sarah returned to the kitchen in just a few minutes, bearing the delivery of the case information the local LEO's and NCIS team had gathered. As Sarah puttered around her mother's kitchen, the team each grabbed a report and began reading, each sliding into a dining room chair and focusing entirely on what they were looking at.

* * *

Gibbs was left feeling speechless and hopelessly mired in his emotional overload. After talking to Tim's mother and hearing everything she had to say; he'd encouraged her to take a breather and calm herself down; promising her that he would do everything he could to dig for the truth that was out there and would get to the bottom of what had happened in her home while she and Sarah had been out at a movie on that fateful, Saturday night.

He left her sleeping and headed back to the kitchen where he found Tony and Ziva reading through what little evidence that had been gathered from the scene. He silently prayed that the evidence would clear Tim's name in a big enough way that there would be no doubt about his innocence. Somehow he knew that anything less would fail to raise Tim's sprits up from the ashes it was obviously floundering in now.

"Whattaya got?" he asked his agents with a low rumble that got their attention.

"Nothing, Gibbs. There was no evidence gathered from the room in which Mr. McGee died. They simply took McGee at his word that he killed his father and arrested him. There has been no further investigation." Ziva said with disgust.

"Are you kidding?" Gibbs demanded with such vehemence and venom that his two agents physically flinched.

"No, Boss. It's for real. This box of evidence is pretty damn thin!" Tony threw his hands in the air with pure frustration before lowering them to rest on the table in front of him.

"Alright. Tony, go search the man's office. Ziva, where are Abby and Sarah?"

"Talking in Sarah's room." Ziva answered with a curious gleam in her eye.

Before anything else could be said, Gibbs' phone rang. Looking at the caller id, Gibbs sent up a silent prayer that this wasn't bad news and their efforts wouldn't be in vain. He flipped the phone open and pulled it up to his ear with a trepidation that he didn't usually feel.

"Duck? Everything okay?"

"_Yes, Jethro. Timothy has advised me of the existence of something which I believe may be of great value in getting to the bottom of this sordid mess."_

"I'm listening." Gibbs' interest piqued at the new development.

"_Apparently, when Timothy first began his training at FLETC, he wrote a journal of some kind. I've asked him to write down everything that he finds himself unable to talk about. He has expressed his wish that I read that instead and I would like you to go and collect it for me."_

"Okay. Where is it?" _Tim kept a journal?_ Gibbs thanked God for small mercies and found himself itching to go and collect the one thing that could provide some kind of insight to his agent's life.

"_Before I tell you that, I must warn you that Timothy has insisted that his mother and sister not find out about this journal or ever happen upon the chance to see it."_ Ducky pushed this point with a stern tone to let Gibbs know how important the request was.

"Okay. I get it. We can make sure of that. Where is it?"

"_It's in his apartment."_

"Okay, You gonna head back here now?" Gibbs knew Ducky's time was almost up and this whole, torrid affair had left him feeling antsy about his people.

"_Yes, I shall be there shortly." _

"Right. I'm gonna take Abby back with me and I'll go by his apartment and get this journal. I'll be back later this evening."

"_Jethro, would it not be prudent that you allow yourself to take another driver? Just so safety does not become an issue on the return trip; as you will be most exhausted by then." _It was typical Ducky; the man always thought about everyone else and often forgot about his own pain. There was one classic example that sprung to Gibbs' mind; the death of his friend's mother. The M.E. hadn't told anyone that the sweet, dear woman had passed away and instead chose to keep it to himself; if Abby and Ziva hadn't noticed the little changes, then they wouldn't have been able to be there for him. This was the same, he was worried about his friend whilst hurting himself.

"Yeah, Duck. You're right. I'll take Ziva with me. Tony's got everything under control here. As soon as you get here, I'd like you to check on Mrs. McGee. She got pretty upset earlier."

"_Absolutely, Jethro. I shall be there shortly."_

Gibbs hung up the phone and went to find Abby and Sarah; he didn't have to look far and found them resting silently on Sarah's bed. The sight tugged at his heartstrings and he was struck by how young and vulnerable the two of them looked right now. Not wanting to wake Sarah, Gibbs tapped Abby on the shoulder and beckoned for her to step out of the room as soon as she opened her eyes and looked his way.

Once out in the hall, Gibbs closed the bedroom door and explained the need to return to D.C. and the fact that he wanted her to go back to work, both to simplify the processing of any evidence and to get her mind back on her favorite topic and not focused on what she couldn't do here.

Abby wasn't happy about it, but went to gather her coat and say her goodbyes to Sarah and the rest of the team, leaving Gibbs to go in search of Ziva and Tony. He found them still sitting in the kitchen and explained the situation in more detail; along with the order to keep it all quiet. Gibbs and the ladies were soon ready to leave the minute that Ducky arrived. After a quick word with his old friend, Gibbs got behind the wheel of the car and they headed out. The trip back was somewhat shorter than a normal drive and a heck of a lot quieter; as all three occupants of the car were deep into their own troubled thoughts and concerns about Tim and his case.

Gibbs dropped Abby off at NCIS before driving himself and Ziva straight to Tim's apartment. The need to search for his journal was at the forefront of their minds so they wasted no time in getting there. When they arrived at the apartment, Gibbs gave Ziva a quiet request that she head to her own place to shower, change and meet him back there in an hour. He saw Ziva's eyes narrow at his request but soon left without argument. Once she was gone, Gibbs headed up to Tim's apartment. He had the key in the door before being struck by the revelation that he had never once set foot in his agent's apartment and that it had taken the events that had befallen his trouble surrogate son, to get him here. Now, he'd been here twice in one day and it didn't feel any more right now than it did the first time.

As he closed the apartment door behind him; he glanced around the room; his eyes coming to rest on the massive bookcase that housed countless vinyl record albums and books. _Great, trying to find this is gonna be trying to find a needle in a haystack!_

Gibbs stared at Tim's collections and recalled what Ducky had said about the book he was looking for:

"_Jethro, it is a hardbound book the size of an ordinary classic novel. It has the cover from "Where the Wild Things Grow" taped to it like a 2__nd__ skin. It's a children's book so should be easy enough to find. Look on the second shelf, directly above the record player."_

Gibbs located the book in question and lifted it from the shelf with a small offering of thanks in the form of a prayer. He glanced down at the precious object and noticed that it was the very book Tony had been laughing at when they'd searched Tim's apartment that morning. He thought the title had sounded familiar.

_Earlier that morning:_

"Boss. What are we looking for?"

"Anything that'll tell us something that will help us figure out what's going on with him. Go check his living room."

"On it, Boss. Hey, the bookcase! Probie's bound to hide stuff in here, right? I mean, it's huge and takes up half the damn room."

"It is possible, I suppose." Gibbs answered as he concentrated on his own search through Tim's desk.

"Hey, look at this! I remember this from when I was a kid! I loved this book! But it was never a hard-cover like this, or this size though! It's always been a softcover book that was wider than most books in general."

"Tony! Get lookin'!" Gibbs growled at him without so much as looking his way. His senior agent was easily distracted sometimes and he had to rein in his concentration somehow.

"Boss, I am looking, I swear. Look this book cover doesn't belong on this smaller book. Probie's gotta have a really big attachment to this kid's book for him to still have a copy at his age! You know, this version is weird." Tony tried to explain why he was focused on the book as he held it up for Gibbs to see.

Gibbs stopped what he was doing and looked over at the book Tony was holding up. Even from across the room, he could make out the unmistakable cover of the classic children's story of monsters in a mythical land that come to life in the little boy's dreams. Seeing it evoked a sharp pang of grief as it bought memories back to the boss. He remembered sadly, how that very book, had often been the one he'd read to his Kelly while she settled into bed for the night. It had, after all been one of her favorites. As a matter of fact, it was one of the few things of hers that he had kept and was still sitting in the box of his little girl's things that he had kept close to his heart. They were still stored in the room that had been hers; one that he occasionally sat in to remember her smile and forget his grief.

"DiNozzo, put the book down! Less words, more work!" Gibbs finally snapped with frustration as he attempted to move himself past the painful memories and back to the pain of the current situation that his youngest agent was stuck in.

"Okay, Boss. Sorry." Tony answered as he set the book down flat on the shelf and moved on in his search

_Presently:_

Suddenly, the ability to smile at the situation was gone. Tony had almost opened this book just this morning and if he hadn't listened to Gibbs barking at him to get serious, he would have found this 'journal' of Tim's earlier. Somehow Gibbs' gut was screaming at him, and told him that it would have been a very bad the close call of discovery for what it was; Gibbs determined right then and there not to disclose Tim's deepest darkest pain and secrets to his team members; or his family; knowing he only needed to keep Ducky in the complete loop_._

He opened the façade that Tim had used to disguise his deepest, darkest inner thoughts and found the journal sitting inside. It was just as Tim had said it would be, nestled in its hiding place; a place that only Tim would go and take solace in writing down his own tormented thoughts. Gibbs couldn't stem the screaming from his gut and listened to the fact that it was telling him he needed to know what was here to figure out what had happened to land his agent in jail for murder.

He needed to sit and read this journal in order to understand that piece of who his youngest agent was on the inside and maybe even glimpse the reason why it was so. Gibbs sat down in the easy chair and opened the journal. He pulled his reading glasses out of his jacket pocket and ran his eyes down the page quickly, hoping something obvious would jump out at him. It wasn't long before something did and the word "Dragon" flew up off the page he was scanning; it was staring at him with a silent scream that deserved to be noticed and heeded.

As he closed the book that had housed the journal and looked more closely at the illustrated cover that Tim had taped on it; Gibbs could only agree, Yeah, they did look like dragons. He remembered reading this book to Kelly when she was little; there were many nights spent stretched out on her bed reading the same story to her, over and over again. It got to the point where he thought she'd never want to read another book and instead, chose to lose her imagination in her beloved story. He hadn't looked so closely at the cover since the last time he and Kelly had laughed at it together. It brought back stark memories of what he had lost; memories that stirred his grief and bought with it tears that would always flow freely for his girls.

The tears stopped and he cleared his throat. It was a struggle, but he soon dragged his mind back to the problem at hand; his agent. Looking down at the blank cover sheet in front of him, he once again prepared to read it; this time, word for word from start to finish, as he sent up a silent prayer that was written in these pages wasn't the horror his mind was imagining he'd find. Taking a deep breath and slowly expelling it, he opened it to the first page.


	10. Chapter 9

_This chapter is completely in italics because it's an exert from Tim's diary and will provide you with a good insight into our boy's earlier life._

_Sit back and enjoy x_

_

* * *

__This is the Journal of Tim McGee_

_June 1993_

_I am writing this; not because I ever want what I'm about to write; ever to see the light of day; but because this will be the only way; the only time; I will subject my mind to re-living these memories and nightmares._

_I write this now with the intention of letting this be the final resting place of the life I've lived until now; described herein these pages._

_If you should find this journal and are unkind enough to read it; please keep what you read to yourself and put this back where ever you have found it… AND NEVER REPEAT A WORD OF IT TO ANY ONE!_

_These incidents have never before been reported or written down for fear of my father finding them and using them; as he always threatened; against me or my sister and mother. I've had no choice but to keep these things locked up inside me; until now._

_Now, I need to get them out before they destroy what is left of who I am. Even though I have yet to figure out who I am; I know, I cannot be anyone worth anything; with all of this locked inside of me._

_It has to come out of my head and out of my heart; before I can breathe freely again._

_My first memories of my childhood begin in the summer of the year when I was six, when there was no school.. I loved both of my parents. My mother was kind and gentle. My Father was not. However, he was my father, I was supposed to love him; no matter what. Even at the young age of 6, I knew this. My Father was always someone I feared as much as I loved_

_I learned from an early age, that anything bad that happened was my own fault. My own father, one of the people who supposedly loved me the most, blamed everything on me. It was what my father told me every day of my life. My father spoke it and so I believed it. After all, I was only six and who could possibly know more in life than my father? _

_The very first time my mother read to me of fairytales, dragons and ogres; in the wonderful story; Where the Wild Things Grow; I asked her what a dragon was. When she explained what the mythical beasts were; roaring, fire breathing beasts that ruled the land and provoked fear in the hearts of everyone; my father; in my mind; became the definitive Dragon in my life. The dragon __I could never run from or defeat._

_My mother tried to tell me that my father was in fact sometimes wrong about things; once. She told me that no one was right all the time; not even my father. Then I innocently let it slip to my father, that my mother had told me no one was right all the time, not even him. _

_That was the day I first witnessed my father become physically agitated beyond his typical screaming. As he stood there yelling at my mother and I; I watched, not his face; but his hands as they made fists at his sides and released them; over and over again. I had never seen this side of my father before. I was genuinely afraid of him from that moment on. After he yelled at both of us about what terrible liars we both were and how we were both miserable excuses for human beings, he sent me to my room and I heard my mother cry out over and over again. Neither she nor I ever said such things to my father again. Some things weren't worth it _

_I didn't understand then, why her cries sounded so much different that day than her normal crying. I was eight before I figured out just what that difference was; and only by accident did I even find the answer. The two years in between were filled with those different cries; every night after my parents thought I had gone to sleep._

_Anytime we would be out in public, and when adults talked to me, I would look at the floor, answer their questions as quietly and as quickly as I could, then try to become invisible or even better; slip away. _

_My father - the dragon would just ignore my way of dealing with people, but my mom would be polite and supportive and explain to the person that I was just shy. _As soon as we got into the car, and he'd driven us away from people; he would begin his verbal tirades_._

"_Why are you always such a rude, hateful little shit? You're worthless! Is it so hard for you to just answer someone's question when they' talk to you? You're an embarrassment to me! You make me sick! Here I am a Commander in the Navy and I've got a kid who acts like that! I can't even show my face now! I oughta just wipe the floor with you! Made to look bad by a damn six year old!"_

_My mother would always remain silent during these times. After that episode at home, where he'd shown signs of physical intent to harm her, she and I both knew that if she even tried to say anything, my father would most likely turn on her and take it out on her. Neither of us wanted that to ever happen again. _

_I remember the first time one of these screaming tirades in the car took place. It seemed to come for no reason. I hadn't been bad. I had used my manners and had even stayed by my mother's side until she had been the one to walk away from the gathering of people. I remember trying to understand why my mother wouldn't even try to look at me; I had needed to see her love shinning in her eyes; like it usually did; but at that moment, with the dragon breathing down at me; nashing his terrible teeth and roaring his terrible roar; I was facing him alone._

_It took practice and a lot of figuring things out for myself, but by the time I was 8, those episodes almost completely stopped and I was greatly relieved._

_The first time I remember shielding my mother from my father's rage was right after she'd told me I was gonna have a little sister. I remember, she told me I would get to keep my birthday for my very own and my sister would have her own birthday right after mine. My father had walked into the room before my mother had finished explaining things to me that were going to change in our lives with the new baby and the look on his face left no doubt he was very, very angry. Without thinking, I placed myself between my parents and remained there, actually looking my father in the eye and waited. With his raised voice, he yelled at my mother as if I wasn't even standing there. Again, without thinking, I acted; stepping back until I was literally standing on my mother's feet; my arms stretched out wide; as if I was holding my father back from her. Somehow, that seemed to work; and my father turned around and walked out of the room. That was the day that taught me that I could make a difference for my mother. I was now responsible for keeping my mother safe; safe from my father - the dragon. I was seven._

_Something inside of me told me that my mother needed me to protect her from my father even more after that then she had needed me before. After that, I did everything to protect my mother from my father's verbal tirades; everything from begging him for forgiveness when I didn't even know what it was I had supposedly done, to desperately offering myself in her place as I physically placed myself between my mother and this dragon who my mother called my father. _

_I made it my job, all that summer and whenever I wasn't in school after that; to be ready to protect my mother from my father. I didn't get caught up in playing with anything, ever; wouldn't even pick up a book. It didn't matter that I had learned to read early and really enjoyed getting lost in the story; what mattered was being ready to run to my mother's side the minute my father raised his voice at her; which could happen at any given time. My mother needed me; my toys and books did not. And while I knew my father's usual time for coming home; he had been known to surprise us and come home early several times; and for that possibility I wanted to always be ready._

_By this time, I already believed everything he'd ever told me, especially about myself: worthless, useless; just another mouth to feed and clothe; never will amount to anything; a born failure and many other things that were no easier to swallow; but just as easy to believe; coming from him._

_I didn't understand was what a lie was. My parents had never even talked to me about this. Even after I'd started school and heard about lying, witnessed other kids doing it, and learned exactly how it was done and some of the reasons why; it never occurred to me that my father was capable of such a thing, after all, his word had been law ever since I could remember. I had never experienced this, as far as I knew. What I did know, was my father was the law at home. I was to obey that law; no matter what. I was ten before I even understood that the dragon was indeed capable of this thing called lying. _

_I go through everyday now wondering how my life would have been different if only I had known better than to believe everything he told me._

_From an early age I knew that all the problems between my mother and father were my fault and I would pray every night that they would split up.. My father would rage at my mother about something almost every night downstairs, after sending me to bed. I would crawl into bed and thank God when the nightly screaming ended without the sound of my mother crying in that way that brought tears to my eyes even thought I had yet to understand exactly what it meant; ending instead with the sound of a slamming door; which meant my father had stormed out of the house to cool off. _

_It wasn't long before that became something that happened every night. It got to where that became the only time I could stop cowering in fear and relax enough to go to sleep; after the dragon had left the house._

_Until I turned 8, my father spent almost no time with me as he was always working or finding some other reason not to be at home. I was happy about that. I remember feeling relieved when he would be gone or leaving the house. It meant I could spend the day with my mother and actually be myself._

_But, after a while, I didn't know who to be anymore. I got to where I was always afraid my father would walk through the door unexpectedly and soon fell into acting the way I had to around him; allowing that to become who I was all the time._

_For two years, I tried to understand why the dragon that lived in our home didn't really breathe fire; but screamed and yelled __instead__. __When I turned eight__, I finally realized that this dragon did breathe fire; just differently than any other dragon I'd ever heard or even read about. This dragon's fire came from his hands. I would have preferred the fairy tale_

_When I turned eight, my father, the dragon, seemed to change overnight __and__ deliberately be the one who stayed home with me if my mother had something she needed to do. Where she used to take me with her all the time; my father suddenly demanded that she no longer do so. While she would look at me with troubled eyes as she left me with him; my mother would never disobey my father. I would always promise her that I would behave and stay out of trouble, hoping that it would bring happiness back to her eyes; knowing somehow I had put that unhappy look there to begin with._

_The very first time my father - the dragon did this I remember being scared and shocked in equal amounts. I remember the feel of my heart pounding in my chest as I waited to see what he was really going to do. Sure enough, it didn't take but a short five minutes after my mother drove away from the end of our street; which we could see from the house; that My father - the dragon grabbed me by the shirt and literally dragged me away from the window and further into the house, on into his forbidden study. No sooner had he finished dragging me in there, than he closed the door with an ominous click I will never forget hearing; just before he whipped his ping pong paddle out of his desk drawer. I knew what that paddle was from watching other kids play it at school; but I had no idea why My father - the dragon had one or what he was planning on doing with it. That is until I felt that paddle hit my rear end without warning or mercy._

_I remember crying out with the pain and shock; only to have My father - the dragon yell at me: Shut up! Don't even whimper, do you hear me? All these years you've been getting away with acting like a bratty, ungrateful kid and now that you're old enough not to need Mommy to protect you every second of the day; it's time you took your punishments like the big boy you're so busy tryin' to act like! And don't even breathe a word of this to your mother; or anyone else! If you do, not only will you get it worse; but they will too!"_

_I never told my mother anything about these oftentimes weekly 'stay at home times' with the dragon. She never knew that My father would use these occasions the way that he did; making sure to leave no bruises or marks where my mother would find them. Since I was old enough to take my own baths and showers as well as dress myself; it was a realistic accomplishment for him; one that seemed to feed his hunger for it. It was how I knew that she never knew about them_

_It seemed to become a game to him; taunting me not to cry; threatening more strokes with it if he heard so much as a whimper from me as he beat me. My father - the dragon never seemed to run out unkind things to say about me especially when he was whipping me; each strike would be accompanied with something cruel or hateful. Every 'meeting' would begin the same way; with him telling me once again; that what he was about to do was in punishment for past grievances as well as for all the times since the last one, that I had done wrong and he'd had to settle for yelling at me because he couldn't hit me in front of my mother._

_After he would run out of steam or anger; I was never sure which would save me from his wrath first; but I would pray for both; he would order me to go take a long bath and then go to my room and stay upstairs out of his sight until my mother returned._

_The man wasn't satisfied with just the paddle; he moved on to other things several months after these almost weekly episodes began; once going so far as to knocking me back into a mirror that he knew were there; the resulting scar on my backside; healed by the grace of God and my father's stubborn refusal to let me get up off the couch for the remainder of the day after it happened. The fact that my mother was due to be gone for most of the day, that time, seemed to be the catalyst for this painful episode. Unbeknown to my mother, I spent that entire day, laying on my stomach, locked away in the dragon's lair; always off limits to all of us; while my father cleaned and dressed my injury. _

_During that time__ I never for a second felt love or even an ounce of concern __from him__ and he wasted no time in admitting it as he sat behind his desk watching me; waiting for me to get up or try something that he obviously thought I was considering; but I never knew what that was because nothing crossed my mind through the pain and misery he'd brought down on me that day._

_The same could have been said for the situation with the giant pickle jar that usually sat as a door stopper in the doorway of the back room off the kitchen; it held a new doorway to outside. For six hours, I lay on that couch; my knee braced stiffly, and the rest of me remaining prone; stuck, easy pickin's for whatever else he wanted to force me to endure. I was thankful on that day, my father chose to leave me I peace; actually leaving the room and not returning until after dinner._

_Still, bored, and unable to even escape to some sleep, I remember trying to figure out why this man; my father; hated me so much. Here I was only 8 years old and he was treating me like he hated me. That wasn't supposed to happen. When did that ever happened; your parents hating you?_

_My father, from the very beginning of these episodes, threatened to take me away from my mother and my sister; promising worse beatings for them than what he was giving me at the time; in addition to taking me away from them; if I ever told a living soul._

_Unknown to my mother, my father kept a horse whip in his desk drawer of his study; and would use it on me as soon as he was sure my mother had gone from the house. It seemed to become a game to him; taunting me not to cry; threatening more strokes with it if he heard so much as a whimper from me as he beat me._

_My father never seemed to run out unkind things to say about me especially when he was whipping me; each strike would be accompanied with something cruel or hateful. He would always tell me that the beating was in punishment for all the times since the last one, that I had done wrong and he'd had to settle for yelling at me because he couldn't hit me in front of my mother._

_After he would run out of steam or anger; I was never sure which would save me from his wrath first; but I would pray for both; he would order me to go take a long bath and then stay upstairs out of his sight until my mother returned._

_My father never bothered with my sister until she was old enough to annoy him. My mom kept Sarah almost completely away from my father, without any problem that I remember until Sarah was two. I was ten by this time and had been figuring out how to get by through my father's rages for four years by then._

_One day, the dragon came home earlier than usual and instead of already being fed dinner and put to bed, with me silently playing in her room to keep her company if she woke up, like it was supposed to be when he got home; Sarah and I were still downstairs eating our dinner with my mother._

_She always let us make noise and be as happy as we could be when my father wasn't home; and when he walked in to that noise; he was angrier than I ever remember seeing him before._

_I remember having to put myself between my father and my baby sister to stop him from yanking her out her highchair as he threatened to whip her. His reason? None other than her being a normal two year old. After looking at me with pure hatred in his eyes; my father turned toward my mother and started yelling at her. As she backed away from him; leading him away from us; I snatched Sarah out of her high chair and ran upstairs with her; and put her in her crib._

_I remember crying with fright that while I was putting my little sister out of my father's reach; my mom was unprotected; I was failing at my job. I turned on Sarah's music mobile and turned out her light; leaving her lamp on like I was supposed to; remembered to close her door; and ran back downstairs to protect my mother._

_When I got down stairs; my father had backed my mother against the wall and was raising his hand to hit her; and I was too short to stop him from hurting her so I did the only thing I could think of, I screamed at him to stop as I ran at him, launching myself at his legs as hard as I could, from the side. I was scared to do it from behind him, scared he'd squish my mother and hurt her for sure. I wanted him away from her. It seemed to do the trick; although, it also made him obviously more angry with me, as the look in his eyes darkened and the scowl on his face became almost menacing. These were things I would notice, because I was always on the lookout for signs that things were going to get worse; or better._

_My father never even attempted to hit her in front of me, except this one time. It wasn't until I was older that I realized, he'd manipulated things so that he never had a witness to his physical discipline towards me. I was twelve before I understood that what he was doing to me was abuse and not okay. Still, I said nothing. While the screaming at dwindled down, so, too, had my exposure to my father. _

_He stopped forcing me to stay home with him while my mother ran her errands, when I turned twelve and had grown taller and put on some weight. While I felt stronger in body; I felt no better in my heart or even in my head. _

_My only escape came from school. Somehow I was a child prodigy at school and was encouraged by my teachers. But, while I enjoyed school for the escape it gave me from home life; I also hated it. I hated it because it made me worry endlessly for my mother and little sister's safety while I wasn't there to protect them from my father. I hated it for the bullies that it brought into my life later on; bullies who tormented me ruthlessly; even physically harming me. These were just problems I had to handle on my own; on top of having to protect my mom and my little sister._

_I wanted to tell someone everything so badly but I was scared that my father would do as he'd said he would and beat us all and split us up. I remember hearing him tell people what a bad kid I was! I wanted him to never come back, every time he would leave; so bad, I would ask God every night to let my father decide not to come home anymore._

_The worst part was hearing him brag to any other adult who would listen, of how good of a job he was doing 'keeping my boy in line' and how he was doing his best to raise us up right. I remember being thankful that I was the only one he was taking his anger out on physically. _

_By the time my 'time with my father' had been going on for a month, I was very depressed. My mother was in no position or condition to help me. For that reason, I refused to tell her about the hell my life had become. Instead, I tried to end my life, several times. Each time I tried, I failed. This only served to reinforce all those things my father always had and continued to repeatedly tell me; about myself and the fact that I was useless, stupid, a waste of time and space, and so forth. The car actually was given to me by my mother's father, who remained clueless as to the type of father I had. My father demanded that I tell the world that this car came from him. He wanted the world to see him for what he wasn't. I had stopped fighting my father on things that weren't important; such as who gave me the car; long ago. Peace and quiet; and the absence of physical retribution was far more important than being right._

_If my father hadn't insisted on coming with me; I'd have used my 16__th__ birthday as the perfect way to put an end to my misery. I had had enough. While a part of me wanted out; a bigger part of me remained responsible for the safety of my sister and my mother. My father going with me reminded me of my responsibility to my mother and sister. And so with my father along with me on my new car's maiden voyage with me behind the wheel; I was encased in misery and silence. We didn't speak at all. He didn't even watch as I drove. It was as if he didn't care what I did while I drove or even how well I did or didn't drive. As I tuned in the radio; I took my eyes off the road; only to find myself crashing head-first into a city bus; my father along for the ride._

_Waking up in the hospital, I was slow to recover; even slower to talk to anyone. When I was told that my father had survived the crash with no permanent injury; I stopped trying to recover. I was old enough to have a say in my treatment and I used that to make my attempt to get out of the hell my life had become. While I refused my medication to fight infections as well as refusing to eat; the hospital staff went on the alarm. Only the sharp eyed' nurse half-way figured out what was going on. With the threat of Child protective services now hanging over my father's head, he had no choice but to change his methods._

_Suddenly, there in the hospital, during daily family visits that soon became forced on me; my father became the picture of the perfect doting father. It turned my stomach and I couldn't get out of there fast enough. Determined to get some control of my life back; I dug back into taking my medications and eating with gusto; wanting to do whatever it took to get my father out of the public spectacle he was making of us._

_Luckily, my life took a drastic turn for the better; as I headed to Johns Hopkins University; the first stop of what would be a high tech adventure with a few more stops along the way. Never a night went by that I didn't call and check on my mother and sister. My mother always reassured me that everything was fine at home and that I just needed to focus on my career and my learning._

_I began to wonder why things would suddenly be all right at home without me there to protect them. The only conclusion I could come to was that the problem, had in fact, been me. Was it possible that my father had been right all these years? The physical discipline and the verbal tirades directed at me for all those years had truly been my fault as my father had told me?_

_It wasn't long before I found myself spiraling into a deep depression; no longer able to find the will to get out of bed; after all I had just discovered what a truly terrible person I was; to have brought all that upon my poor mother and my innocent sister. Soon, I stopped calling home; and when holiday vacations loomed on the horizon; I began to put my under-used brain power to work and worked to save money; so that I could stay at hotels or rooming houses close to school; and not have to go home. That was some place I would stay away from until I absolutely had to go back._

_I have graduated from both Johns Hopkins and MIT now. It has been ten years since I'd been home. They have been ten of the most peaceful years of my life. Although they have been fraught with the stress of college life mixed with the youth of being a child prodigy; it has been a welcome reprieve from the life under my father's roof. Over these past ten years, I have forced myself once a month to call and check on my mother and sister. Each time they've reported how well things are going, my heart has felt crushed all over again; to be reminded once again, that everything that happened to me has all been my fault._

_I am on my way into FLETC –now. I need to get further away from home. My ultimate goal is to become unreachable to my father. I live to reach that goal._


	11. Chapter 10

_A/N: This chapter deals with child abuse a little more descriptively.  
Bring the tissues_

* * *

Gibbs sat in the armchair, stunned at the deep personal pain that had taken shape in his mind as he read through it all. It was as if the words flew up of the page and shot holes in his emotional armour. He was trying hard, to process this part of his mild mannered surrogate son that he now knew and held dear but as his mind tried to imagine a child-sized Timothy McGee facing such an awful childhood, he found the image had dissolved with every bit of the written text he had just read; it just wasn't there. What was there was an anger so intense it literally felt like it was burning him alive.

_How dare anyone treat a child that way! How could that man call himself a father? How dare they get away with that! No wonder Tim never came to him with anything personal or tried to stand up for himself when it came to him or Tony. After all these years, he was still feeling the effects of his childhood and it ran deeply into the relationships that he had forged as an adult. The instances were so few and far between, it all made sense now. The chubby newbie; the stuttering, unsure of himself Probie that put up with everything thrown at him and kept coming back for more; all part and parcel of his childhood. Oh, yeah, it all made sense now._

Gibbs' heart broke for the young man who had ripped his own heart out by using his talent for writing as an outlet for his pain. It had been a tremendous effort to purge it from his life; a life that in turn, had mocked him in the worst way; dragging him through the pits of hell and forcing him to slay the very dragon that had terrorized him throughout his entire life. For the child Tim had been; whose innocence had been stolen from him so abusively and completely, the tears slid down Gibbs' face.

Sitting there with his emotions raging angrily, the parental lion within having been poked with the rod of injustice, and cruelty long ago used repeatedly on his now surrogate son; Gibbs felt overwhelmed with it all. Even though Tim hadn't ever specifically come to him for help or even asked indirectly; at least not that Gibbs could recall; realizing now, what that was; he still felt a deep sense of having let the young man down in such a big way; he wasn't sure he could ever make it up to him. If it took his last breath; he would stop at nothing to try to make it up to him now. Time stood still as he sat there trying to process it all; even thinking back to seeing the state of mind Tim had been in when they'd seen him earlier. His ringing cell phone disrupted his fog covered thoughts, bringing them to a screeching halt.

"Yeah. Gibbs." He answered vaguely; still feeling off balance by what he'd just read and had begun to understand in all its' entirety.

"Gibbs, I am here. Are you ready to head back?" Ziva's question had an unusual cushioning tone to it and it was as if she were treading lightly with him for some unbeknown reason.

"Yeah. Be right down." He answered as he thought about what this was probably doing to her sense of right and wrong as well as team unity. Yeah, it was no wonder she didn't exactly sound like herself.

He quickly put the pages back in order and noticed a new page that he hadn't yet read. Gibbs couldn't help but feel a twang of trepidation as it slid out of his unsuspecting grasp and sailed to the floor. He bent over and picked up the folded over piece of paper and stuck it on top of the rest of the pile as he placed the written pages back the way he'd found them and held onto the book. He made a mental note to himself to take a minute and read that page later when he got back to the McGee house.

Wanting to preserve Tim's privacy about this written pain; Gibbs got up from his seat and headed into the young man's bedroom to dig around for a gym bag to stow the book in. Tossing in a couple of changes of clothes for good measure, he glanced around to make sure the apartment was as neat as Tim had left it before locking up. Gibbs bolted down the stairs, anxious to get back to his agent in trouble.

Gibbs silently got in the car, stowing Tim's bag at his feet and glanced over at his quiet agent. He took in Ziva's aura of withdrawal and stiff determination to stay on top of her emotions, no matter how furiously they simmered and wisely chose to leave her to her thoughts in peace. Setting his seat in a reclining position, he laid back and silently waited for Ziva's typical driving to eat up the miles between them and Tim. He was exhausted and needed to sleep so he'd be at the top of his game to help his troubled agent; but what he'd read; the realizations he'd come to; were making it damn near impossible for him to get any rest.

Ziva glanced at Gibbs from time to time as she drove them back toward New York. Knowing they needed to get back quickly did not stop her from being concerned about what was going on with the man and she had long ago realized that not only was he a deeply private person and would not want to talk about whatever was going through his head right now, but that he was also exhausted. She left him alone and concentrated on getting them back to their destination as quickly as possible, without incident.

Gibbs was pulled from the sleep that he hadn't realized he had fallen into, by his newest agent. He tried to shake the last vestiges of his slumber as Ziva's gently words filtered through his foggy mind. She had apparently been trying to wake him for a short while and when he opened his eyes, he saw her leaning over him so she could shake his shoulder.

"Gibbs. We are here."

Sitting up and raising the seat back to a normal level, Gibbs took the time to wipe his hand across his face in an effort to clear his vision while his thoughts fell in line with being awake.

"Thanks, Ziva. Good job tonight." He said before getting out of the car remembering to retrieve Tim's bag from the floorboard as he unfolded himself from the vehicle.

They weren't really sure what they'd find when they entered the house, so tried to be as quiet as the possibly could. It had been an extremely long day and everyone should be in bed by now, but Gibbs knew that the chances of that were slim so long as Tim was in trouble. He'd probably have to put his foot down, knowing his team's penchant for being stubborn and ignoring their exhaustion when one of them was in trouble. It was a deep rooted loyalty that Gibbs appreciated and loved them all for; he just wished they'd listen to their bodies needs for sleep once in a while and didn't put their health at risk with it; _pot and Kettle_ was the thought that ran through his head, but keeping his family safe and on top form was more important to him, then his own wellbeing.

It was both a surprise and a relief to find that no such heavy handedness would be needed; at least where Ducky was concerned, as the M.E. was already snoozing in an easy chair in the living room. It was a fairly safe bet that Ducky would want to talk to Gibbs before he'd finally agree to call it a night, so Gibbs left him to his nap for now while he searched out Tony, wanting to handle that first so he could send his agent off to bed to get what he knew would be a fitful sleep.

Before he could locate his Senior Field Agent, he stumbled across Tim's mom and cringed when he saw her huddled in a big chair fast asleep. The chair was situated so that she could see out across the back yard through huge picture window. She was the epitome of misery even as she slept; very much resembling the heart-wrenching picture her son had been earlier in the day.

"Jethro, Ziva and I will tend to her. Anthony has been waiting to speak with you and has sequestered himself in the study. If I'm not mistaken, he is quite upset. Tell me, did you locate what you were searching for?" Ducky's voice at his shoulder startled him. He hadn't heard the M.E. sneak up on him and as he turned to look at his friend, he noticed the fine lines of worry that furrowed Ducky's brow.

Gibbs handed Ducky the duffle bag with a look that bespoke of the magnitude of its contents and the need to keep it just between them. In true testament to their friendship, Ducky took the bag without question and understood the important complexity of the look he had just been given.

"Very good. I shall endeavor to put it in safekeeping for Timothy after I help Ziva get the young man's mother to bed. Sarah is already asleep."

"Thanks, Duck." Gibbs offered as Ziva came up behind them and silently followed Ducky over to the chair Mrs. McGee was asleep in.

The Team Leader turned and headed to the Study, stopping to knock on the door. "Tony, let me in."

If the speed in which the door was snapped open was anything to go by; the sight of an almost haunted young man told Gibbs that he must have been waiting for Gibbs for hours and had possibly been standing by the door anxiously for most of that time.

Looking closely at his agent, Gibbs was alarmed to see that Tony had been crying and was still obviously devastated by what he'd found. Mentally kicking himself for whatever Tony had stumbled upon; Gibbs did his best to do what he could to help the young man now.

"Tony, what is it? What'd you find?" Gibbs asked keeping his voice deliberately calm. The sheer magnitude of pain that resided in his agent's eyes made him realize that it was exactly what Tony needed right now.

Tony silently pointed toward the media storage cabinet before nearly collapsing into the desk chair; it was as if the fight had leaked out of his body and he was no longer able to stand on his own two feet. He'd allowed himself to react while he'd waited for Gibbs to get back; locked away in this room; where apparently, so much had happened to his Probie. The room practically reeked of pain, suffering and even death. The events of Saturday night seemed to cling to every inch of the walls and the furniture that sat in there; it all happened here behind the closed doors but was apparently captured in all its gory details, by the old man's security cameras.

Gibbs took a deep breath to try to calm himself down. He hadn't even had time to work through what he'd read of Tim's childhood; hadn't had time to reconcile it to what the young man's mother had said. Even the silent, unsaid words had hung heavily in the room during that conversation and the fact that none of it had been rationalized yet left him feeling slightly winded. Going by what she'd said, she hadn't even realized; hadn't known. And now this? With his gut churning painfully, the thought that Tim's journal was just the tip of the iceberg crossed his mind.

Looking at the labeled contents of the cabinet, Gibbs felt bile rise in his throat. He felt as though was gonna be sick but forced the nausea down to a more manageable level before sliding his eyes over to Tony to see how he was doing. It was heartbreaking to watch his eldest boy forcing himself to hold it together; his eyes becoming cloudy with the onset of tears that Gibbs wondered whether or not he could actually see fully. The older man forced himself to wait to dig into what he was looking at and looked Tony straight in the eye so he could quietly give the man the direction and support he needed.

"Tony, let it out."

Tony shook his head and stood up sharply; it was an action born of frustration and he soon took to pacing the room. Gibbs left him to it; knowing he wouldn't settle down until the boss had become fully aware of what he'd found. Staying in tune with Tony's mood and movements, the boss turned back to the cabinet and began closely scrutinizing exactly what his agent had been looking at. As the neatly written labels began to register, his jaw tightened into a clench as his anger bubbled dangerously close to the surface; even hotter than what it had been when he'd read Tim's journal and threatened to tear him apart piece by piece.

"_The boy's 1__st__ Appointment with me – His 8__th__ birthday"  
"The boy's 2__nd__ Appointment with me"  
_

And so on and so forth,… too many tapes to count; every single one of them was labeled in the same, eerily neat handwriting and was given similar titles that provided a timeline of events that he knew had to be watched, They were in numerical order; spanning what looked to be at least 200 tapes from the security camera. The last one's label spelled out the exact time frame they were dealing with

_"The boy's last appointment with me – His 12th birthday"_

"You looked at these." Gibbs quietly acknowledged that he'd figured out what had his agent so devastated and upset.

Tony nodded and hit a button on the remote control in his hand; bringing the television to life. The scene before them was unreal and awful as a very young Tim McGee was being not only screamed at by his father; but beaten as well. Each strike was unrelentingly and ruthless and Gibbs couldn't help but feel each and every hit as if it was him in the firing line. Tony was unable to stomach the frame-by-frame count of what was before them and fast forwarded the tape and played it from where the beating stopped.

"_Now, go to your room and stay there until your mother gets home. And remember, if you ever open your mouth about this to anyone, I'll not only beat the hell outta you; but I'll tear the hide off that bratty sister of yours ,too! And just to make sure you keep your mouth shut; I'll even throw in the promise to beat your mother, too! And don't think for a second that I won't do it, boy! And just so you won't even think of trying me – if I ever hear that you've opened your mouth; you and your sister will be sittin inside two different foster care homes faster than you can blink and you'll never see your mother or your sister again!"_

The tape kept rolling and the sight of a defeated and seriously beaten little boy filled the screen; it was blatantly obvious that the child was refusing to cry and held his back as straight as he possibly could as he unlocked the study door and walked out, making sure to close the door behind him. The tape ended with Mr. McGee leaning back against his desk, grinning like the Cheshire cat at his son's retreating figure. But, it was the words that came out of his mouth straight into the camera, as if deliberately trying to justify his actions it on record; that proved to be the tipping point for Tony.

"_Serves the brat right. Been waiting for years to straighten his ass out. Maybe now, he'll stop being such a pain in the ass."_

It was then, at that very moment that Tony's cursing started; the torrid, emotion filled swearwords stung Gibbs as sheer pain poured out of his Senior Agent's mouth.

Gibbs was quick to nip it. "Tony, Stop. We can't let his mother hear this or you." The boss warned in a hiss just compassionate enough to let Tony know he felt the same way at what they'd seen.

"What? Are you tellin' me she doesn't know about this?" Tony was incredulous.

"Did you let her in here while you were gathering evidence?" Gibbs asked in alarm as his agent's mother's words rang through his head:

_You have to know, he never laid a hand on either of my kids. If he had, I would have taken the kids and left him and never looked back! "_

"_You have to believe me, Agent Gibbs, I never would have stayed if he'd ever laid a hand on either one of my children! But, he never did. He never hit either of them, but I know the verbal abuse was bad enough_

"No, but…" Tony's voice filled the air between them.

"Then, she doesn't know." Gibbs told him sadly as Ducky's words came back to him now:

"_Apparently, when Timothy first began his training at FLETC, he wrote a journal of some sorts. I've asked him to write what he finds himself unable to talk about and he has expressed his wish that I read that instead."_

"… _Timothy has insisted that his mother and sister not find out about this journal or ever happen upon the chance to see it."_

"Oh, my God! How does THAT happen? Four years of beatings and she's clueless? Unbelievable!" Tony's incredulous hissing, whisper carried through the silence and seemed as loud to Gibbs' ears, as any scream would have.

"Yeah." Gibbs' answer came out on a sigh of emotional resignation of what couldn't be changed.

"Boss…!" Tony was finally letting go of his emotions and could feel the burning prickle of tears in his eyes.

"Yeah, Tony, I know." Gibbs couldn't keep the pain he felt for Tim out of his voice.

Tony couldn't either. "Oh, God!"


	12. Chapter 11

_A/N: We beg your forgiveness for the long delay in updating this ._

_Here's hoping this extra long chapter will help ease the frustration_

* * *

After helping Ducky assist Tim's a silent and sleepy mother to her room, Ziva went to check on Sarah. Ducky had told Gibbs that the younger woman was already sleeping, but by the time Ziva had reached her room, it was obvious that sleep wasn't coming easy to Tim's poor, younger sister.

"Sarah?" Ziva called out gently as she heard the weeping coming from beneath the blanket clad lump in the bed.

"Ziva?" Sarah tried to hide her sobs as she quietly questioned the familiar voice .

Ziva switched on the bedside lamp and crossed the floor back to the door so she could close it before going back to the bed and sitting down on the edge to answer the question.

"Yes, Sarah. I am here. You need someone to talk to, yes?"

Suddenly, the blanket covered lump sat up revealing Sarah's tear stained face. She nodded at Ziva "You can talk to me. I will listen to whatever it is you need to tell me."

"I can't." Sarah sobbed out.

"Sarah, I will not repeat what you say to me unless it will help us clear your brother's name." Ziva promised and reached out to rub Sarah's shoulder. The younger woman seemed to relax slightly at the touch and sighed before relinquishing the hold she had on the rest of the blanket and letting drop to the mattress. Ziva frowned at the sight, taking note of how sleep deprived Sarah looked and realized that to the young girl's world had obviously come crashing down around her ears.

"You promise?" Sarah begged as she drew her knees up to her chest before wrapping her arms around them in a tight hug.

"I promise." Ziva vowed.

"I'm….I'm glad he's dead." She whispered brokenly.

"Can you tell me why that is?" the investigator inside Ziva asked her friend cautiously even though she was completely floored by the confession.

"He… he…." Sarah crumbled, folding in on herself as sobs shook her shoulders. Ziva reached out and enfolded the younger woman into her arms; gently but securely holding onto her friend and teammate's little sister while she allowed the emotional storm to rage.

* * *

Ducky retired to the bedroom that Mrs. McGee had graciously let him use whilst he was here. As a precaution, he closed the door to give him some privacy whilst he read Tim's painful words that had been written down in the journal; it had most likely been a complete outpouring of pain and angst as his young friend wrote to release some of the weight that threatened to crush him completely and he really didn't want anyone else walking in whilst he read what had been alluded to within those pages.

As the M.E. got comfortable in the chair his heart began to pound; even though what was in these words had most likely happened long ago; it still brought a deep sense of foreboding and unease to the man who for a moment, hesitated to delve into Tim's private revelation. With a shake of his head, he reminded himself that that the only way to help the poor boy was to dig until they discovered the root of the problem and if this was going to help, then he would read it through and let his heart break with every revelation that he discovered. He adjusted his spectacles and began reading.

* * *

"Tony" you finish going through the room?" Gibbs asked to get them back on track. They couldn't dwell on this; no matter how painful; no matter what Tim had suffered as a child. Not yet, their goal was to clear Tim and things were tragically but clearly beginning to paint a picture that may do just that. To get there, they had to carry on; no matter what they'd stumbled upon. There was something in Gibbs' gut that was screaming loudly at him and telling him that the worst was yet to come.

It was damn near impossible to think of anything worse than four years of being beaten. If his gut was right, Gibbs wasn't sure he wanted to see what else was waiting for them to discover. Adding to the four years that had been diligently diarized on video, was the previous years that Tim had felt the need to write about in his journal; a fact that Gibbs was painfully aware of.

"No. Sorry, I just…" Tony answered with a voice that revealed just how shaken up he was still feeling.

"It's okay, Tony. I know it's hard but we owe this to McGee. Let's get to it." Gibbs let it slide because there was no way he was gonna pursue that line of conversation with his agent. The evidence wasn't getting older, because no one had tampered with it while Tony had been in here and the state Tony was in spoke louder of his current state of mind, as it was.

It took them thirty minutes to box, seal and discreetly tag all of the evidence that they had found; a job that they found increasingly difficult to do as time went on. Once that was done, they went through everything else thoroughly to make sure that there was nothing else that they had missed. As Gibbs pulled the last filing cabinet drawer out, he glanced at the space behind the drawer spotted a set of keys sitting there. Drawing them out, he looked at the circular tags that labeled each key.

"_Camera closet"_ and _"First Niagara Bank"_

With his gut still clenched, Gibbs gazed around the room searching for tell-tale signs of a locked door that would hide a video camera. Coming up empty, he verbalized the problem to his agent.

"Tony, where would the Senior McGee put a camera?"

"Boss?"

"Judging by angles on the tape, there has to be some place we're missing in this room." As he asked the question, he held up the key causing Tony to balk slightly with surprise before putting his concentration into searching his mind for the answer.

"I dunno Boss. I can't see anything, but….." Once his brain had finally kicked in fully, Tony started to search the walls for a hidden door.

"The angle clearly showed both Tim's and the old man's faces before Tim walked out of the room. That would put it somewhere on either small wall, Boss."

"Which are both covered with built-in book shelves." Gibbs observed. "Didn't we just search this entire room and come up empty?"

"Which means, it's hidden; maybe behind a fake block that looks like the surrounding wall?" Tony replied with a tinge of guilt that he hadn't thought of it sooner.

"Right. Okay, I'd say, based on the angles on the tape, that we're looking to the left, so let's start there." Gibbs said as they both headed to that bookcase and began systematically moving things and checking the wall for the hollow sound that would indicate the likelihood of being the hiding place for a camera.

Ten minutes later, and the hidden space was located. Gibbs removed the faux block to reveal a small lock-box, with a quarter-sized hole in it and the need for a key to get into it. Tony backed away and retrieved his camera because he knew and understood the need to make sure everything was documented perfectly. He soon got into his investigator head space and clicked away with such abandon that would show people exactly where it was the box was located and exactly what it was that they were looking at. Tony was done in a few minutes and with Gibbs standing by out of his way, Tony opened the lock and lifted the lid on the box. He sucked in a harsh, strangled breath as he withdrew the video camera and noticed that it seemed slightly heavier than what he'd expected for such a tiny model.

As Tony tried to run the reasoning behind this round in his mind, he felt his breath hitch as he opened the door where the tape belonged and noticed another tape still sitting in the cradle. While he hoped and prayed whatever was on that tape would clear his teammate and surrogate little brother; he didn't really want to bear witness to anything else that could potentially rain guilt down on the Probie's head. His chest clenched painfully as he handed over the camera. Whether or not the tape remained in the recorder was the boss' decision. Too much was riding on this case, for Tony want that responsibility.

"I…We…Boss…"

"it's alright, DiNozzo. You did good."

Gibbs palmed the camera in his gloved hands and stood looking at it whilst he tried to decide the best way to handle this. If this were any other investigation; the tape would already be in the tape player and they'd be watching it. But, this _wasn't _any other case and no matter what Vance said, anything they did could be labeled as tampering with evidence and actually hurt Tim's chances of being exonerated. That was a chance, Gibbs wasn't willing to take.

Finally, after thinking it over for a long minute, he went ahead with bagging and tagging the camera as evidence and making sure that everything was done completely by the book. Sealing the tape away still inside the camera until the time to watch it, was right. He added it to the small box of evidence that already housed the box, the faux block and the key to it all.

"C'mon, Tony, you need to get some sleep. We've got a safety deposit box to find tomorrow." the boss encouraged.

"Boss, doesn't Probie's lawyer get here in the morning?" Tonyh's mind was still j umping.

"Yeah. Ducky'll be there with McGee."

"But, we…"

"Need to figure out what happened here without hearing it from McGee. It'll take too long to get him to the point of being able tell us what happened but we don't have time to waste. You find any bank statements for this bank? Gibbs asked as he flashed Tony the remaining key.

"Um, yeah, Boss. The address was 138 N Comrie Avenue." Tony recited the address off the bank statements from memory.

"Good, first thing in the morning, you and Ziva take McGee's mother down to the bank and get her to let you access the box without her seeing the contents."

"Boss?" Tony's brow furrowed with confusion at the last request.

"Tony, if she didn't know about this, do you really think she'll know about whatever he kept locked away. He didn't keep any of it here so it must have been bade enough to hide from his wife."

"No. But, how are we supposed to get her to…"

"Be a good agent, improvise." Gibbs said reminding Tony of the case a long ago time when Kate had been part of the team and that answer had come up.

"Okay, I'm sure we'll figure something out. I'm going to bed, Boss."

"Good job, tonight, DiNozzo." Gibbs offered.

"Thanks."

As Tony opened the office door and headed down the hall to the bedroom he was using for the duration of their stay, Gibbs picked up the evidence boxes and lugged them to the room that they'd graciously been given by Tim's mother to store their field gear and any evidence they located. Locking it up, he stowed the key in his pocket and went to check on Ducky and Ziva.

Gibbs saw that Ducky had closed his door and paused momentarily before walking past, unwilling to disturb his friend when it was obvious he needed some time alone. They could talk about things in the morning. As he carried on down the hall, voices caught his attention and he tracked them to Sarah's room, where he found the door closed. The unmistakable sound of tears and Ziva's soothing voice stopped him in his tracks momentarily until he started to feel like an intruder in a conversation that he wasn't privy to at the moment. He felt exhaustion weight heavily on him and decided it was best not to eavesdrop, especially when he felt desperately tired.

As exhaustion crept in, Gibbs started moving again until he reached the room he was using and quickly closed the door before stripping down to his boxers and grabbing an old t-shirt that he used for sleeping in. With a huge, cavernous yawn, he dropped down on the bed and loosely pulled the blankets over him so he could at least try to fall asleep despite the incredibly crowded mass of new information that currently scrambled to fall in line and make sense in his head.

Waking up naturally at his normal time, Gibbs shuffled towards the kitchen in search of the caffeine infused sludge that he passed off as coffee. He set the coffee machine going, barely remembering in time, that he had to make it to suite everyone this time, and so his stronger stuff would have to wait before moving to stand at the window that overlooked the yard. He stood there for a while before turning back to the coffee machine to see whether it had finished percolating yet. To his surprise, the carafe was full which meant he'd stood there thinking for longer than he thought. Tony was the next of his team to join him in the kitchen and Gibbs frowned at the dark circles that had appeared under his senior agent's eyes.

"Did you sleep at all, DiNozzo? You look like crap."

"Gee, thanks, Boss. I couldn't sleep."

"Yeah. I hear ya." While Gibbs had slept, he understood the frustration and bone deep tiredness that came from a long night of tossing and turning because there was so much painful crap in your head.

"Yeah. It sucks." Tony admitted with an abnormally quiet tone. Gibbs noticed the way Tony kept his eyes locked firmly on the table and shook his head.

"Go back to bed. The bank won't be open for at least 3 more hours so go catch 2." The boss' instruction was dripping with concern and it was obvious that Tony was struggling with something at the presumed it was what they'd uncovered last night in the study.

"Sounds like a good idea." The younger man's quiet and almost broken tone was still raising a red flag with Gibbs but he couldn't' concentrate on Tony right now; they had to get everything done for Tim that they could before he was dragged to court and made a public spectacle of.

He watched carefully as Tony shuffled out of the kitchen and turned back to the coffee maker to pour himself a mug. It wasn't long after when Ducky made his appearance looking like he was ready to face the day head on, thank goodness.

"Good morning, Jethro. By the aroma filling the kitchen I would hazard a guess and say you made the coffee to suite the majority instead of the extra strength you normally require this morning."

Gibbs looked his friend over closely. To the untrained eye he looked okay; until you looked closely at his eyes and saw the pain that currently resided there, that is.

"You read it." Gibbs cryptically let the M.E. knew he could tell what was going on.

"Yes. It's awful, Jethro." Ducky hung his head down low to try to gain some semblance of control over his emotions "Absolutely horrendous. That poor, poor boy."

"Yeah. Duck. I know. What are you gonna do?"

"I will stand by Timothy's side as he meets with this lawyer, just as you and I previously discussed. Jethro, I do not believe that young man is mentally capable of anything right now. I do wish he'd allow himself to feel safe enough to talk to you."

"Give him time, Duck."

"Time may very well be the one thing Timothy does not have."

"Yeah, I know. But I'm not willing to force him to talk to me, are you?"

"No. On that you are correct."

"I'll come by and check on him later, Duck. I'm not just gonna leave him there without at least trying to get him to check back in with us. It's great that you got him to come back outta that fog he was in, but he still needs to reconnect with us and needs to know we're not gonna abandon him no matter how much he convinces himself we are."

"I agree, Jethro. Let's just hope this lawyer can help give Timothy enough hope for the young man to actually reach out and grab hold of it."

"I dunno, Ducky, he's pretty damn stubborn."

"Yes, Jethro, he is. But, then, so are we." Ducky's tone changed slightly and Gibbs noticed the firm resolution that had been injected into his friend's simple statement.

Gibbs smirked at the M.E. in acknowledgement of the truth of his words.

"Good morning." Ellen McGee greeted softly as she entered the kitchen encased in her bathrobe and warm slippers. There was no smile on her face although she didn't look nearly as desolate as she had last night after she'd taken Gibbs' advice and stopped their talk for the night. She'd been wiped out both physically and emotionally and Gibbs hadn't wanted to push her too far.

"Morning." Gibbs offered warmly in return with a small smile of encouragement.

"Good morning. Are we feeling better this morning?" Ducky stood up and moved one of the kitchen chairs out before pushing it in as she sat on it. He was kind and gentlemanly and hoped that the simple action would help her relax more in their presence.

"About as good as can be expected, I suppose, Dr. Mallard. Thank you. Both of you, for everything you're doing to help Tim." Ellen accepted the coffee that Gibbs handed to her and watched as he sat back down in the chair he had vacated to pour it.

"Ellen, we've located a safe deposit box key in your husband's study. Would you be willing to go to the bank with Tony and Ziva and let them empty the contents; as evidence?" Gibbs pushed his luck by getting right to the point but his gut was still screaming at him that time was of the essence here.

"Certainly, Agent Gibbs. Like I told you yesterday, I'll do whatever you need me to do to help my son clear his name." Tears blurred her vision momentarily before she stoically tried to regain control. She sipped at her coffee and sighed heavily as the fresh brew did wonders to her tired, fuzzy mind.

"Okay. Good. Do you know if all the banks here open at the same time?"

"Yes, they all open at 9."

"Okay, Tony's gone back to bed because he had a hard time sleeping last night. I sent him about 30 minutes ago but I'll make sure Ziva gets him up in time for the three of you to leave by 8:30."

"That'll be fine." They all turned when they heard soft footsteps padding down the hallway towards the kitchen.

"Good morning." Ziva's sleep laden voice made Ducky frown and as she entered the kitchen, he noticed that she still looked as though she was half asleep. She automatically gravitated toward the coffee.

"Ziva, my dear, go sit and I will get your coffee. You are still waking my and I do not want you to burn yourself." Ducky gently admonished her as he propelled her to his vacated chair at the table.

Gibbs took in her uncomfortable demeanor around Tim's mother. Figuring that it probably had something to do with what she and Sarah talked about last night, Gibbs let it slide and focused on getting things done so they could get to the bottom of what happened between Tim and his father.

"Ziva, I need you and Tony to go to this bank and get whatever's in this safe deposit box; bag it and tag it into evidence for the case. I want this by the book with no room for someone to accuse us of not handling this case right. Tim's future doesn't need to be lost on a technicality"

"Understood, Gibbs." Ziva accepted the coffee that appeared in front of her, gratefully with a rueful smile.

"Get Tony up at 8. Bank opens at 9. No wasted time on this, Ziva." Gibbs warned as he got up and refilled his coffee cup. He took a sip before looking over at Ducky. "Gotta minute, Duck?"

"Yes, Jethro. Excuse us, ladies if you please." Ducky requested as he headed out. Stopping in the doorway, he turned and asked the question that had bothered him since Ziva walked in.

"Ziva, how is young Sarah this morning?"

"Still sleeping." Ziva answered. "We were up late talking and I think it allowed her to sleep peacefully."

"Wonderful." Ducky answered as he ducked out of the doorway and headed after Gibbs. Ellen watched the two men leave and turned back to Ziva.

"Ziva, can I ask you a question?" Ellen McGee asked timidly.

"Certainly, Mrs. McGee." Ziva cordially answered.

"Did Sarah tell you how she feels about what's happened? She won't talk to me about it and I don't want to push."

"Mrs. McGee. I cannot break her confidence. I promised her that whatever she said to me would be kept to myself if she so desired. That was her wish and I will respect that. The only exception will be if what she tells me will help clear her brother's name. Then I will report it into evidence as it should be." Ziva answered her quietly as if to stave off any negative emotion that might come from her gentle refusal.

"Thank you. For everything. But mainly for being there for Sarah and for Tim. He's always got such nice things to say about you; although… never mind, that's not important. I'm just relieved that you're able to help Sarah through this since she won't come to me about it."

"Mrs. McGee, please, finish what you started to say, please. Although, what?"

"I was just going to ask you about your driving." Ellen said with shame. _Now was not the time to bring it up; but would there ever be another time?_

"Has Tim complained about my driving? To you?" Ziva was too shocked to do anything but sit there gaping at the woman in front of her.

"Not complained. Answered my questions about what was wrong the 2 times he came home as white as a sheet and had nightmares all weekend. I was worried sick that something was seriously wrong with him, so I pressed him to tell me what was wrong. " Ellen was quick to defend her son; something by which Ziva found herself feeling extremely pleased about.

"What did he tell you?" Ziva asked carefully as her mind digested this unsettling information.

"Only that your driving brought back such vivid reminders of the terrible accident he was in when he was 16 and that it had shaken him up. He was quick, both times, to tell me he'd be fine and not to worry about it. I wouldn't have even mentioned it; except I was curious how you had managed not to get killed yourself driving the way Tim describes it and how your parents feel about you putting yourself in such danger."

"Mrs. McGee. I will admit, I have been very fortunate and not gotten hurt or caused someone else to get seriously hurt, but I assure you; had I known that my driving was affecting Tim that way then I most certainly would have done something to ensure he did not have to go through any bad memories about his accident." Ziva offered, deliberately not delving into any discussion about her family. That was a conversation that wasn't going to happen.

"You know about his accident?" Ellen was surprised because she knew that Tim never talked about it with anyone.

"I heard Tony asking him about it. Although Tim did not provide us with details, I do not believe any such accident would be pleasant to relive in memory." Ziva sympathized.

"No, you're right about that." Mrs. McGee agreed. "Thank you for letting me get off topic. It was nice to talk and think about something other than… More coffee?"

"Yes, thank you. And I am glad you are able to ask me what you need to. Tim is very important to me. He has been a very good friend and I will do what I can to help." Ziva replied seriously with such honesty that it made Ellen look at her fondly.

"Thank you." Ellen said as she handed Ziva her fresh cup of coffee. Sitting back down at the table, Ellen looked into her own coffee mindlessly, stirring it absently with her spoon.

"Is there anything you would like to talk about?"

"I just wish this whole nightmare was over." Ellen said on a shaky breath. "I'm going to go get ready to go to the bank. I want to check in on Sarah. Will you excuse me, please?"

Ziva sat silently nursing her coffee as Mrs. McGee left the room. As she sat there she thought about what she'd learned and witnessed since yesterday and about how the man she thought she knew had much more strength of character than any of them on the team had ever realized. After a minute, she forced herself to refocus back on what had to be done to clear Tim's name. She checked her watch. Breathing out a sigh of frustration, she drank her coffee quickly, put the cup in the sink and went to go wake up Tony.

* * *

"Something on your mind, Jethro?"

"Besides everything going on with Tim? Yeah." Gibbs answered as he led the way outside and a good ways out into the yard where they could talk without being overheard. "Ducky, Tony and I found four years worth of video tapes."

"I'm guessing they support Timothy's journal."

"Vividly. I'm going with you to talk to this lawyer."

"Some reason in particular you're suddenly anxious to talk to him, Jethro?"

"The last tape we found is still in the camera Tim's father was using . We've bagged and tagged it into evidence."

"Oh dear! Dare we hope that it will exonerate our dear Timothy?" Ducky looked at Gibbs sadly though there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes at that revelation.

"We can hope. I'm fairly sure it will; knowing McGee the way we do."

As the two men turned to go back in the house and prepare for the day, the silence that descended over them was not exactly comforting but it helped keep them focused on the task ahead. Ducky was still obviously upset in the car on the way to the Correctional Facility and it wasn't hard for Gibbs to figure out that it was due to reading Tim's journal and suddenly having that crystal clear view of the childhood Tim had faced, lived through and learned to live with in his own way. It was only to be chased down by the remnants of what little life that the dragon had left in him. The fact that all of this had come out of the blue was enough to knock them off their feet but unfortunately, they didn't have time for that, Gibbs reasoned silently.

To save Tim, they all had to do their damnedest do stay on top of their game because it was gonna take all of them to pull Tim up from the place where the situation had thrown him, especially, if the skeletons in the closet kept piling up and if they were all this horrible and tormenting as what had already been discovered. If it was the last thing Leroy Jethro Gibbs ever did, he was gonna make damn sure Tim McGee was saved from this hell. He'd suffered long enough; way more than what was deemed acceptable. The poor kid had apparently spent his entire lifetime thinking that he didn't deserve to be comforted through anything and didn't deserve for things in his life to go right for him.

There were way too many instances where things the team had done had to have reinforced that belief that he deserved to be treated without respect; something that still had stuck within his sensitive soul. Gibbs knew that in hindsight, the young man more than earned the right to live his life without this hanging over his head and damn it, they had the proof to make sure that it happened. With the box of evidence in the back seat, he carefully navigated the streets to the correction facility where Tim was being detained.

During the drive over, Ducky had been lost in his thoughts; devastated that Timothy had endured the life described within the pages of that handwritten journal. The young man had never, ever alluded to anything and had hidden it so deep within himself that the pain he felt everyday must had been unbearable. And yet it wasn't deep enough that the mandated trips home didn't still hurt him and according to his mother, he was in fact still caught in the painful nightmare that had begun for him as a small child too young to be heard. Having such a thing carry over into your adult life had to be beyond painful and it certainly explained Tim's penchant for being as extremely private as Gibbs was.

Gibbs thought back to the bad experiences Tim had had with the women he'd tried to date, and almost cringed at the thought of what those experiences must have done to Tim's psyche, more than the team had even realized. Even his relationship with Abby would most likely have affected him worse than any of them had realized. Was it the reason he clung so tightly to the 'special' friendship with her; where he remained willing to do whatever she asked, no matter the consequences? _Abby. _

Pulling into the parking lot of the Correctional Facility, Gibbs dug out his phone and called his Lab Rat.

"Hey, Gibbs! Nice of you to finally call me." Abby's sarcasm didn't go unnoticed, but he didn't have time to placate her right now.

"Abbs, anything going on?" Gibbs asked as he jumped straight to the reason for his call.

"No, but then you know that since you haven't sent me anything to do. How's Timmy?"

"You'll have to ask Ducky." Gibbs passed the phone to the now listening M.E.

As Ducky took the phone, Gibbs got out of the car and retrieved the box of evidence from the backseat. The M.E. got out of the car as he spoke to their counterpart back home.

"Abby, he is as well as can be expected at the moment. I hope to have more to tell you; possibly better things; later after I've spoken with him some more today."

"Oh, Ducky! I wish I was there with you guys! There's nothing happening here!"

"Abigail, be patient. If things get too terribly boring for you, then you could always concentrate on taking care of Timothy's apartment and Jethro for him while we're trying to solve this case and save him from this terrible fate."

"Oh! Oh, Ducky, you are so right! Thank you!" Abby's excited answer could clearly be heard between both men as they walked toward the building's entrance. "I'll do that for him because I need to do something, Ducky."

"Very good. We must say goodbye for now, my dear. Do behave." Ducky gently warned her as he ended the call and held onto the phone while they made it through the building's security and were shown into a small room for their use.

* * *

"Tony, get up, we need to get ready to go with Mrs. McGee to the bank." Ziva shook her partner's shoulder to rouse him.

The exhausted agent groaned and resettled into the bed, trying to hold onto the last moments of sleep before they disappeared into the daylight. "Go…way" he mumbled into the pillow.

"No, Tony. That I cannot do. McGee is counting on us." Ziva wisely reminded him of what would get him going.

Sure enough, Tony's eyes popped open and he sat upright in the bed. "Damn. I was hoping all this was just a horrible nightmare."

"Unfortunately, it is not. Come, get up out of bed and be ready to leave in thirty minutes."

"Ziva? Something bothering you?" Tony asked as he took in her quiet demeanor and stilted movements.

"I am fine, Tony. " she answered in her normal tone that spoke volumes of her denial; more than she had ever realized. "I should ask you the same question. It is not like you to sleep in so late when we have a case."

"Couldn't sleep last night. I'm fine." Tony's tone belied the words more than he realized. "Gibbs sent me back to bed and guess I passed out."

"I will leave you to get ready, then." Ziva said as she got up off the bed and left the room, leaving Tony with the conviction that she was not fine at all.

While it was a given that none of them were fine in the midst of all this; Tony's gut was telling him this was more than the sum of what was known by the team in general; discounting what he and Gibbs had catalogued into evidence last night.

With a sigh of frustration mixed with the pain of everything he now knew of what his probie had been going through; living through; Tony got out of bed and got ready to face the day; determined to find absolute proof that Tim was innocent.

* * *

_Coming up: What's going on with Tony, Ziva and Ducky? What's on their minds that has them more subdued and upset than expected?_


	13. Chapter 12

From the moment the guy walked into the room, Gibbs felt uneasy about him being Tim's lawyer. Still, he'd gotten the JAG's Admiral's promise that they'd send someone who could handle the job and not lose sight of watching out for his Agent's best interests along the way. So Gibbs held his tongue but silently vowed to keep a sharp eye on this guy. He was the same height as Tony. Built just as tall as Tim, but somewhere in between Tony and Tim's stature; the man's piercing hazel eyes overshadowed his salon styled perfect head of hair.

Judging by the way he carried himself, the man obviously thought that the world revolved around him, a characterization that Gibbs seriously hoped he was wrong about. That was the last kind of personality Tim needed around him right now. The Jag lawyers perfectly tailored suit and his shiny leather briefcase held firmly in his hand gave the impression that the man presented himself as the epitome of someone successfully climbing the career ladder in a bigger hurry than the rest of the world around him.

"Agent Gibbs, I presume?" The new comer asked in a tone that was dangerously close to condescending.

"Yes. And you would be?" Gibbs asked in full blown '_don't mess with me'_ mode

"Jeff Smith, I've been asked to represent your agent in his murder trial." While the tone didn't change the, the volume did and the eyes seemed to lose some of their glowering, almost as if, at least some part of this guy recognized he wasn't quite prepared to wade into these waters like he'd thought he was

"This is Doctor Mallard, NICS Chief Medical Examiner and Agent McGee's acting physician. Right now, he's the only one my agent will talk to."

"Well, I'll soon change that. He'll have to talk to me if we have any chance of defending him." Jeff postured haughtily.

"Maybe. Maybe not. The police that were called to the house the night Mr. McGee died and didn't search the room where it happened. They never collected any shred of evidence. Their empty box of evidence was handed over to us for us to complete the investigation." Gibbs told him sternly, even as he shot a look of disbelief over to Ducky, at this lawyer's attitude.

"Why would this case be handed to you to investigate when it's clearly a conflict of interest?" Jeff demanded in that same condescending tone that was quickly sending Gibbs' anger near the top.

"Evidence we've collected gonna be a problem?" Gibbs demanded, considerably less than happy that this newbie was challenging NCIS' ability to run a proper crime scene investigation.

"That depends on how it was handled, Agent. Gibbs." Jeff refused to drop the attitude and was either blind to Gibbs' rising temper or deliberately calling his bluff.

"Mr. Smith, how long have you been a defense lawyer?" Gibbs demanded with unsheathed anger, fed up with this guy's crap.

"Four years." Jeff declared in a tone that clearly said he thought he'd passed some major milestone and deserved a medal for it.

"How old are you?" Gibbs barked as his anger steadily climbed.

"30." Jeff's defensive attitude put Gibbs on edge.

"Yeah? Okay, well, I've been doing my job for a hell of a lot longer than you've been an adult, so can we cut with the BS and get to work here?" Gibbs demanded.

"Okay. What exactly is it you expect from me except to defend your agent?"

"What I expect, Mr. Smith, is that you first and foremost, do what's best for your client! You treat him like a person and not just another notch on your win belt!"

"Agent Gibbs, I refuse to stand here and be insulted."

"If you're gonna waste valuable time like this, then by all means, leave!" Gibbs called the man's bluff.

Jeff stared at Gibbs for a long minute and then glanced over at the long silent M.E. While there was no humor there; there also wasn't any surprise at the turn this conversation had taken.

Gibbs had had enough. They were wasting time McGee didn't have. This wasn't helping his agent one bit and it certainly wasn't helping his team solve the case. With complete frustration radiating off of him, the former Marine went after the lawyer one last time, this time, choosing to use the question he usually put to people when attempting to shut them up.

"Are ya done?"

"Sir?" The lawyer bit out in confusion.

For once, Gibbs didn't argue with the form of address. They guy deserved to have to show some respect. "Are you gonna do your job or are you leaving?"

"I'll defend your agent, Agent Gibbs."

"Good. Okay. This is the box of evidence from the local LEO's." Gibbs said as he pointed to the box in question. Pointing to the other one, he kept going. "And this is the one we've collected."

"All right. In the interest of saving time, why don't you just give me the nuts and bolts of what's been found?" Smith asked with a whole lot less attitude than he'd had just a few minutes before.

Gibbs took out a pair of field working gloves and snapped them on quickly before reaching into the box and pulling out the two most important items that he firmly believed would exonerate Tim. Ducky had handed one of the most damaging pieces of evidence to Gibbs before they'd left the house and although they both hated like hell to include it; they didn't see any way around it.

"This". He said as he held up Tim's journal. "Is written proof of a childhood full of verbal abuse and misery." Putting it down in front of the lawyer, Gibbs then picked up the bagged and tagged camera. "And this is video proof of what happened that night; if I'm right."

"If you're right? Wait, what do you mean, if you're right?" Mr. Smith demanded.

"Here is a box of videos spanning 4 years. Those four years coincide with the four years, Tim wrote about being beaten by his father whenever his mother left to go run errands. When we found the video camera, it had a tape in it. We left it there."

"And you think that the tape that was still in the camera will show us what happened that night." Jeff reasoned out.

"Yeah. I do." Gibbs said with all seriousness and solemnest that clearly stated the man wasn't happy about what his agent had gone through.

"Any particular reason you haven't checked it out already?" the lawyer wanted to know.

"Look, Mr. Smith, my only concern is clearing my agent's name and giving him his life back. I wasn't taking the chance of having anything we've done to investigate this as being accused by the prosecution of tampering with evidence."

"Ah. Okay. Well, I appreciate your caution, Agent Gibbs. Is there anything else I should know about?"

"My other agents are investigating a bank security box that we found a key to, as we speak."

"I see. Well, since Agent McGee's Pre-trial hearing is this afternoon; I'd better go have a talk with him."

"Wait." Gibbs said sternly.

"Agent Gibbs…"

"You listen to me! You may be doing this as a favor to us; but you will NOT just go in there blindly without hearing what needs to be said, first!"

"Jethro, calm yourself." Ducky softly admonished as he spoke for the first time since this meeting began.

"Duck, you know better than any of us where Tim's mind's at right now; you explain it to him." Gibbs requested.

"I'm afraid, Mr. Smith, that Agent Gibbs is quite correct. Since our arrival, I am the only person that Timothy has been willing to speak with, as you've already been told. Now, I've taken the liberty of securing some footage from the cameras here that will show you exactly what we mean." Ducky handed the man the cd that contained the security footage from the Correction facility and sat back to watch over Jethro as he attempted to calm himself.

Getting up from the table, Mr. Smith put the cd into his laptop and fired up the necessary program to watch the footage he'd just been given. Twenty minutes later, it was obvious that Tim's lawyer now had a better understanding of what he was up against.

Silently, he took the cd out of his laptop; opened his briefcase and took out a large envelope, emptied the contents of plastic bags and tags out onto the table and set about securing the evidence he planned on using for Tim's defense.

As Ducky and Gibbs watched, the younger man remembered the other piece of important evidence he had and took it out of the bigger box. "You'll need this , too." Gibbs told the guy. "It's Agent McGee's mother's statement. We're gonna have to insist that everything we've given you be kept from his mother and sister. They are not aware of any of it and we need to keep it that way, for Tim's sake."

"Agent Gibbs, I…"

"No, once again, Agent Gibbs is quite correct. It would destroy Timothy if he knew his mother and sister became aware of any of it. I do believe that is a great deal of what Timothy is struggling with. It explains why he has refused to reach out for help. He genuinely feels like he can not do so without revealing his family's secrets; which is something he will not allow himself to do. I am quite surprised he told me of his journal."

"Okay, this security footage, is that the state he's in right now?"

"No, I've managed to bring him out of it somewhat. But, I do not believe it will take very much to push him back to that state and I must insist that you allow Jethro and I to be there when you do talk to him. He is already quite upset at the very thought of having a lawyer that he will have to talk to."

"Okay. You two have already made my job so much easier; I'm sure it'll be better for Agent McGee to have you in on everything anyway. I do have to talk to him though, there's no way around that." Jeff played along, unwilling to make any more waves.

Gibbs' phone rang loudly through the room.

"Yeah. Gibbs."

"_Boss, the bank deposit box had a key in it. That key belonged to another safe deposit box. That box was bigger and had more tapes in it. Boss, I…"_

"Tony, just tell me."

"_They're identical to the ones we found in the study except…."_

"Except what, DiNozzo?"

"_They're not of Tim, they're ..."_

"of Sarah." Gibbs interrupted, already knowing in his gut what Tony had been leading up to.

"_Yeah."_

"Mrs. McGee hasn't seen them, has she?" Gibbs worried immediately.

"No, she's waiting out in the lobby of the bank."

"Good. All right, Tony. Just like any other crime scene, you got it? Get them over here to the jail. Call me when you get here."

"_Boss, that's' not all."_

"You found something else?"

"_Yeah, a sealed envelope, business size. You want me to open it?"_

"No. just get it here."

"_On it, Boss."_

Ten minutes later and both Ducky and the JAG lawyer were in the visiting room where Ducky had visited Tim the day before. Ducky noticed that the TV and Video player that had been requested by the lawyer had been wheeled in and sat against the wall next to the door in full view of the table. When they had questioned his need, the man had simply waved it off as having it there 'just in case'. Of course they had questioned Jeff, but had conceded when he assured them that he only had Tim's best interests at heart.

As Tim was escorted into the room, he smiled at seeing Ducky and froze when his eyes registered the extra person in the room.

"It's all right, Timothy. Come on in here and let me check you over. You know I want to make sure you're eating and taking care of yourself as best you can under the circumstances."

"Ducky, who is this?" Tim asked with wariness dripping off every word. His eyes refused to meet those of the stranger.

"This, Timothy, is your JAG lawyer, Mr. Jeff Smith."

"Ducky! No!" Tim whispered, horrified that he hadn't gotten his wish on this.

"Timothy, you must calm yourself. We shall talk about it in a moment, Right now; let me check your health status, if you please." Ducky bid firmly in an effort to regain control of the situation.

"Yeah, okay." Tim said with resignation.

"Timothy, look up at me, please. I want to make sure you are not suffering from all of this stress and lack of nutrition. You have lost more weight, young man. I told you that you must eat."

"I can't. The food taste horrible and I'm not hungry anyway." Tim defended himself weakly.

Since this was the first time Ducky had actually heard Tim express anything other than fear and unwillingness to be seen or talked to; the M.E. let him have his say without censure. "All right, let's try harder to stomach some food from here on, shall we?" Ducky encouraged as he put his equipment away and stowed his bag by the door to make room at the table for the laptop Jeff insisted on bringing in to the room.

"Okay, Timothy, let's let Mr. Smith fill you in on what it is that's going on with your case, shall we?"

"Ducky, I told you…" Tim whispered, as the undesirable situation spiraled out of his control a little more with each passing minute.

"Timothy, please just listen to what the man has to say. I promise I will be right here with you and nothing we say in this room will be repeated to you mother or your sister." Ducky vowed.

"Really?" Tim double-checked; he knew Ducky wouldn't lie to him but he felt the need to have that reassurance anyway.

"Really. I give you my word." The M.E. promised with a deep rooted earnestness.

"Okay." They had to struggle to hear Tim's answer given the fact that his tone had quieted so much.

"All right. Timothy, we…"

"ONLY..." Tim jumped in loudly as the man spoke in a way that immediately made Tim uncomfortable. "Only Ducky."

"Excuse me?" Jeff tone was sharp and betrayed the fact that he was insulted by the interruption.

"Only Ducky's allowed to call me that." Tim said quietly.

The M.E. couldn't help but smile as he thought back to the time Ziva had been telling him to literally duck, but he had perceived it as her attempting to use the shortened form of his nickname.

"_duck"  
"I only let Jethro call me that."  
"No, she means, duck." Tim explained with a small smile._

The young man had never before had an aversion to anyone else calling him by his full Christian name and it sent up a warning flag. Was there a reason for this that was cause for concern? He'd discuss it with Timothy later. But, for now, he'd grant him the dignity of calling the shots as much as his current situation allowed for.

"Okay. Tim, then?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, Tim. First thing this afternoon, we have a pre-trial hearing to see if the judge will let you out on bail. The judge will also set your trial date. We're gonna try to get you signed into your Boss' custody so you don't have to stay in here any longer."

"No. no, no, no, no…" Tim started chanting as he got up from the chair so fast, it toppled over into the floor.

"Timothy, calm yourself please." Ducky quietly admonished him. "This will not help your case."

"Ducky, I told you, no lawyer." Tim said quietly.

"Timothy, you must do what you can to allow the justice system to work for you." Ducky placed a calming hand on Tim's shoulder and for the first time since the visits had begun, Tim didn't fight it.

"Now, will you please come sit back down and hear Mr. Smith out so we can plan on doing what we can to help you be released from here?"

"Okay," Tim answered but with great obvious reluctance.

"Good."

Once Tim had taken his seat again, Jeff loaded a video into the player/tv combo and silently left it there while he looked back at the file in front of him, as if he wasn't ready to look at the tape just yet.

"What is that?" Ducky asked.

"Just a video rundown of what he can expect in court." Jeff said nonchalantly as if to dismiss it.

Ducky's phone rang and he stepped away from the noise of the opening program to answer it.

"_Ducky, Tony's here with more evidence, I'm going to help him log it in. He's got Ziva but the sooner we get it done the better."_ Gibbs said into the phone. _"Let the guard know that I'll be right back, will ya?" _

Ducky knew that Gibbs was standing behind the two way mirror watching the proceedings; he also knew that if Tim refused to speak to his boss, then this was the only way in which Jethro could keep his eye out for his agent.

"Of course, Jethro. He's just outside the door. I shall let him know. Is it…"

"_Duck, it's fine. He's JAG so he's got security clearance and there's cameras in the room. You'll only be gone for a minute anyway. I'll stay here until you're back. I'd do it myself, but it would be a waste of time for me to go through the exra security check-points just to talk to him when he's just on the other side of your door._

Ducky frowned and glanced towards the Jag lawyer and Tim as they sat there in silence. With a sigh, the M.E. shook his head and moved towards the door.

"Certainly, Jethro.," Ducky said calmly as he opened the door. "Timothy, I will be right back." He promised as he stepped out into the hall. He was surprised to find the corridor empty.

"Jethro, there is no one here." Ducky closed the door behind him and stood there waiting. "What would you like me to do?"

"_Damn it! There's supposed to be someone there. Listen, I've got this and McGee will be okay with the JAG lawyer. Go find him and tell him to get back to his post."_

Ducky sighed heavily when Gibbs hung up on him and went in search of the elusive guard to let him know where Gibbs would be and that there would be more evidence coming in.

As the M.E. left the room, Jeff cued the video and started talking to Tim at the same time.

"I understand you've been through a very traumatic time but we need to look at exactly what we're dealing with, all right? Let's have a look at what was found by your team as part of the evidence they've collected, shall we?"

With every word out of the lawyer's mouth, Tim's world crumbled even more, the words that brought news of more people becoming aware of what had happened, was caving the support system that had sheltered his ability to function and stay in the here and now; the support system that Ducky had single-handedly erected to reach in and pull Tim out of that place where he hadn't been able to register in the here and now.

As the small screen became the vivid recollection of a childhood horribly endured long ago, Tim's mind retreated, quickly, desperately, and not fast enough to stop the emotional wave that hit. With each video-taped lash of the whip given to the innocent 8 year old little boy, the tears flowed, followed by the tremors and the sobs until Tim was so huddled into himself, he curled into the fetal position on the floor and began rocking himself mindlessly, and still the audio played on, the images still continued displaying the tormenting images of a torturous childhood.

Jeff was only vaguely paying attention to Tim; his focus was on the video and what it could do to exonerate his client. The door to the room swung open sharply and the crash as it rebounded off the wall echoed through the room. Jeff turned toward the noise and watched with horror as the guard stormed across the room and ejected the video, leaving it poking out of the front of the VCR before the thoroughly pissed off guard grabbed him by the arm.

"What are you doing? Take your hands off of me this instant!" Jeff's order fell on deaf ears as Gibbs flew across the room and shoved him back against the wall.

"What are we doing? Look at him!" Gibbs pointed towards Tim's distraught figure on the floor. The lawyer didn't flinch and continued to glare at Gibbs. "I said LOOK AT HIM!"

Jeff moved his eyes and let them fall on Tim; with a crestfallen look the lawyer shook his head.

"I needed to understand and watching that video was the only way. I will not let you question my methods, Agent Gibbs and my superiors will be hearing about this."

"Hearing about what? The fact that you disregarded your clients needs and waited for Tim's physician to leave the room?" Gibbs lowered his voice to a dangerous growl. "Just give me a reason."

"Reason to what? Are you threatening me?" Jeff's voice rose an octave at the menacing stance Gibbs had taken.

"No. But I will make sure your superiors know what you did." Gibbs let go of Jeff and turned to the guard. With a nod, the guard moved forward and once again grabbed the JAG lawyer by the arm before manhandling him out of the room. Gibbs turned his attention to Tim and watched as Ducky did a full medical check on his young agent.

"Duck?"

"Jethro, I need you to come and sit with him whilst I go and talk to the guard. I don't think Timothy should be on his own right about now and I'd like to stay with him in his cell for a little bit."

Gibbs nodded and moved to kneel beside Ducky.

"He okay?"

"No. He most certainly is not, Jethro. What on earth was that….that…. that pompous, overpaid fool doing playing that video? I am furious and think this may have set, young Timothy back." Ducky reached down and pushed Tim's hair back off his forehead before moving it down to cup Tim's cheek. He frowned at the wetness he felt and shook his head.

"Timothy, I will be back shortly, my dear boy. I will not be long." He turned to Gibbs and nodded before standing and leaving the room.

Gibbs kept his eyes firmly on his tormented agent and waited until Ducky had left the room before scooping up his agent and gathering him closely to his chest. He settled back against the wall and began rocking Tim, like a father would to soothe a distraught child.

"sssh. Tim. It's okay. I've got you, Son. I've got you now." he whispered. softly in Tim's ear.

Tim stiffened at the sound of Gibbs' voice and tried to move away, but the boss was ready for it. The parental lion within him silently roared with the need to be allowed to comfort this child.

"No, don't fight me, Tim. Let me be here for you. That's it, that's it. I've got you now. That's it." Gibbs soothed and felt the relief flood through him when Tim let go of any and all resistance and melted into the parental embrace he so desperately needed.

"That's it, son. Atta boy."


	14. Chapter 13

"You pompous fool! Do you realize what you've done?" Ducky demanded as he cornered Smith in the office they'd been using earlier.

The guard maintained his secure hold on the hapless lawyer even as the indignant man struggled to be freed. He was less than happy to be reamed out by this Medical Examiner, especially on the heels of being so unceremoniously removed from the midst of his fact finding expedition with his client.

"Ducky? What's going on?" Tony demanded as the trio of men arrived in the room, obviously in the midst of something unpleasant.

Ducky couldn't even find the words to answer Tony's question. He was that angry.

Tony took in the M.E.'s never before seen level of anger and speechlessness; added Gibbs' absence when he knew the boss was here somewhere; and turned on the guy Ducky was currently berating even as the guard who had been looking out for Tim, held onto him with a vice-like grip.

"What have you done to McGee?" Tony demanded with all the anger and steel he could mix together as he, too, advanced on the guy,

Ducky gladly stepped aside, both to allow his own anger to cool and to give Tony the space to step up to the plate.

"Who the hell are you?" Smith demanded in return.

"I'm Agent McGee's teammate and friend, that's who the hell I am! Now, what the hell have you done to McGee?" Tony asked with barely contained venom.

"What makes you think I've done anything?" The outraged man demanded

"Oh, you've done something, because in the 9 years I've known him,, Ducky's never been this pissed at anybody." Tony answered him matter of factly. Turning to Ducky, he leveled out his voice and let his concern show. "I wanna see McGee."

"No, Anthony. That is not an option." Ducky responded without bite even as his eyes never left Mr. Smith, for fear the man would do something equally as thoughtless and hairbrained as attack one of them.

"Why not? Ducky? I need to make sure he's okay." Tony said as backed away from Smith and turned to take steps toward the door leading to the part of the facility where Tim was.

"Jethro is with him." Ducky revealed as his reasoning.

As the M.E.'s words penetrated his brain, Tony's feet froze. "Gibbs? Is with McGee?" Turning back toward the older man, Tony's face showed his surprise and even his concern.

"Yes. Anthony, Jethro is helping Timothy at the moment. You don't seriously believe that I would have left Timothy to deal with the aftermath of this, alone, do you? He was prevented from saying anything further as Tony verbally attempted to reason the situation out

"But, Ducky, that means…"

"That you have done something that has broken McGee down." Ziva stepped up to the lawyer and snarled at him. Where she'd been a silent witness to all that had taken place up to this point, the very fact that McGee was finally allowing Gibbs in spoke volumes to her as to what whatever this man had done, had to have resulted in. Nothing else made sense.

"Why would you say that?" Smith asked in confusion.

"Because McGee would not agree to even see Gibbs before now." Ziva answered before she could stop the words from being said. They owed this man no explanation but yet, the situation did warrant some semblance of reasoning.

"I'll ask you again. What did you do?" Tony demanded as he returned to the man's personal space, alongside Ziva.

"I wanted him to talk to me about what happened." Smith defended himself verbally even as he physically cowered in the face of such anger.

"Did it ever occur to you that the last thing that young man needed was to relive it?" Ducky demanded from his place beyond the agents.

"Ducky? What are you saying?" Tony asked. Leaving Ziva to have at the guy currently in their crosshairs, the agent turned his attention, once again to the M.E.

"This imbecile forced Timothy to watch one of the tapes from his childhood!" Ducky fumed.

"Why. Would. You. Do. That?" Tony demanded in angry, measured words. This time, he edged Ziva out and stood nose to nose with the weasel, willing the guy to do something stupid. Tony was so looking forward to having just cause to shoot the slimy bastard.

"I just told you why!" Smith whined.

"Well, it's obvious Ducky and Gibbs didn't know you planned on doing that or they wouldn't have let you within a 100 feet of McGee, so let me guess, you waited until you somehow got them to leave alone with McGee, didn't ya?" Tony reasoned out in a faux calm voice.

"Well, yeah." Smith admitted defensively.

Ziva snarled.

"Get him out of here, Anthony! And Get Vance on the phone! Tell him to send Timothy a new lawyer and very quickly. Timothy's bail hearing is this afternoon and he'll need a representative." Ducky ordered with fury radiating off of him.

"But, Ducky, Gibbs is…" Tony objected even as he stood back and took the lawyer's arm and helped the guard herd the guy toward the door.

"With Timothy. And he will remain there for the foreseeable future. Leave them be." The M.E. quietly requested. You are needed out here, you are now in charge of the rest of Timothy's case. He is counting on us, Anthony. And right now, Gibbs is doing exactly what Timothy needs him to be doing the most." Ducky explained in an aggravated tone.

Tony looked back at Ducky for a long silent minute before he nodded and dug out his phone. "Wait!" he told Smith as he waited for the call to be picked up. "Ziva, go through his stuff, make sure he's leaving here without any of our evidence. Matter of fact, check what we have against what Gibbs and Ducky logged in before this bastard leaves."

"Agreed." Ziva answered as she led the way to the evidence table and proceeded to do as Tony instructed.

Ducky headed back to the room where Gibbs and Tim were, now that the agents had things under control with the lawyer.

Time stood still as Gibbs remained in place focused solely on Tim. As the young man remained locked in the midst of the storm that raged through his soul, the older man who solidly remained his anchor, didn't budge except to continuously gently rock him and talk softly to him, in an effort to keep him from falling over the edge that loomed so closely.

He never even noticed Ducky returning and silently closing all shades and even the video camera in the room, and leaving them with no witnesses whatsoever. Ducky stood silently watching to better glimpse the state Timothy was in and how Gibbs was handling it; trying to get a feel as to whether or not the Team Leader was up for the challenge that lie directly before him. Confident that Jethro was in fact, quite up to the challenge, the M.E. left just as quietly as he'd come in.

Out in the hall, Ducky conferred with the guard, who'd already helped the agents send the lawyer packing and now agreed with the M.E. that there was no reason to force Tim to end this obviously much needed time with his visitor. No, this was one time that the prisoner would be allowed whatever time he needed.

* * *

Tony snapped his phone shut. Vance had agreed to immediately fix the situation and get right back to them about it. As he and Ziva reboxed the evidence, he noticed her attempting to wipe at the corner of her eye. Yeah, seeing all this evidence of what Tim had gone through was extremely tough. But, Ziva hadn't known about the taped evidence of Tim's childhood. This had been a hell of a way to find out. Tony's mind snapped back to what he'd discovered himself the night before.

_**Flashback**_

_As he passed Ducky's closed bedroom door, Tony's gut twisted as though telling him there was something wrong. He silently opened the door to check on the older man and found him asleep in the recliner with - the book from Probie's bookshelf back in his apartment? What the hell was going on? Was that why Gibbs had gone back to D.C. in such a hurry?_

_Where the M.E.'s hold on the book had slipped off, and his hands were now gently resting on his stomach, Tony was able to carefully take the book off the man's chest, and retreat to the other chair in the room. As Ducky slept on, Tony read; from cover to cover, every word that his younger, troubled Probie had written as a means to purge his soul from the pain he'd lived and now wanted to expunge completely and have the chance to live without._

_Not wanting to wake Ducky, Tony fought hard to stifle his reactions, the emotions that raged through him at what he read; and managed to calmly return the book to the place he'd gotten it from, and as silently as he'd come in, leave the room and take himself off to his own borrowed room, his Probie's. Sleep didn't come for Tony as his mind was too full of everything he'd learned of Tim's life in the last 24 hours; his private life. When the tears came, they came in torrents, as his mind rebelled against the very thought of anyone living though this much pain and misery as a small helpless child. _

_When the tears stopped, guilt stormed in; preventing sleep from finding its' way in. That loose piece of paper that had been placed in the front of the book, left Tony feeling like a miniature Thumbalina and not a good one. The words in those few pages replayed themselves in his head, over and over again, driving sleep further and further away:_

_**2nd Journal of Tim McGee**_

_Aug – 2003_

_I graduated FLETC and officially became an NCIS Special Agent. I have been stationed in Norfolk, MD and and happily embarking on a law enforcement career that keeps me away from most people; any confrontations, and most importantly, my family._

_My little sister is doing well in school and plans to go on to college close to me, for some reason I have yet to fathom, when she graduates in two years. We seldom speak; my mother and I never speak. It isn't because I don't love her, but because I can't bear to feel the emotional upheaval that courses through me whenever I do. Hearing her voice never fails to bring about the complete and utter sense of that terrible person I am; that horrible child who made his parents' and little sister's lives miserable. It's the me, that needs to remain buried; become forgotten; remain ignored. And I have found the perfect job for to accomplish all of that._

_My apartment is tiny; but it is my own. I relish not having to answer to anyone for when I come and go or what I eat or watch on tv; or even listen to on the radio. I have little time for television; my only solace is in writing and listening to classical music; as these are the only two ways my mind seems to be able to become numb enough that I can remain focused on the here and now. Apparently, writing the previous journal did not accomplish what it was supposed to have._

_Any attempts my mind makes to take me back down memory lane; only serves to open the door to the depression, I once fought desperately to put away after every attempt I made to act on that depression and end my life, failed. Maybe, now that I have taken this wild shot in the dark at a career; and one in law enforcement; as close to the Navy as I will ever get; I will be able to truly put my past life behind me. The little voice inside my head seriously doubts this, though and leaves me with a sense of dread; that this life I've found for myself won't last. Many a sleepless night, I lie awake and ask myself why I so desperately wanted to be part of the very branch of the military that made my father who he is. The only answer I have found, is that it was never the Navy's fault, it has always been mine. _

_Sept 2003_

_I am still holding my own in Norfolk. I had a case fall into my lap today that brought NCIS Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs and his MCRT team, to Norfolk. He's tough as nails and even harder to talk to. But, he still pales in comparison to the person I had to deal with growing up. That doesn't seem to stop me from losing my ability to think straight or talk sensibly around him. Still, I can't help but wonder…although, I must have made at least a token of a good impression on Agent Gibbs; because he knew my educational achievements without hearing them from me, before I had even completed my report on the case and handed it to him. I have a lunch date with their Forensic scientist Abby Scuito. Wow! She's hot! Don't know what made me think I had a chance in hell of dating her, but to my surprise, she agreed to have lunch with me._

_Oct. 2003_

_Wonders of all wonders, Abby and I are dating! Wow! Maybe; just maybe, my father was wrong about me? No, he couldn't have been. There have been too many things he's said that have been proven right. I'm sure this is just a fluke. It won't last._

_Nov 2003_

_NCIS Special Agent Chris Pacci called me from DC today; asking for my help in locating a cold case file up here in Norfolk. It's been a couple of months since I worked with Agent Gibbs' team. Kinda glad I'm back in my little closet of an office where I don't have to worry about anyone but myself and phoned in assignments._

_Oh, my God! It took me too long to find that file for Agent Pacci! Now he's dead! Murdered by the bastard he was pursuing! Damn it! My father was right! I am useless! Any day now, I'm expecting them to show up and yank my badge. Pacci was a friend to all those agents in DC; especially Agent Gibbs and his team. Now, they'll never see me as more than anything but a murderer!_

_It's a good thing Abby's patient with me; because I can't seem to shake this depression that's come over me. I can't stop carrying this blame for Pacci. It belongs to me, of that I have no doubt._

_Oct. 2004_

_Once again, I found myself helping NCIS Special Agent Gibbs down in D.C. It angered me that the people who were supposed to re-run the computer networking cables in the building there; were refusing to do so, because it was too hot in there. Talk about stupid and lazy! It wasn't that big of a job! Even useless me could do it! So, I did. Even the very real possibility of getting in trouble when I got back to Norfolk didn't stop me from wanting to get this done so bad, I just rolled up my sleeves and got to work. The entire time I was working at it, my father's voice was in my head; "damn worthless, good-for-nothin' kid!" _

_Why can't I get his voice outta my head? I haven't even been home to hear it 1st hand in years! It should NOT still be in my head like this! What the hell is wrong with me?_

_Having the run in with Kate, because she thought I was deliberately trying to look up her skirt, was painful. I don't understand why she wears skirts to work in this job, in the first place; but I definitely was NOT trying to look up her skirt. I didn't bother trying too hard to deny it; since it was clear she wanted to believe the worst about the situation. Since this has been the story of my life; it was easy to act like I was taking it on the chin; and trying to get over being off-balance about her ire. The truth of the matter was, I was petrified that I had made yet another enemy; and this time; an enemy out of someone who'd seemed to be the only ally in the face of Tony's belligerent and bullying demeanor. _

_Since Kate was more bluff than physically hurtful, I let it slide and just acted the part she'd filled out in her mind for me while swallowing my fear. It was over shortly and I was able to get on with my job. Being sent out in the field with her later that day was extremely uncomfortable, but again, I lived through it with minimal scars to show for it. My fear of her has calmed and I believe she will remain an ally; it seems as though she was testing the waters between us and I think I managed to pass her test. _

_I've managed now, to make a quiet place for the guilt that still lives within me for what happened to Agent Pacci. But, since no one in the DC office talks about it; I'll do my best to let it lie quietly; still here in my heart._

_Even Abby remains silent on the subject. I think she's giving up on our relationship. We've already had our first real fight and now we can't even speak to each other. Another glaring example of my father's words coming back to bite me and assure me he was right all along. I am worthless._

_Gibbs had me transferred to his team; with the promotion to Field Agent, that came with it! This is so unexpected and so life changing. I'm scared, nervous, excited and hopeful. But, above all else, I'm petrified. Agent Gibbs seems nice beneath all of his gruff exterior and hard core expectations that always seem unreachable; but none of that is what scares me. _

_No, what scares me, is that Agent Gibbs will turn out to be someone else, I will have to live in fear of. I can only hope and pray I'm wrong this time. The hardest part of becoming a part of this team will be getting used to the bullying again. This time from Tony. I'm hoping against hope that Agent Gibbs is NOT like my father; someone who condones it._

…_.._

_As the words that were jam-packed onto that one page; both sides completely filled with the words Tim had allowed himself to feel on paper finished replaying in Tony's head one last time, he found that once again, he couldn't stop the tears. This time, they were for what he, himself had inadvertently put Tim through; and the sudden insight into why his Probie refused to ask for their help in this nightmare._

_**End Flashback**_

"Tony?" Ziva asked in concern as she noticed him spacing out.

Tony shook his head gently to clear his thoughts, as his phone rang and he snapped it open.

"Agent DiNozzo"

"_Can't get a JAG lawyer there in time for the hearing. There's a Public Defender coming in for Agent McGee. He should be there momentarily. You do whatever you have to to get your partner out on bail. NCIS can't post the bail, but maybe you can get him out on his good record."_

"We'll do our best, Sir." Tony answered.

"_I know. I'll be there to offer any help I can. See you in a few hours."_ Vance said as he ended the call.

"Great. Just Great!" Tony fumed.

"What is wrong now," Ziva asked with concern.

"Can't get a JAG lawyer in time for Probie's bail hearing. Vance has a Public Defender coming for McGee."

"This is bad somehow?"

"Public Defenders don't usually give a damn about their clients, Ziva."

"Well, now, I certainly take offense to that, but I'm sure you have your own reasons for feeling that way." A brunette woman who instantly reminded Tony of Jenny Shepherd, said from the doorway.

Tony sputtered and attempted to speak, but found himself speechless, especially since Ducky was standing at the woman's shoulder with a wide grin on his face.

* * *

Finally, after the almost endless supply of grief, pain and everything mixed in with it, had run itself dry, Tim allowed himself to lie still, wrapped in the security of arms that apparently gave a damn about him and wanted him to feel safe. After a few silent minutes, where neither man spoke, the younger one eased himself free of the anchor and sat up, leaning back against the wall, but still next to the man who'd rescued him from his private hell, just a little while ago.

"Okay?" Gibbs asked quietly

"I never knew." Came the broken words from a tormented soul that had just been beaten anew.

"You never knew what, Tim?" Gibbs asked in the same quiet tone.

"I never knew he recorded it." Tim's voice broke.

"That had to be really tough to see." Came the gentle sympathy.

"Why would he do that to me?" the whispered question came from the depths of the betrayed and disillusioned soul of the child within the man.


	15. Chapter 14

_"Public Defenders don't usually give a damn about their clients, Ziva."  
"Well, now, I certainly take offense to that, but I'm sure you have your own reasons for feeling that way." _

"Anthony, Ziva, this is Megan Andrews, Timothy's Public Defender." Ducky made the first half of the introductions for them.

"Hello. Is it Anthony or Tony?" Megan asked politely.

"Tony will do, Ma'am. Ducky here is the only one who calls me Anthony; most of the time anyway." Tony said with a nervous smirk. "I apologise for what I said as you came in."

"No need to apologise. I prefer honesty, even if it isn't pleasant." Her answer surprised Tony and eased the awkwardness of the moment.

"Hello, I'm Ziva Da'vid." Ziva greeted as she stretched out her hand for a welcoming handshake.

"Nice to meet both of you. Doctor Mallard has filled me in on what's happened and time is running out. So, shall we get to work on Tim's defense?"

"Absolutely." Ducky answered as he stepped up to the table that held everything they had on Tim's case.

"We've got four hours to sift through what we have, map out what we need to do and come up with a plan that will get Agent McGee released into your custody." Megan told Ducky.

"I expect that you would want to have him released into Jethro's custody." Ducky answered.

"Well, having both of you as options for him should go a long way toward getting him released either way. Now, what about his family? Will they want him released into their custody, instead?"

"Mmm. Doubtful. Mrs. McGee wants what is best for her son and it is highly unlikely that for Timothy to return to the house where all of this took place, would be tolerable for him, much less what is best for him." Ducky answered.

"Okay, so we won't have to worry about any conflict there. Now, let's run down what we have here, shall we?"

* * *

_"I never knew he recorded it."  
"That had to be really tough to see."  
"Why would he do that to me?" _

As yet another trickle of tears ran the already worn tracks down Tim's face; Gibbs reached his arm around the young man's shoulders and pulled him up close to him for support. His agent's complete, yet thankfully brief withdrawal into himself made much more sense now. Of course, seeing for the first time that the nightmare that had been his childhood had been recorded, would have sent Tim into that tailspin. It would have done that to anyone.

"I don't know, Tim. But, I do know that you've given enough of your life to that nightmare. It's time for you to be freed from it all." Gibbs kept his voice as quiet and calming as he could.

"I'll never be free from it." Tim whispered.

"You can be." The older man encouraged with conviction.

"I killed him." Tim's quiet statement tore at Gibbs' heart.

"Tim, we both know you didn't kill him. It had to have been an accident. You would never deliberately hurt anyone, much less kill them." The boss reminded him.

"Are you sure?" Tim's genuine uncertainty threw Gibbs for a loop.

"Yeah, Son. I'm sure." The conviction in the answer was palpable and served to ease Tim's mind, as the easing of the tension in his shoulders beneath Gibbs' supportive arm gave testament to.

"I can't remember. That night is such a blur to me." Tim admitted with rising panic.

"It's okay." Gibbs soothed. "Calm down. No one is pushing you to remember anything."

"Do you think…"

"What, Tim?"

"Did he… was…was there a camera…Sat…?" Tim's breathing had become ragged as the idea he was trying to put in the form of a question pushed the horrible replay of that video tape from his childhood back into his mind.

"Tim. Look at me." The man who definitely wasn't in the 'boss' mindset at the moment, instructed.

Doing what Gibbs directed him to do, Tim looked at this person who had reached out to him; and literally plucked him from the abyss that had almost sucked him under, and allowed himself to soak up the calm and reassuring steadiness of those cobalt blue eyes that wouldn't look away. It wasn't long before his breathing had evened out and calm returned to him, bit by bit.

"Okay now?"

Tim nodded silently but could not look away.

"Yeah?" Gibbs wanted verbal confirmation for Tim's own sake.

"Yes." Tim answered meekly.

"Okay. Yes, there was a camera set up. It's been bagged and tagged as evidence for your case. So has the tape that was in it."

Tim's face lost all color.

"Hey. This tape could be exactly what we need to clear you." Gibbs reminded him gently.

"Could be? You don't know for sure?" The fear and uncertainty climbed back into Tim's voice.

"No. It went straight into evidence. I haven't seen it." the older man answered calmly, all the while hoping Tim wouldn't see this as something else to panic about.

Tim nodded in understanding, but got very quiet once again.

Gibbs gave him the silence he obviously needed but didn't move away from him.

"What's gonna happen to me?" Tim's question came from the same small boy who had just asked why this had been done to him; the one who'd been mistreated for the first time and was still locked in the confusion and disbelief that came with it.

"Your bail hearing is this afternoon. We're gonna try like hell to get you outta here." His human anchor told him calmly.

"Where will I go?" the lost and unwanted little boy inside the man asked.

"The plan is to get you released into Ducky's custody." Gibbs offered without hesitation.

"Oh." Tim replied. The unspoken disappointment radiated off of him.

"What would you like to have happen?" Gibbs asked gently.

"Doesn't matter." Tim whispered.

"It does matter, Tim. This is your life. What do you want to have happen at this hearing?" Striving to remain calm and soothing, Gibbs held his frustration at Tim's reverting back to thinking he didn't matter, in check.

Tim closed his eyes and took a deep breath as an errant tear slipped down his face.

"Tim? Talk to me. What do you want to have happen?" Gibbs gently prodded.

"I'd be happy to go with Ducky." Tim answered without opening his eyes. _He couldn't ask for what he really wanted. He refused to push for what wasn't being offered. Some ingrained manners just never left you, no matter how hard you tried not to worry about them. Besides, what he wanted wasn't gonna happen even if he did open himself up to allowing his vulnerability and need for it to become known. Maybe it was best that he go back to the idea of separating himself from this support. It was absolutely life-saving; but it wouldn't last. Once this crisis was over and Tim had been sucked into the jaws of the justice system, this man would return to his team and his agent he already thought of as a son, and none of them would have any reason to bother with him again. He needed to get used to that idea; had been getting used to it. What the hell had happened? What had changed? Why had he allowed himself this luxury that was only gonna tear his heart out all over again when it was ripped away from him again?_

Gibbs let out a sigh of frustration. He hated that Tim felt he had to hide what he was feeling and would see to it that they kept trying to get him to open up along the way. But, so long as they got him out of here, they could deal with the rest of that later. For now, there were more important things to worry about. So, he pushed the conversation forward, into less emotionally threatening waters.

"If you're gonna go anywhere but a hospital, you need to start eating and sleeping. Think you can do that?'

"I haven't been hungry. And everytime I close my eyes…" Tim answered honestly even though he couldn't finish saying it.

"Let's see what we can do about that, okay?" Gibbs suggested calmly, hoping it would help garner Tim's cooperation.

"Okay." The young man agreed quietly.

"You ready to talk to a lawyer now?" Although the question was posed with an air of support and hope, it managed to have the opposite affect.

Tim's eyes filled with fear.

"Tim. I need you to listen to me for a minute, all right?"

"K" Tim whispered as he closed his eyes once again.

"Do you trust me?"

Tim opened his eyes and looked Gibbs straight on. "Completely."

Gibbs swallowed hard at the instant and heart-wrenching answer he'd just been given. He offered Tim the promise that went along with it. "Then trust me now. All right? This lawyer is not the same jackass that was in here this morning. And you won't be left alone with him, not even for a minute, okay?"

The desperate hope that Gibbs would keep his word on that filled those normally shining green eyes as they held tight to Gibbs' own. It was heart breaking to see Tim feeling so desperate.

"I promise you , Tim, Ducky or I will be right here with you." Gibbs vowed.

Again, Tim closed his eyes, but this time Gibbs had been watching and didn't miss the flare of disappointment even as those lids tried to slam shut on that emotion before it could be seen.

"Tim. You've always been an honest person. I've always counted on that honesty from you and I'm counting on it even now. You think you can give me that?"

Although he needed an answer, he got none. Instead of pushing, Gibbs left him alone for a minute. Tim was quiet for so long, Gibbs was beginning to think the kid had fallen asleep where they sat. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Tim answered the question. "It's hard. Really hard."

"Hard for you to be honest with me?" Gibbs asked in surprise. "Why?"

Tim shook his head.

"Would you rather talk to Ducky about this?" Gibbs offered his agent a way out.

"NO! I mean, no, I just..."

"Need to be honest with me but you think something's gonna happen if you are?"

"Somethin' like that." Tim admitted guiltily.

"Tim. You don't ever have to be afraid to tell me the truth." Gibbs reminded him gently.

The look that crossed Tim's face was so readable it was as if he'd spoken the words aloud. _We both know that's not true._

Gibbs felt like he'd been kicked in the gut. "This have something to do with why you told your mother not to call me?"

Sending his eyes to the floor, Tim answered Gibbs' question. "Yes."

"Wanna tell me about it?"

"No."

"Okay. Can we get back to you being honest with me? Talk to me. If you don't want to stay with Ducky, where do you want to stay?"

Tim refused to answer the question or even look up from the floor. This was one time he really wished Gibbs wasn't such a stubborn investigator.

"Tim?"

"I'll be happy to stay with Ducky." Tim repeated meekly without looking up from the floor.

Gibbs sighed with frustration once again. So much of this kid's life had been yanked out of his control, the least his team could do; his boss could do, was give him back some of that control wherever it was possible. Here Gibbs was trying to hand some of that control back to the kid and he was either too scared or feeling too undeserving to take it. It was too early in the recovery process to push the issue and Gibbs knew that, so he dropped it.

"Okay. Your hearing's this afternoon. You ready to eat and then talk to your new lawyer?"

"I don't have a choice, do I?"

"No. Not about this." Gibbs admitted in a gentle tone.

"Okay." The young man gave in.

"Good." Gibbs answered with a reassuring squeeze to the shoulder before he attempted to remove his arm from Tim's shoulder and start to get up.

When Tim's shoulders immediately slumped and he seemed to almost fold in on himself, a red flag went up in the boss' head. So as to not set the young man back, emotionally, Gibbs set his arm back around Tim's shoulders and got comfortable where they sat, side by side with their backs to the wall. Apparently, it wasn't taking much for this kid to literally feel like he was being thrown to the sharks alone. Looking at his watch, Gibbs was surprised to realize he'd been in here with Tim for two hours. That meant his bail hearing was in two.

Taking out his phone, he called Ducky.

"Jethro? How's Timothy."

"Need to get him something he can eat, Duck. He have a new lawyer yet?"

"Yes, we're sitting here organizing our evidence into her plan for Timothy's defense as we speak."

"Her?"

"Yes, Jethro. I shall bring her in to you shortly. Let me find something Timothy can keep down on that sensitive stomach of his, first."

"Thanks, Duck. What are Tony and Ziva doing?"

"They are helping Ms. Andrews."

"Tell this Ms. Andrews to make sure she looks at the new stuff Tony and Ziva brought in this morning." Gibbs requested.

"I will, Jethro. And please, tell Timothy that I will bring him some lunch as soon as I can."

"Will do, Ducky. Thanks." Gibbs answered as he snapped his phone shut. Feeling an unexpected weight on his arm, he turned to look, and was startled to find that his agent had slumped up against him and fallen asleep.


	16. Chapter 15

_A/N: Please forgive us for the long delay in updating. Life seems to have gotten in the way of our progress here._

_Special Thanks to Shelbylou - who even in the midst of not feeling well - did her part to help me get this chapter completed._

_Enjoy!_

* * *

Gibbs pulled his phone back out and called his M.E. back, alerting him to the fact that Tim had fallen asleep. They both knew how badly he needed the rest and although sitting on the cold hard floor of a visitor's room, wasn't the ideal place for him to get that rest, the fact remained, he was finally getting some and so didn't need to be disturbed.

Ducky updated Tony and Ziva and requested that they return to the McGee house and check on Timothy's mother and sister while he, Gibbs and Megan took care of things from here. When he was advised that Vance was on his way to help where he could, Ducky nodded and ushered Megan out with him as they sought lunch for themselves and the chance to bring back lunch for Jethro and Timothy.

Once in the car, Tony watched as Ziva visibly allowed herself to relax even if it was just slightly. "Ziva? What's going on?"

"How could he have hidden this much pain and we not see it?" she vented angrily.

"He hid it well. And from what I've seen and found out, I'm partly to blame for that." Tony admitted with enough guilt to paint the entire fleet of NCIS vehicles.

"How is any of this your fault, Tony?" Ziva asked in confusion.

"He thought he'd found a place where he could work without anyone doing to him what his father had done." Tony explained.

"Tony? You are not making sense. No one at NCIS has ever laid a hand on McGee. Have they?" Ziva asked in confusion

"No. That wasn't what I meant. Sorry. Forget I said anything." Tony attempted to shut the conversation down.

"No. I cannot do that. Talk to me." she demanded albeit gently.

"I did something I shouldn't have, Ziva. Now, I'll never be able to look at him without him realizing I've done it. It's just not something you could ever forget." the Senior Field Agent admitted guiltily.

"Tony. What is you have done?" she asked in disbelief.

"I was worried about Ducky last night so I went in to check on him."

"And?"

"And he'd fallen asleep reading what turned out to be Probie's journal from when he first went through FLETC."

"McGee has a journal? That is the same thing as a diary, yes?" Ziva asked.

"Yeah."

"This is what Gibbs went to McGee's apartment to get last night?"

"Apparently. Why, did he tell you that?"

"No." Ziva answered as she breathed out a sigh of frustration.

"Ziva, talk to me." Tony requested gently.

"Gibbs sent me back to my apartment. He told me to shower and change while he took care of what was needed to be done at McGee's apartment. He gave me an hour."

"Yeah. Okay. So, what happened?" Tony asked.

"I was back at McGee's apartment in 45 minutes."

"C'mon, Ziva, out with it."

"Tony, I saw Gibbs reading McGee's journal. It was tearing him apart, that much I could see by the look on his face. I have never seen Gibbs upset like that before." Ziva explained quietly.

"That's because you've never seen him on a case where innocent kids get abused or worse, Zee. Trust me, the man's not fit to be around when kids are being mistreated and he hears about it. Not that I blame him or anything. After losing his daughter the way he did, who could blame him?"

"The point is, Tony, that I am worried about him. Apparently, this 'video' of McGee's childhood was no surprise to him either. How much of McGee's hidden pain will Gibbs be able to handle without losing it?"

"As much as Probie needs him to, Zee." Tony answered her with conviction.

"There has to be something we can do to help." Ziva pushed.

"There is."

"Okay. What is it?"

"We follow Ducky's direction. He knows exactly what both Gibbs and Probie need from us and we just have to go with that. Which means right now, we go look after McGee's family like he asked. "

"Tony, those tapes of Sarah being beaten; she cannot find out."

"No. She can't. Neither can McGee's mother."

"Wait! You are saying their mother had no knowledge of this?"

"Of the abuse, which means she didn't know it was being recorded and kept like a damn twisted keepsake." Tony answered with rising anger.

"Tony, this is a lot of secrets. I believe whatever is in that envelope we discovered will probably hold even more. I wish Megan would have allowed us to know what other problems that envelop will bring down on McGee."

"We just have to trust her, Ziva. She seems to have Probie's best interest at heart. Not like that idiot JAG piece of work."

"So, you no longer think Public Defenders do not care about their clients?"

"Apparently, even Tony DiNozzo can be wrong about things once in a while, Ziva Da'vid." Tony said with a small smile.

Ducky and Megan quietly entered the visiting room with lunch for Tim and Gibbs. Seeing their young charge still peacefully sleeping, tucked up against Gibbs brought a dose of cheer and hope to the M.E.'s heart and a smile to his face. Gibbs silently accepted the coffee from his friend with a small smile of his own. Although no words were spoken so as to not awaken the sleeping young man, handshakes were exchanged between Gibbs and Megan and a feeling of trust and mutual goals was born.

Ducky left the room momentarily, only to return with a blanket, which he spread out on the floor next to Tim. He helped Gibbs maneuver the young man without waking him, so that he was lying flat. Although the transition went smoothly, the results did not remain peaceful; the stillness broken by an immediate and obvious struggle from Tim to hold onto the peacefulness of his sleep. Restlessness rapidly became evident before Gibbs had even managed to get himself up off the floor.

Even a calming hand on Tim's shoulder wasn't enough to soothe the troubled young man's subconscious mind. Gibbs quickly set about adding calm, verbal reassurances, which seemed to help. The combination of touch and voice eventually won out and Tim was able to settle back into peaceful slumber. Once again, Gibbs attempted to remove himself from the floor so the three of them could discuss and work through Tim's defense and once again, the immediate restlessness returned to the sleeping young man.

Gibbs gave up trying to move away and settled into being the grounding force that kept Tim from being ripped from his peaceful sleep. Without batting an eye, Megan brought herself over to the wall next to Gibbs, settled on the floor beside him, opened her briefcase, and quietly set about conferring with him as Ducky pulled up a chair next to them and listened.

As Tony and Ziva entered the McGee house, it was to find Mrs. McGee in the midst of packing up her library. From the looks of things, she'd been at it since they'd dropped her off on their way to take the evidence to Gibbs. Looking at her face, it was clear she was working through whatever she was feeling and while that wasn't necessarily a bad thing, they weren't sure it was a good one either. Exchanging a glance with Ziva, Tony stepped back out of the dining room where the beehive of activity was centralized and took himself to the privacy of the agency sedan to make a call.

Ziva gently knocked on the doorframe of the dining room to alert Mrs. McGee of her presence. "Oh, Ziva. You're back. Is everything going okay? Will you be able to help Tim?"

"We are still trying our best, Mrs. McGee. Is there anything I can help you with?" Ziva answered kindly.

"No. Thank you. I need to do this. I need to keep busy." Tim's mother answered with a voice that was barely holding on.

"All right. I will go check on Sarah. Is she here?" the younger woman asked.

"You know, I'm not really sure. She won't allow herself to stay in the same room with me for more than a minute or two anymore." Tim's mother froze in her packing as her voice finally broke. Setting her ceramic dove down, she headed toward the other door that led out of the room, "Excuse me." She choked out as she fled the room as quickly as she could without running.

Ziva sighed out of frustration and leaned back against the door frame.

"Ziva?" Tony came up behind her, having finished his phone call. It had been short and helpful and left him feeling a little less overwhelmed.

"McGee's mother is extremely upset, Tony. And there is nothing we can do to help her." Ziva voiced her frustration.

"Yeah, there is and we're doing it already. We're gonna get Probie outta that jail and signed out to Gibbs or Ducky's custody and then we can work on defending him. That's all we can do."

"But it should not be all that we can do, do you not see that?" Ziva asked with mounting anger.

"Sssh. Ziva! You wanna do something more to help? Go find Sarah and see what she knows about what happened that night or before that night."

Ziva tensed up. She could not break Sarah's confidence. That was something she was not willing to do. "That is not why we were asked to come back here!"

"All of a sudden you have a problem with getting some answers?" Tony asked in shock. "Wait a minute! You've already talked to Sarah. You already know what happened!"

"No, Tony I do not know what happened that night. We have not talked about it." Came Ziva's much calmer answer.

"Then what the hell are you so pissed about?" The Senior Field Agent asked with a touch of anger.

"Because, Tony. I promised Sarah that I would not break her confidence unless it was required to do so to help clear her brother's name."

"Oh. Well, if she tells you anything about what did or didn't happen that night, you have to report it. But, I get that she needs someone to talk to. Relax, Da'vid." Tony reassured her with a pat on the arm before leaving her standing there alone.

"Ziva?" Sarah's timid voice came from behind her.

Ziva turned around to find her teammate's younger sister standing there looking worried.

"What is it, Sarah?"

"Am I in trouble? Did I put you in a bad spot?"

"No, Sarah. You are not in trouble. And I am not in a bad spot. I do, however, need to ask you to tell me what you can remember about Saturday night, all right?" Ziva answered as she put her arms around the younger woman and drew her into the room so they could sit and talk.

"Okay."

Ducky closed his phone and looked at Gibbs for a minute. The younger man was engrossed in what he was reading, the papers from the envelope Tony and Ziva brought back from the bank. Megan had taken one look at them and silently handed them to Gibbs for him to see for himself, what else lie ahead for them to deal with. Judging from the look on Jethro's face, this wasn't good news. Telling him about the short phone call from Anthony could certainly wait.

Tim remained completely lost to the world, deeply and peacefully asleep and after everything he'd been through and all the sleep he'd lost because of it, none of them wanted to wake him from it, now that he'd managed to find it. Megan quietly assured both men that she would be able to handle this without bringing Tim to the courtroom – for now. She did request that Ducky go with her and be a witness, especially since Jethro couldn't leave Tim without disturbing him.

As soon as Megan and Ducky left for the courthouse, Gibbs found himself getting lost in his thoughts while he sat there with Tim and made sure he got as much undisturbed sleep as possible. The older man could barely wrap his head around this newest evidence of a man who'd spent his entire married life floundering in a web of lies so deep, it was taking days and a team of agents to find them all. This piece of scum, who'd called himself a Navy Commander and a father, had been given the most precious gift in the world, a family; and had treated them worse than horribly. The only consolation Gibbs was finding in this nightmare was that the Senior McGee hadn't been a child molestor on top of his other horrible crimes against the innocent children he'd raised.

As these thoughts of Matt McGee's character continued to remind him of what had been done to this young man here in front of him, all he could do, was look at him and make sure he was still safe and sleeping peacefully and silently vow not to let him ever think he was unwanted or invaluable as a person ever again. Squeezing the young man's shoulder in support once again, Gibbs breathed out a sigh of relief that he'd been given the opportunity to reach out and grab hold of him before he'd been lost to the whirlpool of pain, betrayal and hopelessness that had all been fighting to be heard and seen as he'd lay curled up in the floor in a human ball of misery.

Tim shifted in his sleep, unconsciously drawing himself nearer to Gibbs, and settled back down peacefully once again only when he heard the voice that made him feel safe as Gibbs quietly spoke to him "Sssh. You're safe now. I've got you, Tim."

Gibbs thought about those words. In the five years Tim had been on his team, that's all the young man had ever asked of him, well, that and his approval and respect and trust. Still, this young man had more than earned all of that in spades, giving of himself above and beyond what he'd been asked; berating himself into the ground whenever he'd felt that he'd disappointed the boss or screwed up. Those times had been far too often and many more than the true disappointments and screw ups had been.

The unfortunate situations that had befallen Tim over the years on the team, seemed to have toughened him up, but they hadn't come without their price tag. Ducky had many a times berated Gibbs for allowing these situations to go without attempting to actually verbalize his concern for his agent. But, Gibbs was a tough old leopard who seldom changed any of his spots and hadn't been able to do so even in the face of those unexpected situations. Tony never needed such reassurances and it had never occurred to Gibbs that Tim would or that the reasons for that need would have been so deep rooted or profoundly painful for the young man.

And so, sitting here on the floor of the visitor's room in the Correctional Facility as he kept a supportive hand and a watchful eye on his sleeping troubled agent, Gibbs realized it was time to rethink some things. Since he couldn't do anything to help with Tim's case at the moment, he focused on formulating a plan on what he could do to help change this young man's future as an adult who had just lived through a horrible ordeal that would leave him with even more horrible nightmares and quite possibly an irrevocable idea of who he was and what kind of person that made him. There was so much at stake for a deep thinker like Tim. None of it could be left undealt with, unless they wanted to risk the young man's life being pulled completely apart at the seams while they weren't looking. That was something Leroy Jethro Gibbs was not going to let happen.

Looking at his watch, he realized he still had time to hopefully do more for Tim than what he was doing now. He wasn't discounting the importance of being here for Tim now. But, there was definitely something else he needed to do more right now. Pulling out his cell phone, he made a phone call.

"Ziva. Need you to get back here. Now. Faster than you usually drive. Both of you. Tell Tony to keep the car running. Soon as you and I switch places, he and I need to get to that hearing. "

Fifteen minutes later found Ziva quietly entering the visitor's room and finding Tim still sleeping. The sight of her boss almost cradling her teammate as he slept was a shock, but then again so was most of what she'd found out in the last 24 hours. Gibbs beckoned to her and gestured for her to take his place at being there for Tim.

As Ziva got comfortable on the floor, Gibbs helped shift Tim so that his head was now resting on her blanket covered lap and waited until he was once again breathing evenly before he headed out. As he left, he offered her one piece of instruction.

"Don't let him think he's alone."

Megan and Ducky entered the courtroom to find it was quite crowded. Thankfully, this was due to the long list of pre-trial motions before this judge today and not because they were all spectators looking for a public spectacle with Tim's case. Judge Dennis Joseph was a man with 20 years of experience on the bench and for that both Ducky and Megan were profoundly grateful.

When Tim's case number was called and the District Attorney, Phillip Barnes arrived at the Prosecution's table, he immediately looked over to the defense table and realized that the subject of his case was not present for his own Pre-trial hearing. This immediately raised his ire and a verbal objection from the pompous man. After all, this case was a slam-dunk and he wasn't about to let the defense get away with anything.

"Your Honor! This is preposterous! The defendant doesn't even show up for his own hearing? Just because he is a Federal Agent, he thinks he can flaunt his badge and skate around the laws that apply to the rest of us? The people of this state want justice! They don't want to see anyone get away with thinking they're not answerable to the laws of the land just because they carry a gun and a badge, your honor!"

"Ms. Andrews, where is your client?" Judge Joseph asked with an adult dose of annoyance.

"Your Honor, if it please the court, I respectfully request that the defense be allowed to address your question privately."

"Oh? And why is that Ms. Andrews?" the judge's annoyance level audibly climbed several notches.

"On the grounds that, should my client be proven innocent, anything presented here in this courtroom would prejudice his future career and thus his livelihood. The defense has no problem with full disclosure of our evidence and even of my client's appearance, Your Honor. But, we do respectfully request that we strive to maintain the integrity of my client's good name even as justice is pursued in this case."

Judge Joseph silently looked back at her and considered her request. He had no problem with what she was asking but still felt inclined to ask for the Prosecution's cooperation, even though he didn't need it. "Mr. Barnes? Does the state have any objections? Keep in mind, I do not need your cooperation to grant Ms. Andrews request."

"Yes, Your Honor. Actually, the state does object. This is exactly what I was referring to. The defendant is seeking special privileges due to his position as a federal agent."

"Ms. Andrews?"

"Your Honor, my client is not seeking anything. In fact, he didn't even want a lawyer."

"Ms. Andrews. Who is this at the defense table with you?

"This is Doctor Donald Mallard, Your Honor. He is the Medical Examiner in Washington D.C. where my client is employed."

"Why is he here if your client is not?"

"I asked him to come because, while he is a Medical Examiner, he is also my client' s treating physician while on the job and he holds a degree in Psychological Profiling; in which capacity he has been able to talk with my client since this tragedy occurred and knows how and what he is thinking."

"I will grant your request Ms. Andrews. But you had better be prepared to give me everything you've got. I won't stand for you wasting this court's time! I will see both sides in my chambers in 15 minutes."

"Your Honor, If I may? Please?" Megan asked.

"What is it, Ms. Andrews?"

"Your Honor, I respectfully ask that I be given 30 minutes so that all pertinent information be available to the court at that time."

"Ms. Andrews, if this will be as productive as you seem to think it will be, I'll do you one better. I'll give you an hour. Not a minute more!" Judge Joseph ordered.

"Thank you, Your Honor." Megan offered.

"Next case!" the Judge barked, clearly dismissing Megan and her witness.

"Cross your fingers, Ducky." Megan said quietly as she gathered up her papers and placed them back in her briefcase. "If this works, this may all be over real soon."

"All?" Ducky questioned as they headed out of the courtroom.

"All." Was Tim's lawyer's only response.


	17. Chapter 16

It was a mere two hours later, when the group of six traipsed back to the car carrying their precious evidence and if their grins were anything to go off, then the news had been good. As Gibbs, Ducky and Jimmy carefully loaded the trunk of the car, Megan and Abby grinned broadly to each other and let moment wash over them. Even Vance was hard pressed not to share in their reactions as he walked alongside them as he thought back to the end results of the hour and 30 minutes they'd just spent in the Judge's chambers hashing everything out. The last 30 minutes of which, had been a case of waiting for the paperwork to be hurried along.

The bottom line was that Timothy McGee was a free man with his good name and his job still intact. Leon had assured Gibbs that the SecNav had no intentions of doing anything except welcoming Tim back to NCIS though Gibbs had warned the man not to expect Tim to come back right away. This hadn't just been a traffic accident or a bar room brawl, after all and it would take time for Tim to heal from the mental and physical scars that had been left behind. Leon gave Gibbs his word that the young man's job would be his whenever he was ready to take it back; something that helped loosen the tight pit of worry that resided In the team leader's gut.

The fact that Leon made it in time to be a witness in Tim's defense had been a huge help. No one had been surprised that Abby and Jimmy had arrived with him and by unanimous vote, they'd both been ordered to wait outside the judge's chamber and only come in if their testimony was needed. None of them wanted either of them to hear what they'd uncovered knowing that the depths of the pain McGee had lived through was not something either of them needed to be told. Tim would never have forgiven them for that.

Gibbs kept Tim's release papers firmly in his inside blazer pocket on the journey back to the McGee house. There was no way he was letting them go until they got there. It was had been tough journey to get to this point; one that seemed to take far too long and Gibbs fought hard to hold down his emotions because all he wanted was to be walking out of those doors with his agent in tow right now. It was hard for him and seeing that tape of what actually happened that night made him feel sick to his stomach. It was something that he didn't ever want to see again and had he been anywhere else but in the sanctum of the Judge's chambers, he would have made a beeline for the nearest bathroom. Knowing what was on those papers that the judge had pulled back out of that envelop, just made the bile all that much more difficult to hold at bay. Matthew McGee had known all along that neither child under his roof was his. He'd taken care of ridding himself of any chance of fathering children long before he'd even met his wife. Medical records and paternity test results alike, had littered the judge's desk when they'd been taken out of that envelope. It had all been enough to set Gibbs' blood boiling all over again. Not only had Matthew McGee known he wasn't their father; but he'd known all along, who was.

Gibbs had watched the judge's reaction and shared in it. The anger, the horror, the disbelief, had all been fixtures in Gibbs' own soul since he'd begun finding out what his agent's life had been like as a child and even as an adult, was really like, away from work. Gibbs had known Tim's freedom was a done deal the minute that tape from the night in question had showed Matthew McGee reaching for Tim's throat. That image would haunt this Team Leader for a long time to come.

Thankfully, the fact that Tim had been cleared; exonerated; vindicated and his bastard of a so called father had shown in his true colors was reason enough to table all the bad emotions, realizations and images… at least for now.

While it had been Tim's express wish that his mother and sister never see his journal, the very fact that it was now documented as a piece of the evidence that had helped exonerate him, would tell them of its' existence, as well as the video tapes and the fact that Matthew McGee had, in fact repeatedly beaten the innocent children being raised under his roof.

That revelation alone was going to devastate Tim's mother and Gibbs was not looking forward to being the one to break it to her. Gibbs was still struggling with exactly how much to tell her. He knew she needed to know some of this, but also knew that knowing everything would tear her apart and he didn't want to be the one to do that. Tim needed support right now and in all fairness, it was up to his surrogate son to tell her. She simply didn't need to know all of it.

He was questioning the need to even show her the written documentation that Tim had been cleared because he knew that Tim would find it hard to forgive him if he did reveal this to his mother, but Gibbs wasn't really sure he had a choice. If she didn't hear what evidence had been offered for his defense from them, and the press hounded her about the case, she'd hear it from the press instead. She deserved to find out in a much more private way than that. The journal was mentioned but would not be shown to her. That much Gibbs could control.

When they had been on their way to the courthouse, Tony had told him that Mrs. McGee was packing up her house frantically as if new owners were moving in tomorrow. Gibbs had felt a wave of sympathy for her and hoped that, maybe now, she could find some peace. Although he knew that revelations that they had found out about and the knowledge of her deceased husband's atrocities was going to be an extremely bitter pill for her to swallow.

Even though Tim was free in the eyes of the court and they were on their way to tell his family and then go get him, the atmosphere in the car with Ducky, Abby, Tony and Gibbs was remarkably subdued. Gibbs was thankful Vance had refused to do anything except return to D.C. leaving Gibbs and the team to wrap things up here and bring their man home… _Their man_.

Whipping out his cell phone, he called Ziva, deliberately keeping his voice neutral.

"Ziva David" she answered quietly.

"He's still sleeping?" Gibbs got straight to the point.

"Yes, Gibbs he has not stirred." Ziva vowed.

"Good. Let him sleep as long as he can. You call me the minute he starts to wake up and I'll be on my way." Gibbs instructed her.

"How did the hearing go?" Ziva asked.

"We'll tell you when we get there. We'll be there in about an hour."

"All right." Gibbs detected the tinge of disappointment in her voice but said nothing as he ended the call and continued to drive them as quickly as he could, back to the house.

The scene at the McGee house was heartbreaking and Gibbs cringed as Mrs. McGee was in the midst of throwing her fine china against her kitchen walls. Her anger had reached its crescendo taking with it her self- control when they arrived. Gibbs quickly looked at Tony and Abby.

"Go find Sarah. Take her for a drive. Then bring her back here and stay with both of them." He said quietly as he stepped back and let Ducky use his expertise to reach out to Tim's mother.

Gibbs knew that Tony was already on board with keeping any of the details of how and why her father had died from Sarah. She had enough to deal with. Letting Tony be the one to tell her that her brother had been cleared and would not be spending his life in prison or even suffering through a trial, was also Gibbs' way of helping Tony process the sudden turn of events and be the big brother he needed to be, even if it was for Tim's sister and not for Tim yet. Tony would have to let Sarah know that her secret wasn't hers to keep anymore and thankfully Abby would be there for her to lean on when she found out. Sarah's ordeal was evidence in her brother's case; that she too, had been a victim in this twisted nightmare and that it was now over, leaving her to move forward and heal.

"Come, dear. We have to get you calmed down so that we may tell you of the recent developments in Timothy's case." Ducky soothed Mrs. McGee as he led her to the table and urged her to sit as he went to the stove and started a kettle of water for tea and coffee.

Mrs. McGee bowed her head in shame at being seen in this state and Gibbs took pity on her even as he envied her ability to that. He'd have to wait until he got home and even then he wouldn't even be able to do it. There were too many things that needed to be taken care of for his team but for now he would do what he could to smooth the situation over.

"It helps, doesn't it?" He asked with full compassion.

"Just a little." She admitted as the flush of embarrassment rose within her.

Gibbs decided to try a little bit harder to help her regain her equilibrium. "Trust me, it's better that you get it out, now."

"Agent Gibbs, are you leading up to bad news?" she asked with worry dripping off her every word.

"Oh, yeah, now I know where McGee gets it from." Gibbs half-joked and smirked at the broken woman in front of him.

"Jethro!"

Gibbs took a deep breath and opened the court documents and handed them to Tim's mother.

An hour after arriving at Tim's family home, Gibbs and Ducky were on their way to talk to the now legally free young man. Tony, Abby and Sarah were staying with Mrs. McGee even though Ducky had sedated the poor woman to allow her to rest. It had been truly heartbreaking watching her read what the court had been given for evidence against her husband. Her own guilt and heartbreak had not been easy to witness and Tim's mother had literally fallen apart at the seams when she read that after all her claims and genuine belief that her husband had never laid a hand on her children, he had in fact done so, repeatedly in the most vicious and sadistic way possible. The shock had been so great and devastating that Ducky had immediately asked Gibbs to fetch his medical bag so that he could administer her a sedative to help calm her down.

They'd stayed with her until she'd fallen asleep and remained nearby until Sarah and Tony returned, Sarah had flown to her room and slammed the door, prompting Tony and Abby to go after her and talk to her.

While Gibbs talked with the guards and made all the arrangements for Tim's release, Ducky headed towards their newly freed team member. As he walked into the visitor's room and realized the young man was still peacefully sleeping, he smiled. Ziva was dozing as well and he was reluctant to wake her either, and so he silently took a seat and waited for Jethro's arrival.

He had no doubt that once the Team Leader had completed all the arrangements, he would waste no time in getting Timothy to wake up so they could take him home. Sure enough, not thirty minutes later, Jethro walked into the room, looked at his sleeping agents and smiled. Exchanging smiles with Ducky, he headed over to Ziva and gently woke her up.

"Ziva."

Ziva's eyes popped open and she immediately opened her mouth to ask a question, only to have him hold up his finger to silence her.

"It's time to go." He whispered.

Crouching down, Gibbs gently shook Tim awake.

"C'mon, McGee. It's time to go home."

Tim's eyes slowly opened and blearily searched for the eyes that usually accompanied that voice. It didn't take long to find the piercing blue gazing down at him and as he scanned the face that they belonged to, he felt both calmed and confused as the gentl smile that was directed at him.

As he sat up, he looked around and noticed he'd been sleeping on Ziva's lap_. Ziva? When had she gotten here? _

"Ziva?" he asked in bewilderment.

"Hello, McGee." Ziva replied with a voice full of warmth, welcome and sympathy.

Without thinking about what he was doing, he leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "Thank you for staying with me." He said quietly as he straightened back up and looked at Gibbs.

"You ready to go home, now?" the man asked him.

"Home? I don't understand." Tim admitted with a sense of trepidation.

"You've been cleared of all charges and you're coming home with us, right now!" Gibbs told him as he held out his hand to help him up off the floor.

Tim's eyes flashed with so many warring emotions, it was almost impossible to keep up or even make heads or tails of it all. Unwilling to let him get bogged down in any of what he might be feeling, Gibbs pushed a little harder even as Tim took his hand and leveraged himself up off the floor.

"C'mon, your freedom's waitin' for ya on the other side of these walls!" With a soothing pat on his youngest agents back, he led the way out of the room and didn't look back at the confines by which Tim had been incarcerated in. He was so keen to get out of there, he hadn't noticed the fact that no one had followed him yet and so ploughed forward with determination.

Tim stood still, too shocked to move and it took Ducky and Ziva's hands wrapped warmly around each of his arms to gently propel him forward. The simple action acted as both the anchor that he needed and the reassurance that what he'd been told was right. He was a free man.

"Come, Timothy. It is time to take your life back, young man." Ducky told him soothingly.

"Yes, McGee. Do not let this place keep you any longer." Ziva encouraged gently. "You do not belong here."

***************************.

Ziva and Ducky decided to take Tim out for something to eat, knowing that he hadn't eaten well in the prison despite the guard's gentle persuasion. Gibbs had declined their offer of lunch and driven back to the McGee house to wrap things up there and pick up Tony and Abby but when he arrived, he found Tony nervously pacing and Abby was nowhere to be found.

"Tony?"

"Abby's with Mrs. McGee. It's Sarah, I'm worried about. She won't come out and won't let me in so I can talk to her."

"I'll talk to her, go check through the house, make sure we've got everything and start loading up the car." Gibbs requested before he turned on his heel and headed for Sarah's bedroom. He knocked on the door three times before entering but was stopped short at the sight of his agent's little sister curled up in a miserable heap, crying so hard her shoulders shook from the force of her sobs. With a pang of sadness, Gibbs realized he'd seen her big brother in this exact same position just this morning and it affected him now just as it had then, even if it were to a lesser degree.

"Sarah. What's going on?" he'd asked her gently as he'd closed her bedroom door and crossed the floor to sit on the edge of her bed where he could reach out and offer a hand or a tissue if she needed it.

"_I never wanted either of them to know!"_ She cried into her pillow

"I know. Is that what's been bothering you since we've been here?"

"_Yeah."_

"You were able to talk to Ziva?"

_"She promised she wouldn't say anything!" _Sarah whispered through her tremulous sobs.

"And she didn't. What did Tony tell you?"

_"He said it was on official record now."_

"Did he tell you how it got there?" Gibbs asked gently knowing that this situation had to be handled with kid gloves given the youngest McGee's current state.

_"No."_

"Well, I can promise you that it wasn't Ziva's doing."

_"But you won't tell me who's it was?"_

"No. I won't. But you need to trust me on this. Ziva had nothing to do with the court finding out."

_'Okay."_ Sarah's defeated voice rang through the room and Gibbs wondered whether she actually blamed Ziva in the first place or was just using it as an outlet for the painful memories that had been dredged to the surface. He moved closer to her and pulled her into hug.

"Sarah, I need to talk to you about your mom." He requested as he felt her relax.

Sarah sat back and gently took the tissue Gibbs offered her. As she wiped her eyes and her nose, she answered him. _"Okay."_

"This has hit her really hard."

_"I don't believe that anymore!" _Sarah cried vehemently.

"You think she knew all along and didn't try to stop it or take you and your brother so you could all leave him." Gibbs reasoned to show her he completely understood what she was thinking.

_"She had to have!"_

"No, Sarah. She didn't. Think about it. He always waited until your mother wasn't home, right?

_"Well, yeah."_ Sarah shrugged defensively and it was obvious that she didn't like where this was going.

"The bruises and welts, always where no one could see them?"

Sarah's mouth dropped with amazement that Tim's boss seemed to know exactly what had happened.

"You have to believe that if she had known, she would have gotten you away from him, Sarah"

_"I guess so. It's just so hard. I meant we li….." _Sarah broke off with another sob and used the crumpled tissue to try and swipe away at the tears that fell.

"What else has you this upset?"

_"Tim had to have known!"_

"You really believe he would have known and not stopped it? I thought you knew your brother better than anyone. Every one of us that has worked with your brother for the last 5 years, knows that he would have done everything possible to stop it if he had known about it"

"_He stayed away for 10 years so he wouldn't have to deal with it, Agent Gibbs! He knew!"_

"Sarah, need you to listen to me, for a minute, all right? Your brother stayed away those 10 years because he thought everything your father had done up to the time he went away to school had been his fault. He stayed away because someone here kept telling him that everything was fine back home. Since they weren't fine when he was here, it was a natural assumption on his part."

_"No!"_

"He's been hearing since he was old enough to understand the words, that everything bad that happened was his fault."

_"How…How do you know this? Tim tell you this?"_ Sarah asked in horror.

"No. No, your brother has never talked about his family. In fact we never even knew he had a sister until that murder case he had to defend you from."

_"Never?"_

"Your brother's a very private person."

_"I don't understand. If he doesn't talk about it, how do you know…"_

"He let Ducky in on some of it, for his case. Sarah, there's been an awful lot of secrets and misunderstandings in your family that has led to a lot of pain and things that can't be fixed. Your relationship with your mother is still fixable. Right now you both need each other. I don't think you want your relationship with your mother to be something else Tim feels responsible for, do you?"

_"No, of course I don't want to feel responsible for it. What's gonna happen to Tim? I mean, he's free now, right? "_

"He's free. And what happens to him now is completely up to him. It's his life and his choice. But, I do know him enough to know he'd want you to hang on tight to your relationship with your mom."

_"Yeah. He would. I do need her. I'll go talk to her."_

"Good girl. We've checked your brother out and right now Ducky and Ziva are making sure he gets a decent meal before we head back to D.C." Gibbs told Sarah.

_"Wait! You're leaving today?"_

"That's the plan, if your brother agrees."

_"So, I don't get to say goodbye to anyone?" _The fire in her belly roared angrily at the fact that her brother had been given a reprieve and would then be taken away silently without being able to talk to them.

"Again, his choice. Sarah, he's had all of his choices taken away from him this past weekend and it's time he got that back. If he wants to come back here before we head out, we'll be back. It's completely up to him."

Sarah felt the flames die down and knew what Gibbs was telling her was right. It didn't make her feel any better though, especially seeing as she wanted nothing more than to wrap her arms around her brother and hold him until they both felt whole again. _"Thank you, Agent Gibbs."_

"You're welcome. Regardless of whether Tim comes back here before we leave, you take this card and keep it safe. Any time you or your mother need anything, you call me. Got it?"

Sarah nodded silently as she took the business card from her brother's boss. He held out a hand and she took it, letting Gibbs help her up off the bed and ushering her out the door so she could say goodbye to Abby and Tony and then go be with her mother.

An hour later, the two sedans that had brought NCIS to Tim McGee's home were now hurtling back toward Washington, D.C. with the young man safely ensconced in the lead car surrounded by Abby. The Goth had wrapped herself completely around him as he slept in an attempt to both gather and offer the support and love that Tim needed. Gibbs kept checking on him in the rearview mirror periodically as he drove and Ducky smiled before laying his head back so that he could finally nap peacefully; knowing full well he would not be needed with Abby and Jethro watching over the young man like parental lions.


	18. Chapter 17

Tim soon found himself back home at Ducky's house and could have cried with relief when Ducky showed him to the guest bedroom where he would be staying for the time being. It was a complete contrast to the small cell that he had been held in and he felt the lingering claustrophobia lift leaving behind nothing but bone numbing exhaustion. With a small smile, Tim moved slowly to the bed and sank down on it heavily before laying himself down and stretching out on the comfortable mattress. He felt the pull of sleep start to overcome in and just as his eyes were about to close, he felt his shoes being taken off and a blanket being laid gently over him.

"Timothy, how are you feeling?" Ducky asked with concern and started to check the young man's vitals; mostly to reassure himself. Tim waited for him to finish taking his blood pressure before answering.

"I'm okay. Just….Is it okay if I try to get some more sleep, now, Ducky?" Tim asked timidly, feeling as though he should be up and talking to the man. "I'm really tired."

"Absolutely, dear boy. No need to ask my permission. You go right on ahead and rest. We'lll talk later."

"Thanks, Ducky." Tim whispered as exhaustion pulled him under less than a minute later.

Ducky turned and packed away his bag. As he picked it up and turned, he came face to face with a worried looking Gibbs; with a small jerk of his head, he led the way out of the room and as they headed out, he gently closed the door half way behind him. As the two walked down the hallway towards the stairs, Gibbs's patience ran out and he found that he couldn't wait any longer for news on his man.

"Duck?" Gibbs kept his tone low and quiet and frowned when Ducky sighed.

"He's exhausted, Jethro. That's our first concern. Until we have adequately dealt with that, nothing else matters. His blood pressure is slightly low, but that is only to be expected given the fact that he hasn't been eating. It's not dangerous at the moment, but as soon as he wakes, he must have a meal." The M. E. answered with frustration. It was an explanation he shouldn't have even had to offer considering everything the young man had just been through.

"Okay. What about him pulling back from us again? You saw how silent and uncomfortable he was in the car."

"Jethro, we won't be able to address that issue until the poor boy has had a chance to regain his strength. He needs to rest in a proper bed and a regime of eating on a regular basis. Perhaps then Timothy will be better able to think through what has happened and try to understand where he is now. You, of all people should know this."

They made their way to the kitchen to share some peace and quiet with a fresh cup of their favorite brew but both of them remained silent so that they could vigilantly listen for any telltale signs of distress from the bedroom upstairs. Once settled at the table with their drinks, both seemed to lose focus as their thoughts started to go back over what had transpired within the last four days and both of them realized that despite Tim being released from prison, he would never truly be a free man thanks to the years of abuse he suffered at the hands of his father. It wasn't long before their concern bore fruit as harsh, distraught cries emanated from the room upstairs and tore through the air to reach them. With the sounds of Tim's nightmares assaulting their ears, they were driven upstairs by the sheer magnitude of where their boy's subconscious had taken him in his sleep. Gibbs vaulted up the steps two at a time and wasted no time in reaching out to his agent.

"Ssh. Tim, you're okay. You're safe now. I'm here." As he quietly spoke into the young man's ear, Gibbs sat down on the edge of the bed and placed a calming hand on Tim's shoulder in the hope that it would help ground him or at least work in conjunction with his friends soothing words in order to calm the young man.

Between the physical connection and the repeated words, Tim finally seemed to calm down and even turned towards Gibbs as he subconsciously sought out the comfort and security he needed, just as he had back in the correctional facility visiting room.

Gibbs kept Ducky's words firmly in his mind and with the need for Tim to get some genuine sleep, a top priority. He swung his legs round and leaned against the headboard so that he could sit more comfortably and help Tim settle back into restful sleep. He knew and understood how much this young man needed an anchor to get him through this, so he resigned himself trying to get some rest himself whiile he was at it and laid his head back against the wall before closing his eyes, and allowing sleep to find him.

Ducky smiled as he took in the sight of Team Leader and Junior Agent both helping each other through a difficult time, and went back downstairs. Both sleeping men needed the rest and the M.E. was relieved that they would finally be getting it. He only hoped the rest of Gibbs' team was getting caught up on theirs as well because It had been an extremely difficult and grueling time for all of them.

He wasn't sure what woke him but as the thick fog of sleep started to lift, Tim realized that he was half-sprawled across someone's chest in an upright position. Panic started to roll in and yanked him fully awake, real quick. The hand on his back unnerved him enough that he cautiously opened his eyes so that he could gage his surroundings without moving a muscle and as he took in the sight of who it was that had been holding onto him as he'd slept, embarrassment flooded through him and washed away his initial feelings. Seeing Gibbs sleeping as he sat back against the wall holding him up, mortified him. As gently as he could, Tim withdrew from the older man and eased himself on over so that his back was now to his boss and he was laying as far to the opposite edge of the bed as he could get. If it hadn't been for the high probability of waking Gibbs with any more movement than that, Tim would have gotten up out of bed and left the man to sleep in peace.

Instead, he lay there silently trying to keep his emotions and thoughts at bay. It didn't take a genius to realize that if he allowed them to run free, they'd head straight back to the events of the last few days and Tim didn't want to go there ever again. It wasn't long before he was soon overpowered by the very things he was trying so desperately to hold at bay. From the moment they found a crevice through which to crawl in and find the space to run free, the memories and thoughts wreaked havoc on him and he couldn't stop the tears as they came. They started off as a lone tear streaking down his face but as his traitorous mind whirled with the memories that he didn't want, they soon turned into a deluge that he desperately tried t tamper down It wasn't long before his shoulders silently began to shake and sobs tore through his throat which had him hurrying to quickly stuff his face into his pillow in an effort to stifle them.

Strong arms reached out and silently pulled him into an anchoring embrace as he cried it through. Gibbs had silently listened and watched as Tim had pulled away from him and rolled over as far away from him as he could get. When the tears had come soon after, as Tim's hitched breathed had announced their arrival but he waited and stayed still until the storm hit full force. When that storm heralded fierce misery as it broke from within and the shaking shoulders warned of oncoming sobs, Gibbs refused to sit still for it any longer. His boy needed a life jacket and he was gonna make damn sure he got one. Once the storm had passed and Tim's sobs had slowly calmed, silence returned once again leaving them both unwilling to break it. Gibbs wanted to give Tim all the space he needed to take things at his own pace, whatever things that might be and if it meant sitting there and waiting for Tim to make the first move, then that's exactly what he would do.

Tim was buried under too many different things in his head and nestled amidst all the jumbled and disjointed swirling thoughts, was the stunning realization that once Gibbs had found a way past Tim's defenses back in the jail house, the man had not left him. He hadn't left him alone without making sure someone else was there in his place and he hadn't abandoned him after everything he had to have found out in order to get Tim freed. Everything Gibbs had done, he'd done without a single grain of gratitude from Tim. _Finally, something focus on; to think about and to fix._

"I'm sorry." Tim offered almost in a whisper.

Gibbs was surprised by the apology and had to suppress the automatic urge to headslap his agent and tell him that apologizing was a sign of weakness. In this case, that wasn't true and would undoubtedly cause the young man even more pain. Whatever reason Tim had come up with, it had to be treated with kid gloves. He realized that Tim had to have a really good reason for extending the apology and decided to let Tim know that he cared about what he needed to say.

"For what, Tim?" Gibbs asked gently and with the same quiet tone that the apology had been offered in.

"Everything you did, to help me, to clear me and I never once said 'Thank you'." His agent explained in a voice that was so chock full of apology and regret that Gibbs felt his heart break slightly.

"You've had a lot on your mind, Tim. It's not necessary" Gibbs wanted to hand the tortured man in front of him a way out so that he wouldn't divert any more blame onto himself.

"I still should have thanked you. Should have thanked Ducky, too….and the others."

"We all know that you appreciate your team and what they did to help you. They also know that you need to work through all of this in your own way, at your own speed. No one is placing any expectations on you, except you. Maybe you should cut yourself some slack."

Silence returned and for what seemed like hours, the only sound that could be heard in the room was the steady breathing of both men. Neither of them felt the need to speak or knew how to break through the silence.

"Why am I free?" Tim finally asked in a voice leaden with uncertainty and fear. Gibbs felt his heart shatter at the question knowing that no matter what, Tim would take this on his shoulders and let it weigh him down.

"Justice prevailed." the boss answered him with what he knew Tim needed to undestand the most.

"What do you mean?" the younger man questioned, clearly confused.

"We had clear cut evidence that cleared you of any wrongdoing, Tim."

"What evidence?" surprise radiated from the voiced question.

"The tape in the video camera. It recorded what happened... in the study." Gibbs answered as he carefully avoided the words 'your father' for several reasons. He chose to minimize the information Tim was made aware of for now and refused to bury the kid under anything more than absolutely necessary.

"How is it possible that I didn't kill him?" The younger man worried.

"Tim, he was clearly a threat to not only your sister and your mother, but more of an immediate threat to you. You reacted to being threatened by defending yourself. He didn't expect it and when he reacted, his heart gave out. Cause of death was a heart attack."

Tim sat up and stared at Gibbs in disbelief. "Heart attack?"

"Yeah. But, you need to know, and understand down deep where it counts, Son. That even if his heart hadn't given out when it did, you had every right in the world to defend yourself and your family. You did what you thought you had to do to protect them against his threats to harm them. You did _nothing_ wrong." The boss told him with conviction so deep it vibrated off of him.

Tim got off the bed and went to the window, needing to see the world outside in order to breathe. After several silent minutes, the quiet question was finally asked even as his eyes remained fixed on the outside world. "What happens now?"

"SecNav wants you back at NCIS. No questions, no marks on your record. Vance wanted to talk to you about it but I didn't want you losing any sleep over it."

"Thank you." Tim's thanks was so earnest, that Gibbs had to repress the urge to walk over to the man and wrap his arms around him.

"I had nothing to do with that."

"But, you would have." Tim replied with absolute trust in what Gibbs' would have done for him if it had been necessary.

"Yeah. I would have. You ready to come down and eat?"

"I'm not hungry." Tim answered quietly.

"What's goin' on in that head of yours, Tim?"

Tim shook his head. "I can't think straight. No matter what I do, I can't sort it all out."

"Anything you wanna talk about?"

"No. Thank you."

"No problem. You need anything, even if it's just to talk, you let me know, I'll be right downstairs if you need me. I'm gonna bring you something light up because Ducky says you need to eat. Try, for me?"

"Okay. Boss, I don't wanna keep you from work." Tim's tone was flat and emotionless and that in itself had Gibbs worried. He shook it off for now knowing that Tim needed to sift through everything for himself before he could open up.

"Don't you worry about that. Work'll survive without me for today."

"Thank you. For everything."

"You're welcome. I'm just sorry you didn't think you could call me for help, Tim." Gibbs answered with sadness and regret.

Tim averted his eyes and leaned against the window, unwilling and unprepared to face this discussion right now.

Gibbs got the message, patted him on the shoulder and headed out of the room to give the young man some quiet time to think.

Once he was alone, Tim let the tears slide down his face as his mind mulled over the most painful questions he still couldn't find the answer to, and was trying

to reason through it.

_Why would my father treat me like that? The lifetime of abuse and mental cruelty was bad enough; but why would he try to kill me the way he did?_

_Am I really that worthless? I don't understand, if I'm worthless, why did the team come rescue me?_

_I know he'd fight for my job, but now that I'm no longer in that place or going to prison, why is Gibbs even here?_

"Jethro, how is he?" Ducky turned from his sofa and looked at his down trodden friend as he stood at the bottom of the stairs.

"Needing time to think. I'm gonna take him some soup and then leave him alone for a while."

"You're concerned." the M.E. observed.

"Duck, we all know he gets when he's got stuff on his mind. He thinks things into the ground and this is no different. In fact, this is worse. He's had a lifetime of being told he's worthless and every bad thing that happens is his fault. That's gotta leave a mark." Gibbs said sadly.

"While I see your point, Jethro, you must let Timothy deal with this in whatever way he finds comfortable. It's the only way in which he knows and if it helps him move forward then leave him be for the time being. We cannot tell him not to think about any of it. And while you're realizing what Timothy has believed all this time, I believe you have a bigger problem that also applies to that concern."

"What could possibly be a bigger problem, Duck?"

"Jethro, did you by chance, fail to read the loose paper within Timothy's journal?"

"Never got the chance to get back to it, Duck. It fell out in the floor when I opened it up, almost didn't even see it. Stuck it back in the book with the intention of reading it later."

Ducky got up and left the room only to return a moment later with the loose piece of paper in question and handed it to the younger man in complete silence.

As he read what he'd just been handed, Gibbs felt his heart break, all over again, this time at what he, himself had done to Tim over the years without even realizing it.


	19. Chapter 18

Time lost all meaning as the words jumped off the page, branding Gibbs with the pain and suffering the truth behind them had to have wrought the author.

_Maybe, now that I have taken this wild shot in the dark at a career; and one in law enforcement; as close to the Navy as I will ever get; I will be able to truly put my past life behind me. The little voice inside my head seriously doubts this, though and leaves me with a sense of dread; that this life I've found for myself won't last. Many a sleepless night, I lie awake and ask myself why I so desperately wanted to be part of the very branch of the military that made my father who he is. The only answer I have found, is that it was never the Navy's fault, it has always been mine. _

_He's tough as nails and even harder to talk to. But, he still pales in comparison to the person I had to deal with growing up. That doesn't seem to stop me from losing my ability to think straight or talk sensibly around him. Still, I can't help but wonder…although, I must have made at least a token of a good impression on Agent Gibbs; because he knew my educational achievements without hearing them from me, before I had even completed my report on the case and handed it to him.._

_Gibbs had me transferred to his team; with the promotion to Field Agent, that came with it! This is so unexpected and so life changing. I'm scared, nervous, excited and hopeful. But, above all else, I'm petrified. Agent Gibbs seems nice beneath all of his gruff exterior and hard core expectations that always seem unreachable; but none of that is what scares me. _

_No, what scares me, is that Agent Gibbs will turn out to be someone else, I will have to live in fear of. I can only hope and pray I'm wrong this time. The hardest part of becoming a part of this team will be getting used to the bullying again. This time from Tony. I'm hoping against hope that Agent Gibbs is NOT like my father; someone who condones it._

Surrounded by the guilt and oppression of what his own actions and inactions must have done to his youngest agent over the years, Gibbs felt his chest tighten and needed space to breathe.

"Going home. Call me if you need me." He bit out before bolting from Ducky's kitchen with the evidence of his crimes against Tim with him.

* * *

Ducky felt like he'd just sucker punched his long-time friend, but knew Gibbs had needed to be made aware of the last of the secrets that had lain beneath the surface of this nightmare for their young agent. And now the team leader needed the space to think of how to come to grips with it all. The last five days had taken a serious toll on Gibbs and Ducky knew the younger man had not any time in which to deal with any of what his agent had gone through or what seeing it all had done to the man himself.

He couldn't help but worry about the rest of the team, as well. Anthony had shouldered much of the burden of not only discovery of Timothy's pain, but witnessed it in vivid color from watching the first tape he'd discovered. When Jethro had explained to the M.E. what had happened in the study, Ducky had been horrified that the Senior Field Agent had gone through that experience alone and hadn't even come to him, even though he'd only been a few rooms away at the time.

Ziva had gone with Jethro back to Timothy's apartment to retrieve Timothy's journal. Although the M.E. didn't know what had transpired between the two during that journey, he did know that there had been a definite aura of intense sadness and anger around Ziva since that night. When Jethro had explained to him that their Israeli team member had opened up her heart to Sarah McGee when she needed to talk and was probably now even angrier at the situation than they even realized, not to mention, most likely aware of things that they themselves didn't know, as of yet, Ducky had immediately felt not only compassion for his young friend, but also worry.

And then there was Abigail. Poor Abigail, who had been delegated to return to the home front amidst the chaos, heartbreaking discoveries and painful attempts at reaching out to the one she considered to be her best friend. They all knew she still felt the tendrils of his unrequited love for her even to this day and despite the past relationship and current rocky one with Timothy, Abigail's heart when poked with the pain and injustice delved out by others, was just fragile as the rest of theirs. The fact that she hadn't been able to be of any immediate help to her friend until the return trip which brought him home to them was very painful and difficult for her. Then again, being there for Timothy on that ride home was the most help she could have been. Still, it left the M.E. worried about how all of this was affecting her.

As he drew in a deep breath and let it out in a sigh of sorrow, Ducky got up from the table and headed upstairs to check on the young man nestled at the very epicenter of all his worry. Upon reaching the guest bedroom he had given over to Timothy, he was not surprised to find the door still open. He was, however, surprised to find the young man curled up on the bed and sleeping peacefully.

Ducky moved to leave but stopped when his innate need to check on his patient overwhelmed him. He just wasn't content with leaving the matter alone and so walked over to the nightstand and dug out his instruments. This was more to pacify his fears and the strong desire to be sure that the young man was well and wasn't allowing the emotional trauma and lack of decent food and rest over the last four days to become something worse for him in terms of his health. He just needed the peace of mind that doing the exam would bring.

As he began checking Timothy's heart rhythm and blood pressure, it became obvious that Tim wasn't asleep and although he didn't open his eyes to look at the M.E., he did cooperate silently with Ducky's needs and was pliant when Ducky needed to maneuver him to get the results needed to make sure he was okay. When Ducky was done and began to walk away, Timothy finally spoke.

"Thank you."

"You're quite welcome, dear boy. How are you?" Ducky asked as he turned back to the bed and looked at Tim. He frowned slightly at the sight of Tim's open eyes gazing sadly at the floor.

"Overwhelmed." Tim answered so quietly, Ducky had to strain to hear him.

"Yes, I can imagine you would be." The M.E. tried to shower him with his sympathetic tone.

"I'm sorry." Was the surprising comeback from the young man. Still, his eyes remained fixed on the floor.

"For what? Timothy, you have absolutely nothing to apologize for." Ducky reassured him.

"For not saying 'thank you' sooner after everything you did to help me." Tim explained himself.

"Oh, Timothy. Please do not fret over what we already know very well you would have expressed if you hadn't been so desperately overwhelmed. I am just thankful we were able to get you out of there and back among us where we can be here to help you in any way you need us to." The older man gently requested.

"Thanks, Ducky." Somehow, the young man found some strength for his voice and used it then.

"You're quite welcome, lad. Now, I would like for you to eat something." Ducky put his medical authority back in place alongside his genuine concern for Tim's health.

"I'm really not hungry." Tim admitted simply.

"Timothy, it has been several hours since you have last eaten. I have it on good authority that you barely touched your meals so I want you to eat something at least every three or four hours until your body bounces back from that." Ducky pushed

"I'll try but I'm really tired." Tim tried to explain.

"Not to worry. I will bring it to you. Just a small sandwich, all right?" the M.E. sympathized while still pushing for his patient to eat.

"Thank you." Once again, Tim applied his manners quietly but with feeling.

When Ducky returned to the bedroom some ten minutes later with a half of a sandwich and a glass of milk, it was to find Tim asleep once again. Rather than wake him, Ducky left him the sandwich, wrapped in a paper towel and took the milk back down to the kitchen. Sleep was important to the young man's recovery as well, and so long as he was getting genuine rest, Ducky wouldn't interfere with that.

No sooner had he allowed that thought to pass through his mind, Tim's anguished cries once again filled the air and Ducky quickly retraced his steps to the bedroom in hopes of calming the young man without too much stress.

"Timothy, you are safe, dear boy. Come, now, wake up. You are not back there." Ducky soothed as he gently shook Tim's arm.

Tim sucked in a deep breath and surged to a sitting up position, his eyes wide with fright as they darted around the room searching for something but failing to find it. That much became obvious to Ducky because they failed to lose the haunting look of fear that resembled the look he'd seen in those eyes the first night he'd seen Tim in the prison visiting room.

"Timothy, calm yourself, dear boy. Look at me." Ducky instructed just forcefully enough to capture Tim's attention through his panic.

Tim looked at Ducky for a minute, before quickly dropping his eyes and flopping back down on his back. With a sigh of frustration, Tim curled up into a ball and let the emotions that clamored to be let out roll through him and let the tears that came with the intensity of what he was feeling to escape. Somehow, he felt the sharpness of the disappointment that had just spiked through him, like a stab to the heart. He never expected it to hurt like this. Soon, he couldn't stop the next round of sobs as he once again, cried into his pillow. This time, it wasn't just the pain of what he'd just lived through or even what he'd lived through as a child, but the sudden knowledge that he'd been right all along.

Ducky silently retreated, leaving the young man to deal with his emotions in private. Knowing Timothy the way he did, the M.E. was finding it very easy to put the pieces together even without speaking with the young man. He knew exactly what was hurting Tim at the moment, but was helpless to do anything about it.

_"They've always been a team without me. Tony has Gibbs. Gibbs has Tony. They don't need me. They never did. I've always been the team screw-up. And now, they really don't need me."_

_

* * *

_

Gibbs sat in his basement with a glass of bourbon in his hand. He gently shook the glass, watching with glazed eyes as the liquid twisted and moved in its' container. His anger burned so white hot, he was a hair's breath away from hurling the entire bottle of his favorite drink across the room in hopes that the sound of the glass shattering would be the cathartic release he needed.

His anger intensified at what Matt McGee had done to his children…._no, not even his! That which hadn't even been their fault, had been their only crime! Innocent children that had no say in how they were treated! Old Man McGee'd been handed the priceless gift of being a father to two wonderful children, despite them not being his. The one special thing that some people long for!_

He felt tremulous rage at the cruelty of life towards the lost youthful innocence; at Ellen McGee's ignorance; at his own unintentional cruelty and even at the McGee kids and their unwillingness to let someone in that could have helped.

But, as quickly as his anger touched on the kids, it moved away from there, where it had no business going. This wasn't their fault. None of it was, they were innocent bystanders and now were scared witless at the fallout. No, it was the fault of every adult in their life who had either missed the signs, or worse, added to the problem by blindly treating them the same way Matt had.

Finally his anger crested with the full-fledged slap of his own mountain of culpability in Tim's nightmare fresh in his mind. He had caused a great deal of his Agent's pain and sorrow in the last six years; the first two being the worst and he had no idea how to make amends for it. Gibbs hurled his glass across the basement, listening with only a glimpse of satisfaction as the glass shattered and the shards tinkled to the floor in perfect timing to the words that had condemned him echoing in his head:

_"He's a damn fine agent, too. I've always been proud of him. Proud to have him on my team." _

_"He doesn't know that. He's never known that. To tell you the truth, Agent Gibbs, the only reason he's never walked away from you; from your team is because no matter how bad he felt at work; no matter how worthless or unimportant he was made to feel there; he had already experienced it here; thanks to his father."_

"_I failed him. I was his mother and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't stop any of it!_

Gibbs had failed him too. He'd actually failed him in a worse way because he **could** have stopped it. That is, he could have stopped what Tim was experiencing at work which was too damn close to what he'd gone through at home. The boss could have set things right for the young man and as an adult in a position over the young man, he should have given Tim the support that he needed. Instead, he'd fed the kid's fears and insecurities about himself and the kind of person his father had convinced him he was and always would be. The words from Tim's own heart as he'd written in his journal now pierced Gibbs' heart:

_He's tough as nails and even harder to talk to. But, he still pales in comparison to the person I had to deal with growing up. That doesn't seem to stop me from losing my ability to think straight or talk sensibly around him_

_No, what scares me is that Agent Gibbs will turn out to be someone else that I will have to live in fear of. I can only hope and pray I'm wrong this time. The hardest part of becoming a part of this team will be getting used to the bullying again. … I'm hoping against hope that Agent Gibbs is NOT like my father; someone who condones it._

By not stopping the very bullying Tim had been so silently afraid of, Gibbs had most definitely done just that. He'd condoned it and he'd done it for the entire time Tim had been with them. _How the hell does one make up for something like that?_

Tony watched as Gibbs hurled the glass across the open space. The sound of glass hitting the wall and shattering made him cringe but he knew, that it was what Gibbs needed. He stood watching his boss let out a huge sigh of frustration and wipe a hand across his face, leaving behind a sheen that spoke volumes, making Tony feel like he'd picked the worst time ever to approach this man. Still, he couldn't move. He'd come for some advice and now his feet were rooted to the very spot by which he stopped at the angry outburst; just four steps down from the kitchen. They were sealing his fate with every second they remained glued to that step; the very fate that was looking more and more doomed as time went on. The words that condemned him now came back from the written thoughts of his, little brother, friend and partner, Tim McGee.

_The hardest part of becoming a part of this team will be getting used to the bullying again. This time from Tony. I'm hoping against hope that Agent Gibbs is NOT like my father; someone who condones it_.

As the words echoed through his mind, Tony instinctively sank to the step below where he stood. He winched when his butt landed less than silently on the wood and watched as Gibbs' attention was drawn from his current thoughts and overwhelming anger, towards the sound of the thump. Tony eyed his boss warily expecting the well deserved anger to be fired his way. He was shocked to hear nothing.

Gibbs heard the sound of someone sitting down on his steps and let his eyes snap up to verify what he heard. His anger seemed to choke itself out at the sight of his distressed Senior Field Agent now sitting before him with his heart clearly displayed on his sleeve. The poor guy had not only seen a hell of a lot of pain and sadness these past four days, but had also had to keep it all locked inside for Tim's sake. Gibbs knew he had to be seriously struggling with it all. It was with a sense of relief that the Team Leader realized that his Senior Agent had come to him for help. It was a heart-wrenching realization that followed that thought. _His Junior Agent_ _had never come to him because he hadn't truly believed in his heart that he could_. _Tim!_ That thought had Gibbs wanting to throw something at the injustice of it all, all over again. Swallowing down his own emotions, he turned his attention to the one who'd come for help.

"Tony?" the boss offered the questioned greeting calmly in an effort to draw the young man out.

"Boss, I…" Tony struggled with what to say.

"Spit it out." Gibbs quietly encouraged him. There was no room here for abrasiveness or a short fuse. Too much had happened, too much had been learned and too much heartache and pain had been discovered by the two of them, about their youngest team member. It was blatantly obvious that they were both feeling extremely raw and battered right about now and they needed to help each other, not drive each other away from the chance to talk through it.

"He kept it all hidden so well. I never even …"

"Yeah. That he did." Gibbs agreed without censure or judgement.

"Boss, it's not something we can go back and undo. We just can't forget everything that we've seen." Tony tried to explain where he was struggling.

"I know, Tony." The boss' sympathy seemed to help keep Tony talking.

"How do I…" again, Tony struggled to get the words out.

"What? Treat him like nothing's changed? That's something you're gonna have to figure out." The gentle push to think through this for himself wasn't meant to be cruel.

"I can't." Tony said quietly.

"You can't what?" Gibbs asked him in confusion.

"I can't figure it out, Boss. I mean everything he wrote and had to have felt? Knowing I was doing exactly what he was afraid of, all that time." The younger man fully explained his problem.

"You read his journal." Gibbs realized out loud.

"Yeah. I was worried about Ducky the other night and when I went in to check on him, it was lying there where he'd fallen asleep reading it." Tony admitted without worrying about the consequences, for once.

"Tony." Gibbs breathed out in a frustrated sigh.

"Boss, I know I shouldn't have, but I gotta tell ya, I'm not really sorry I did. But, then again, I kinda do regret it." The younger man huffed out in frustration.

"I know, Tony. I get it." Gibbs replied with a wealth of normally hidden emotion, resonating through his voice.

"How do I not 'know', Boss? I mean every time I see him now…" Tony fought to work through it in his head even as he managed to get the words out.

"Tony, I don't know what to tell ya. I really don't. Maybe you should be asking Ducky. Maybe you should just do your best to treat like you normally do…" Gibbs began to suggest.

"What? No way! Boss, you can't be serious!" the younger man interrupted with his objection.

"…Without the attitude." Gibbs finished as though the younger man hadn't interrupted him.

"Think he'll know that I know?" Tony asked with much more calmness.

"It's a fairly safe bet, DiNozzo." Gibbs advised with a little of his normal tone back in place. "You'll just have to make a point to not make an issue of it."

"Yeah. That's gonna be tough. Boss, you talked to him, right? While you were with him in that place?" Tony asked with a full dose of concern.

"Where you goin' with this, Tony?" the older man asked gently.

"Did he say anything?" Tony dug desperately for answers.

"About what exactly?" Gibbs dug back, needing to know exactly what Tony needed to know for himself.

"I dunno, why he wouldn't call us, maybe?" the hurt and confusion that came with that fact was still in Tony's eyes and even in his voice.

"He told Ducky." Gibbs shared that truth, hoping It would ease some of Tony's feelings on the matter.

"What'd he say?" Tony practically begged for the information.

"You sure you wanna hear it, DiNozzo?" Gibbs asked warningly.

"Yeah, Boss. I'm sure." The younger man assured his boss, with conviction.

"Yeah?" Gibbs raised one eyebrow to emphasize his doubt.

"Yeah, Boss. I need to hear it." Tony stressed seriously.

"Alright. He said '_They've always been a team without me. Tony has Gibbs. Gibbs has Tony. They don't need me. They never did. I've always been the team screw-up. And now, they really don't need me.'"_

"Boss, that's his opinion of his place with the team after all this time with us?" Tony asked with a painful note of anguish in his voice.

"Not _with_ the team, DiNozzo, _part_ of the team." Gibbs corrected quietly, albeit with a tone that pointed out that this distinction or previous lack of it, was in fact, part of the problem.

A long sad silence descended on the two of them and neither knew what to say or do to disperse it. As if to provide the answer of how to break the uncomfortable silence; slow light steps were suddenly heard entering Gibbs' house overhead and the steps slowly came down the stairs to reveal an equally upset and confused Ziva.

"Ziva. You all right?" Gibbs asked. The last time he'd seen her down here was when she'd come to talk to him about getting back in his good graces and back onto the team after her nightmare summer in Somalia. That had been well over a year ago.

"Gibbs. Tony." She greeted quietly.

"Zee? What's wrong?" Tony asked with concern at the unusually weak, almost whispered voice that greeted him.

"I do not know what to do with 'this' she explained as her hands gestured at what would normally be considered to mean the bigger picture they faced.

"Yeah. Me neither, Ziva. What's buggin' _you_ about it?" Tony asked gently

"What is not bothering me would be the easier question to answer, Tony." Ziva answered. "How could we not see he was in this much pain in his heart?"

"Ziva. He's had a lifetime of learning how to shove it all down deep where no one could see it. Handling it that way kept him from getting in trouble if it happened to come out." Gibbs reminded her.

"But, he has been an adult for some time now, Gibbs." Ziva reasoned out her confusion.

"Doesn't make it any easier to shed, Ziva. Kinda hard to get rid of something if it's buried so deep, you don't even realize it's become part of who you are in ways you don't even recognize." Gibbs explained.

"Like how the boss' faith and trust in him means more to Probie than anything else." Tony chimed in with sad understanding.

"For starters." Gibbs agreed calmly even as that reminder of Tim's personality struck another chord within his heart.

"I do not understand how he could have gone through all of that and still be such a gentleman." Ziva questioned.

"That one you'll have to ask Ducky about." Gibbs answered seriously. "Although, I imagine he needed to hang on to his manners because they were the only thing that would keep him out of trouble when the old man was on a rampage."

"I want to hang that…that…CREATURE by his toenails and torture him until screams in sheer agony. He would scream until he couldn't physically do so any longer!" Ziva spat out angrily. "It is a good thing for him he is already dead!"

"So long as you get your anger out before you go talk or visit Tim. Both of you." Gibbs directed, once again falling into the role of Team Leader/Parental Lion.

"Doesn't solve the problem, Boss." Tony complained.

"Tony. There is no way for him not to know that you're aware of more than he wanted you to be. Don't make an issue out of it." Gibbs reasoned out one last time for his Senior Field Agent.

"When's the last time you saw him, Boss? How was he?" Tony asked as he took in Gibbs' words of advice in stride, at last.

"Couple of hours ago. He'd slept for a while, but wanted to be alone to think." Gibbs answered as he dug his phone out and called for an update on his youngest agent.

"_Jethro. Did you get any sleep?"_

"How's he doin', Duck?" Gibbs asked without answering the M.E.'s question.

"_I'm concerned, Jethro. When I went to check on him about an hour ago, he was awake but so still I had thought him to be asleep until I began checking his vital signs to make sure this ordeal hasn't affected his health. When I was finished and was leaving the room, he thanked me for everything."_

"Why would that concern you?" Gibbs asked his friend.

"_Because, Jethro, when I returned a short while later with a sandwich for him, he had fallen asleep and it wasn't long before he was once again crying out in distress. When I woke him to bring him back to the here and now, he was frantically looking for something or someone and when he didn't find what he was looking for, he became quite upset and curled up in a ball."_

"Any idea what he was looking for?

_"As I said, Jethro, something or someone. I firmly believe he was searching for you."_

Gibbs' heart clenched. He took a deep breath and let it out slowly without looking at either of his agents. "How long ago?"

"_About thirty minutes ago."_

"Duck, I don't get it. What would cause him to …"

"_Jethro, you will recall that Timothy could not find sleep until you were with him. Only you have been able to calm his storms, his fears, if you will. You have always been a surrogate father of sorts to him, even if you were distant with him. More so now that his father has been…..." _Ducky trailed off leaving the rest of what he wanted to say hanging in the air.

"Okay. What do you suggest?"

"_I suggest that you speak with him. At the moment he appears to feel like he has been abandoned."_

"I'll be there in a few. Tony and Ziva are here."

"_Jethro, I know they mean well, but at this time, Timothy is most certainly not up for company. He isn't even able to fully come to grips with everything that's happened. He certainly won't be able to deal with anyone else who has been subjected to any evidence of his painful past"_

"Got it. Yeah. See ya in a few, Duck. Is he asleep now?"

"_I have no idea. When I left, he was still sobbing."_

"Jesus." Gibbs breathed out in frustration. " Okay. I'll be there soon. If you talk to him again, be sure and tell him that will ya, Duck?"

"_Certainly, Jethro, Ziva and Anthony are more than welcome to come keep me company, so long as they understand they cannot be involved with Timothy's situation right now."_

"Got it, Duck." Gibbs ended the call and blew out another sigh of frustration.

"Boss?"

"Gibbs, why is Ducky concerned? Is McGee all right?" Ziva asked before stopping herself to allow him to answer.

"Where's Abby?" Gibbs asked with a sudden realization that she was not being looked after and had to be upset about all this as well.

"Taking care of McMutt and Probie's apartment." Tony answered. "I checked on her a little bit ago. She seemed okay."

"Yeah?" Gibbs doubted.

"Boss, she said she was fine. Said she knew Tim would be out of it for a while and would recover faster if he didn't have to worry about his dog or his apartment." Tony reasoned.

"Call her. Tell her I said to get her ass and the dog over here. I don't want her tryin' to go through this alone. You know those two are close; have been since he joined this team. This has gotta be tough on her." Gibbs instructed and watched as Tony dug his phone out to make the call.

"I'm going back to Ducky's . When Abby and the dog get here, you all can come to Ducky's place to keep Duck company. Tim's nowhere near ready to see anyone yet, especially right now when he's still trying to figure out how to deal with it for himself."

Gibbs vaulted up the stairs with Tony and Ziva on his heels. The two younger people remained in the kitchen, while the boss headed out. Tony dug finally hit the speed dial on his phone to call Abby and Ziva turned to make a fresh pot of coffee. While she'd never been a guest in this house long enough to take such liberties before, she somehow knew they would all need the coffee to get through the day.


	20. Chapter 19

When Gibbs arrived at Ducky's, he was greeted at the door by one very unhappy old friend.

"Duck?"

"Jethro, I'm afraid Timothy seems to have withdrawn back into himself again. In concern for his well-being, I went up to check on him as soon as you and I end our call – only to find him staring sightlessly at what I can only presume to be the wall he is facing."

"Staring off doesn't mean completely withdrawn, Duck." Gibbs tried to reassure the man.

"Yes, well, I would agree with you there, Jethro. However, when one fails to even so much as blink an eye when called or physically touched on the shoulder or even jostled; it is a fairly safe bet that it is because you have reached the state of being mentally withdrawn from the world around you."

Gibbs huffed out a breath of frustration. "Yeah. Okay. Did he eat before this?"

"No, he did not. The sandwich is still there on the bedside table waiting for him. He'll need something to drink. I'll bring him something up." The M.E. stated as he headed toward the kitchen.

"No need, Duck, just give it to me and I'll take it up with me." Gibbs told him. "The others will be here soon. Take a breather and relax till they do. When they do show up, feel free to put 'em to work, runnin' errands for ya or helpin' you with dinner or somethin. You need a break."

"Quite right, Jethro. Very good idea." Ducky answered with a small smile that wasn't reflected in his eyes. He was much too worried about Tim for that.

The Team Leader took the glass of milk up to the bedroom with him and stopped just inside the open door and stopped short at the sight of his agent lying on the bed, his back to the door. His shoulders were stiffened with emotions obviously unresolved; not nearly relaxed enough for the young man to actually be sleeping.

Closing the bedroom door quietly behind him, Gibbs soon rounded the bed and set the milk down on the tall dresser and moved the wrapped sandwich next to it. Turning back to the bed, he looked around for the closest comfortable chair and grabbed hold of it and positioned it near the bed directly in line with Tim's line of sight.

Sitting down in the chair, Gibbs watched for any sign of reaction from the man on the bed. Sure enough, the kid didn't even so much as blink. Taking a long silent minute to look him over, Gibbs noted the young man's hands were the only signs that he wasn't anywhere near as withdrawn as Ducky had thought, or at least he wasn't anymore. If anything it was almost painful to watch as Tim's hands clenched and unclenched into fists on the bed in front of his stomach. While he didn't look comfortable, Gibbs knew that Tim obviously wasn't concerned with physical comfort at the moment.

Ducky surely would have noticed these signs, had they been present when he last checked on his patient. _Obviously, he's trying to process some of this nightmare and needs to stop trying to do it alone._ Gibbs thought. _Time to get him back here completely. Time to let him know he's definitely NOT alone._

"McGee!" Gibbs barked at him in the tone that usually had the kid trippin' over himself to ask _how high_ when the boss said _jump._

This time, however, there was no reaction. _Right. Stronger measures are obviously needed here. _Gibbs realized. _"McGee!"_ he barked louder and with some of the anger he'd been trying to let out earlier.

Still, there was no results, unless the fists that now remained open and unmoving counted, counted. Finally, frustrated and admittedly getting worried, Gibbs allowed himself to actually turn his still simmering anger at what the young man before him had been through; onto Tim himself:

"**DAMN IT, MCGEE, LOOK AT ME!"**

* * *

As Ziva stared sightlessly at the percolating coffee, her thoughts remained on the question of how to help her friend and teammate. While she understood his gentle nature and strong penchant for forgiving others, no matter what they'd done to him, she was equally aware of his ability to bury himself in blame and guilt. _How could she reach through all that and connect with him enough to draw him away from it and back out here to the life he'd worked hard to create for himself? How could she get him to find his way back to living again?_

"Hey, Guys." Abby greeted softly as she came in the house.

"Hey, Abbs. Where's the mutt?" Tony asked her with a smirk.

"I put him in the backyard already. You guys okay?" The Lab Rat asked with concern.

"Yes, Abby, we are fine. And you?" Ziva asked with matching concern.

"I'm fine. I told Tony that earlier." Their resident Goth replied evenly.

"Yeah, well Gibbs didn't believe me. He wanted to see for himself." Tony chimed in.

"No, Tony. That' not what this is about. He may say that he's concerned about me. But, he really just wants to keep all of us close together where he can keep an eye on _all _of us." Abby explained knowingly.

"Why would you think that, Abby?" Ziva asked as she handed Tony a cup of coffee and turned back to the coffee maker to pour yet another cup for the newest arrival.

"Yeah, Abbs. Boss made it a point to remind us that you and Probie have always been close. You two are the ones he's worried about."

"Yes, Tony. But, he also knows that this has affected all of us. He doesn't want us to think he's not looking out for any of us. He's let Timmy think that for years, and look what happened."

"Hey! Whoa, you can't blame the boss for this!" Tony yelled at her.

"Tony!" Ziva reacted in horror.

"Hey! Guys! That's not what I meant!" Abby defended herself but she knew that the look of hurt shone brightly on her face. "I just meant that that's why Tim never felt like he could talk to Gibbs."

"Okay, But, Probie still coulda come to me." Tony complained defensively.

"Anthony DiNozzo! Are you seriously standing here saying this is Timmy's fault for not talking about it?" Abby demanded angrily. "THIS IS NOT TIM'S FAULT!"

'BOTH OF YOU! Calm down." Ziva intervened

Tony breathed out a huff of frustration as Abby turned away and wiped her eyes and and tried to get her rapid breathing under control. A minute later, they were both apologizing and offering each other a hug.

"This is NOT what McGee needs from us. Gibbs has asked that we go keep Ducky company and they are both expecting us. Shall we go?" Ziva asked with measured patience.

"I'll drive." Tony offered.

"I'll be along in a moment. I want to check on Jethro and I need to make a stop." Ziva said as she headed out back with a bowl of water for the dog.

"Tony, can you drive me?" Abby asked. "My car'll be fine here."

"Yeah, Sure, Abbs. C'mon." Tony answered as he led the way to his car.

* * *

Tim's eyes blinked hard twice before they slammed shut.

"No, McGee! Look at me!" Gibbs demanded angrily.

When the wounded look shouted back at him when Tim did as Gibbs commanded of him, Gibbs felt like he'd been punched, yet again. Yet, this had been the only way to get Tim to get back to the here and now. It hadn't been an easy thing to do, just a necessary one.

"I need for you to talk to me." Gibbs told him in a quieter, soothing tone. "Please."

It was a full thirty silent seconds later before the older man's patience and tenacity was rewarded

"Okay." Tim answered softly.

"Tell me what was going through your mind when Ducky woke you up earlier." The boss requested with a quiet tone that bore no anger or authority, just compassion and concern.

"I dunno." His agent responded almost in a whisper.

"That's not a McGee answer, that's a DiNozzo cop out. Talk to me…Ducky said it looked like you were looking for something or someone. Were you?" Gibbs pushed with a bit of authority back in his voice.

Tim sat up and eased himself back against the headboard of the bed. His eyes went to the blanket on his lap and no answer seemed to be forthcoming.

"Tim. I'm not goin' anywhere until you talk to me." His boss warned in the same tone.

"Why?" the softly spoken question took Gibbs by surprise.

"Why what?" was the only thing he could think to ask in return.

"Why do you wanna hear this?" Tim asked with a slice of boldness although he kept his voice low and couldn't keep it from being shaky.

"Because what you think and feel is important. It matters." The older man replied with conviction.

The unspoken question '_since when?'_ sparked through the air between them as an uncomfortable silence interrupted the conversation.

"Hasn't seemed like it. I realize that now, Tim, and I shouldn't have let things be that way." Gibbs offered apologetically.

Silence once again reigned supreme as Tim found himself not knowing how to take what he'd just been told; or even what to do with it.

"Tim, look at me." Gibbs softly requested.

Tim did as Gibbs asked and found himself suddenly anchored to those cobalt blue orbs that radiated truth and trust, promise and concern.

"You didn't think you were important to this team. I get that. I can't tell you how sorry I am that you ever had cause to feel that doubt."

As he tried to process what his boss was telling him, Tim's emotions threatened to run away from him once again and since they'd been wreaking havoc on him for a while now, he'd lost the ability to control them. Trying to blink the traitorous tears away, Tim realized he was fighting a losing battle and finally gave up trying to keep them back and just let them roll on down his face.

"That's why you told your mother not to call me." Gibbs reasoned quietly, silently feeling for Tim's emotional stress and trying not to make it worse even while needing to ferret out the root of his problem

Knowing the man deserved an answer of some sort, Tim nodded his agreement silently.

"Wanna tell me what brought that on?"

"Tony's dad." Tim admitted guiltily as he wiped his tears away, took a deep breath and steeled himself against letting any more of his emotions run away from him.

"What about him? Tony told me you helped him out a hell of a lot with figuring out what his father was up to and even helped him pay for the hotel room."

Tim nodded silently, not looking for any praise for any of that.

"So, what happened? Why wouldn't you ask anyone for help? Jesus, Tim, why wouldn't you ask me? Had to be something pretty damn serious for you to believe I wouldn't be there for you." There was no censure in the question, only confusion and concern.

As the returning hurt and anger at what he'd been told before he'd left work Friday night; hit him all over again; his eyes flashed with everything he was trying to both let out and even what he wasn't trying to share.

"Talk to me." Gibbs pushed again without raising his voice. "What happened with Tony's dad?"

Another long minute of silence filled the air as Tim struggled with how to word what he needed to say so that it wouldn't hurt Gibbs as much as it would truthfully answer the question.

"Wasn't him."

"C'mon, Tim. Stop dragging through this. Just spit it out." The older man requested with just a touch of authority inflected in his ton.

Tim looked up at him for a long minute, almost as if to see what repercussions were waiting for him if he answered the question as honestly as Gibbs was asking for.

"Not gonna come back on you. I'm hoping you've figured out by now, after all of this, that you are very important to this team. I need to hear what happened before I can know how to help you." His boss promised as if reading Tim's mind.

Tim took a deep breath, looked down at the blanket again, and finally allowed himself to admit what had hurt him and convinced him his father had been right about him all this time; even about his career. "It wasn't Tony's dad. It was you."

* * *

When Ziva came back in the house after giving Jethro his bowl of water, she headed back into the kitchen and turned off the coffee pot before tidying up Gibbs' kitchen. As she put things away to the best she could, she spied a loose piece of paper laying on the counter where it had been strewn without much thought, almost as if it had been dropped in a hurry.

Although her gut told her that this wasn't something she needed to be reading, her heart told her otherwise and egged her on to the point where she couldn't put it down until she'd read it. With the paper in hand, she left Gibbs' house and got into her car. Sitting behind the wheel of her car, she read the piece of paper, front and back. Tears filled her eyes at the pain she could almost feel jump off the page at her.

The few times she'd been cruel to Tim, mostly over his book, seemed to come back to haunt her now and although she'd done her level best to treat him as equally respectful and just as much of a friend as he had been to her, she couldn't deny the way she'd deliberately set out to hurt him those few times with her driving because she'd been pissed at him over the book. She had caused him physical pain at least once, she remembered that. And although he'd had to hold an ice pack to his neck while he worked, he had not complained.

Abby had laughed when she'd told Ziva of Tim's spoken concern that she and Tony hated him because of his book. It had struck her as funny that he'd felt this way after the crazy driving she'd deliberately put him through the day before. While it had been funny then, it twisted like a knife in her heart now. Having Tim's mother ask her about her driving and relate to her how Tim had gone home on those occasions shaken, ill and having nightmares drove that knife in even further. Tim had silently forgiven her and he'd continuously showed her that by continuing to be her friend through everything since then. When he'd risked his life, along with Tony and Gibbs, to save her last summer, he'd showed her just how much of a friend he really was and for that she was truly thankful…_I never showed him that though._

And now, Ziva wanted so badly to help him and felt absolutely helpless to do so. Wiping her tears away, she folded up the piece of paper and placed it in her front jean pocket and started her car, putting it in reverse and heading out to Ducky's. Along the way, she mentally shuffled her thoughts until she was once again calm and collected and ready to be of whatever help she could be; to whomever on the team needed it, while she bided her time waiting for the chance to be there for Tim.

* * *

Tony and Abby rode in silence over to Ducky's. Both were unsettled by their minor skirmish back at Gibbs' house and both shared the same determination to do whatever they could for Tim. Abby thought back to the drive home from Tim's parents' house and held onto the memory of being able to hold Tim and be there for him even as he'd slept. He'd let her hold him and hug him before he'd fallen asleep and even though he hadn't said a word, he'd let her be there for him. It seemed to calm her unsettled nerves and restless heart to think back on it now. She hurt for Tim and wanted to just march up to the room he was in and wrap him up in her arms again but she knew that wasn't gonna happen and so had to mentally realign her thoughts to the point where she could be of some help to the others.

Tony knew that if word of his and Abby's little skirmish got back to the boss, his ass would be in the firing line again and Gibbs had enough on his plate and really didn't need dissention in the ranks at the time when he really needed them to pull together as closely as they possibly could.

_Was Abby right? Was the boss worried about him and Ziva as much as he was about Abby? Well, whatever Gibbs needed him to do, to get the team back on its' collective feet, Tony would do._ He silently made himself and Gibbs that promise, even as they pulled up to Ducky's and headed to the front door.

* * *

"It was me." Gibbs repeated in surprise.

"I got stopped by someone who had something to tell me when I was heading out Friday night. Everyone else had already gone. I don't know what they hoped to gain or why they felt they needed to tell me, but…"

"What'd they say, Tim?" the boss asked even as Ducky's words on the subject came back to him with vivid clarity:

_They've always been a team without me. Tony has Gibbs. Gibbs has Tony. They don't need me. They never did. I've always been the team screw-up. And now, they really don't need me._

"You really wanna hear this?" Tim asked fearfully.

"Yeah. I do. I need to know." The boss reassured him.

"Okay…." The young man's voice shook just enough that Gibbs had no doubt, that what he was about to hear, would have gotten buried down deep, silently hurting his agent, if the boss wasn't pushing Tim right now to admit to it.

_"Hey,Tim! Did you hear? Gibbs told Tony's dad that Tony's his best agent. Told him he'd be proud to have a son like Tony. Why doesn't he ever say nice stuff like that about you? I mean you bust your ass for the guy; it's the least he could do. Why do you stay with a boss like that, anyway?"_

Gibbs' silence was unnerving and Tim couldn't handle it on the heels of his brutally honest admission that what someone had said to him about his boss had actually hurt him and affected him as badly as it had. Without a word, he rolled away from Gibbs until he got to the other side of the bed, and got up; using this chance to escape into the bathroom, gently closing the door behind him.

The Team Leader was left speechless and wondering how many more sucker punches he could handle. He'd never intended those words to hurt Tim. Hell, he'd never intended anyone to hear them except Tony's father to begin with. Coupled with the words from Tim's written pain filled journals, Gibbs felt almost overwhelmed with guilt and culpability in what this young man's life had become.

Restless with emotions so thrown for a loop, he was struggling to even think straight, Gibbs got up and moved to the window to allow himself a little bit of time and reflection to try to figure out where to go from here. It was an understood fact of life that none of what had been done or said could ever be taken back and no amount of apologies could ever make things right.

"I didn't wanna tell you about it." Tim said quietly from where he'd silently come out of the bathroom and sat down on the bed. Seeing Gibbs standing at the window lost in his thoughts was almost as disconcerting as his silence had been just a few moments ago. Tim's voice was laced full of regret and pain.

Gibbs turned to look at his agent. "Yeah. I figured." he sympathized. "Can't tell you how sorry I am that you had to go through all this, Tim. Never meant for what I said to Tony's father to hurt you, in any way."

"Doesn't matter." Tim tried to minimize the situation.

"Don't do that. Look at me." The silver-haired man gently requested.

Tim looked up at him with unbridled fear suddenly blazing in his eyes.

"What are you so afraid of, Tim?" Gibbs asked him in surprise, as he came to sit next to him on the edge of the bed.

"I don't know anymore." Tim admitted miserably as he sent his eyes back to the floor at his feet.

"You afraid of me?" Gibbs asked nervously.

"No. Your anger maybe, but never you." The young man vowed quietly but without hesitation.

"I _am _angry, but not at you." The boss promised.

"Really?" Tim sought reassurance.

"Really. And Tim? It _does_ matter. I _am_ sorry that what was said to you had you thinking we wouldn't be there for you." This apology felt just as right and overdue as the other two he'd given Tim. "So sorry that you thought couldn't count on me when you needed me the most."


	21. Chapter 20

Abby and Tony arrived at Ducky's thirty minutes after Gibbs had arrived. When Ducky had heard Gibbs' yelling at Tim, a few moments ago, the M.E.'s heart had leapt into his throat, but all was quiet now and Ducky knew that it had to be a good sign. As he welcomed Abby and Tony into his living room and handed them each a drink, their faces bore evidence of how little peace of mind they were actually experiencing in all of this.

"Timothy is in Jethro's capable hands at the moment. You can relax, both of you." Ducky placated gently to try and ease their troubled minds. He was pleased when he saw them both nod in unison and relax ever so slightly.

"How are you holdin' up, Ducky?" Tony asked in an attempt to cut through the silence and focus on how the M.E. truly was. It was something that had been nagging at him slightly, given Ducky's track record at hiding his emotions.

"I'm fine, Anthony. Thank you for being concerned. I wonder if you'd be so kind as to work out something for dinner for the lot of us, though because I would like to go and lay down for a little while, I will admit to feeling fatigued. Some rest would be most welcome."

"Ducky, are you sure you're all right?" Abby asked him as she stepped up to him and enveloped him in a hug.

"I promise you, I am fine, Abigail. You need not worry. Where is Ziva?" Ducky asked as it hit him that she wasn't with them.

"She'll be here in a few minutes, she said she needed to stop somewhere along the way." Tony answered as he stepped forward and gently nudged Ducky to try and get him moving. Ducky didn't budge though and smiled ruefully at Tony. "We'll take care of dinner, Ducky. Anything you need done?"

"Well, dear boy, you could make a run to the grocery store for whatever drinks you will need to accompany the meal."

"Yeah, we'll take care of it. But, Ducky, I was talking about for you. What do **you** need?" Tony asked.

"Thank you, Anthony, I simply need an hour or two of rest and I will be fine." Ducky answered as he patted Tony's arm, smiled at Abby and headed off to the stairs.

As he reached the landing, he let his feet automatically guide him in the direction of Tim's room and realized that the need to check on his young patient was almost subconscious now and no matter what, he wanted to know that he was alright. He hadn't gone three steps when he paused and realized exactly what he was doing. He didn't need to right now, after all, Jethro was with him and Tim couldn't have been in better hands. Ducky turned back and started the journey to his own room for that nap.

* * *

"You came anyway." Tim acknowledged with a wealth of gratitude in his eyes and his voice. "I'd probably still be in jail if you hadn't. Sure wouldn't be free from the charges already, probably not at all."

"Nothin' was gonna stop any of us from being there for you, McGee. Sure, it took us a little while because we had to see what clues we could find. It was no easy thing finding stuff that would tell us what was going on with you." Gibbs felt a sliver of guilt as he recalled actually thinking for a time, that there was nothing he could do to help Tim.

"Clues? Before you came to New York? Oh, right. You had to treat it like a normal case, didn't you?" Understanding dawned on Tim's face and he felt his face flush. _That meant they'd to have gone through his apartment with a fine tooth comb; his computer hard drive with a fine tooth comb._

"Yeah, we did."

"It's okay, Boss. I get it. Guess it's my own fault for not talking to anyone about it." Tim allowed with complete understanding and self appointed guilt.

"McGee, look at me." Gibbs instructed gently. He was relieved when Tim did as he asked without argument and raised his eyes far enough to look him in the eye.

"_None_ of this is your fault. I need you to get that, in here, where it counts." Gibbs told him as he tapped the spot on Tim's chest where his heart was. "And in here." The finger was now tapping Tim on the temple.

"I'll try."

"You do that. Try real hard, you got me?"

"Yeah, Boss. I got it. Can I ask you somethin'?"

"Anything."

"What exactly did the others have to do in this? Who…" Tim's expression was unreadable but somehow Gibbs just knew what question was bothering the kid now.

"You need to know who knows what about what your… what you've had to live through."

"Yeah."

'Fair enough. Ducky asked me to get your journal from your apartment and I read through it. Ducky read it when I got it back to him. Tony told me a little while ago that he read it that same night when he went in to check on Ducky. I''m not about to lie to you about any of it, McGee."

Tim got up and took to pacing as his mind tried to accept what he was being told. He stopped Suddenly and looked at his boss with a look of sheer horror. "And the tapes?"

"Tony's the one that found them. Tim, I had no idea what he'd find when I gave him that room to process."

"It's not your fault, Boss. I just can't get my head around everyone knowing."

"He only saw the one in the player hooked up to the TV."

"What was on it?"

"It was labeled 'first time'"

Tim's face drained of color as he imagined Tony seeing him as a scared, spineless 8 year old getting the crap whipped out of him and standing there taking it.

"McGee? What is it?"

Tim shook his head, unable to put what he was thinking into words. _Things were never gonna be the same between him and Tony again. This had ruined that for sure, hell they all knew about it now so how the hell would any of them be able to see the capable and trustworthy Special Agent in him now?_

"Tim. I can see those brain waves cracklin'. You're letting the fact that Tony saw the tape of what happened to you as an innocent child convince you that this changes things for the two of you. Right?"

"Yeah." Tim admitted quietly with a shame laced tone.

**Thwack**

Tim slid a glance to his boss and was surprised that given the fact of what had happened and what Gibbs had seen, he could still keep that semblance of normality to his actions.

"Stop doing that! No one – I repeat – no one – thinks any less of you because of what you've had to live through. You got me?"

"Boss, I …"

"it's hard for you to believe that. I get that. Try. Try real hard before you tear yourself down any further, all right?"

Tim nodded silently. Suddenly, he felt an overwhelming need to see them…all of them. Granted, the idea of facing Tony right now scared the hell out of him, even more so than seeing Gibbs initially had, thankfully Tim was now no longer afraid of talking to Gibbs. Now he relished it and truth be told, he would have relished it a long time ago had it been available to him. _No! stop looking back! Only way to get through this is to go from here!_

_But, that meant he shouldn't have any worry about facing Tony, right? Then why did the very idea strike fear through his heart? Maybe it's because Tony's spent years ridiculing you and keeping you convinced you weren't good enough to be on the team? You think he's gonna be thinkin' that this just proves he's been right all along, don'tcha?_

Tim couldn't get his mind to stop going down that tremulous road of negative thoughts about Tony. He didn't want to believe that things would be that way between them, but what else did he have to go on? What was it that was making him think that his brain wasn't telling him the truth?

_C'mon, man! You remember the Tony who came to see you when you'd killed that cop and he knew you were really kickin' yourself for it! He was sympathetic, he understood and wasn't afraid to tell you so! And what about the time he teased you about taking the bus until you told him about your accident? Didn't he immediately drop the crap he'd been feeding you and even hug you in sympathy? You know he's not such a bad guy! Look at how the two of you bonded and worked together while Ziva was missing/presumed dead! Remember the Tony that took the brunt of what that bastard who had Ziva dished out? Remember the Tony who had to shoulder Team Leader responsibility at the drop of the hat when Gibbs abandoned the team? Yeah, it was just as huge an adjustment for you; but Tony treated you right in those four months, didn't he? You're not giving him enough credit and you know it!_

Gibbs watched Tim's eyes as they flickered with the wealth of emotions that his thoughts were stirring up as they ran the gambit.

_You're forgetting the Tony who thought it funny to watch you suffer every chance he could. You're forgetting the Tony who asked Gibbs why Ari didn't shoot you. Remember the Tony who tricked you with glee, out of volunteering to go to Iraq; which in turn, made you look really bad to Vance, when he was brand new in the chair. You're forgetting the Tony who thoughtlessly set you up with a computer romance – with him – through trickery – and thought it was so funny to ignore how much it hurt you that he'd used the very things he'd always teased you about – to lure you in! You're forgetting the Tony who…. STOP IT! HERE AND NOW! HERE AND NOW! NOTHING ELSE MATTERS!_

Mentally exhausted and confused, Tim plopped down in the nearest chair and closed his eyes.

"Talk to me, Tim. What's going on in that head of yours?"

When Tim remained silent, Gibbs pushed harder. He'd seen and heard too much from this young man in the short time they'd been talking to let him stew in whatever was going on in that head of his for very long. It had gotten Tim nowhere, but had mired him in pain and misery before and the Team Leader wasn't about to sit idly by and let it happen again. "C'mon, let it out. Maybe I can help."

Tim looked over at his boss with uncertainty strewn across his face.

"Trust me. I wanna help you."

"I think I'm going crazy." Tim admitted and broke the eye contact he had with Gibbs. The fact that he looked away was more telling that he'd ever know.

"Why? What's goin' on up there?"

"Just two different Tony's fighting to be heard." Tim admitted with a huff of frustration.

"Meaning what?"

"The Tony that's always gotten off on harassing me and taking joy in my misery is currently at war against the Tony that's been the rock, temporary Team Leader and friend." Tim explained as he got up and went to the window. "I don't know which Tony I'll find the next time I talk to him."

"You can trust me on this, Tim. It'll be the second one." Gibbs told him with a sure tone that made it a done deal.

Tim turned to look at his boss but didn't have anything to say. From everything Gibbs had already told him, it sounded as though Tony had really had a rough time of it while helping with Tim's case. This only served to ramp up Tim's guilt in the matter.

"Tim. I can't force you to talk to him. But I am gonna tell you that unless you do, he's gonna think you're angry at him for what he's found out. I don't think you want that and I doubt that you want this to rip away at the relationships you've built on this team, even the imperfect ones." The boss advised sagely.

"Boss, I'm not ready to talk to him. Not until I can sort through it. Couldn't you…"

"Let him know it's not because you're pissed at him? Yeah, I can do that. But, McGee? The rest is gonna be up to you." Gibbs directed as he set the sandwich and milk down next to the younger man. "Now, eat. I'm gonna go make sure the others haven't torn Ducky's house apart."

"They're here?" Tim asked with a note of panic vibrating through his voice.

"Yeah. They're here to help Ducky, though, not to force their way up to see you. Remember, your choices, your pace. But, I won't let you let it turn into _anyone_ feeling guilty over any of it. That includes you! I'll be back in a bit."

* * *

Tony and Abby had headed out to do the grocery shopping after scouring Ducky's cupboards, refrigerator and freezer to see what he had in stock. Satisfied that they knew what it was that was needed, they wrote out a list for both dinner and the stuff that Ducky had been running low of in lieu of him neglecting his own needs, they would be shopping for what he needed. They left a note as to where they were going and walked out looking forward to doing something for their beloved 'uncle', they only hoped that by the time they got back, things would be in a better place with Tim.

Ziva arrived at Ducky's to find Abby and Tony heading out. After a quick chat, they parted ways and Ziva parked her car before heading into the house. When she reached the kitchen, she set about making fresh coffee and refreshing the water in Ducky's tea kettle so that it was ready for everyone when they needed it. As she watched the coffee brew, she heard steps behind her and turned to find Gibbs walking into the room.

"Hey. Where is everyone?" the boss asked.

"Tony and Abby just left to go to the store. They told me that Ducky is 'napping'. Ziva answered him carefully.

"They told you? Did you just get here or somethin'?"

"Yes. I left after the others because I wanted to give Jethro a bowl of water and make sure everything was in order at your house."

"What's wrong, Ziva?" Gibbs gently demanded of her.

"Why would you ask that? What makes you think something is wrong, Gibbs?"

"I can see it in your eyes. Talk to me."

Ziva dug out the piece of paper she found at his house and handed it to him. Gibbs recognized it instantly and his eyes snapped up to Ziva's face.

"Why is this bothering you so much? You had nothing to do with this."

"Yes, Gibbs I have."

As she explained what Tim's mother had told her, she let the bounty of guilt spill over and admitted everything that she felt responsible for. While he was less than happy that she too, had violated Tim's privacy by reading his private writings, he felt a stab of understanding at the extreme emotional toll they'd all been under in the last four days. This wasn't typical for Ziva and the fact that this situation had driven her to this point didn't escape the Team Leader's notice.

Gibbs nodded his understanding when she'd finished letting him in and pulled her into a quick but meaningful hug. As he pulled back from her, he held onto her shoulders gently and looked her in the eye as he spoke: "McGee forgave you a long time ago. You know that. Feeling guilty about it now, won't help either of you, Ziva. Let it go."

"But, Gibbs…" Ziva began to object.

"He's right, Zee." Tim's quiet voice came from behind them and startled them both into turning around to face him.

"McGee!" Ziva cried softly as she instinctively took a step in his direction.

Tim pinned a small smile on his face and opened his arms, hoping against all hope that she'd step into them and let him hug her. _He so needed her right now. She needed to know he wasn't anywhere near upset with her. No, he was thankful for her. Thankful for all of them, but right now he was most especially thankful for Ziva. With everything she'd lived through and learned, she now knew how to stop it ruling her life. She was the one he most needed to talk to. Would she be willing to talk to him, from her heart?_

Ziva willingly stepped into Tim's waiting embrace for a moment and then pulled herself back to look him in the eye. "You are all right, yes?"

"I'm working on it, Zee. Thank you."

"There is no need to thank me, McGee. That is what friends do, is it not?"

"Yeah, it is. Can we talk?" Tim asked her shyly.

"Yes, McGee, we can talk."

"Let's go out back. I'd really like some fresh air." Tim suggested as he slid a glance in Gibbs' direction. "Boss? Thank you. For everything."

"Covered that already, McGee. Go on. You and Ziva go talk." Gibbs answered gruffly.

Tim nodded with a small smile and followed Ziva out to the back yard.


	22. Chapter 21

_"McGee forgave you a long time ago. You know that. Feeling guilty about it now, won't help either of you, Ziva. Let it go."_

"I do hope you will take your own advice, Jethro." Ducky said as he wandered into the kitchen. He had just passed Timothy out in the hallway and offered him a smile of encouragement as the young man had followed in Ziva's wake out Ducky's back porch door. Now, the M.E. had a moment to see how the Team Leader was holding up through all of this.

"Not followin' ya, Duck. How you doin?" Gibbs asked with concern of his own.

"I'm fine, Jethro, I was refer…"

"Hey, Ducky! Hey Gibbs!" Abby greeted cheerfully as she walked into the kitchen. It had been almost two hours since they had left out and were surprised to find Gibbs waiting for them in Ducky's kitchen. Her infectious smile was in place as was her normal bounce and at the moment she seemed to be faring well.

"How's Timmy?" Abby asked as she stepped up to first Ducky and hugged him and then Gibbs.

"He's fine. Abby. As much as he can be after everything he's been through." Gibbs answered as he returned her hug and kissed her cheek.

"Where is he? I wanna see him." she declared as she stepped back and glared at him, almost defying him to argue with her wishes.

"Abbs, he's handling this how he needs to, remember? No pressure?" his answer surprised her.

"I'm not gonna pressure him, Gibbs! I just wanna see him and let him know I'm ready to listen when he's ready to talk. You know he's gonna wanna talk about something!" She protested loudly. "I just wanna talk to him." Abby was quick to defend her intentions.

"Abby. Listen to me. You need to take a step back from this. Just for a second. McGee is making his own choices in this and you can't go by how things used to be with this. You'll only wind up getting hurt. He's talking to Ziva right now. His choice." the boss put his foot down even as he offered his gentle words of warning.

"Oh. OH!" Abby blew out a frustrated breath of air.

Tony wordlessly continued to put the store bought items away while Gibbs' words to Abby spun around in his head. _Probie was talking to Ziva and Gibbs felt it necessary to warn Abbs not to think that things would be the same as they used to be between her and Probie. What the hell was going on?_

"Abigail, Jethro is quite right. Timothy's propensity for accepting the blame as well as taking on the guilt for what happens around him will undoubtedly have him feeling uncomfortable around us at the moment, at least until he's had the chance to work through some of it and finds a way to let go of it, at any rate." Ducky reminded her in a way that undoubtedly was meant to remind all of them at the same time. "Now, shall we occupy ourselves with preparing dinner? Tell me, what did you have in mind?"

As Abby and Ducky chatted, they looked over what had been bought and began working on dinner while Gibbs gravitated toward Ducky's front porch. Tony silently followed in his boss' wake, unsettled by the unhappy look he'd seen on the man's face.

"Boss? Everything all right?" Tony asked as he came out onto the porch and hitched himself up on the railing where he and Gibbs could talk quietly without being overheard.

"As good as it can be, all things considered, Tony. Just gotta take it one day at a time." Gibbs answered after he'd sat himself down on Ducky's porch swing.

"What did you mean with Abby just now, Boss? Is Probie upset with her about something?" the concern and confusion was clearly written on the younger man's face as he asked.

"Not that I know of, DiNozzo. What I told her goes for the rest of ya too." Gibbs sat back and gazed out into the darkened yard. It really was peaceful out here. _If only that peacefulness could be bottled and dispensed to his team like a vitamin._

"Oh. Okay. I get it. Yeah, I kinda figured things would be different now, awkward, uncomfortable…" Tony started to rationalize what he understood.

"Tony. Need you to listen to me for a minute." Gibbs dragged his attention away from what he was looking at to interrupt Tony.

"Okay. Sure."

"McGee's struggling right now. He's not sure how to talk to you the next time he sees ya."

"What? Why?" Tony frowned at that new development and felt his chest tighten. "I'm not sure what I've done that makes him thing that!"

"It's not because he's pissed at you for finding out what he's been through. He needs you to understand that much and believe it."

"Meaning you told him I read his journal and somehow, he's not pissed about it."

"Wasn't gonna lie to him, DiNozzo. He asked who knew what. If I were in his shoes, I'd wanna know, too." Gibbs responded calmly.

"Okay. So what is it, then, Boss?"

"Try your two different ways of treating him all these years, Tony. He's scared. Doesn't know which side of you he's gonna get when he does finally bring himself to talk to you. It's pretty much a given that your frat boy attitude isn't something he can handle right now." the boss explained patiently.

Tony blew out a sigh of guilt laden frustration. "So, what you're sayin' is, he's afraid to talk to me?" Tony needed to hear it confirmed.

"Pretty much."

"That why he's talking to Ziva?"

"I doubt it." Gibbs offered honestly.

"I'm not followin' you here, Boss." With a shake of his head, Tony settled back feeling totally defeated.

"Think about it, Tony. What's Ziva really good at?"

"Hiding her feelings."

"Well, yeah, there is that. But, I'm talking about how she's learned to function and live with everything she's been through without wearing it on her sleeve or even letting it show in any way." Gibbs reminded him of the scope of what they were looking at.

"So, you think Probie's trying to get her to teach him how to do that?" Tony reasoned out so he'd get the bigger picture the boss was obviously trying to show him.

"It's a bet I'd take." Gibbs answered with a nod of his head.

"And you're okay with this?" the younger man asked with surprise and even a touch of anger. He certainly wasn't okay with it.

"Not gonna tell him how to handle this, Tony. He has to do work it out for himself." Gibbs stuck to his guns for Tim's right to handle things in his own way.

"But, Boss…" the objection wasn't unexpected.

"Didn't say I wouldn't keep my eye on him, DiNozzo." Gibbs defended his own intentions.

"I don't like it." Tony worried; after all, the way in which Ziva dealt with things wasn't ideal and might end up causing his Probie more pain.

"Just watch for your opening and approach him carefully, Tony. Whatever you do, don't lay any more guilt on him – about anything." The warning was subtle and quiet, but held enough heat to make Tony understand that the Boss wouldn't take kindly to Tim being made to suffer anymore than he was already.

"Why would I, Boss?"

"Dunno, Tony. Just a word of caution and not just for you, either."

"Okay." His understanding came with a dose of relief that the warning wasn't directed at him alone.

"C'mon, let's go help Abby and Ducky with dinner." Gibbs suggested as he led the way back into the house, determined to keep an eye on all of them.

* * *

"Thanks for talking to me, Ziva. I really appreciate it." Tim offered quietly as he looked her in the eye and gave her a smile of appreciation.

"McGee, why would I not talk with you? You are my friend are you not? You have been through a terrible nightmare and I will do whatever you need me to do to help you." she answered while looking right back at him with a serious expression that was interlaced with a small smile of her own.

"Thanks. I need you to know that Gibbs is right. I have forgiven you for everything that you just told him you were worried about. I did that a long time ago. I've never been able to stay angry with you, Ziva. Besides, we both know I had it coming, at least a little bit."

"No, McGee, you did not! I was wrong to treat you that way and I will not allow you to excuse anyone who does in the future!" Ziva exclaimed. "You are much too soft on those who hurt you and mistreat you! You _must_ stop doing that to yourself!" Ziva inhaled sharply before finishing what she had to say. "Tim, you have to start looking out for yourself. You have to have some degree of self preservation because that is the only thing that is going to protect you both physically and emotionally. Do not let people treat you badly anymore."

"Jeez, Ziva. I never knew you felt that way."

"That is because I did not feel it was right for me to interfere with how you dealt with people. But, seeing what you have just been through has shown me that you have done this because of what your father did to you and what he taught you to believe about yourself. It is wrong. All of it is wrong! Please tell me you will stop."

Tim sat down in Ducky's lawn chair and looked her straight in the eye again. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything, McGee. That is why I am out here with you."

"What did you find out while helping to get me out of there?" There was nothing behind the question but concern. He needed to know how much she'd been privy to in order for him to gage her reactions and give him an idea of where to take this conversation from this point.

"Are you sure you want to hear this?" Ziva asked with concern.

"I need to know. Please?" Tim pushed.

"Okay. I accompanied Gibbs back to your apartment when he went to retrieve your journal for Ducky."

"Have you read it?" the question came with no anger or judgement, just the need to know.

"No. But, I know it is full of the pain you went through as a child." She looked down at her clasped hands and started to sub-consciously rub her thumb against her palm.

"I thought you said you didn't read it?" Tim asked in confusion.

"I did not. I came back to your apartment while Gibbs was still reading it." Ziva clarified what she'd meant. "I have never seen him that upset before."

"What else did you find?" Tim asked as he deliberately and immediately moved the conversation off the subject of Gibbs' emotions, purely out of respect for his boss.

"Nothing else. I did talk with your sister. She needed someone to confide in and I have promised to keep her confidences."

"Thanks for being there for her, Ziva. Don't worry, I won't ask you to tell me what she said. So, then you didn't read or see anything that was considered evidence that cleared me?" Tim continued the questions where he needed them to go.

"No, McGee. I did not. The rest of the team did." Ziva's answer surprised him.

"Oh." Tim's quiet reply shocked her slightly, it was almost as if he was disappointed that she didn't, though she highly doubted that and knew that it was because his friends now knew what he went through.

"Is this what you wanted to talk to me about? Or was there something more?" she asked in hopes that he would continue to talk with her and not shut down on her.

"I wanted to ask you – if you're willing to tell me that is – how you learned to lock it all away and live as though it's not there. How do you push it away?" the questions came so softly, she almost didn't hear them. It was obvious that even while searching for the answers, he was still hurting from it all.

"Oh, Timothy. You do not want to do that!" She replied softly with a hint of regret and sorrow for what he was asking. "Trust me, you cannot pretend that what you have been through has not happened."

"Ziva, I have to! You do it, Tony does it, Gibbs does it, hell even Ducky does it! I can't wear my heart on my sleeve anymore! Don't you see that? If I have any chance at all of ever being good at my job again, then I have to do it! If I can't lock it away, then everyone's gonna walk around feeling either sorry for me or guilty and I can't deal with that. Not to mention, Gibbs said he doesn't want anyone being made to feel guilty for any of this and he's right!" Tim got to his feet and paced in front of the chairs as he defended his request.

"You are sure this is what you want?" Ziva pushed for him to admit it again, for his own sake.

"Yes!" Tim answered with a firm resolve. He did want this and he would do anything in his power to achieve it.

"Very well. But, I do not believe we should discuss it here. Would you be willing to go with me to my apartment where we can talk in private?"

"Sure."

"All right. I will inform Ducky." she offered.

"No, Ziva. Call Gibbs. I'm not gonna do any end runs around him." Tim requested earnestly.

"Is that what this would be?" she asked in confusion.

"He might see it that way." Tim worried.

"All right. Come, we will call him from the car." Ziva stood up and reached out so that Tim could take her hand for a moment of connected support. She reveled slightly in the warmth that it provided but pulled back and started to lead the way out of the garden towards the place that she was parked. Just before she reached the car, she dialed Gibbs' phone.

"_Yeah. Gibbs_."

"Gibbs, I am taking McGee out for a drive. I will bring him back in a little while." She announced confidently.

"_Ziva. Dinner's cookin' for everyone – where you takin' him?"_

"I thought I would take him to my apartment so we could talk."

"_Okay. Don't think Ducky's gonna appreciate you two duckin' outta dinner, though."_

"When will it be ready?"

"_Dunno, let me find out."_ She heard a door open and footsteps and guessed that Gibbs was walking towards the kitchen from the back porch._"Hey, Duck. What time you planning on havin' dinner?"_

"_It should be ready in about an hour and a half, Jethro, why?"_ She heard in the background before Gibbs' voice came back on the line.

"_You hear that, Ziva? Hour and a half!"_

"We will be here." She promised.

"_Ziva. …"_

"Relax, Gibbs. I will take good care of him."

"_I'm gonna hold you to that." _Ziva grinned at her boss' warning.

"I know."

Gibbs snapped his phone shut and put it away.

"Jethro, what on earth...?"

"Ziva's taking McGee for a drive. They'll be back in time for dinner." Gibbs cut in, hoping to take away the worried frown on Ducky's face.

"What? Gibbs!" Abby cried out with disbelief.

"Abby. Like I said, Tim's decisions. Back off." the boss reminded her.

"It doesn't make sense!" Abby fumed as Tony and Gibbs exchanged glances and slid a look in Ducky's direction.

"Abigail, would you be a dear and go feed Jethro? I believe he's probably due for some water, as well. You'll find the water hose at the side of the house." Ducky suggested warmly knowing that the easiest way to steer Abby away from one of her rants, was to keep her busy.

"Huh? Oh, okay. Sure, Duckmeister." She said quietly as she headed out back.

Once she was gone, Ducky immediately turned to Gibbs. "What is it?"

"Ziva's lifetime achievement of hiding her feelings and keeping what she's going through buried so deep that no one can get in" Tony said before Gibbs could, though his voice still held a little bit of skepticism.

"Or help her deal with it." Gibbs added quietly.

"And you believe this is what Timothy is seeking from her? The knowledge of how she accomplishes this?"

"Stake my next paycheck on it, Duck." Gibbs answered as he slid a glance in Tony's direction, knowing that Tony didn't like it any more than he did himself.

"What are you planning on doing about it? I will admit, that it is certainly not the healthiest way for him to deal with what he has just been through."

"Keep my eye on him." Gibbs answered with conviction.

"That's it?" asked Ducky indignantly.

"Ducky. We cannot tell him that he can't do this. You of all people, know that. If this is what he wants to do, then we have to let him do it."

"Oh, Jethro, I do hope you're right about that being good enough to keep him from doing himself more harm than good."

"Me too, Duck. Me too."

* * *

"Are you serious, Ziva? Meditation?" Tim asked her incredulously as they entered her apartment and she immediately headed toward the mats she used the floor.

"Very serious, McGee. It allows you to take everything that you are feeling and place it somewhere where you can keep it under lock and key."

"Really? And what happens when you wind up having a really crappy day? You tellin' me that that lock still stays in place?" Tim had no idea whether this would work but he did trust Ziva. It had worked for her so far, so why wouldn't it work for him? _No, this probably wouldn't, after all, he wasn't like Ziva in any way, shape or form and his penchant for worrying about what everyone else was thinking about him would always get in the way._

"When you have learned how to secure it, yes." she answered calmly.

"Oh, boy. I'm screwed." He groaned.

"Excuse me?" she asked with a touch of outrage.

"Ziva, I don't think this will work." he clarified with a hint of aplogy in his tone.

"You will not know this unless you try it out, yes?" she encouraged.

"Yeah. Okay." He conceded. "Is it like zoning out or something?"

"It can be, but not always, McGee. Come. I will show you." Ziva reached over and took two of the large s cushions off of her couch before placing them down on the floor. She walked over to the mantle to grab some candles and placed them in between the space that they would be using. "Now, sit down on this cushion and trust me."

"I do." Tim sat down cross legged and waited for Ziva to follow. It wasn't long before she lit the candles and joined him on the floor.

"Okay, McGee. Are you ready?"

"Ready as I'll ever be."

* * *

An hour and fifteen minutes later, Ziva and Tim returned to Ducky's. They were both quiet and introspective and failed to notice the looks of concern that were abundant in the faces of their teammates.

Tim escaped to his room without a word to anyone, feeling completely unable to face Tony or even Abby right now. He knew this made him seem rude and horrible but he couldn't help it, he needed the alone time. At least the boss knew he couldn't face Tony just yet. He'd understand this need for solitude.

Tony looked at Gibbs for direction knowing that it was because of his presence that Tim had removed himself from the possibility of having dinner with the team. His biggest concern was that the Probie was continuing to worry about it and wanted nothing more than to stop Tim feeling that way. He wanted it to stop now. Silently, with a look he hoped Gibbs could read, meant to let him know what he was gonna do, Tony followed in Tim's wake.

"Ziva." Gibbs called to his agent who was currently standing at the sink, looking out over the front yard, seemingly lost in thought.

"Yes, Gibbs?" Ziva turned and looked Gibbs straight on.

"You keep an eye on him." He instructed quietly.

"I do not know what you are..."

Gibbs' eyebrows arched as he sent her the look that plainly told her he knew exactly what was going on and he didn't like it.

"Of course." She replied with a complete understanding of what his look implied.

"Ziva, Timothy may believe this is what he wants, however, it does not mean that this is what's best for him." Ducky verbalized his concern.

"This is what McGee has decided he needs to do. He wants to return things to normal. He does not wish for anyone to dwell on what has happened." Ziva answered. Looking at Gibbs she went on, "He does not wish for anyone to feel guilty for any part of it. It would appear he agrees with you on that."

"Jethro?" Ducky questioned Ziva's statement with a twinge of anger at what he was hearing.

"Told him I didn't want anyone to be made to feel guilty for whatever they found out about what he's been through; including himself, Doc. Didn't mean for him to think this is how he had to handle it."

"The two do not necessarily go hand in hand, Jethro. Timothy is most likely trying to put it all away at the same time and has come to the conclusion that this is the only way to accomplish that task."

"Still don't like it." Gibbs declared.

"Gibbs…"

"Ziva, I'm not judging you for how you deal with things in your own way. But, McGee isn't you." He tried to inject as much warmth and sympathy into his statement as he could, knowing that it could be take the wrong way.

"No, Gibbs, he is not. And I promise both of you that I will keep my eye on him. If I see that there is a problem, then I will try to convince him that it is not working."

"Countin' on it. You're forgetting somethin' though. "

"I am?"

"You start seein' a problem, you damn well better let me and Ducky know about it." the boss put his foot down.

"Would that not defeat the purpose of trying to deal with things in his own way?" she asked in confusion.

"His well-being's not negotioble, Ziva." Gibbs warned.

"No, it certainly is not." Ducky seconded his friend's declaration.

"Of course not." Ziva agreed without hesitation. "Yes, of course, I will come to you if I begin to see a problem."

"Good." Gibbs replied as he turned back to the stove for a refill on his coffee.

"Where did Anthony go? Where is Abigail?" Ducky worried.

"Tony went up to talk to McGee. Abby hasn't come back in from taking care of the dog." Gibbs answered him with a frown. "She been out there all this time?"

"I will go talk with Abby." Ziva volunteered. "She is most likely upset that McGee has not spoken with her yet."

* * *

"McGee, can I come in?" Tony asked as he knocked on the bedroom door. He noticed that it was ajar and that Tim had settled for leaving a small gap.

"Yeah." Tim answered quietly.

"Relax, McGoo, I just wanna talk." Tony opened the door and looked in at Tim sitting in the chair by the window.

"I figured or you wouldn't be up here, Tony." Tim replied in a nervous voice. Tony took notice of it and walked into the room.

"Boss told me about why you won't talk to me yet." the older man's shot of understanding seemed to help keep things calm.

Tim nodded and looked down at his feet.

"The only thing that's running through my head after everything I've seen and read this weekend, Probie, is what a complete jerk I've been to you and how I'll never be able to undo any of it." Tony offered sincerely.

"Tony. Don't. Please. I don't want this to do this to us. Yeah, you've been a jerk at times, but you've been a pretty stand-up guy, too. You've come through for us plenty of times….come through for me." Tim added as a quiet afterthought as he brought his eyes up to meet Tony's. "I can't handle your guilt, Tony. I need for us to move on from this point forward. Think we can do that?"

"Yeah. Yeah, Probie, we can do that. Talk to me. What do you need from us, from me?" Tony answered back with a genuine concern that touched Tim's soul, right where he needed to feel it.

"I just need for things to get back to normal, Tony. Not sure that's possible, but that's what I need. I think that's what we all need." Tim answered calmly even as his nerves twitched with the effort it was taking not to fall apart in front of his big brother.

"And the reason you won't talk to Abby?" Tony asked with a big brother's concern for both of his hurting siblings.

"Is she prepared to move on without dragging this out? Without dwelling on it?" Tim asked sadly. Tony cocked his head and saw nothing but a deep rooted honesty in his friend's eyes that threatened to undo him. "She has a hard time listening to what other people need when it comes to stuff like leaving things alone, Tony."

"Have you asked her?"

"No."

"Don't you think you should?" Tony offered the only solution he knew of in this situation.

"Guess so."

"Yeah, you really need to. You comin' down? Ducky's been cooking up a storm in the kitchen and you've gotta be hungry."

"Yeah. I'll be down in a minute."

"Okay. Good." Tony turned towards the door and started heading out. He stopped when he heard Tim's voice travel across the bedroom.

"Tony?"

"Yeah, McGoo?"

"Thank you."

"No sweat, man."

As soon as Tony closed the door behind him as he left, Tim felt the backbone he'd tacked up long enough to get through the talk with Tony, crumble.

_What the hell had he been thinkin' believing he could do this? He didn't have the internal fortitude to shove all this - everything he'd found out and hadn't even had a chance to work through or talk about – down where he wouldn't think about it anymore. Did he really think he could pull this off? Maybe not – but, damn it, it was the only way for him to take back his life and he wasn't gonna not give it his all. If the rest of the team can do it, so can I! Shrinks! Who the hell needs them when all you have to do is shove it all away and not think about it in the first place?_

Taking a deep, cleansing breath, he straightened his shoulders and left the sanctuary of his room and made his way downstairs. As he walked down, he looked through the window that faced the backyard and saw that Ziva and Abby were sitting exactly where he had been talking to Ziva earlier on. They were deep in conversation and he knew that he really did need to talk to Abby, Tony was right about that. Hopefully, Ziva would stay out there with him while he did so that he could use her strength to spur him on. Her being out there with them would keep things grounded, things wouldn't get handled the wrong way or spiral of his control. He let his private, new found mantra roll through his mind.

_Locked up tight. Locked up tight. Don't let the lock slip out of place_.

He took in another deep, cleansing breath and exhaled slowly before heading out back to the two people huddled at the garden chairs.

"Timmy!" Abby squealed as she spotted him walking across the yard towards her and Ziva. Both women stood to their feet as he walked toward them.

Ziva smiled at him and made to leave him and Abby alone. Tim saw this and smiled at Abby before turning to Ziva.

"Stay. Please." He requested quietly before walking the rest of the way up to Abby. As he allowed her to hug him and let her hold him in her death grip of a hug, he determinedly kept his eyes shut, forcing the tears that were threatening to escape, back down. He was NOT gonna let any more emotions run free because of this. He HAD to take back control of it.

"Timmy, you okay?" she asked him with all the concern she had in her.

"Abby. I'm fine. I need for us to just get back to normal. Please? I don't wanna talk about any of it and I don't want anyone to dwell on what happened any more. Let's just get back to being a team, all right?" _There was no way he was gonna let her see how hard this was for him. The whole point of asking Ziva to help him put it all where no one could see it, was to keep that from them. He could do this. He could get them to get back to normal. Couldn't he?_

Abby stepped back and looked deep into his eyes, searching for a glimpse of what he was really feeling like she used to be able to do. She felt alarmed at the realization that she couldn't read him right now. It was as if he'd shuttered whatever he was feeling behind an iron curtain.

"Okay. McGee. I can do that. Listen, I need to talk to Ziva for a minute, okay?" Abby replied in her all too calm voice that spelled real anger before the storm.

"Abby? What's going on?" Tim asked warningly, not liking the way she was acting. It served to distract him from the internal struggle he'd just been waging, at least for the moment.

"Nothing, McGee. We'll catch up with you at the dinner table, all right? I just really need to talk to Ziva." Abby answered him with her too sweet smile and her too happy voice.

"Better not be lyin' to me, Abby." Tim warned as he turned and headed back inside. He wasn't fooled, but didn't want to make an issue out of it. All he could do is hope she wouldn't do anything to make things harder on any of them.

Abby waited until Tim had disappeared inside before she rounded on Ziva and fired the first shot.

"What the hell have you done to him?" she demanded angrily.

"Abby what are you talking about?" Ziva asked calmly with a frown.

"Since when does McGee NOT let us see what he's feeling? His eyes, Ziva! We've _always_ been able to read him! It's always been in his eyes!"

"Abby. Listen to me, all right? If McGee chooses to start being less obvious about how he is feeling, then that is his choice. It is his right." The last sentence was said more firmly than intended, but Ziva knew that anything other than forcefulness wouldn't be effective.

"Doesn't answer my question!" the lab rat declared with no less anger.

"I have done nothing other than what McGee has asked me to do. He just wants me to be his friend." Ziva defended herself with rising anger of her own.

"C'mon, Ziva! Don't give me that! Where did you go for all that time you were gone with him just now and what did you do?" by now, Abby's voice had risen to a very high decibal.

"Abby!" Gibbs' angry voice carried clearly and angrily as he walked across the yard toward them in his pissed off clip.

"Gibbs?" Abby found it hard to control herself as her anger reached boiling point and the reply to the boss was heavily laced with sarcasm.

Gibbs reached the girls and spoke in his no nonsense tone that no one argued with. "Knock it off!" Turning to his agent, he calmed his voice before he spoke to her. "Ziva go on back inside."

Ziva nodded and walked towards the house. She watched while she passed by him, as Gibbs got in Abby's space. Ziva could feel the anger rolling off of him.

"Gibbs!" Abby cried in objection.

"Abby. You listen to me! I get that this is hard for you. I warned you that it would be, but leave it alone! If McGee chooses to ask Ziva for help with what he's going through, that's his choice, not yours. I'm not gonna let you rake either one of them over the coals for it just because you don't like it."

"He's hiding it all away and you're okay with that?" she demanded angrily.

"Abby. Since when do we tell each other how to handle our private lives?" He asked forcefully.

"But, Gibbs! This is different!" Abby defended her anger.

"No. It's not. Let. It. Go. McGee wants normal. Is that really so hard to understand?"

"I don't like it." she declared petulantly.

"Didn't say you were gonna like it. You don't have to. Like I told you already, it's not your call. DON'T make me say it again!" Gibbs glared at Abby hoping that the words would sink in. He could almost pinpoint the exact moment that they had an effect and stood down. "C'mon, dinner's waiting."

* * *

Tim entered the dining room where the clamor of everyone beginning to sit down to dinner could be heard. He silently took the empty seat at the edge of the table where Ducky sat at the head and was thankful that Tony chose the seat next to him. Truth be told, the conversation with Tony had been much easier than he'd even thought possible and he felt more at ease being around him now. For that piece of normality, Tim was profoundly thankful.

He had no doubt that the others would do their best to get things back to that as well but Abby was the one he was concerned about and he was secretly relieved when he'd seen Gibbs head out to the backyard to run interference between the girls. He'd stopped to watch out the window and had seen Abby turn on Ziva. He'd heard the raised voices and been hit between the eyes with the fact that Abby had just intentionally lied to him.

To make matters worse, she'd turned on Ziva, who had only been trying to help both him and Abby as a friend. For that she got a throughly pissed off Abby coming at her with her hackles raised. Tim was seriously upset about it but did his level best to contain his anger knowing that it wouldn't do anyone any good at the moment. Tony being the one sitting next to him helped him tamper down his anger, but it was doing nothing for the fact that it was still simmering just below boiling and it wouldn't take much to push him over the edge. Tony's looking at him with concern every couple of minutes was surprisingly helpful in keeping it there where it was safe for the moment.

Standing in the doorway of the dining room, Gibbs looked on as big brother Tony took his role seriously and maintained a watcful eye on Tim as they sat down to dinner. With a sense of relief and pride, he left Tony to the task before him and turned his attention to the younger man beside him. As he took his seat across from the young man, on the other side of Ducky, he watched the expressions quickly flitter across Tim's face and then slip away into hiding.

While he'd gone out back to intervene between his girls, the boss hadn't missed the fact that Tim had seen the altercation through a window in the next room. It didn't take a genius to figure out that the young man wasn't happy about what he'd seen and remarkably, he was doing a damn fine job of slipping his façade into place. _Damn, Ziva must have some kinda tricks up her sleeve if he's already mastered this not letting it show. Gonna have to watch him like a hawk._


	23. Chapter 22

Dinner had been an unusually strained event and it was only thanks to Tony's superhuman efforts to try and inject as much normality as possible for all of them that saved the day and made everyone feel reasonably comfortable. Thankfully, his efforts with his trademark movie trivia and the questions testing the rest of them about their own movie knowledge, paid off and by the end of the meal the group was back on more solid footing with each other. None of them were fooled that things would be smoothed out in their individual relationships though and Tim hated every minute of that knowledge. It was tearing him apart knowing that it was his fault things were falling apart and his teammates were getting hurt in the process. It was weighing him down heavily and he just didn't know how to deal with it.

Being the first to excuse himself from the table, Tim moved out to Ducky's front porch for a breath of fresh air and the chance to think of what he needed to do from this point on. _He wanted normal, in every part of his life and theirs and yeah, he wanted it now. Staying here at Ducky's wasn't normal. Then again, maybe that was the one area of his life he wasn't ready to have back on normal speed. But, staying with the M.E. seemed so far beyond normal that it felt wrong. What was the solution? _

He'd wanted, no, felt that he'd needed to stay with Gibbs but now that he thought about it, he realized that trying too hard to be at the place where he knew the man would have to continue to give a damn about him, was just that…trying too hard. It would backfire on him sooner or later and that was something he wasn't prepared to deal with. _Then again, staying with the boss wasn't normal either. When you got right down to it, staying with anyone wasn't normal. So what was the solution?_

As Tim headed outside and they all heard the front door close behind him, the room got deathly quiet. The tension in the room increased until, finally, Gibbs couldn't stand where this was going any longer and stood up to address his team.

"I'm only gonna say this once." He warned. "McGee does not need to feel responsible for how we feel about any of this. That includes how he decides to deal with what he's been through. Got it?"

"Yes, Gibbs."

"Understood, Boss."

"Gibbs!" Abby protested.

"Abigail. That unpleasant scene before dinner leaves me to believe that you are quite upset about something. Rather than let this situation become a festering wound between both yourself and Ziva, which undoubtedly will only add to the stress Timothy is currently under. I ask that the two of you work to resolve the problem here and now, please." Ducky added. "No doubt everyone in this room is feeling the strain because of these recent developments, as well. That is another reason why we must all try to make amends. Fractured relationships among us will no doubt adversely affect Timothy's ability to move on from this tragedy in his life. None of us wish to see him take on the blame for where we allow our relationships to go from here, do we?"

"Ducky, you mind if I jump in?" Tony interjected.

"Certainly, Anthony."

"Look, Abby. None of us are happy about how Probie thinks he has to handle what he's been through. When you consider the scope of it all, though, you kinda can't help but respect the hell outta him for wanting to get back to normal." Tony reasoned out.

"What scope? What is everything?" Abby demanded, looking from Tony to Gibbs and back again.

"Need to know, Abby." Tony answered before the boss could. He didn't mind playing the bad guy this time because Gibbs deserved the break. "We only needed to know to have the evidence for the judge. We had it. It cleared him. End of story. If you think we're gonna go over it again, you're wrong, it won't happen. It's up to Probie to tell you and I think I'd hurt someone before I'd let him go through reliving any of it again."

"Tony!"

"Abby. That does not mean he does not need us as his friends anymore. You know that will never happen. You have always been a special person in McGee's life and the only reason he is not leaning on you right now, is because you chased him away earlier." Ziva piped in and tried to explain to Abby.

"How would you know?" Abby demanded with a bite.

"Abby! If you'd stop jumpin' down her throat long enough, you'd see we're all on the same side here!" Tony chided her. "Now, while you ladies are busy fixing the problem between you, I'm taking McGee to a movie. We'll see you later."

"DiNozzo." Gibbs stopped his Senior Field Agent's trek toward the door.

"Yeah, Boss?"

"Were ya gonna fill Ducky in on your plan to take McGee out?

"Oh, right. Sorry, Ducky."

"No. Anthony, that is quite all right. It will most likely do Timothy some good to get out and occupy his mind enough to stop him thinking on things he is trying so obviously hard to forget."

"Um, yeah, About that." Tony hedged.

"Spit it out, DiNozzo." Gibbs told him impatiently.

"I'm kinda thinkin' that if things being normal is what he's after, then Probie might be worried that stayin' here's a bit…._outside of the box_. It's not what he would normally do and that it'll keep everything too fresh. No offense, Ducky." Tony quickly tried to smooth any ruffled feathers that might come up.

"None taken, Anthony. And you are probably right. I wish to go speak with Timothy before you leave. Why don't you youngsters get started on cleaning up from dinner while Jethro and I go talk to our young friend, hmm?"

"Oh. Okay, Ducky."

"Keep it civil." Gibbs warned the three younger people before he turned and followed in Ducky's wake.

As they reached the front porch, they could see that Tim was once again lost in his thoughts. They were reluctant to rouse him from whatever he was thinking about though but only because he didn't seem too stressed out at the moment. The two older men started to hedge closer with the hopes of simply sitting behind Tim and acting as silent sentinels watching over him until his mind was free of whatever it was he was thinking about. Fate worked against them as the porch creaked under their footsteps and Tim's attention was brought back to the here and now.

"Is something wrong?" he asked when he saw both older men watching him.

"No, Timothy. We merely wished to speak to you about what it is you wanted to have happen from this point forward." Ducky replied kindly, hoping that he hadn't worried his young friend anymore.

"I don't understand."

"McGee. You've made it clear that you want things to get back to normal for everyone. What exactly does that mean for you?" the boss asked in support of Ducky's explanation.

_How could he answer that without hurting Ducky's feelings or coming across as ungrateful?_

The silence was fast becoming uncomfortable which seemed, in Ducky and Gibbs' minds, to prove Tony right. Gibbs decided that it was time to take the bull by the horns and be done with it. "DiNozzo seems to think that you'd rather not stay here."

The guilt that crashed through Tim's expression left no doubt that Tony had been right as Tim lowered his eyes to the floor.

"Timothy, there is no need to feel guilty for not wanting things to remain uncomfortable for you. I completely understand. This is not a normal thing for you to do; especially given the circumstances that lay behind it. Continuing to stay here would enforce that. Relax, dear boy, I do not take this personally one bit, so please, stop worrying about it."

Tim finally looked back up at them and both Gibbs and Ducky were pleased to see that the guilt seemed to melt off his face, only to be replaced with nothing but relief. It didn't last long through and Tim soon remembered to close the metaphorical shutters on the windows to his soul. Gibbs saw his agent's eyes harden and realized that where he had always been able to see what Tim was feeling, now his eyes gave nothing away and he didn't like it one bit.

"Damn it, McGee." Gibbs muttered. Trying to leave his own feelings out of things, the boss moved the conversation into safer waters. "Tony says he's taking you to a movie. You up for that?"

"Sure, Boss." Tim answered quickly…'_Too quickly'_ thought Gibbs but he let it go in the hope that Ducky would pick up on it as well. He was inwardly pleased when Ducky's voice cut through the silence that hung between them momentarily.

"Timothy. I will tell you right now, that if I find out that you are allowing others to make these decisions for you, simply because you refuse to stand up for yourself…"

"Sure sounds that way." Gibbs interrupted, finally unable to hold back.

"No. I'm not. I really would like to go." Tim reassured them both. The look in his eyes, as briefly as it was there, told the boss that his youngest agent was still unsettled about something.

"Duck, would you mind supervising your clean-up crew? I'd hate for them to do any damage to your kitchen and dining room." Gibbs asked with a pointed look at the M.E.

"Yes, I'll go put us on some fresh water for tea and coffee. I'm sure Jethro would like some water after all the treats that were being handed to him at the table." Ducky said knowingly as Tim blushed "Timothy, try to relax and enjoy whatever movie Anthony drags you to, young man, won't you?"

"I will, Ducky" Tim nodded and offered up a small smile. "Thank you, for everything."

"Your being here amongst us once again, is thanks enough, young man. I'm just glad you're here." Ducky assured him before going back in the house.

"Talk to me, Tim." Gibbs said softly as he settled against the porch railing where Tony had sat earlier in the day.

"Boss, I don't know what to do." Tim admitted with worry and concern mixed together.

"About?"

"How to get back to the way it was. I want that normality. I want that comfort zone again. The girls are fighting because of me. Ducky's turned his house upside down and everyone's dropped their own lives because of me. I…"

"Stop! McGee, you need to listen to me for a minute, alright?"

"Okay."

"Every one of us is here because we want to be. You know this. I wouldn't want it any other way. This team is unified and more than that, we're a family. Something you also know. So, cut the crap and tell me what's really bothering you."

Tim looked away unsure of where or how to take this from here. He moved his head and gazed across the darkened yard as he tried to rein in his thoughts. Gibbs sensed his unease and decided to jump in.

"You don't wanna stay here at Ducky's. Are you ready to go home?"

Grateful beyond measure that he wasn't looking Gibbs' way when the question hit him, Tim took a deep clarifying breath and stomped down hard on his feelings on the subject. Once he'd trampled on how he felt good and hard, he turned to look his boss in the eye.

"I'll be okay. I've handled this for years, so I can do it now."

"Wasn't the question, McGee. Okay isn't fine." He watched as Tim huffed and shook his head and knew at that moment, that there was a possibility that Tim would open up to him a little.

"I can't lie to you. I don't know if I'm ready for it."

"And that's what's bothering you, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"Leaves you with two options." Gibbs offered up as he prepared to lay things on the line.

"I know but neither of those are 'normal' either, Boss."

"And that's where this is really bugging you the most."

"Shouldn't they be?" Tim questioned.

"Putting aside everyone's personal feelings, here, McGee, what do you really wanna do about this?"

"I'd like to stay with Tony for a day or two, at least until I …"

"No problem, here, Probie." Tony said from the open doorway. He'd managed to come out so quietly that they hadn't heard him coming. "C'mon, we've got a movie to go see. See ya at work in the mornin', Boss." Tony added before he hoofed it out to his car quickly enough that he knew Tim would want to hurry after him so he wasn't kept waiting. Gibbs could be pissed at him if he wanted too; he was more interested in getting his Probie away from the situation where he felt he had to put everyone's feeling before his own.

"Sorry." Tim glanced at his boss with an apologetic look on his face and started to head after Tony.

"McGee!"

Tim turned and looked at Gibbs. "Enjoy yourself tonight, okay. Don't worry about anything. If you still wanna talk when you get back, I'll still be here." Gibbs told him.

"Thanks, Boss. I appreciate that."

"Uh-huh. Go on." Gibbs flicked his head towards Tony's car and watched as Tim loped over to it. He was fuming at DiNozzo for his sneaking his way into the conversation and for interrupting what he figured to be an important moment of Tim actually opening up to him. It didn't matter now, though. What mattered was that Tim escaped for at least a little while. Tony, he could deal with tomorrow but for now, he would wait to see whether the time for him to talk to his boy had passed.

* * *

"Ziva. I'm sorry." Abby decided to make the first move and offered out a piece of humble pie served up hot and fresh from her big brother. Tony was right; they were all on the same side and It wasn't Ziva's fault that Abby had been hurt because she wasn't the key person Tim had turned to when he first came down from hiding out in Ducky's spare bedroom earlier.

"Abby. I accept your apology and I offer one of my own. I am sorry if I caused you to feel left out of being able to be there for McGee. That was not my intent."

"I know. Timmy asked you for help and you couldn't refuse him. None of us could have, if he'd asked us." Abby conceded. "I just wish he'd asked me."

"Abby. You were there for him. During the ride home from that place, McGee was most fragile then and you were there for him. None of us could have been at that time. What you were able to do for him was a big help. Surely, you realize that?"

"Yeah. I do. Ziva, I'm just worried that he's slipping away from me. We used to be such good friends and he used to tell me everything. Well, it's obvious now, that what we used to talk about comes nowhere near everything like I thought it did, but…"

"Abby. I understand. This is hard. But, you must understand. Having to face what he has had to endure all his life as well as what has just happened to his father, has probably opened a lot of doors that McGee had previously closed without actually dealing with what was behind them."

"Meaning what?"

"Meaning, McGee has always forgiven those who have hurt him. This does not mean he ever dealt with the cause of that hurt.

"So, you're saying McGee went about lying to everyone when he said he forgave them?" Abby asked incredulously.

"Not at all, Abby. I am simply saying that it is one thing to forgive someone. It is quite another to put away the hurt that that person has caused us. In McGee's case, I believe he simply added all that pain to the pile under which all of the hurt his father inflicted upon him has been buried. I do not believe he has ever allowed himself to work through anything in that pile, merely put it he would not allow himself to reach it. Now that that pile has been…."

"Kicked up in his face. I get it Ziva. You're probably right. I always thought he was too quick to forgive. But, somehow, I just learned to depend on it instead of trying to find out why."

"Or stop taking advantage of it?" Ziva asked gently.

"Yeah. You think that's why he didn't wanna talk to me?"

"I do not know. We did not discuss you in any way, Abby. That is not what he wished to talk to me about."

"Oh. Is it a secret? What you two talked about?"

"Abby, you and I discussed this earlier before McGee came outside. What he and I discussed is not a secret. It is also one else's business. As I told you earlier, I do not believe he asked to talk to me so that I could share his thoughts with anyone else."

"Yeah. Okay. I get it. I just… Ziva, I'm losing my best friend, here!" Abby cried as tears slid down her cheeks.

"Abby, I do not believe you are losing him. He may be different now, quieter, at least. But he is not going anywhere. If it will help you, I will endeavor to talk to him about this tomorrow." Ziva offered gently.

"Would you? Thanks, Ziva. I'm really sorry about earlier. I know Tony's right. We all wanna help Timmy." Abby replied with a grateful smile.

"It is all right, Abby. Tony is right. We are all on the same side; that of doing what is best for McGee."

"Ziva, teaching him how to keep everything locked away isn't what's best for him. Especially seeing as he bottled it up to begin with anyway." Abby argued as she dried her eyes on the backs of her hands.

Ziva sighed heavily at Abby's stubborn blindness at seeing that this was the way in which Tim wanted to deal with it. She turned and grabbed Abby's head with both her hands. With a firm look, she looked the distraught Goth directly in the eye.

"It is what he has asked of me and I, in turn have given Gibbs and Ducky my word on something. I will promise you exactly what I have promised them and that is to keep an eye on him. You have my word on that, Abby. We will not let anything happen to him and will not let him drown with this." Ziva vowed with a firm voice that she hoped would get her point across.

"You promise?" Abby sniffled as she asked, even as she looked slightly crestfallen at the tone of Ziva's voice.

"I do. I will not let him hurt himself because of what has happened." Ziva didn't let go of Abby because she wanted her friend to see the honesty in her eyes but she did soften her voice to a more soothing tone. She watched as Abby scrutinized her for a second before slumping slightly and nodding.

"Okay. Thank you." Abby accepted the promise with reluctance at leaving it at that but knew how much she was pushing Ziva's buttons.

"You are welcome. Now, shall we go help Ducky?"

"Okay." The lab rat conceded with a quiet voice. Ziva frowned and dropped her hands.

"The best way is to let McGee deal with this in his own way unless we see it is hurting him, yes?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"And we must respect his wishes, yes?"

"Well..."

"Yes?" Ziva pushed.

"Yes."

"Then let him, Abby. The way you are dealing with this is not what Tim wants. Gibbs has made McGee's wishes clear and even McGee himself has asked you to help get things back to normal. You should respect this. Like Tony said, you should also respect the way in which Tim is handling this." With a sigh, she stood up and offered her hand to Abby. "Come. It is not fair to leave Ducky with the mess."

Abby accepted the hand and let Ziva pull her up.

"I'll try, Ziva."

"I know you will, Abby because if you do not, Gibbs will not be the only one that has something to say." Ziva masked the veiled threat as friendly advice but knew that Abby understood what was being said. With a sad nod, Abby moved towards the house with Ziva trailing behind her.

* * *

"How you doin', Probie?" Tony asked as he drove them toward the movie theater. It was a friendly question that he hoped wouldn't be taken as anything but a friend asking after his wellbeing.

"Tony, can I ask you a question?" Tim deliberately skimmed over answering the question and changed the subject to something he wanted Tony's opinion on.

"Of course, Probie. You can ask me anything." Tony flashed his million dollar smile as he continued to navigate the roads.

"I think...I think I kinda like someone but don't know..." Tim trailed off, unsure of how to continue. "Never mind."

"What? No, C'mon, McGee, talk to me."

"What if it's not real? What if I want to take it forward now because of what happened?"

"You think what happened is driving you?"

"Yeah." Tim slumped down in his seat.

"In what way, Tim?" Tony asked with concern. "You're right, you don't wanna be doin' this for the wrong reason, here, man so if I can help at all, you need to let me in."

"Yeah. I know. I just don't think I should be wasting any more time, Tony. I've wasted enough trying to pretend what I feel for her, isn't real."

"Okay. Sounds like a good reason for following up on your feelings. So what's the problem? You obviously liked her before all this happened and let's face it; you had a lot of this stuff goin' on a long time before this."

"Yeah. I did."

"So, I ask you again, what's the problem, Probie?" Tony pushed the subject but tried to turn around so Tim wouldn't feel pressured.

"You mean besides the fact that she probably doesn't feel the same way about me or that she might not be able to handle the backlash of all this crap?"

Tony frowned at Tim's comment and shook his head. "That why you asked Ziva to show you how to bury everything really deep like she does?"

"Huh? Tony, I'm gonna tell you what I told Ziva. I have to do this. Can we just leave it at that, please?"

"No, Probie. I'm sorry but we can't, I really need you to explain this to me because this isn't you. I'm not bustin' your chops here, man; I'm tryin' to understand what's goin' through your head."

"Tony. Let me ask you something."

"Sure, go on."

"When's the last time you, Gibbs, Ducky or Ziva handled things in your own life any differently? It's not like any of you let the rest of the team in on what's going on with you. Why is it such a big deal for me to want to stop being the only one that's different?"

"That's what this is about?" Tony asked incredulously.

"Yeah. Why?"

Tony turned into the parking lot of the movie theatre and found a parking space before turning off the car so he could twist round and face his friend. "Tim, I get that you think you have to handle things like the rest of us. You need to get that we know you and call us crazy, but we know that this isn't you. What can I say, you're an open book and we can usually read you. The fact that you're not wearing your heart on your sleeve, but more importantly, not letting us see through your eyes, what's going on with you anymore is worrying us. Nothing more, nothing less."

Tim nodded once and started to feel even more uncomfortable at being probed. He understood their worry, he really did but right now, he just couldn't talk about this to anyone. He really did just want to put it all away.

"I'm fine, Tony. Can we just go see this movie, please?"

"Okay, Probie." Tony got out and waited for Tim to do the same. As they walked into the theater, Tony had one more question to ask. "By the way, did you figure out where you're staying tonight?"

"What? How'd you…?"

"Told you, Probie. I get it. Don't sweat it. I meant what i said earlier, you can crash at my place for as long as you want." Tony said with his trademark grin.

"Thanks, Tony." Tim answered as he smiled at his friend and walked up to the booth to pay.

"Don't sweat it. I'll get these, okay. You can get the popcorn, _if_ you want. This was supposed to be my treat, after all."

Tim left Tony paying for the tickets and walked over to the concessions stand. Sure, his problems were always going to be there and he knew that they would get better with time, but for now, he was going to enjoy the night as much as he could and was going to forget about things as much as his mind would let him. He was grateful for that, and silently decided, that one day he would be strong enough to talk about stuff…._just not today._

_

* * *

_

Even Tim had to admit that the movie was good and he felt any residual tension drip away as Tony talked excitedly about it.

"And the special effects! Man, they were good. I can see that being a classic in a few years time."

"Maybe." Tim answered with a small smile. He wanted to keep this banter going for as long as he could.

"Maybe? You have got to be kidding me? Come on, even you have to admit that it really was _that good!"_

"Ok. I give in, it was good and I enjoyed it. But classic? That's a tall order for any film."

"Yep, but I know this one has got potential. I can feel it in my bones, Probie."

Tim looked over at Tony and couldn't help but chuckle at his comment. "Jeez, DiNozzo. You sound like an old woman."

"What?" Tony frowned as he tried to remember what he'd said.

"_I can feel it in my bones._ Seriously?"

"Huh, what about gut feeling?" Tony offered up as way of making it sound better.

"That'll work."

"Okay, I've got a gut feeling that the movie will be a classic in a few years." He grinned as he unlocked the car and got in. "So, what were you and Ziva so quiet about when you came back to Ducky's tonight?"

"Quiet? Didn't think we were." Tim answered quickly as the sudden change in subject bought him crashing back to reality.

"You were. Both of ya were lost in your own little worlds, Probie."

Tim sank back further into the seat trying to figure out a way of answering. Tony started the engine and moved out of the parking lot and onto the roads once again.

"So, you gonna tell me?"

Tim stayed silent as he thought about the answer and felt the conflicting emotions roll through him once more. With a shake of his head, he turned and watched as the asphalt blurred past him as he tried to find the answer to Tony's question….._What answer? What the hell do I say?_


	24. Chapter 23

Tim sat looking out the window of Tony's living room after tossing and turning on Tony's couch for what seemed like hours. Sleep had abandoned him well over an hour ago and apparently it was in no hurry to come back. He found himself grateful that he hadn't had to deal with any nightmares this time round but knew that the lack of sleep would eventually catch up with him.

It wasn't memories or even the recent loss of the man that he'd grown up believing to be his father that was keeping sleep away. It was Tony's question and the short conversation that had followed, from earlier in the evening that had his mind so stirred up with worry and doubts that he almost couldn't hear himself think.

_"So, what were you and Ziva so quiet about when you came back to Ducky's tonight?"  
__"Quiet? Didn't think we were." __  
__"You were. Both of ya were lost in your own little worlds, Probie. ...__So, you gonna tell me?"_

…_..__What answer? What the hell do I say?_

What the hell could he say to something like that? Tim wasn't even sure what had possessed him to open up about his feelings for someone in the first place and now his mind was in turmoil as to what to say. There was no way in hell that Tim could actually talk to Tony about her and he should never have opened his mouth. But, he'd been so relieved to actually be feeling normal enough to talk 'guy stuff' with Tony that he'd gotten carried away in the moment and let the lock on his inner thoughts and feelings slip out of place.

This was exactly what Tim was trying like hell to avoid, although, he hadn't even been worried about this little side store of emotions. He'd only been worried about the ones from home until now. Now, it seemed, there was no more wall separating any of it and every bit of what he was worried about had had a free-for-all and gotten completely jumbled together in his head and his heart. He couldn't pursue this dream. People would get hurt, rules would be broken and so would friendships. That was without any problems from what had happened in his life, most especially this past weekend. No. it was better that he go back to pretending what he felt for her wasn't real. It was just safer that way..._for everyone_.

* * *

Something woke Tony up from a dead sleep and it took him a while to plough through the thick headedness that it left behind. As soon as his eyes started to focus and they acclimatized to the dark, he got out of bed and quietly padded into the hallway on bare feet so he could look over to his couch and check on Tim. He felt his heart sink slightly when he saw the couch empty but when he swept his gaze around the room, a sense of relief hit him when he noticed that his friend hadn't gone far. The kid was standing at the window, looking out beyond the enclosed world inside the apartment. Knowing Probie probably needed the peace and quiet to think; Tony turned and quietly made his way back to bed, this time sitting up in bed with his back against the headboard. He was unwilling to go back to sleep when he knew Tim wasn't able to get any rest and so sat there with pillows behind his back thinking. Looking at the clock, Tony was shocked to see that it was only 2 AM. Man, they hadn't gone to bed that long ago! Tony thought back to earlier that night and let his mind wander to the first bit of fun Tim had had.

_After the movie, Tony had talked Tim into going bowling. It was no easy feat and neither of them were overly fond of the game, but both were willing to kill the time left in the evening with the distracting noise and the concentration that the activity it took. It had been the first thing Tony had thought of when the silence from his question to Tim had become unbearable and had hung thick in the air of the car. He hadn't known what else to say. He knew he'd pushed too hard, too fast and Tim wasn't ready to completely open up to him yet leaving Tony mentally head-slapping himself for dragging Tim back from the distraction of the movie and bang smack into the reality that he'd been attempting to give him a break from in the first place._

_They hadn't done any more talking after that, Tony hadn't wanted to push and Tim obviously hadn't wanted to open up to him with anything. It had been such a quick shut down of conversation and Tony couldn't help but feel that Tim had already regretted opening up to him as much as he had. While he understood his Probie's reluctance to let him in, it didn't stop the powerful protectiveness that spawned in him, he was after all Tim's colleague, friend and big brother. He only wished that he could find a way to make Tim feel more at ease about the whole idea of letting someone in; of letting Tony in._

_Realizing Ducky and Gibbs were probably getting worried since the movie had long finished, Tony had given them a call to let them know that Tim would be staying with him. Gibbs had reminded Tony to come by and get Tim's stuff before they headed back to Tony's apartment because Tim needed that bit of dignity to hold onto and at the very least, needed his own toiletries to use._

_They'd come back to Tony's apartment around eleven and thrown in a movie. Surprisingly, Tony had been the first one to crash and thankfully, Tim had been kind enough to shake him awake and help him unsteadily get to his room before sleep completely took over and let him unable to do anything._

Come to think of it, Tony had no way of knowing whether or not Tim had managed to get any sleep at all and wondered if he'd actually gotten into bed at all. Still, he wasn't willing to disturb the kid just to find out. As a matter of fact, if Probie found out Tony was in here lying awake worrying about him, he'd be pretty upset and would once again, accept blame for something that wasn't his fault. No one could help what others felt or thought and it sure they sure as hell couldn't help when sleep evaded them. Tony felt his eyes growing heavier and heavier and it wasn't long before he started to doze off. He managed to drag himself from the impending snooze but sleep was looming and refused to let go. Tony closed his eyes and gave in with his last conscious thought being that he hoped that his Probie would find the peace of mind so that he could get some rest as well.

* * *

Tim sighed deeply and dragged his eyes away from the outside world to look at his watch; _3:00 AM_.

There was no use trying to lie back down now because he was wide awake and sleeping was no longer an option. He searched around for something to write on and found a small pad of paper on the coffee table in front of the couch. He picked up a pen and wrote Tony a note before slipping out. He paused briefly, making sure to lock the door behind himself and made his way down the stairs of Tony's apartment block to hail a cab. He had one destination in mind at the moment hoping that it would give him something to do and keep his mind occupied enough to stop him thinking about everything. As the cab pulled up outside the yard, he paid and went in to work. Work would give him something to do and would get things back on a normal keel.

Walking into the squad room a short thirty minutes after he left Tony's, Tim felt a feeling of peace wash over him for the first time since before Tony's dad had shown up the previous week. Now, maybe things could really get back to normal around here. Powering up his work station, Tim took a look at the desks that his team used and noticed that there were no case files, no notes about case information that needed to be researched and no sign that anyone had been in the middle of any work the last time they'd been here. He came to the conclusion that they must have been working on cold cases and without wasting any time, Tim snagged the next case off the dreaded cold case stack and took it back to his desk. He opened it up happy to have something to actually to bury his mind in and got to work.

* * *

Tony's eyes snapped open and he groaned as the crick in his neck made itself known. He stretched before remembering his self imposed promise…._Damn it! _He hadn't meant to fall asleep with Tim having trouble getting any rest out in his living room! He swung his legs from under the blanket and dragged himself out of bed. As he stood, he snuck a peak at his alarm clock – _5:00 AM_

This time, there was no padding out of the bedroom. No, this time he rushed out and when he looked into the living room, his eyes roamed around the room searching for someone that wasn't there. There was no sign of Tim. He ran his hands through his hair and moved into his small kitchen with the hope of finding his Probie there drinking coffee; no such luck! He noticed a note stuck to his refrigerator, right between the two doors in a way that he was sure not to have missed it. With an unsettled feeling in the pit of his stomach, Tony reached out and plucked the note from its' resting place and brought it closer to him so that he could read it.

_Tony:_

_Thanks for letting me borrow your couch. Couldn't sleep.  
Went to work – needed something to do to pass the time._

_T._

With the knowledge that Tim, in all probability, wasn't supposed to go back into work just yet, Tony felt pangs of worry about what Vance would say or do to Tim when he found him there, most likely typing away at some official search or another, especially at this ungodly hour. Tony realized in a flash that he'd rather face Gibbs' wrath for being woken up so early, than see Tim face Vance's ire for being at work when he shouldn't be. He sucked in a breath and he picked up his cell phone to call his boss.

"_Yeah, Gibbs."_ Gibbs' voice was gruff and laden with sleep. Tony cringed at the unhappy tone and decided to just take the plunge rather than beat around the bush.

"Boss. I woke up to find a note. McGee went to work because he couldn't sleep. Is he even supposed to be at work today? Cause, I'd hate to see Vance's reaction if he's not." Tony let his worry out, confident that Gibbs would run with it rather than focus on the fact that Tony had woken him up.

"_No, he's not!" _Gibbs growled down the phone at the news. "_Thanks, Tony. I'll handle it. Try and get some more sleep."_

"Okay, Boss. See you later." Tony answered and quickly ended the call before any more time was wasted. Tony shook his head at his boss' last comment, _Try and get some more sleep!_, Yeah, that ship had sailed and he'd have to get up soon anyway. He hit the shower, no longer interested in trying to do anything but concentrate on his usual normal routine.

* * *

The ding of the elevator barely registered in his brain as he remained lost in his own little world, typing in search after search and continuing to read page after page of the case before him. This was his heaven. He didn't have to think about where he was and was totally immersed in his comfort zone. All in all, right now, he was happy.

"Agent McGee." Vance greeted him cautiously. This agent didn't belong here right now. Then again, he was damn sure that he didn't want to chase him off. Unsure of how to handle this, the Director simply chose to wait for Tim's response.

Tim heard Vance's flat greeting and felt his comfort zone dissolve, his happiness dissapating right along with it; seemingly vanishing in tandem and suddenly, he felt as though he was alone before the captain of the firing squad and was unsure of his footing. He stood up and looked at the man standing in front of him but found himself speechless as his nerves got the better of him. _Was he supposed to be here? Was he in trouble? Or was Vance just trying to say 'good morning'?_

The elevator dinged for the second time this morning and saved the day. They both looked to see who the new arrival was and the atmosphere seemed to lose some of its tension with the distraction. Tim sighed loudly with relief as Gibbs stepped off the elevator carrying two cups of coffee. Tim saw the boss' eyes sweep over the scene and stood there frozen to spot with anticipation of what was going to happen next.

"Mornin', Leon." Gibbs' most welcome voice traveled the distance from the elevator to Tim's desk. He was thankful for Tony's call and had obviously arrived just in the nick of time. Hopefully, Vance hadn't said anything out of the way.

"Gibbs." Vance offered in return with a wary gleam in his eye. "We need to talk."

"Yeah, I figured. I'll be right up." Gibbs vowed as he deliberately went to his own desk instead of following Vance up the stairs to his office. Gibbs placed his coffee down before moving over to Tim to hand him the other coffee that he had bought.

"Oh…um, thanks Boss." With a nod, he moved round Tim's chair and perched on the edge of the desk so he could see his agent's face.

Vance watched from the gallery and figured that Gibbs would want a word with McGee. It was only fair and he would have done the same in that situation and so he gave him the leeway and privacy for it. He wasn't particularly happy to be kept waiting, but was willing to give the man a minute or two.

"McGee." Gibbs greeted Tim, though the younger agent could hear the hint of a concerned question in his tone.

"Morinin' Boss." Tim said timidly even as he locked eyes with him.

"Why are you here, Tim?" Gibbs asked gently with a soothing tone.

"Boss, I…"

"What's going on? Tony said you left him a note. You two have it out over somethin'?"

"No! I couldn't sleep and needed something …" Tim was shocked and hurt that the boss could think that the reason he had come into work was because he thought he'd argued with Tony and hoped he could nip that little worry in the bud before anything could come of it.

"Ah. Okay. I get it. But, McGee. You have to come to me first. After all the legal stuff from the weekend, you're not cleared to come back to work yet. Thought you knew that? Vance needs it done by the book."

"Guess, I forgot, Boss. Sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Next time you can't sleep, though, you call me." Gibbs reached down and clamped his hand on Tim's shoulder.

Tim looked down at his desk. That was a commitment he didn't know if he could make. No matter how much the team wanted to be there for him, there were some things he just didn't feel right unloading on them.

"Tim. Look at me." Gibbs requested.

Tim did as he'd been asked and looked up at his boss.

"Stop worrying about everything. You can't carry this alone. It doesn't matter how much you wanna keep it all locked inside, Tim. You're human. Doesn't make you weak. Got it?"

Tim nodded silently. His heart agreed but his head just wouldn't fall in line. His heart reached out with every fiber of its' being, desperate to grab onto the compassion and support Gibbs was practically begging him to accept but still, his mind refused to give in. It was still mired in the crap that it just knew would be there waiting for him when all the dust from this nightmare had settled.

"All right. Go on, go take a break. I'll go straighten this out with Vance."

"Thanks." Tim offered quietly.

"McGee. Don't forget we're all here for you." Gibbs reminded him as he patted him on the arm and headed up the stairs to hash out whatever problem Vance had with Tim coming back to work already.

"Gibbs, he hasn't been cleared by the Agency Psychologist. You know the drill." Vance rounded on Gibbs as soon as the door opened and he wasted no time in reciting the procedures that he knew should be followed.

"Okay. Anything else?"

Vance physically softened and sank down in his chair. He looked at Gibbs until he got the point and took the chair opposite his.

"How's he doing?"

"About as good as we can expect. He wants to move on, Leon and doesn't wanna think or talk about any of it."

"Are you ready to send him out into the field?"

"Not today. Maybe not this week. Won't be the first time I've kept him chained to his computer, Leon. It's not a big deal." Gibbs replied with the hope that Vance would at least let Tim ride desk duty until he was clear.

"You're telling me that everything that has just happened to that young man, sitting out there is not a big deal?" Vance asked incredulously. "Because by my book, it is!"

"Not what I said, Leon. You know damn well that what he's just been through is huge. Every one of us knows that! Keeping him here to work the computer angle on any case that comes up, is no big deal. Done it a thousand times since he's been here."

"He still needs to do things by the book. Get him cleared by the Agency Shrink first, Gibbs. Send him home until then. Trust me when I say, as soon as I get the clearance, then he's back on duty. Until then, I can't be responsible for anything that happens."

"Leon, you wanna be the one to send him home so he can get stuck doing nothing but thinking about everything he's just been through?"

"You got a better idea?" Vance sat back in his chair and crossed his arms in front of him.

"Let him stay here. It's where he's comfortable; where he feels safe. Don't take that away from him." Gibbs hated the fact that he was practically begging. He didn't care as long as Tim wouldn't dwell on the situation any longer. Thankfully, he could tell that he'd hit a nerve with the Director and could almost hear the cogs grinding as he thought about things.

"You take responsibility for him while he's here. He's still on sick leave so his pay isn't affected, but the agency won't be accountable if anything happens while he's here. In the meantime, I'll get him the first available appointment."

"Thanks, Leon."

Vance nodded in response and sat up.

"Just watch your boy, Gibbs. I'll let him stay in the office, but under no circumstances is he to work on any cases.

"You can't be….." Gibbs started to protest.

"Serious? Damn straight I am. I'm playing with fire letting him ride desk duty. You have no idea of exactly how much I'm laying on the line to let him do that."

"I get that, Leon."

"Do you?"

"Yeah. I do!" Gibbs huffed out a breath. "I'll watch him. Non-case work only." Gibbs agreed.

"Okay. Go let him know. Tell him he'll be getting a call about his appointment at some point today."

Gibbs stood up and made his way back the squad room. When he got to the balcony overlooking his team's desks, he gazed down at Tim and watched the young man as he worked on the cold case file he'd been wading through all morning. At that moment, it struck Gibbs that _right now, right here….Tim was home._


	25. Chapter 24

Gibbs returned to the squad room a good thirty minutes later and was surprised to find Tim still sitting at his desk like he'd been when the boss had left to go upstairs. The only difference now was that the young man wasn't working on anything. In fact, the case file he had been working on was closed and lay face down on his desk. Gibbs frowned and let his eyes roam up to his agent's computer monitor and saw that it was dark as if either turned off or enough time had lapsed for the screensaver to come on. As his eyes moved up to Tim's face, his gut clenched at the sight of his Agent sitting there staring off into space, lost deep inside whatever he was thinking about. On the off-chance that wherever he was right now, wasn't pleasant, Gibbs deliberately walked by Tim at a close enough range to grab his visual attention if he could.

As soon as Tim saw Gibbs come back, he blinked, stood up, opened his desk drawer and reached in to pull some things out before walking over to the boss' desk. Quietly, slowly and calmly, Tim put what he had in his hands down on Gibbs' desk and then and only then, did he go take the break Gibbs had encouraged him to take earlier. His demeanor had been heartbreaking but his eyes had been worrisomely guarded and Gibbs decided there and then they would need a new rulebook if they were gonna be able to figure out what was going on with this kid from now on.

With a twist in his gut, Gibbs placed the case Tim had returned to him off to the side before stowing Tim's gun and badge in his desk drawer and locking it. Picking up the young man's agency cell phone, he went in search of him hoping that he hadn't gone far. As he reached the nearest break room, Gibbs found Tim standing in front of the window watching the world outside passing him by while he stood there exuding unhappiness; The Senior Agent had the fleeting thought that the world doesn't stop turning because of something that happens, but to the victim, it's different. To the victim…to Tim, the world around them keeps going whilst theirs stops to let them get lost in their pain, grief and heartbreak.

He shook his head to clear the thought but knew that being mired in red tape from the nightmare Tim's world had become an unwilling victim to this past Saturday, was reason enough for this kid to appear as tormented as he did. Gibbs understood that. It was hard to fathom that it had only been less than a week ago, when the whole world had shifted and unsteadily rocked off its' foundation for this kid. During quiet moments like this, the parental lion within the boss couldn't help but worry what else was in store for Tim before this whole thing would settle down to become nothing but a distant, quiet memory for him….._If it ever can be._

Taking a deep breath, Gibbs readied himself to do what had to be done. Tim wasn't gonna like it, but there was nothing they could do about it except go with the way things worked. Hopefully, he'd get through it without too many problems.

"McGee."

Tim took a silent minute to take a deep breath and slowly let it out as he turned to look at his boss.

"Boss?" his tone was quiet, almost as if he'd just woken up or come back from some painful place inside himself.

The boss offered a small, almost apologetic smile as he walked up to him and told him what he'd already known was coming. "Vance's gonna try to get you that appointment today. Hopefully, this will be behind you soon and you can come back to work but in the meantime, you can stay here. I can't have you working any cases though, just riding the desk. "

Tim looked away, letting his emotions run free for a minute before forcefully reining them in and locking them away. Turning back to his boss, he gave him a small smile and gave him what he needed. _He had to do what was expected of him, right?_

"Okay."

Gibbs frowned. He hadn't missed Tim's physical effort to put his feelings away. It was fast becoming the norm for this kid and even though they'd known it was coming from the moment Tim had asked to talk to Ziva, Gibbs still hated to see it. Still, he'd been the one to remind everyone that they had to let Tim handle this in his own way, so he squashed his own feelings on the matter and kept going.

"This is as good a time as any to bolster Tony and Ziva's computer skills, McGee. Go set up one of the computer rooms, you can use the time before your first appointment to teach your teammates how to do the computer side of the investigations better. Give me a call when you're set up I'll send them to ya. Remember, no actual casework till you've been cleared." Gibbs told him as he handed him back his cell phone. "You keep this. Never be unreachable to me, active duty or not."

Tim nodded silently with a small smile on his face as he accepted his phone back from his boss and took a minute to soak up Gibbs' words. _The boss was gonna let him teach Tony and Ziva some computer skills? Was this for real?_

"McGee. Get going. I wanna hear back from you within the hour that you're ready to get started."

"Okay. Thank you, Boss." Tim answered with absolute awe in his voice. Quiet awe of the uncertain, disbelieving sort, not the supercharged, excited awe of an agent who felt like he'd just been given his dream shot at something big.

Tim quickly headed to his desk and picked up his backpack before disappearing to set up for this once in a lifetime opportunity. Gibbs grinned as he watched his agent settle into the idea of being handed his chance to shine. It had come on the heels of so much crap in his personal life and it was those issues that had brought his professional life to a dead stop, not forgetting all the red tape after that. It had to feel like a breath of fresh air for the kid and the boss was only too happy to be able to give that to him. Besides, it was common knowledge that his other two agents needed to brush up on their computer skills and that way, when Tim was cleared for field duty, he could share the donkey work more.

They also needed a reminder in McGee handling and Gibbs wanted to make sure they got that before they headed Tim's way. Waiting for them to settle in behind their desks, Gibbs watched Tony search for his little brother with eyes full of worry and uncertainty after the way Tim had bailed on him in the middle of the night.

"Boss? McGee all right?"

"Yeah, Tony, he's fine." Gibbs paused. Fine would not be an accurate description of the way Tim was right now, but he was as fine as he could be all things considered. "Need you and Ziva to get ready for a crash course in advanced computer skills."

"Boss?"

"Gibbs?" Ziva asked as she settled back into her chair once she'd returned from the ladies room.

"McGee can't work on any cases until he's cleared to come back to work and you two are overdue for training on the systems. Two birds, one stone." Gibbs explained and added a little shrug before picking up his coffee.

"Oh, Okay"

"Oh. Yes Gibbs."

The boss cocked his head and looked harder at them both when their less than enthusiastic answers struck a nerve. "There a problem?"

"No, of course not, Boss." Tony said seriously. "I was just really kinda wonderin'…"

"Tony, He's as fine as he can be. Just leave it there." Gibbs warned.

"Gotcha. Right. Okay, so where are we goin' for this training, Boss?

Gibbs' phone rang. "Yeah, Gibbs. Okay, Tim. They're on their way." Looking at Tony he answered the question. "Training Room 2."

"Where the hecks' that? I've never been to Training Room 1 let alone Training Room 2!" Tony said with surprise. "Hell, even that _Sensitivity_ Training was held in one of the empty offices."

That's because you've never had actual extra computer training since you've been here, DiNozzo. Only training you got was that crash course all newbies get."

Tony and Ziva headed toward the back elevator.

"Wait." Gibbs told them as he walked up to them where they stopped. "Don't undermine him or give him any reason to feel belittled. Got it?"

"Boss, I…"

"Tony. Keep things as normal as possible…without any of the crap." Gibbs warned with a steely glare.

"Come on, Boss. The crap is normal!" Tony objected.

"Not today, DiNozzo. Give it a rest."

"Got it, Boss." Tony said with a sigh. He was busy wondering how he could get away with acting differently around Tim without the kid thinking something was wrong.

"DiNozzo."

"Yeah, Boss?"

"Candid Camera." Gibbs said with a smirk,

"Come again?"

"The class will be recorded for security reasons, you know, to make sure he's not doing anything wrong? You two, too!" Gibbs explained.

"Oh, right. OH! RIGHT!"

"Don't mess around." Gibbs warned as they headed out.

Two hours later found Tim needing a break from sitting in the same spot while showing his teammates new ways to trace and locate information on the system. While his 'students' ran some of those searches in a practice session, he volunteered to go out on a coffee run.

* * *

Engrossed in the case file Tim had been going through earlier that morning, Gibbs was startled by the ringing of his cell phone as it seemed to bounce off the near quiet squad room and come back at him.

"Yeah. Gibbs." He answered it gruffly.

"_Agent Gibbs."_ Mrs. McGee's timid voice came across the line.

"Mrs. McGee. Is something wrong?" the Team Leader immediately asked. He absentmindedly got up out of his chair to move down the back stairs so he could keep this conversation out of the public set of ears on the floor.

"_That's what I was calling to ask you. I know Tim probably doesn't want to hear from me. Why else would he have left here with you without even talking to me, right?"_ his agent's mother asked tearfully. _"Is that why I haven't heard from him?"_

"Mrs. McGee. Tim's doing okay. He's trying to move forward. It's taken him some time, but he's really working hard at it. Maybe he's hoping you will, too and that's' why he didn't want to talk to you before he came back here._"_ Gibbs gently offered as he finally reached outside and kept walking out to the bench by the memorial.

"_I don't understand why he won't talk to me! I'm his mother! Why is that keeping him from talking to me? I tried to protect him and I know I failed, but it wasn't because I didn't try, Agent Gibbs! He does know that, right?"_

"Mrs. McGee. I'm not sure what he knows. We haven't talked about it. He could know everything; he could know nothing more than what your husband said to him on that night." Gibbs warned her. "We haven't even talked about the evidence we presented to the judge that cleared him."

"_It doesn't make sense, Agent Gibbs. I read the court papers and the list of evidence you presented. Why didn't I know about the tapes? I should have known!"_

"Mrs. McGee. You know your husband orchestrated things so that you wouldn't find out any more than he needed you to know. How's Sarah?" Gibbs asked her to give her a chance to calm down and refocus.

_"She's quitting school, Agent Gibbs. She's withdrawing as soon as this semester's over next week. She'll lose her scholarship because her drive to do something with her life is currently in tatters. She wanted to be a writer like her big brother, but now, she's lost and I don't know how to help her. At least you got her to talk to me again. She told me about what you told her. I wanted to thank you for that."_

"No need, Mrs. McGee. Your relationship with your daughter was too important to not try to do something to get it back. Maybe Sarah will change her mind about quitting school after she's had some time to recuperate from this nightmare. Tim will find his way eventually and the need to fix his relationship with you will be there again. You just need to wait until he's ready."

"_But…I…" _Gibbs heard her sigh on the other end of the phone. "_I'm his mother. I'm sorry for what happened, I truly am, but I don't want this to come between me and my son. I knew he was protecting me, but all that stuff? I didn't know about that. Does he know that?"_

"Mrs. McGee. Like I said, I don't know what Tim knows. We haven't talked about it. No one here is pushing him to talk about anything."

"_I just wanted to ask him why he stayed away for so long without talking to me about what he was thinking. Won't it help him to talk about it now that that dreadful man is gone?" _

"Your son wants to move on and to be honest; I don't think he'll want to talk about it any time soon. We all need to respect that, Mrs. McGee."

"_My son does know I did the best I could to protect him, doesn't he, Agent Gibbs?"_ There was something in Mrs. McGee's pleading that broke his heart. Deep down he knew that she was a victim as well so he swallowed down anything else that he had to say to her about the way he felt, choosing instead to hopefully drive home something he thought she needed to understand about where Tim's pain would be coming from when he was strong enough to talk.

"Sometime's protecting our children means more than stopping them from gettin' physically hurt. We need to protect them from everything else as well. He's put up with too much already and needs to deal with it in his own way. I'm not gonna force him to talk to you if he doesn't want to." Gibbs knew that he sounded like a hardass at the moment, but he didn't care. He understood that this woman had been through a lot, he really did and he felt for her. _What he couldn't understand was, how the hell that level abuse went on under her roof without her seeing that her kids were in trouble? How the hell could she have missed the kids' signs of trauma?_

"_I apologize for taking so much of your time, Agent Gibbs. I just don't know what to do. Tim's my son and I…just don't want to lose him but I don't know how to get him back."_

"Tim's hurting and there's nothing anyone can say or do to take that away. You have to give him whatever space he needs to come to terms with it. He needs to choose the way works for him. What happened this weekend just meant that it came to a head and if it hadn't happened that way, then everything would have just carried on as normal for God knows how long. Your husband had a get out of jail free card because his kids were too damn scared to do anything about his threats on the rest of their family. How many years would it have gone on for, Mrs. McGee?"

"_I don't know…"_ Tim's mom whispered brokenly down the phone before sobbing_. "I just don't know."_

Gibbs gave her a silent minute to pull herself together. After she took a deep breath slowly let it out, she spoke again.

"_Agent Gibbs, I need to know exactly what happened that night. I can't get anyone's cooperation. I need to see what's on that tape if I don't have any chance of hearing it from Tim."_

"You can't be serious. Is THAT why you wanna talk to Tim; so you can grill him about what happened that night?"

"_Agent Gibbs, I have no intention of grilling my son. I know he's been through a terrible ordeal and I would not do that to him. I just wanted to talk to him about what happened. I deserve to know exactly what happened, don't you think?"_

__

_

* * *

_

Tim felt almost normal for the first time in days and soon found himself enjoying the trip down to the front of the building and on outside. He thought back to the fun he'd had in the last two hours teaching and watching his teammates as they hunted and pecked their way through their searches, Tim couldn't help but smile as he walked. The fresh air whispered across his face as the sun shining brightly without the heat that made it uncomfortable. He held his head up and let the pleasant warmth from the sun drench his face and smiled.

As he strolled down the street toward the coffee shop, his mind basked in the joy of the moment of doing something so mundane and familiar that for the moment, this was his life; not the miserable existence that he'd lived through at home or the horrible nightmare that had crashed through his life this past weekend. He was where he belonged and the fact that he felt that with every single fiber of his being was firm proof of that.

"Not from Tim!"

Tim stopped, frozen in disbelief and horror at what he was hearing and what it could potentially mean. His feet seemed to root themselves to the spot as he tried to listen into to Gibbs' conversation without him knowing he was there.

"_I don't understand why you believe he wouldn't be able to talk to me about it." _

From where Tim was, he couldn't make out the voice on the other end of the line, but the fact that it was so quiet where he was and the close proximity, meant he could just make out a female voice. It was too distorted and quiet for him to identify it, but the feeling in his gut made him realize, that whoever it was, knew what was going on.

"Mrs. McGee. You forget that I know what happened in that study. I saw the tapes and the abuse Tim suffered. Even if he agreed to talk to you about this, I would do my best to talk him out of it, for his own good. You need to let this go, at least until Tim's had time to get back on his feet."

_I just want to help, Agent Gibbs. How can I help if I don't know exactly what's going on with him or what happened that night?"_

"If you wanna help, then let him deal with it in his own time, Mrs. McGee. Hes not ignoring you, he just doesn't know how to cope with it all. Let him come to you. Don't push him."

Tim balked slightly when he heard Gibbs mention his Mom. It was one thing knowing that he was be spoken about, but why was Gibbs talking to his mother? He decided that he'd heard enough and slipped away silently so that he could retreat back to the building. The coffee's had been forgotten in lieu of what he heard and it was almost as if he were flying on auto-pilot anyway as the short part of the conversation he heard swirled round in his mind. He wasn't surprised to find that his feet had taken him back to the training room and when he returned to Tony and Ziva, he just plunked himself down in his chair.

As his concerned teammates looked at him, all they saw was a glimpse of the man they'd seen back at the correctional center and it didn't sit well with them. Silently, they exchanged glances with each other and slipped out of the room in search of some answers as to what the hell had just happened to their Probie.

* * *

"_All right, Agent Gibbs. Thank you. I appreciate you talking to me about this. I know you must think the worst of me now, but I know Tim's in good hands with you watching out for him. For that, I thank you."_

"Mrs. McGee. It's not my place to judge. And don't worry, I'll look after Tim. We all will."

"_Thank you. Thank you so much."_ Mrs. McGee said softly before she ended the call.

Gibbs took a deep breath and slowly let it out before he turned around and headed back inside. The work day still needed to be gotten through, and hopefully, Leon had managed to pull the right strings and they could get Tim the appointment he needed to be cleared to come back to work.


	26. Chapter 25

When Gibbs returned to the squad room a few minutes later, it was to the disturbing sight of his Senior Field Agent pacing the small open space in the middle of their work area. His agitation was obvious and every single step that he took seemed to emphasize it more and more. The Team Leader narrowed his eyes and waited for Tony to turn and start walking back along same line that he had just walked and notice him

"DiNozzo! What the hell's going on?" Gibbs demanded.

"Boss!" Tony froze in his tracks and looked at Gibbs with abject worry lacing his handsome features. There was something else though, something that Gibbs struggled to put his finger on…_Hope? Hope for what? Does he expect me to know something? Give him answers…to what exactly? _Gibbs thought as he tried to figure out why he would be the one that sparked that emotion in Tony. All of a sudden, the hope dissipated and Tony seemed to deflate in front of him as he tried to explain.

"Probie went out to get all of us coffee a little bit ago and when he came back…" Tony stopped as he searched for the words he needed.

"DiNozzo! Spit it out!" Gibbs barked at him. The fact that Tony was so edgy made his gut clench uncomfortably. If something had happened to one of them, he wanted to know and he wanted to know right now.

"Gibbs, perhaps it would be better if you saw for yourself what Tony is trying to explain? McGee is most likely still sitting where he was when he came back in." Ziva suggested calmly.

The team leader glared at her for a half-second before turning to go in search for his other agent. With every step he took, he hoped things weren't as bad as his other two agents were leading him to believe. It was hard enough watching the young man trip over himself to bury everything he was going through just so he could try to move on with his life; having anything else happen to him, would possibly be the push in the wrong direction and would more than likely make Tim lose his grip on it all.

Drawing his breath in sharply, Gibbs couldn't miss what Tony and Ziva had tried to explain to him when he stopped in the doorway of the training room that Tim had been using for the last couple of hours and slowly let it out. His youngest agent was sitting at the desk at the front of the room, with his head turned away, but Gibbs could see enough of his face so that he could plainly see the desolate look in his eyes. It was Obviously, something had shaken Tim's world this morning and until they figured out what it was, no one could fix it.

Stepping into the room and deliberately crossing Tim's line of sight, Gibbs moved one of the chairs so that he could sit in front of the young man and sat down so that he could look his Agent in the eyes as he talked.

"Hey. Talk to me. What's going on?" the directive was given in a strong enough voice that so that it would hopefully penetrate the fog Tim seemed to be hiding behind.

Sure enough, Tim blinked and glanced at the person who had spoken to him. His gazed focused on Gibbs for a split second before his eyes moved down to look at the patch of floor by his feet. He sat there staring at the carpet tile trying to figure out what it was that he should be saying but it was tough and the words escaped him, leaving him feeling guilty and sad at the fact that he could not talk to the boss who had done nothing but support him. For that, he felt bad. It wasn't that he wanted to ignore Gibbs; that was the last thing he wanted to do but getting his thoughts in order so that he could finally address the man was just too hard. Things were still too muddled in his head for him to think straight though and if he couldn't make sense of it, then how could anyone else? Still, he had to say something to the man.

"I'm sorry, Boss. I just…"

"Don't worry about it, Tim. Just tell me you're all right." Gibbs cut in gently. It was unexpected and left Tim blinking in surprise. Now, he just felt even more speechless as the soft sentiment tripped him up.

"Boss, I….."

"There you are! McGee, the Agency Psychiatrist has time to see you now. She's waiting for you as we speak. You can report back to Gibbs when you've finished up there." Vance's forceful voice boomed from the doorway, interrupting Tim's attempt to answer Gibbs, startling him slightly.

Gibbs scowled at the interruption and all Tim could do was offer him an apologetic smile as he got up and left the room to speak to the one person that had the power to give him back the one thing he desperately wanted. He only hoped he could handle this ordeal because the last thing he needed was for this to rip the band-aid off that he'd just reapplied a few minutes ago.

"What's going on, Gibbs?" Vance asked as soon as Tim was gone from the room.

"You know as much as I do, Leon. Maybe if you hadn't interrupted us, I could have gotten him to open up to me."

"He wants to get back to work so we can't afford to waste time if we're gonna get him there. You wanted a quick turnaround; I got you a quick turnaround."

"Yeah." Gibbs said as he got up from his chair. "Would have killed you to wait a minute? As the anger poured off of him, Gibbs walked out of the room and went back to desk.

******************************'

Tim stepped into the Shrink's office with his heart in his throat. He really didn't want to have to talk about this; any of it. One slip and he'd be banned from field work, which would essentially lose him his place on Gibbs' team. He knew he couldn't handle it if that happened. Right now, it was just about all that was holding him afloat.

"Agent McGee. Please, come in. Have a seat." The pretty woman with the soothing voice encouraged.

Tim silently did as she invited him to and waited for whatever she was going to throw at him.

"Would you like something to drink, Agent McGee?"

"No. Thank you."

"Alright. Now, do you mind if I call you Tim or would you prefer, Agent McGee." The shrink asked gently.

"Um, Tim's fine." Tim replied cautiously. "I don't mind that, Agent McGee sounds too formal given the circumstances."

Kate grinned as she shuffled some papers around in front of her. "Tim it is then. Okay….." She picked up a small manila file that sat in front of her.

"I've read everything I could about what happened to you this past weekend. Now, because of the circumstances, I am authorized to view the background information about what has happened and have seen the news footage, read the court transcripts, and talked with Director Vance. I also need to report to Director Vance because this is to assess your ability to work as well as help you work through it. patient/doctor confidentiality does stand no matter what and whatever is said here, stays here. My report will simply include what is already known to them and whether or not I see you as fit for work."

"Fine. Let's get this over with." Tim mumbled to the doctor.

"Tim. The purpose of this session is for it to be beneficial to you, not only to assess you, but also to help you. You do understand that, don't you?" She asked softly. "Ideally, I'd like you to lead it and talk to me about what is on your mind but know that it isn't always the best course of action. Yes, I am an NCIS appointed _shrink, _but I am first and foremost a doctor who wants nothing more than to help you."

Tim looked at her and saw nothing but sincerity in her eyes. He realized that she truly did want to help and let his defenses soften slightly. "I know."

"Okay, please, sit down." Tim sat down in the chair opposite the Doctor. "Now, my name is Doctor Caitlin Mulray. You can call me Kate, I'm not one for formalities." Kate smiled warmly at Tim and was pleased to see the small smile that lifted his features.

"I had a friend called Kate. She was another agent in my Team, but was killed on Duty a few years back." Tim explained with affection. "I still go and lay flowers for her every now and then."

"That's nice. Sounds like you miss her."

"Yeah, we all do. Ziva joined afterwards and I wouldn't change her for the world, but…" Tim paused briefly "But it would have been nice to have them both there."

"I know. It is always hard loosing someone close. Tim, is there anyone else you would like me to speak with before I report back to Director Vance?" Judging by the information that she had read, she knew that this situation affected a much wider audience, but didn't want to talk to anyone about any of it without his express permission; after all, this troubled young man had been the victim all his life and it was up to him.

"My team. Ducky." Tim blurted out quickly without even thinking about leaving them out of this. The quick response and the saddened look on his face told Kate that the situation ran deeper than she could ever have imagined….._if that's even possible! This young man has been through so much already._

"You seem almost upset for allowing yourself to admit that." The doctor stated questioningly.

"Just don't want them getting dragged though this anymore." Tim admitted with a ton of guilt in his voice. "They shouldn't have been pulled into it in the first place."

"Agent McGee. From what I understand; from what I've heard from Director Vance, and read from the available information, every one of them has said the same of you. They want to help and don't want you to try to get through this alone." She reminded him carefully.

"They've been through enough already. What with Kate and…" Tim stated unequivocally before trailing off, this wasn't about the other things that had happened and it wasn't for him to talk on behalf of anyone else.

"So, does this mean you still want me to speak with them?" the doctor pushed for confirmation.

"Yeah. It might give them the chance to blow off steam about it." he admitted with worry.

"All right. I wanted to be sure that you are comfortable with that. Let's start with you, shall we? Is there anything you want to get off your chest about what happened?"

"No." Tim stated firmly. He had worked so hard with Ziva to learn how to lock his emotions away and gotten to where he was able to do it most of the time. He wanted to keep it that way.

"Okay, that's very resolute, Tim. Surely there is something that is bothering you about what happened."

Tim sighed heavily. " There's plenty that is bothering me about it. Doesn't mean I want to talk about it."

Kate nodded. She understood where he was coming from and started to rationalize what he was doing. She turned to the note pad in front of her and started to make the notes that would help her with the report. For now, she kept her notes casual knowing that she would build upon them after the session.

_Denial? - Possibly. It's difficult to know how people compartmentalize their emotions depending on the situation. From what I have ascertained from Director Vance, my patient is usually open with his feelings though Timothy seems to want to bury them. I am not sure if it is denial or not._

"Can you tell me what you think about when you think of your father?"

"I don't" Tim shrugged while his eyes remained glued to the floor.

"You don't what?" she pushed.

"I don't think about him and I'd like to keep it that way." he answered her firmly.

"Do you think that's healthy?" Kate leaned back in her chair and scrutinized her patient. His words were determined, but his body language betrayed what he really thought. At the question, Tim's muscles had stiffened, his back had straightened, and he had folded his arms across his chest. It was a classic defense mechanism and one that she knew well.

_Tim's body language has become closed at the mention of him thinking about his father. He is defensive and sits there with his arms folded across his chest making it obvious that he doesn't want to talk about the man. Maybe it is something that he has had instilled in him growing up. He thinks about the father figure he has had all his life and builds walls around him to protect himself, which is something that will take time to dissipate; if it ever will._

"I don't know if it is or not. Is it a crime to want to move on? To want to _feel_ normal? To try your hardest to leave the crap at the door so you can come to work and do your job? That's what I want!" Tim uncurled his arms so that he could use them to gesture sharply as he shouted at the woman in front of him.

"I see. Agent McGee. You seem quite upset about being here with me right now. Why is that?"

"I've worked too hard and too long with this team, to have it taken away because I say the wrong thing here. You say you're here to help me, but at the end of the day your report will be the defining factor in whether or not I can get back to the one constant thing in my life."

_See's his job as the the 'constant' in his life. It gives him the stability that he needs. As it stands, he sees his position at NCIS as the one place he can continue to function on a normal level; he is in his comfort Zone. _Kate scribbled down.

"And that's what you're worried about." Kate asked. She loved her job, she really did. She loved helping people, but the fact of the matter was, in situations like this it was difficult given the fact that the patients were here for a reason and that reason was to be certified fit for duty. It always made it harder for her to gain their trust and sometimes it even hurt a little.

"Shouldn't I be?"

"No, Agent McGee. My job is not to take yours away from you. My job is to make sure that you are fully prepared to get back to it. I've told you before; I am here to help you. Even I do sign you back to work, I would still offer you the opportunity to come and see me so that you can get over everything completely."

"And if you decide I shouldn't be out in the field anytime soon, Vance'll yank me off Gibbs' team faster than I can blink."

"Why would I make that call, Agent McGee?" she asked with interest. Even if he did ride a desk until he had sorted everything out, didn't make him bad at his job. Far from it.

"I don't know."

"So, then you're worried about the possibility, even though you can't think of any reasons for that call to be made?"

"Something like that." Tim admitted and blushed as he continued to look down at the floor.

"It's about trust. I understand that. Let me tell you how I saw this before you walked in."

"Huh?" Tim asked.

"Relax. I read your notes and the first thing that came to mind was that the reasons behind why you are here with me today, would possibly impact your trust in people. You have been betrayed, by one of the people that society see's as the person to keep you safe and protect you at all costs. He hurt you and left it difficult for anyone to gain your trust because of that. Tim, you have to trust me, or at least learn to. I'm not going to judge and I'm not going to betray you. Please, forget the report for now." Kate placed the notepad and pen on the small table next to her. "This is just you and me now. NCIS is not the only reason you are here, you are here to talk about things and get stuff off your chest. Can you do that?"

Tim nodded sadly. "I'll try."

"Good, that's good. Okay, Tim. Can you take me through the last 24 hours. Tell me what thoughts have gone through your head."

* * *

Thirty minutes later, Tim was feeling somewhat lighter in spirit, although still shaken and unsettled. While most of what the good doctor had said hadn't really fully filtered through his mind, the conversation he'd overheard outside earlier between Gibbs and his own mother whirled around in his head as if it was stuck on constant replay. He was thankful that the Doctor had sent him to take a break before he had to return to work because Tim wasn't sure that he could handle going back to it now and knew that his concentration just wouldn't be there. Slipping into the stairwell, he slid down the wall and leaned back against it with his knees drawn up to his chest. It was strange, but today had really taken it out of him. He hadn't slept a damn the night before and now exhaustion threatened to take him under. He wrapped his arms around his legs, rested his head sideways on his knees and closed his eyes and let sleep drag him under to a place that he could forget…._At least for a little while anyway_.


	27. Chapter 26

Gibbs was deeply engrossed in the case notes in front of him. His concentration was so focused on his the details that his phone ringing disturbed him, causing him to him toss the file down on his desk with frustration. Looking around the squad room, he noticed his agents had been disturbed by it as well, both shaking their heads slightly as if they'd been pulled from their deepest thoughts.

"Yeah, Gibbs…Uh huh…On my way." Snapping his phone shut, he looked at Tony and Ziva's expectant faces and took a minute to give them some obviously much needed direction. "Keep working."

"Boss, where's Probie?" Tony asked. The boss had looked so pissed the last time he'd come back in the squad room without Tim, that Tony had kept his mouth shut. He had been biding his time for the answers about how Tim was doing, waiting for the answers to be given willingly, but that had been well over 2 hours ago and Tony couldn't wait any longer.

In answer to Tony's question of concern, Gibbs stopped and hit a button on his phone, making a call in hopes of getting that answer, both for himself and for the young man's team members that deserved to know that he was doing okay.

"Where is he?" he asked quietly into the phone with a clipped edge to his voice.

"So, you don't know where he went, just that he wasn't coming back to his desk?" Gibbs pushed. "Yeah. Okay. I'll be right there." Snapping his phone shut, the boss turned to Tony.

"Find him. He's here somewhere. Check the break rooms, the gym…anywhere you think he'd go to think. Don't spook him or push him to talk. When you find him, call me." Gibbs instructed before heading back out of the squad room.

Tony and Ziva immediately started to take the first steps in looking for Tim and It didn't' take them long to call Ducky, Jimmy and Abby to get their help with the search. They were both careful in making sure that they were all on the same page with only finding him to make sure he was okay and calling the boss when they did. Once that was done, Tony got started with his end of the search.

Tony began his search in the employee gym. As he progressed through the different areas he' vowed to check, the frustration built. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Tony reached the point in his search that took him to the stairwells. It was the last place on his list and it seemed like forever before the missing agent was spotted; propped up against the wall with his head resting on his arms, sleeping. He didn't look comfortable, but at least he was at peace. Tony stopped where he was and made his call, making sure to whisper so as not to disturb his friend.

"Hey, Boss. I found him. He's asleep in the stairwell, Director's level."

"_Don't disturb him. I'm on my way."_ Gibbs instructed as he left the Agency Psychiatrist's office and headed toward his missing agent.

Gibbs would be the first one to admit and had said it before on numerous occasions that he didn't really have a whole lot of good things to say about psychologists. This Dr. had surprised him though, and even managed to offer a glimmer of hope that together, along with the team, they'd be able to hang on to Tim and help him until he found his firm footing once again, amidst the rubble of what he was facing now.

"_So long as he fears for his job, Agent Gibbs; he will not allow himself to even think about any of this. If we want him to be able to work through this; he has to be assured without a doubt; that his place on your team is safe; that nothing he says or admits to feeling, will take that away from him. If you can convince him that he has nothing to worry about – on that end; then we can begin to help him deal with what he's been through; help him heal."_

The Team Leader had no doubt that they could convince Tim that his job was safe, but, he also knew that half of that assurance had to come from Vance and the other half had to come from Gibbs, himself. Vance would be the hard sell, not on Tim keeping his job; but on letting Gibbs handle it how he saw fit; more so than usual. The Director rarely made an issue out of how Gibbs ran his team; so it was unclear why he'd made such a big deal out of the very thought of Tim riding a desk for the time being. Hopefully, once the doctor had a word with Vance, he would take it in stride; realize that it was what Tim needed and what the team needed, in order to be able to move past this, at Tim's pace for the most part, but without crippling the team's ability to do their job completely and proficiently.

He'd been astounded when the Psychiatrist had called him on his cell phone a little while ago and asked to speak with him in person. When he'd gotten there and she'd informed him that Tim had requested that she speak with the entire team because he was concerned that they might need to vent about what they'd seen and heard while helping hm. Apparently, he had told her that by them helping Tim gain his freedom, they had seen things that Tim knew would be eating away at them. In short, Gibbs had been blown away. It didn't come as a surprise that Tim was worried about everyone else above himself, he always did, but this was just completely unexpected.

Gibbs had reassured the doctor that they all wanted what was best for Tim. He'd even admitted to her that he was unwilling to leave him alone for the time being. She'd agreed with his caution and applauded his dedication to Tim's recovery. When his cell phone had rung and he'd instructed Tony not to disturb Tim, she'd nodded in agreement and waved him off.

Reaching Tony on the landing below Tim, Gibbs whispered some instructions to his Senior Field Agent and glared at Tony's shocked disbelief. Gibbs knew that is was the emotions that his instructions sparked in his agent, that were keeping him from doing what he'd just been told. "Do it for Tim." Gibbs whispered. "It's important to him that you all have this chance to talk about it."

Tony took what Gibbs told him and thought about it for a minute. "Okay." He finally gave in and headed down the stairs while Gibbs slowly and quietly headed up to his still sleeping agent.

Gibbs grimaced and slid his way down to the floor next to Tim. He was too old for getting down on a cold floor and wished he didn't have to subject his body to it. He kept his back firmly against the wall to support him and stretched out his legs in front of him before settling as comfortably as he could. He was close enough to his agent to touch Tim if he needed too when he woke because no doubt, the kid would need grounding.

Gibbs found himself unwilling to rush things so laid his head back against the wall, closed his eyes and quietly breathed out a sigh of exhausted frustration. He wasn't sure what had worn him out more; getting this far in this battle to free Tim from the nightmare and its repercussions, or realizing they still had a long way to go.

Tim woke with a start and blinked several times to clear the sleepy haze that had settled there, before fully opening his eyes. Suddenly, he knew, he wasn't alone in the stairwell anymore. Picking his head up from his knees, he grimaced as the pain in his back and neck from having slept in that position, made itself known. Looking over at the person next to him, he was startled to find that that person was none other than Gibbs and he was either silently resting with his head against the wall, or genuinely asleep like he'd just been.

It was the strangest thing he'd ever experienced here and wondered why he'd been allowed to sleep as he'd just done in the silent company of the Team Leader. For some reason, Tim felt strangely comforted by this turn of events, but it was short lived and before he had time to contemplate what negative connotations this spelled out for him, he was startled by Gibbs speaking to him even as he remained resting with his eyes still closed.

"You okay?" the boss asked calmly.

"Yeah. Boss, I'm…"

"You ready to go get something to eat now? I know you haven't eaten all day."

"I'm not hungry, Boss." Tim said reluctantly. He knew that a loss of appetite seemed like a step backwards in terms of moving on with things, but he couldn't help it. He really wasn't hungry.

"We're gonna give it a shot, anyway, all right?" Gibbs pushed as he opened his eyes and looked at his agent, taking a minute to look him over to see just how he really was doing.

"Okay." Tim gave in without a fight.

"Good. Let's go." Gibbs got up and offered Tim a helping hand up.

Strangely enough, instead of heading out of the building, Gibbs led the way up to large conference room on the Director's level. Opening the door, Gibbs stepped back against the door to allow Tim to enter the room. As soon as he walked in, Tim stopped short in shock. Sitting there at the table, with enough white boxes of Chinese food to feed a small army adorning the table, was Director Vance and the rest of Team Gibbs.

"Hey, Timmy!" Abby got up from her seat and slowly walked over to him and hugged him. "I'm sorry for pushing you the wrong way yesterday. Can you forgive me?" she whispered in his ear.

"Yeah, Abby, Of course, I can." Tim told her quietly with a small smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Are you sure?" she asked gently.

"Yes, Abby. I promise you, I'm sure." Tim vowed

"Thanks, Tim." She gave back as she kissed him on the cheek and went back to her seat at the table.

"Timothy, are you ready to eat something?" Ducky asked with concern although he didn't get up for fear of making the poor boy feel crowded.

"I'm not really hungry, Ducky. But, I'll try." Tim admitted respectfully as he moved to sit in the vacant chair beside the M.E.. "Do we have any forks? I'd really rather not have to bother with chopsticks today."

"Tony's here, isn't he? Of course we've got forks, McGee." Gibbs quipped as he took the seat at the end of the table near the door.

Tim smiled at the old inside joke that Tony had never mastered the proper use of chopsticks enough to be comfortable using them like Tim and Gibbs did. The laughter that erupted at Tony's expense, albeit a small price to pay, was uplifting and definitely mood lightening.

The remainder of the lunch hour was spent with casual, carefree banter from the usually boisterous bunch. Of course, it was with the exception of Vance and Tim, who both seemed to be locked in enough troubled thoughts to not have the energy or wherewithal to join in; although they did stay tuned in enough to share a small laugh or smile a time or two with the rest of them when something funny crossed their attention.

Gibbs and Ducky both took the opportunity to both share in the banter, as well as to watch for glimpses of how the team was really doing. Most of them were good at slipping masks into place, and none of them needed to be doing that right now. The last thing Tim would want would be for any of them to be hiding how this was affecting them. That was, after all, why he'd asked the agency shrink to talk to them all, wasn't it; so none of them would need to hide it; but so they could get it out?

Looking at each of them in turn, Gibbs saw that they were all much more at peace with themselves and with Tim, although the young man himself was not at peace, but doing a damn good job of holding his own façade in place, even when the others had put theirs away. Remembering that there were several important things they needed to hash out for Tim's sake, Gibbs shooed the rest of the team back to work as soon as they'd finished eating, leaving only himself, Ducky and Vance alone with Tim. Exchanging meaningful glances with Gibbs, Ducky soon excused himself and left the two supervisory agents to talk with the young man at the heart of the matter.

Vance got right down to business after watching the team and seeing that they seemed to be back on the road to recovery. He was relieved to see them all try their damnedest to pull Tim out of his worried state because it was obvious that this young man needed some answers and some reaffirmation in terms of his worth and his position here.

"Agent McGee. I have spoken with the Agency Psychiatrist. She assures me that there is absolutely no reason that you cannot return to your position, so long as it's under the direction and supervision of Agent Gibbs. To make a long story short, Gibbs will decide when you're ready to go back out in the field, but in the meantime, you're reinstated to active duty so long as its desk duty until Gibbs says otherwise."

Tim looked up at Vance with relief written all over his face. The alternative didn't bear thinking about and he found himself thanking his lucky stars that he was allowed this little sliver of normality in his tormented life.

"You thought you'd be pulled from Gibbs' team?" Vance asked with surprise. If he read the look on the kids face right, the relief that rolled off Tim meant that the young man had thought exactly that. He'd been told of Tim's biggest fear but hadn't quite grasped the depth of that fear until seeing Tim's reaction to the news he wanted and needed to hear.

"I know I'm not ready to go out in the field, Director. I didn't think you'd tolerate me just staying out of the field all the time."

"That's usually Agent Gibbs' call anyway, isn't it, Agent McGee?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Then I don't understand why you were worried."

"Because you have the authority to over-ride him."

"And you thought I would on this?" Vance asked with sympathetic curiosity. Yes, he did have that power, but he was mortified that the young man standing in front of him would let the fact that he'd been let down by people all his life, cause him to worry about that.

"Sir, I don't know when I'll be ready to go back out in the field." Tim explained softly. "That makes me the weak link in the team. They're a man down."

"All right. I get that. Let me ask you a question."

"Sir?"

"When, DiNozzo was out with the plague what did you do?"

Tim cocked his head and thought about it for a second. "We did our job, but we still missed him. His workload came to me and Kate, so we were busier."

"And when Gibbs went to Mexico?"

"That was different. We had TAD support sometimes but still, it was really hard. We're a team and we pulled together and dealt with it, but a team is only as strong as its weakest link." Tim hung his head down low but started when Vance boomed.

"That's B.S. Agent McGee and you know it. From what I've read, you all pulled together perfectly both times and took on the extra responsibility perfectly. Now, you are still on the team, not in the field, but still here helping as much as you can." Vance told him sincerely.

"But….." Tim started to answer but was cut off.

"The important thing here, is that you understand that your job is safe, Agent McGee, regardless of how long it takes for you to be ready to go back out in the field."

"Thank you, Sir."

"No thanks necessary, Agent McGee, You earned your position with Gibbs long before I got here. I'm not about to let anyone take it away from you over something you had no control over." Vance assured him as he got up and headed out. "Enjoy the rest of your lunch. Oh, and Doctor Mallard's right. You really need to eat."

When Vance was gone and it was just Gibbs and Tim in the room, Tim breathed out a sigh of relief. He still had his job and his position on Gibbs' team was safe. Vance hadn't taken that away from him. Tim had really been worried about it but couldn't exactly admit to the man that it was Vance's own fault that Tim didn't fully trust him. When Vance had operated under the cloud of secrecy and dis-trust between him and Gibbs, and put Tim square in the middle right after splitting the team up, Vance had shattered Tim's ability to completely trust the man, before he'd even had the chance to fully earn Tim's trust to begin with.

The only way Tim ever found the ability to trust Vance in any situation was when Gibbs was there for Tim to fall back on. Tim had never felt completely sure that Gibbs had forgiven him for keeping that ''secret assignment' to tha cyber-crimes unit, from him. Hell, Tim hadn't slept well for weeks after that all went down because he was so worried about it.

When Tony had come back after Gibbs fought like hell to get him back on dry land, Gibbs had openly welcomed Tony back with a handshake and a verbal welcome. Tim had felt well and truly slapped with what he'd seen as the ugly truth; that Gibbs hadn't really forgiven him, at all. The boss may have gotten Tim pulled back up from the basement, but he'd not so much as spoken a word to him when Tim did move his stuff back to the squad room. Tim hadn't been sure the man even wanted Tim back on the team.

Funny that these thoughts would come back to haunt Tim now, especially in the midst of everything else going on in his overloaded mind. Tim knew that Gibbs was in his corner 100%. Did what happened two years ago really matter that much, now? Somehow, for some reason, it did matter - a lot, but more importantly, right now, what mattered was the conversation he'd overheard between his boss and his mother. Tim needed to know what he'd walked into and why.

"You okay?" Gibbs finally asked after a few silent minutes of letting the young man have peace and quiet in which to think. He knew something was going on in Tim's head where Vance was concerned and hoped that Tim would let him in on it, since it was obviously bothering him. Something was telling him that whatever it was, was important. But, he wouldn't push the young man. He knew Tim would open up when he was ready.

"Yeah, Boss. I'm okay."

"What's on your mind?"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Anything."

"Why were you talking to my mom earlier?"

"Is that what got you so upset?"

"Yeah. It kinda opened that door, ya know?" Tim said so quietly that Gibbs almost missed it. The team leader simply shook his head before putting his hand under Tim's chin so that the young man would look at him.

"She called me because she's upset she hasn't heard from you. Wanted to know that you're okay."

"What else?"

"She's really upset that she never saw the signs that you and your sister were in trouble. She never knew about the tapes. If I was in her shoes, Tim, I'd be pretty upset, too."

"You wouldn't have missed the signs, Boss." Tim softly reasoned. Suddenly, he stood, turned from Gibbs and began to clear the mess from lunch. He couldn't sit still any longer as his body started to twitch in time with his thoughts and emotions. The last thing he wanted was for Gibbs to see the tears in his eyes or the vulnerability he felt whenever he allowed himself to think that it was possible he could lean on this man as hard as he needed to, to push past all of this madness and pain, betrayal and self-loathing. The possibility was so slim that he couldn't risk it. Rejection of any kind was the last thing he needed right now.

"Anything else on your mind?" Gibbs changed the subject off Tim's mother as he struggled with the staggering faith Tim had just allowed him to see that the young man held for Gibbs.

"I don't wanna keep you from work, Boss. I think we ought to get back to work, don't you?" Tim suggested with a small smile. Like the others he had offered, it still didn't reach his eyes, but managed to show on his face just the same.

"Yeah?" Gibbs grinned at Tim's persistent push to get things back to normal. Obviously, he was done letting him in, for now. Hopefully, if Gibbs followed Tim's lead and didn't push him beyond where he was willing to go on his own with all of this, Tim would continue to let him in piece by piece.

Gibbs wasn't blind. He saw the pain lurking in Tim's eyes, just enough to be noticed by those who were looking for it. The depth that this young man's self esteem had plummeted was yet to be determined, but hopefully, that would at least level back out now that Tim had been given the promise that the job he'd earned wasn't going anywhere. Timing wasn't important in this situation but Tim being allowed to keep the job he loved was.

Still, seeing the emotions Tim was dealing with wasn't the same as helping him through them. If work was what Tim needed to get through the tough spots, then work was what they'd give him. Ushering him back out of the now cleaned up room; Gibbs placed a supportive hand on the young man's back and walked with him back down to the squad room. Silently, Gibbs returned the file Tim had been working on to his agent and everyone got silently back to work.

* * *

The rest of the day passed in what was could almost be called complete normalcy. Gibbs knew that everyone had taken their turn to speak with the Agency shrink and that now, not only could they begin to move one, but most likely, they felt better about things as well. Looking over at Tim, as the end of the day came, the boss wondered what Tim wanted to do as far as where he'd spend the night. He didn't want to make an issue of it, knowing Tim wouldn't consider that helpful in the least. So he opted to let the young man deal with that issue on his own terms in his own way. All Gibbs could do was cut them loose. He had to wonder, if letting them have an early night would help or hurt. Hoping it would help the team spend some more bonding time together outside work, he made his call, keeping his eye on Tim as he did so.

"Go home."

Three pairs of surprised eyes snapped over to him to see if he was serious, although why that was he didn't know, since it was one thing he never joked about. "You'd rather stay here and work on cold cases?" he asked dryly.

"No, Boss." Tony answered immediately as he scrambled to his feet and quickly closed down his work station, packing his backpack while he was waiting for his computer to power down. "C'mon, Probie, let's go grab that six pack and pizza we were talkin' about and vegetate in front of a marathon of cult classics."

"Tony." Gibbs threw out there.

"Boss?"

"Don't even _think _about getting wasted. You come in here with a hang-over and I'll head slap you so hard, you'll wish you'd never picked up a single drink, you got me?" the boss warned.

Tony looked at the boss for a long silent minute_. Why the hell would Gibbs care if I got drunk or not? Wait, a minute, this isn't about me getting drunk, it's about Probie getting drunk. Ah, okay, that's what's off limits. Yeah, that makes sense. Possibly? Why doesn't Gibbs want McGee getting drunk? Does he know something about a drunk Probie that I don't? Okay, if the boss doesn't want it, it won't happen. I mean, look how hard the man's been working to help McGoo out. Who am I to screw with that?" _

"No getting drunk, got it, Boss," Tony said nonchalantly. "I'm just gonna go say goodnight to the lab rat and I'll be right back, Probie."

"I'll be ready, Tony." Tim said with a smile. He'd have offered to go with Tony to say goodnight to Abby, but it was obvious the older man wanted to talk to their resident worrier alone. Tim settled for emailing her instead.

Abby:

"_Have a good night. And thank you."  
_

"McGee." Ziva offered as she came over to his desk.

"Ziva?" Tim answered questioningly as he closed down his computer.

"Have a good night. Do not let Tony drag you into any trouble." She offered.

Tim smiled. "We'll be fine, Ziva. I promise." He vowed.

"Good." She said as she turned and headed out. "Good night, Gibbs."

"Night, Ziva." Gibbs offered her in return as he remained behind his computer, giving the appearance of still working.

* * *

"Hey, Abbs." Tony greeted as he entered her lab.

"Tony! What brings you to Abby's labby?"

"Got a question for you."

"All right, Shoot."

"What would Gibbs know about Probie when he's drunk? I thought the guy never drank."

"He's gotten drunk once or twice, Tony. It's really cute when he does. He's a very talkative drunk."

"Yeah? How would Gibbs know this? Does McGoo remember what he talked about the next day?"

"Yes, he remembers, some of it, anyway. And Gibbs knows because that little tidbit of information slipped out when he and I were talking about the different kinds of drunk. It was during a case, Tony. Why?"

"Oh, nothing, I was just reminding Probie that we were gonna pick up a six pack and a pizza and Gibbs warned me not to come in here tomorrow with a hang over. But, I took it as an order not to get Probie drunk."

"He's right, Tony. For one, he'd remember most of it tomorrow. And, for two, Tim's not a drinker by habit and I'll hurt the first person who makes him even consider that drinking is the way to handle what he's been through.

"Right. Guess that's part of what Bossman's worried about too, huh? Got it. I promise, Abbs. Won't happen." Tony grinned as he kissed her cheek and turned to head out. "Night!"

* * *

Tim quietly packed up his backpack and finished closing down his station. It seemed a mite bit uncomfortable being in the squad room with just Gibbs right now. He couldn't explain it. Maybe it was because in here, it felt like only work mattered and he still felt less than 100% competent. That wasn't anything new. Not feeling like he had 100% of the man's confidence in him had been with him since forever. After all, he wasn't Tony and he wasn't Ziva. Mentally shrugging, Tim shouldered his backpack and rounded his desk, ready to head to the elevator. Not wanting to leave without saying anything but not wanting to start an entire conversation either, Tim settled for the old standard.

"Night, Boss."

Gibbs gave Tim his full attention. "McGee. You call me if you need anything."

"I will, Boss. Thanks."

"Tim."

"Boss?"

"Come over here a minute." Gibbs beckoned quietly.

Tim walked over to the boss' desk and waited with his heart in his throat.

"Not tryin' to push here, but now that you know your job is safe, I think you should strongly consider talking things out with someone. Not gonna be able to wrap your head around it until ya do. I'd like to be able to send you back out to the field again before too long, McGee. I'd hate for you not to be reaching your full potential because of something that's already robbed you of too much to begin with." Gibbs quietly reasoned out for him.

Tim looked away from his boss as he contemplated the words of wisdom and concern he was hearing. Swallowing around the lump in his throat, Tim nodded his silent agreement and looked down at his feet. He was surprised when Gibbs walked around his desk and stood next to him to put a calming, supportive hand on his shoulder. "Will you think about it?"

"Yeah, Boss. I will." Tim answered so quietly it was almost a whisper. He couldn't help it as the emotions that sprang up from Gibbs' concern threatened to choke him. It wasn't that the man hadn't already shown him more concern in the last week, then he'd seen from him in the last 6 years; but that it seemed to be in endless supply, even here in the squad room, where work prevailed.

"You okay?" the boss asked in concern.

"Yeah. I'm fine." Tim answered as he kept trying to swallow, hoping the lump would go away.

"Ready, Probie?" Tony asked loudly as he sauntered into the squad room, stopping short when he saw what he'd just walked in on and interrupted. "Oh, Sorry,"

Ignoring his Senior Field Agent, Gibbs kept his attention on Tim and pushed gently. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, Boss, I promise, I'm fine." Tim answered as he finally looked him square on and offered that small, hollow smile.

"Okay. Remember, you call me if you need to, for anything." Gibbs pushed.

"I will." Tim promised. _If I can find the strength to ask you _he thought and turned and looked at Tony. "Give me a minute, Tony." He requested as he set his backpack down on his desk and headed for the men's bathroom.

As soon as he'd left, Tony approached his boss. "Boss? Everything all right?"

"Yeah, everything's fine. You watch him, Tony. But, don't push, He disappears again, you call me."

"Yeah, sure, Boss." Tony answered with worry twisting his gut. "You think he's gonna run?"

"No, Tony, I don't. But, I do think he'll have trouble sleeping."

"Oh. Okay. I hear ya. I'll watch out for him."

"Any problems, you call me." Gibbs instructed.

"Will do, Boss." Tony answered. As Tim came back to join them, he picked his bag back up, Tony bid Gibbs goodnight, and headed out with Tim quietly on his heels.

Little did he realize just how right Gibbs would be.


	28. Chapter 27

_Officer David; the liaison position with NCIS is being terminated.  
McGee... I'm moving you across to the cyber crimes unit.  
DiNozzo... you've been reassigned. Agent afloat; USS Ronald Reagan. Pack your bags-  
you fly out tomorrow.  
Agent Gibbs... meet your new team._  
_Boss?  
Boss.  
__It's good to see you, Boss.__  
You heard from Ziva?  
Uh,yeah. An e-mail every week ,until about three weeks ago. I thought maybe she went on vacation.  
No. Try undercover ,McGee.  
Undercover would make sense, her being Mossad and all.  
Know __how to contact__ her?  
Cell phone?  
No longer connected. -Yeah. Gibbs.- Put her on. - Ziva? -You okay? ….We miss you, Ziva. Yeah, you take care, too.  
Boss, I'm not sure I can exactly tell you what I know. Orders.-Yeah,him.  
You like working down here, McGee?  
Boss,I'm sorry. He made it very clear to me that I-I couldn't talk to anyone except for him.  
Wouldn't have stopped you in the past.  
__Well,it's not the same. We were a team. I would give this up in a heartbeat to be back working with you and Ziva again.__  
And DiNozzo?  
Yeah,him,too.  
You can tell him, McGee_._  
Want to call Vance?  
No, he can wait.  
I really need to come home, Boss.  
I'm working on it.  
DiNozzo.  
Pa?  
You take care of yourself.  
Miss you, too, Dad__  
It was a long four months. I've got to say it's great to be home. Not that I didn't think I wouldn't be coming back because...__  
Gibbs smiles at Tony and shakes his hand in welcome_._  
_

Tim snapped upright on the couch, his breathing erratic and harsh as he struggled to wake up fully calm himself. His eyes darted wildly around the room without truly seeing his surroundings as the last vestiges of the nightmare started leave him.

"Hey, Probie, You all right?" came Tony's soft question from the doorway to Tony's Kitchen.

Taking a deep breath and slowly exhaling, Tim answered his friend quietly, feeling slightly dazed. "Yeah, I'm okay, Tony. Sorry I woke you up, go on back to bed."

"No sweat, man. You sure you're okay?" Tim could see the lines of worry etching Tony's face as he stood in the doorway making Tim feel guilty for waking him up.

"Yeah. I'm good."

"K. You come get me if you need me." Tony pushed before he turned and headed back to his room. He paused briefly at his door with his hand on the doorknob, trying to decide whether he should close his door. He decided to leave it open so that he could listen for Tim's cries for help better. It was bad enough that Tony hadn't heard the young man's cries until they'd gotten loud enough to penetrate Tony's closed bedroom door and startled him out of his sleep. Granted, it had been a light sleep but Tony felt a twang of guilt at not being there to pull his Probie out earlier and couldn't help the thought that he wasn't doing a very good job of watching over his friend. With a mental headslap, Tony knew that Gibbs would have his hide if he didn't do a better job from here on in. He sank down on his bed and rested his head in his hands. Knowing what to do was hard, but he held onto his firm resolve, that he would do better.

Tim shuffled to his feet and took himself over to the window. _Why the hell were all those memories from when Vance first took over the Director's chair, coming back in full force now? What the hell was going on? It was bad enough he needed to hide from all the memories that came crashing down on him from his forced encounter with that man who'd claimed to be his father all his life; but, now this? How much crap being added to the pile, could he take?_

Time got lost as he stood staring out the window, his thoughts eventually fading into oblivion as his mind accepted the cloud that moved in to provide a blanket of numbness behind which to hide. Leaning his head against the wall where it met the window frame, Tim was soon comfortable and calm enough that he actually dozed right where he stood. He hadn't noticed himself drifting off until he was jolted awake when his body moved of its' own accord from where he'd braced it against the window frame. It wasn't until then, that he became fully aware of his surroundings and regained his sense of time and place enough to realize that he'd fallen asleep standing up, and his body was finally giving in to the bone weariness, that seemed to follow him everywhere he went. Tim took himself back to the couch and attempted once again to get some genuine sleep in a more normal position of lying down.

_You ever hesitate because you've second-guessed yourself again, I'll take your badge! Are we clear?  
Why didn't you come to me?  
Doesn't look like a hoax to me, McGee.  
We should've had him three hours ago.  
That means we're all potential targets.  
Why didn't you come to me?  
There's no mid-ground, McGee. You either put on the cuffs, or you find who's responsible!  
You figure it out, McGee! You write the ending to this, or the killer will!  
You like working down here, McGee?  
Boss ,I'm sorry. He made it very clear to me that I-I couldn't talk to anyone except for him.  
Wouldn't have stopped you in the past.  
Why didn't you come to me?  
Why didn't you come to me?_

Tim's eyes snapped open as his breath caught in his throat. He gave himself a minute to acclimatize once again and glanced at the clock. _3:00 AM? Damn it! Would he ever get any sleep tonight? Why the hell was his brain dredging up all these old painful memories of times he'd screwed up on the job over the years? What the hell was up with that? What, he didn't have enough on his mind already; the vault had to keep being ripped open even more every time he tried to sleep?_

With a huge sigh of frustration, Tim padded on bare feet, down the hall to check on Tony. Hopefully, the older man was getting some much needed shut-eye despite Tim's nightmarish memories waking him up. As he stopped in the open doorway of Tony's bedroom, he had to smile when he saw Tony sitting up in his bed with his back against the headboard, sleeping peacefully. Not knowing whether Tony's bedroom door was a silent one or not, Tim left it where Tony had it and settled for quietly retracing his steps back out to the living room and changing into a pair of sweats and a MIT T-shirt. Packing up what little he'd taken out of his backpack, he wrote Tony another note and put it in the same place as the one he'd left him 24 hours ago, before quietly leaving out, once again, too wired to sleep even though he could feel the exhaustion that loomed just beyond his grasp.

This time, his destination was the gym at NCIS and he soon got to work so that he could pound out his frustration, and inability to work through the mountain of crap in his head that just seemed to be getting bigger and bigger as the days went on. He had started off donning a pair of boxing gloves, but he had a moment of doubt as to whether or not he should wear them; _Maybe the pain would help me forget. But then, the boss would be angry at the fact that he'd willingly caused himself pain. _With a sigh, he pulled them on and moved to the punching bag so that he could start pounding at it slowly, his actions getting more and more harsh as he lashed out and let his anger bleed out through his fists. The punches soon became more emotion driven and before too long, Tim looked as though he was attempting to kill the bag, and with every punch, a crackle of angry energy ran through him.

Tony woke with a jolt and just knew that something was wrong with Tim. It was the same feeling he'd gotten the previous night and he jumped out of bed with a nervous feeling-settling deep in his gut. He stood up and ran to the living room only to find it empty and lifeless and so he moved into the kitchen and spotted the letter tacked to the refrigerator.

"Damn it, Probie!" Tony reached over and pulled the note off so that he could read and let the fleeting question of how he was going to tell his boss flit through his mind.

_Tony_

_Sorry, can't sleep  
Going' to work._

_T._

_P.S. Thanks for everything,_

This time though, Tony got ready to go after Tim and called Gibbs from his car. He hated to do it, but knew that Gibbs was keeping tabs on Tim's emotional war and couldn't afford to be left out of any of it, if he was gonna be able to keep the young man from losing his grip on the normality that he was so desperately searching for. So, as much as he didn't want to do it; Tony knew the call had to be made.

"_Yeah, Gibbs."_ Gibbs' gruff voice made him cringe slightly.

"Boss, Probie couldn't sleep again. Left me another note sayin' he was goin' to work. I'm headed in after him."

"_Tony. When you find him, don't push him to talk. I'll be there soon as I can. Good job, DiNozzo." _Tony let the words sink in and shook his head. _Why was Gibbs thanking him?_

"Huh?" Tony couldn't seem to find the words that he wanted and so decided on the only thing that seemed able to pass his lips. "Oh…Um, Boss, I'm sorry."

"_What the hell for?"_

"I didn't hear him leave. I don't know when he left. He woke up couple hours ago from what I'm guessing was a pretty bad dream. I heard him all the way in my room. I went out and checked on him; asked him if he was okay and he said he was so I took his word for it and went back to bed. I'm sorry. You told me to watch him and I didn't. I…"

"_DiNozzo. What did I just say_?"

"Huh? Oh! Right, Boss. Thanks, Boss."

"_Go on, go find him and make sure he's all right_."

"On it, Boss."

Somehow, he couldn't stop. Tim didn't know how long he'd been at it, but he couldn't find the off switch for his emotions, which by now had him so befuddled with it all so that he couldn't even recognize what he was feeling or what was driving him on. Even his physical body seemed to have lost sight of its on/off switch and it was nothing but pure adrenaline that kept his arms punching the bag as if it would erase everything and take away the pain, the memories, and the heartache.

Tony finally found Tim in the employee gym some 30 minutes later and from the looks of it, he'd been there for several hours already. Whipping out his cell phone, he called Gibbs to update him.

"Boss, I got him. He's in the gym takin' it out on the bag."

"_He wearing gloves?" _Gibbs asked quietly. Tony had to look again before answering.

"Um, yeah. He's got gloves on."

"_Good, okay, DiNozzo, drop back and just shadow him. I'll be there in 5."_ Gibbs promised and Tony heard rustling on the other end of the phone, letting him know that the Boss was on the move.

"Boss. He's not lookin' so hot. Looks like he's been at this the whole time he's been gone."

"_All right, Tony. I'll take care of it. Sit tight."_

Sure enough, Gibbs arrived in the gym not five minutes later, stealthily arriving behind Tony and tapping him on the shoulder. As the younger man looked back at him, the boss gestured for him to go ahead and leave this to him. Nodding, Tony turned to leave.

"Tony." Gibbs whispered and stopped Tony in his tracks.

"Yeah, Boss?" Tony whispered in return.

"Go home. I don't wanna see you at your desk til 9." Gibbs rewarded him.

"Thanks, Boss. But, I'm good."

"DiNozzo. It wasn't a request. Go home and get some more shut-eye or I'll send you to Ducky."

"Right. On it, Boss." Tony gave in. Extra sleep he could deal with; Ducky's lecture on fighting Gibbs on the notion of that extra sleep, he couldn't. Turning on his heel, he headed out.

Gibbs advanced on his youngest agent, who, by now, had completely worn himself to a frazzle in his attempt to lash out with everything he was feeling. It was a wonder the bag was still hanging from the ceiling! Walking up to the young man, He put his hands out to stop the bag's motion as he looked his agent over before trying to get the young man to look him in the eye.

As the bag's movement stopped, Tim was roused from his trance and jolted back into the reality that he was desperately trying to escape from. It took him a moment to realize that he was no longer alone.

"Boss?" he asked in shock.

"How long you been here, Tim?" Gibbs asked him gruffly.

Tim shrugged with exhaustion and found that he'd lost the inability to process the question enough to offer a plausible answer.

"How long?" Gibbs pushed as he felt himself getting angry on the young man's behalf.

"I don't know, Boss. I woke up at 3 and couldn't sleep. I left Tony a note."

"Yeah, McGee, I know. Wanna take a guess as to what time it is now?" Gibbs asked as he took the gloves off his exhausted agent. The fact that Tim was so pliant, was true testament to the sheer tiredness that made his young face look gaunt and haunted.

"Uhm. I don't know, four, maybe?"

"Wrong, McGee. Try five-thirty. Go on – take a shower. We'll talk when you're done."

"Boss, I…"

"McGee. Go. Take A. Shower." Gibbs bit out angrily with measured tones.

Tim's exhausted body slumped at the boss' anger and he trudged off to the shower wondering how the hell things were gonna get better when he couldn't even do something like blow off steam right.

As he came out of the locker room, showered, and dressed, some twenty minutes later, Tim was shocked to find the boss waiting for him with a fresh cup of coffee in hand for both of them.

"Thought I told you to call me if you couldn't sleep." Gibbs reminded him much more calmly than he'd spoken just a bit ago.

"I know, Boss. It's just…"

"Just, what, Tim? Why are you trying so damn hard to do this without any help?"

Tim walked to the windows that lined the room. "Boss, there's so much crap in my head, I can't just dump it on…"

"McGee. Do you get that I'm here to listen? Do you get that I need you to understand that you can come to me day or night? I meant what I said, Tim. I'm here for you. Why won't you give yourself the peace of mind to be able to turn to people when you need it?"

"I'd like to." Tim admitted softly.

"Okay. Good. Then why won't you?"

"Because the last thing I wanna do is hurt anyone, especially you."

"Hurt us how, Tim?"

"I mean what I said, Boss. There's so much crap in my head, but what I didn't tell you, is that a lot of it has nothing to do with home." Tim told the boss honestly.

"Ah. Okay. This have anything to do with you being upset and worried about Vance yesterday?"

"Some."

"Wanna tell me about it?"

"Boss, it would take longer than we've got before the work day starts."

Gibbs pulled out his phone and dialed. With a small smile at Tim, he started putting in the request that he needed.

"Need you to pull us off the duty roster for the morning. Good. Okay. Yeah, I'll let you know. Thanks, Leon." Ending that call, he made another one.

"Take the morning off. Yeah. Be here at 1. Call Tony and let him know…Right." Ending that call, he put his phone away, and led Tim down the hallway and into the elevator. They silently rode the car down to the parking garage and Tim felt Gibbs hand in the small of his back, guiding him towards his car. Gibbs gestured to the passenger seat and got in behind the wheel. As the engine roared to life, Gibbs cast his glance over his agent. "You hungry?"

"A little."

"Good. Let's go get some breakfast."

Gibbs was torn. Tim needed to talk, but he also needed to sleep. They'd stopped off at a small café on the way home and eaten a decent breakfast in relative silence. Tim needed the nutrition and the boss hadn't wanted to risk the young man getting stressed out by trying to talk about what was bothering him. So, the talking had been shelved and the meal was enjoyed without the situation being mentioned. Both of which seemed to go a long way in calming Tim's nerves, if his posture was anything to go by. Once that was done, they walked back the car.

Now, here they were, settled comfortably in Gibbs' living room, with the silence seeming to turn less than pleasant, rather quickly. Something needed to be decided and fast. Looking Tim over, it appeared that the exhaustion had abandoned him, and so letting him talk if he wanted too, seemed like the best way to go. Besides, Ducky would be here at noon to check Tim over, and Gibbs was certain that the M.E. would be bringing something with him to help Tim sleep the afternoon away, while the older two returned to work. Gibbs had made the phone call to his older friend while Tim had escaped to the men's room before their meal had arrived at the restaurant and had filled him in on everything that had happened.

Now, Gibbs thought for a minute as to how to open this conversation back up. He'd hated to shut it down earlier, but work and setting things in motion had necessitated that interruption. Clearing his throat, he now turned to the young man sitting before him and waited for him to lift his eyes off the floor.

"You ready to let me in now?"

"I think so." Tim answered hesitantly.

"Okay. Why don't you start by telling me what's keeping you from sleeping? What runs through your mind when you're trying to get some rest?"

Looking back down at the floor, Tim answered quietly. "I keep expecting nightmares about what my… what that man did to me, but every time I try to sleep, it's something different, none of it about anything from home."

"Like what?"

"The first time I fell asleep, everything that bothered me from when Vance first got here, came back, like it happened just yesterday."

"Talk me through it, Tim. What exactly came back to you?"

Tim nearly popped up off the couch as the obvious emotions crashed through on that question. There was no doubt that this was where Tim's concern about hurting Gibbs was coming from, at least, that's the way the boss read the situation. Still he waited for his agent to find his own way to being able to answer the question. After a long silent minute, he was rewarded by Tim's quiet voice filling the air as he repeated what his mind had thrown at him in his sleep.

It took ten minutes for Tim to completely go through his nightmare and Gibbs could see exactly why the kid would be hurting Not only had he lost the dragon that came to him in the form of his father…._Huh, if you can even call him that…_but there was some deep rooted, convoluted trust issue that surrounded the team. At that moment, Gibbs understood that it was him that Tim looked up too. Not his father, not Vance, but him. Tim saw him as the father figure that he'd never had and wanted nothing more than to have that one shot of a normal family and to feel the father, son bond that he shared with Tony. Gibbs listened intently and frowned when Tim went silent and slumped where he stood, enough that it was obvious he now felt like he'd committed some terrible crime by revealing this to his boss.

"McGee, c'mere and sit. Tell me something. You said this has to do with Vance. Explain that to me."

"He broke up the team, Boss. He cost me your trust." Tim admitted in a broken voice.

"Where did you get that you lost my trust?" Gibbs asked in surprise.

"You admitted to Ziva that you missed her. You told Tony you were trying to get him home and when you did get him home, you shook his hand and welcomed him back. You didn't say a single word to me about it. The whole four months I was in the sub-basement, I never heard from you or saw you. What was I supposed to think?" Tim jumped back up from the couch and paced, angry at himself for letting his real anger and hurt out after all this time. He'd buried it before, why couldn't he have kept it buried?

"Why haven't you come to me with this before?"

"Boss, you and I? Talk? Not something that ever happens." Tim bit out with more sarcasm than he intended. "It's not like it's easy to come to you."

"Yeah. Okay, I'll give you that. Not gonna be like it was anymore, Tim. I'm here. I can see where you would have thought the way you did with the way things played out. Those four months, I should have handled it differently with you. Vance handed me that set of screw-ups and I had my hands full."

Tim nodded silently, still feeling the pain of that time stabbing violently at his heart. Now that it had risen to the surface once again, he struggled to get the pangs of hurt back under lock and key where they belonged. Gibbs' answer did nothing to alleviate the strong impression that Tim had been left with people that didn't care about him and that had led to his worthless feelings that he didn't matter as a person, only as a computer geek when the team was together.

"Tim. I get that working in the same building and never hearing from me left you feeling like you weren't important. Realizing now, that you'd had that ingrained into your head your entire life; I can't possibly make amends for not handling that better than I did. I am sorry."

Tim huffed out a wry chuckle. "Sign of weakness." He said quietly.

"Not this time."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. The rules are loose guidelines. If an apology is needed, then I give one." Gibbs locked eyes with Tim's so that the truth was driven home.

"Thanks, Boss."

"Feel better?"

"Yeah."

"Good. What else is on your mind?"

_You ever hesitate because you've second-guessed yourself again, I'll take your badge! Are we clear?  
Why didn't you come to me?  
Doesn't look like a hoax to me, McGee.  
We should've had him three hours ago.  
That means we're all potential targets.  
There's no mid-ground, McGee. You either put on the cuffs, or you find who's responsible!  
You figure it out, McGee! You write the ending to this, or the killer will!  
You like working down here, McGee?  
Boss ,I'm sorry. He made it very clear to me that I-I couldn't talk to anyone except for him.  
Wouldn't have stopped you in the past._"

McGee, you did not lose my trust. I have never lost faith or my trust in you." Gibbs told him when the young man finished revealing what had plagued him in his sleep the second time he'd attempted to find rest during the night.

"Never?"

"Never."

"Benedict."

"Didn't happen."

"Mawher."

"Shaken, maybe. Not lost."

"Sure seemed like it"

"I know and I shouldn't have handled it the way I did."

"Sarah"

"Shaken. Not lost."

But, I lied to you!" Tim needed the confirmation that what Gibbs was saying was true despite things that had happened at that time.

"And then you apologized and I accepted it. Remember?"

"Yeah, you did."

"Not Lost."

"Okay." Tim breathed out on a sigh of relief.

"We good?" Gibbs asked as he watched Tim's body slouch down slightly with relief.

"Yeah,"

"Good. Anything else on your mind?"

"I'm really tired, Boss." Tim admitted as he sat back down.

"Good. You need the sleep. Go upstairs and crash on my bed."

"Boss?" Tim asked with confusion.

"Go on. You need to be comfortable and that couch won't do it. Go on. Sleep."

"Thanks!"

"We're gonna talk about this taking off in the middle of the night, McGee." Gibbs couldn't help but chastise Tim for his actions and hated the fact that the kid couldn't relax enough to get the well earned rest that he deserved.

"Okay, Boss, I…,"

"Later, McGee. Right now, you're gonna get some shut-eye." Gibbs stood up and guided Tim to the stairs. "First door on the right. Bedding's clean. Go! Now!"

He watched as Tim padded up the stairs to get some much needed sleep and relaxed once he heard the door open and close. He didn't move until he heard the bed creak slightly through the floorboards as Tim lowered himself down to it. Finally, he walked back to the living room so that he could sit and listen out for any signs of distress that might come. As he sat on the couch, Gibbs couldn't help but wonder how he hadn't seen this coming. How could he not have realized that Tim's computer, logic driven brain would need to weed out the old pain before it could let him deal with the new?

The bigger question now was, where to go from here.


	29. Chapter 28

_A/N: __We are but humble story tellers and are appealing to you, our fantastic readers, for forgiveness.  
We know there has been a long delay in this update and we apologise whole heartedly for that.  
Unfortunately, there have been various factors that have knocked us back, like deadlines and that old chestnut, real life which has thrown some road blocks in along the way._

_We hope that this more than makes up for your long wait and hope that the updates will once again, be more regular from here on in._

_- Shelbylou & Smartkid 37 -_

* * *

Waking came as a surprise, since he hadn't realized that he'd even fallen asleep. _Damn it!_ _He hadn't meant to let that happen!_ Moving his neck to ease the crick, he'd now created by his ill-gotten nap; Gibbs rose up off the couch and glanced at his watch. _Damn it! Three hours? _He and Tim had gotten back here from breakfast around seven and by the time Tim had gotten everything out that he'd needed to let Gibbs in on, or wanted to, anyway and they'd talked about it all, it had been close to nine. After sending Tim up to the master bedroom to get some sleep, the Team Leader had tried to think of where to go from here with the struggling young man. Now, here it was noon and Ducky should be here any minute.

"Ah, Jethro, I see you're finally awake." Ducky's voice startled him from the doorway of his own living room.

Wordlessly, Gibbs took a minute to shove the shock at the M.E.'s unexpected presence down. Finally, he managed to ask the first question that came to his mind. "Duck. How long've you been here?"

"I arrived about thirty minutes ago, Jethro. I thought it wise to come check on the both of you since Autopsy currently has no residents. You obviously needed the rest as much as Timothy so there was no sense in waking you."

"Thanks. How's McGee?" Gibbs asked without even thinking about it.

"Timothy is sleeping just fine. I've seen no signs of troubled dreams."

Gibbs nodded that he understood and took himself to the kitchen with Ducky at his heels. Pouring himself a cup of freshly brewed coffee, he turned to his friend and offered his thanks for the coffee Ducky obviously started brewing for him.

"You're quite welcome. Tell me, how did it go with Timothy after breakfast this morning?" the older man inquired earnestly.

"I never realized how much crap he'd been holdin' inside all this time, Duck." Gibbs' answer was chock full of sadness for all that his youngest agent had indeed been holding inside all this time.

"Depending on just what it is you are referring to, Jethro, I'd venture to say that Timothy most likely has held a lot more in than he's allowed you or any of us to see even now."

"What are you talkin' about?"

"Jethro, it would help if you would fill me in on what it is you are referring to, first."

As Gibbs filled the M.E. in on where Tim's head had taken him lately, Ducky couldn't help but marvel at how the young man's mind was peeling off the layers of pain, obviously trying to purge it in stages. He had no doubt that Timothy was most likely frightened by the method in which his brain was operating through this maze on a subconscious level and hoped the young man would not continue to try to navigate his way alone.

Almost in tandem with the last of what Gibbs had to say, Tim appeared in the doorway of the kitchen, looking like a little kid in search of something he'd lost.

"Timothy, come and sit. You need to eat something." Ducky requested as Gibbs got up and opened the refrigerator.

"Relax, Jethro. I have already prepared a lunch for the both of you. Soup and a deli sandwich. Eat up, gentlemen." He said as he took the already dished up plates/bowls of food from the warm oven and set them on the table before them.

"Thanks, Ducky." Tim offered as he slowly began to eat. He was hungry but he was also embarrassed at being the center of all this attention; attention he wasn't used to having. Suddenly needing things to get back to normal, Tim began to eat just a little faster so he'd be ready when Gibbs headed back to work.

"McGee. What's your hurry?" Gibbs asked him as he watched the young man begin to almost inhale his food.

"Wanna be ready when you head back to work, Boss."

"Timothy…"

"I need to go back to work. I've rested. I've eaten and now I need to get back to work; being on the team; pulling my own weight." Tim reasoned out stubbornly.

Ducky and Gibbs looked at each for a minute before they both came to the same decision. "All right, young man. But, we will be keeping an eye on you." Ducky warned.

"I know, Ducky." Tim answered the M.E. with understanding. "And I appreciate it. I really do."

"We still need to talk about you taking off in the middle of the night, McGee." The boss reminded him.

"I know." Tim answered patiently.

"All right, slow down. We'll head in when you're done." Gibbs ordered.

Tim nodded and calmed his motions, once again taking the time to enjoy his food.

Twenty minutes later found Ducky on his way out to run an errand for himself. As Tim and the boss got settled into Gibbs' car, with Tim riding shotgun, silence immediately settled between them for a long minute as Gibbs drove them back toward work. Finally, just when Tim thought he'd go mad from the quiet, Gibbs broke into it. "McGee, I don't want you staying with Tony anymore."

"Boss?" Tim asked in shock.

"You're not sleeping, Tony's holding himself responsible for you and losing sleep and you're disappearing in the middle of the night."

Tim turned to face the window, trying to hide his guilt and shame. He hadn't realized he was causing so many problems for Tony and he'd definitely had no idea that Tony would shoulder the blame for this. That wasn't supposed to happen. But if Tim just stopped staying there, chances were Tony would take that personally and Tim didn't want to happen either.

Gibbs knew that Tim was going to assume guilt for what he'd just told him and decided that maybe the young man thinking about what his actions were doing to his teammate; even unintentionally; might do Tim some good. It certainly would take his mind off everything else inside his head. The kid wanted normal and thinking about everyone else was normal for Tim on any given day to begin with. The rest of the ride in was completed in silence as one man began burying himself under more guilt and the other thought it best to let him think things through.

As the quiet pair made their way to the squad room and went to their respective desks, the quiet between them seemed to settle into something less than pleasant. Gibbs found himself second-guessing his choice to let Tim have time to think about what he'd said to him. Tim wished he'd get something right, just once.

"McGee…" the boss started to speak on the subject one last time.

"Hello, McGee." Ziva greeted as she entered the squad room and took her place behind her desk. Gibbs."

"Hey, Ziva." Tim quietly greeted before he turned from looking at his boss and teammate to go through his emails.

"Ziva." Gibbs almost growled in return, aggravated at her untimely interruption.

His chance to check behind himself on his decision with Tim now gone, he glanced over at his younger agent now lost in his own little world again, and then turned his attention to his own work. Tony was the last to arrive and cheerfully greeted Gibbs while shooting angry glares at Tim's back and at Ziva as well.

Still in his own world of computer searches, Tim seemed oblivious to Tony's arrival, which only seemed to spur the Senior Field Agent's anger. With a loud exclamation of irritation, Tony dug into the case file in front of him and silently got busy.

The afternoon progressed quietly, but not without a lot of fiery anger shooting from Tony's eyes to both Tim and Ziva. Gibbs was barely holding on to his tolerance and when an hour had gone by with no sign of Tony's anger losing its' grip, the boss had had enough.

"DiNozzo! With me!" Gibbs growled as he passed by the young man's desk, headed to the elevator; coffee cup in hand.

Tony threw down his pen and stormed after the boss, shooting one more death glare at Ziva as he went.

Once inside the boss' office', Gibbs looked his Senior Field Agent eye to eye. "Something on your mind, DiNozzo?"

"Are you serious?" Tony asked incredulously, as If he Gibbs should already know the answer

"DiNozzo!" the boss warned.

"Boss, Ziva's bright ideas have got Probie repeatedly disappearing in the middle of the night instead of talking to someone! Why can't he just talk to me? "

"Do you?"

"Do I what?"

Do you talk to him?"

"I'm not followin' you."

Gibbs pulled out his phone, "You busy? Good. Meet me out front by the bench. Got a patient for ya." Snapping his phone shut, Gibbs flipped the elevator back on, sending the machine down to the floor with the front entrance on it.

"Boss?"

"C'mon, let's get some fresh air." Was all Gibbs would say as they rode in silence and walked outside and into the fresh air. While talking had never been Gibbs' strong suite, this silence was very uncomfortable.

When Tony saw Ducky, he mentally head slapped himself. _He should have seen this one coming._

"Hey, Ducky." He greeted the M.E. before either of the other two could say anything.

"Anthony. Jethro. Is there a problem?" the M.E. questioned with concern.

"If you consider the smoke comin' outta DiNozzo's ears a problem, then yeah, we've got a problem, Duck." Gibbs answered dryly.

"Oh? What seems to be the problem?"

"Ask DiNozzo. He's all yours, Duck. DiNozzo, when you come back to your desk, leave your attitude at the door."

"Yes, Boss." Tony answered meekly as he plopped down on the bench.

Heading back inside, Gibbs gave some thought to Tony's anger. The guy did have a point, somewhat. Then again, there was plenty that Tony didn't share with the team, including undercover missions that almost got him killed and had almost the entire team grieving for him unnecessarily. The boss remembered that the only one of them all to have held out any belief at all that it hadn't been Tony in that car when it had blown up that day, had been Tim. Tim's spark of hope had infused Gibbs with the energy as well as enough hope to keep going that day. He never did thank his junior agent for that. Maybe he should have.

Reaching the squad room once again, Gibbs found Tim and Ziva silently working in peace and quiet; both of them looking relaxed and engrossed in what they were working on. Hoping to get things back on as even a keel as possible, the boss got back to work in silence, choosing to enjoy the peace and quiet while it lasted. Tim seemed fine now although there was no doubt he'd be having trouble once his mind slowed down from the grind of concentrating on work. Having been given a dose of responsibility for actions that hadn't been deliberately done to cause problems; would no doubt create problems in the young man's mind. Unfortunately, this was something Tim didn't need and Gibbs was mentally head-slapping himself now for taking this road with him.

It was nearly an hour later before Tony returned to his desk and when he did, the fury was gone from his eyes and understanding seemed to have taken its' place. Gibbs was relieved and grateful for the change. This was hard on the Senior Field Agent and Gibbs was aware of that but he didn't want to be the bad guy in the middle of all this; when no one knew how to help Tim any more than they'd already been doing. He needed Tony to understand that Tim wasn't doing any of this to hurt him or even cause trouble for him or their friendship.

He didn't need his team torn apart by this any more than it already had been. He hated that Tim wasn't ready to go back out into the field yet, but he understood it. Truth be told; he wasn't sure he'd send him back out there even if he was cleared for it.

By the time six o'clock came around, Gibbs was more than ready to let his team go for the night. He'd meant what he'd said earlier about Tim not staying with Tony but he hadn't meant it to cause problems for either of the young men or their working relationship or friendship. He wasn't sure how Tony would take it but it was highly likely, knowing Tim; that the youngest of the two expected the Senior Field Agent to not take it very well at all. The boss decided to take the bull by the horns and just deal with the fallout as it came. He'd dealt with worse situations before and this time, he'd tread carefully but firmly, guiding them along the route to pushing past this before they got bogged down in it any worse.

"Tony. Ziva. Go home." Gibbs offered in something less than his normal barking order.

As expected, Tony immediately looked at the boss with confusion and even a bit of aggravation. "Boss?"

"McGee's still got work to do. You two go on, head out and get a good night's sleep."

Tim finally looked up from his work and looked around him and noticed Tony standing behind his desk looking most unhappy and even a little confused. That dark look on Tony's face had his gut telling him that Tony was currently ticked at the unresolved issue of him disappearing from Tony's house in the middle of the night; not once, but twice. This realization had Tim up on his feet and over at Tony's desk quicker than he could even think about what he was doing.

Once at Tony's desk, he perched himself on the edge closest to Tony's chair and looked his partner eye to eye.

"Tony. You don't have to worry. I'm okay. I'm really sorry that I've caused problems for you. That was the last thing I wanted to have happen. I really appreciate you being there for me and I hope you can forgive me." Tim said quietly before he stood back up, smiled at Tony; walked back toward his own desk.

Tim grabbed his coffee cup before continuing on through the squad room toward the break room and walked out. Gibbs looked Tony over as the younger man allowed what his teammate had just told him to process and take hold; his relaxing shoulders and loosening lines of tension in his face giving evidence of that.

Only after Tony looked at him and nodded his acceptance of things being okay with Tim, did Gibbs nod in return and head out of the squad room with his own empty coffee cup, in need of his own refill of the real stuff flowin' through his veins. The idea of seeing what was going on with Tim since he'd been so quiet all day, wasn't bad either.

Tim sat lost in his thoughts while allowing the warmth of his fresh coffee to permeate his hands as they remained wrapped around the cup. The work day was over. Hearing Gibbs tell Tony that Tim still had work to do had startled him but had also warmed him as he realized that this was Gibbs' quiet way of asserting his decision that the two guys not stay together anymore. He knew Gibbs didn't really have any more work for him to do.

Truth be known, Tim was worried even though this night seemed to be headed exactly where he'd wanted to be ever since this whole nightmare had started. The idea of staying under the boss' roof had seemed to give him the biggest sense of being safe and looked after he could find. Even now, after being almost settled back into what his life used to be, Tim still couldn't help but feel comforted by this turn of events.

In fact, at this point of where things were at for him, Tim was genuinely relieved at this decision from Gibbs. It had taken every ounce of self-control and inner strength to keep his head in the game today. Thankfully, he'd been able to hide behind the façade of being lost in his computer world, all the while he'd been struggling to deal with the newest onslaught of inner turmoil that refused to stay settled or hidden.

Thankfully, none of what Tim was struggling to keep at bay, had anything to do with him being made to feel badly about himself as a person. It had done before all this had started but now? Now he had other things to worry about. Truth be told, it was the brief conversation that he'd had with Gibbs about his mother that had left the sinister tendrils of memories and thoughts about the whole mess, weaving through his mind. They were slowly making their way through the crevices of deliberate ignorance and doubt, only to make those crevices even deeper and more menacing and giving the crap the ideal outlet by which to seep out so that it could become the very problem, which he'd, hoped to avoid, and blessedly ignore forever.

He'd been trying very hard to keep every thought and memory of his childhood and that dreadful night at bay; shut away in a locked box and hidden deep in the depths of his psyche. Everything he felt about the event that had culminated in the dragon's death was buried as far beneath the surface as he could keep them. It was just like what he'd told the good Doctor, he deliberately didn't allow himself to think about any of it.

The problem was, that all the effort he'd put into pushing that down and keeping it from surfacing now seemed like a hopeless endeavour, and part of the reason why he'd been so quiet in the last few days was because he'd been having to do an awful lot of stomping down of all that crap. Ever since he and Gibbs had talked through the work related issues that, for some weird reason, had asserted themselves to the forefront of his long bottled up feelings; of which there were too many to even consider putting a label on; he had begun to realise that there were just way too many to bury completely and now the contents of each and every one of them were beginning to spill over and there was precious little he could do about it.

Now he felt overwhelmed and the desperate need to hide himself from the world until all of it sorted itself out and gave him back his peace of mind and sense of being okay with who he was inside his own skin. Restless now, with all these thoughts running around in his head, Tim clumsily got to his feet and took himself over to the window to cast his attention somewhere outside his own thoughts.

Gibbs silently watched from the doorway of the break room, as Tim went from being so tense with whatever was going through his head that he looked like he was trying to crush his coffee mug barehanded; to not being able to get to the window fast enough; obviously needing something else to think about when he practically jumped up from the chair and beat a path to the window. Figuring the younger man probably needed a minute or two to calm his mind's racing, the boss left him to it while he stepped into the room and concentrated on refilling his coffee. With his coffee cup now full, Gibbs turned and leaned back against the counter as he looked over at his agent.

As Tim fought to regain control of his endless thoughts and memories; whispers of the past, his breathing began to become erratic and his hands clenched into fists and unclenched over and over again, as if he were literally waging a silent war. Finally, Gibbs couldn't stand to see the young man go through the struggle for another minute. Quietly, he walked over to him and came to a stop in front of him, hoping him stopping there, would jolt the young man from his current state of mind.

It seemed to work as Tim blinked and then took a deep breath and slowly let it out, his clenched hands loosening until his fingers finally remained open and resting against his legs. Suddenly, his legs seemed to give out and he almost plopped down into the nearest chair, his eyes closed against the sudden onslaught of the dragon's torment as it rose up from the ashes of his soul.

_"Boy, you're worthless! Haven't I always told you you're nuthin' but a pain in my ass? Always makin' me look bad! Embarrassing! Hell, you've been doin' this since you were five! You'd think you'd a stopped acting like this long before now! Didn't you ever learn anything from me? What the hell's wrong with you?"_

_"You think you somethin' important 'cause you're a Navy Cop? That's just a military wanna be! You settled!" _

_"I ain't never figured out why they took on your sorry ass, any damn way! You couldn't even make it in the military if you'd wanted to! What a disgrace! Five generations of McGee's worked their way up through the ranks, all the way to General; and you, couldn't even make the grade!"_

_"You're nothing! You'll never be anything! Just ask that boss of yours! Why the hell you think they never send you overseas? Cause you're nothin' to them! Hell, Boy, you're not even good enough to go undercover for them! Six years as an Agent and you still can't cut the mustard! You're nuthin!"_

"Tim. Talk to me." Gibbs urged soothingly, hoping to break through the obvious mountain of crap running though the young man's head at the moment.

Tim shook his head to clear his mind and took another deep breath, slowly letting it out before opening his eyes and looking over at his boss. "I'm sorry, Boss. What was it you needed me to do to?"

Gibbs took a deep breath and let it out slowly before he answered the question carefully, "How bout we just go grab some dinner?"

"Thanks, Boss, but, I'm really not hungry."

"Still gotta eat. C'mon, let's go." He encouraged with a touch of authority as he turned and headed out of the room, fully expecting Tim to follow him.

Tim wasn't feeling to positive about this turn of events, but was willing to see where things would go with Gibbs around to help. As he took steps to catch up to the boss, he could only hope thing would somehow get better soon.


	30. Chapter 29

_WARNING: Attention passengers; __please fasten your seatbelts and for this leg of the journey. __Extreme turbulance has been forcasted.  
Oh, and make sure those tissues are stocked and handy!_

Everybody ready? Right ! Tally ho!

* * *

Now that the boss had requested that they go get some dinner, Gibbs and Tim walked to the elevator and rode down to the parking garage in a silence that while not quite golden, wasn't exactly fraught with the uncomfortable feeling either. Even the walk to Gibbs' car was completed in silence. Tim felt like he was operating on auto-pilot as his mind struggled to think beyond the mountain of crap that threatened to crumble down around him more and more with every passing minute.

It was these quiet, private moments with the silent strength and support of Gibbs watching over him to keep him from losing his footing on the edge of that abyss that hadn't ever really gone away; that allowed that lock on his nightmarish memories to slide back, loosen its' grip, as it were, almost as if his own mind was pushing Tim to let Gibbs in on it all.

But that was something Tim just couldn't do. The man had already gone above and beyond the call of duty for him and Tim wasn't comfortable expecting more from him and even less comfortable asking more of him._ Besides, it was like Tim had already tried to explain to the boss; there really was way too much of it to sort through with any kind of order or sense and if he couldn't wade through it with any chance of sorting it out; how the hell could he expect anybody else to? No, better he just continue to sit on it, protect the door that held it in, be the extra control his own mind needed to keep it all locked up. If Ziva could do it, why the hell was it so damn hard for him?_

Once in the car, Gibbs hesitated in starting the engine. As soon as Tim had buckled himself in, still operating almost mechanically, and leaned his head back against the seat, closing his eyes to try to pull himself together, the question came.

"You all right?"

Hearing the concern, Tim did what he could to force his mind to pay attention to the here and now and show that he appreciated it and respected it, and picked his head up, opened his eyes and turn to look at his boss. "I'm okay."

"McGee, don't lie to me. If you don't wanna talk about it, fine, but don't tell me you're okay when it's obvious that you're not."

Tim looked away as guilt washed through him along with shame. He hated lying to Gibbs but he didn't know how to explain this. "I'm sorry."

"I know."

"I just… I just don't know if I can do this anymore." Tim admitted with sorrow.

"Do what?" Gibbs encouraged quietly.

Tim shook his head, unsure of how to put this into words. Once he opened his mouth, he wasn't sure he'd be able to stop the flow of words and more than anything, what he did not want to do was dump this mountain in Gibbs' lap. No one deserved this mess dumped on them. Tim was still struggling to remind himself every day that he didn't deserve it either.

"McGee, Look at me." Gibbs requested in the same quiet tone he deliberately continued to use while things were still at this delicate stage of pulling Tim out of his self-inflicted 'suffering in silence' mode.

Tim blinked and then did as the boss requested. Looking at him at this point, he was unaware that he was no longer hiding behind the shutters he'd been using so much in the last few days. No, this time, right here and now, his eyes were billboards to his soul and the pain and uncertainty that had taken up residence there was plain to see.

"Tell me why you won't let anyone help you." The boss requested gently.

"It's like I told you already, Boss. It's too much." Tim admitted softly as he looked down at his lap.

"Okay. Then how 'bout you let yourself let go of it in smaller pieces? Think you can do that?"

Tim shook his head. "I dunno how."

"Okay. But, I'm here. And I want you to promise me…Look at me, Tim."

Tim looked back up at his boss with surprise and worry.

"Promise me! Give me your word that you will not leave my house no matter what's going through that head of yours. You need somewhere to escape to; you go to the basement or the backyard. But do NOT leave my house tonight! You got me?" Gibbs ordered in his authoritative voice, even if it was at a more quiet level than his agent was used to hearing it.

Tim nodded as he surreptitiously wiped the traitorous tears from his eyes._ He'd never expected this from Gibbs._ All of this genuine compassion towards Tim was seriously hammering away at that internal lock and Tim didn't know how much longer he would be able to keep it all inside. Somehow, he had to find a way to do it.

"Nu-uh. I wanna hear you say it, McGee!" Gibbs insisted with steel in his voice as he watched Tim wipe away the tears and still keep his eyes averted. He wasn't giving the young man any opportunity to withdraw behind that fog if he could help it.

"I promise, Boss." Tim answered softly, his shoulders slumped, and hands clenched into fists in his lap.

_Obviously, Ducky was right. There was a hell ova lot more going on than any of them realized_. Wishing he knew what magic it would take to break down this wall Tim had built up around himself in his best effort not to bring this down on his friends; Gibbs took another stab at offering the young man his unwavering support. "You're not alone and it's time you let yourself to lean on us when you need to. I don't know why you think you can't…"

"Nobody else deserves to have to deal with it." Tim interrupted to explain with a slightly higher voice than he'd been using until now.

"You don't either, Tim and you need to remember that; hold onto that." The boss ordered quietly as the younger man's answer chipped away at Gibbs' ability to stand solid for him and not lose himself in the sadness and pain Tim was still carrying.

"I'm trying. But, no matter how hard I try…" Tim stopped, mentally stomping down once again on the words that had just tried so desperately to escape; this time, nearly succeeding. They would start an avalanche that he wouldn't be able to control and he wasn't ready to get buried under the guilt of someone else having this much of his baggage on their shoulders.

"Okay. McGee. Just don't hesitate to come to me if you decide you're ready to let go of some of that crap you're carrying around, alright?" the older man offered.

"Thanks, Boss." Tim whispered as he turned his head to face the window again.

All throughout the silent attempt at a dinner that Tim couldn't bring himself to eat, and the calm reassurance from his boss that he could make himself comfortable while Gibbs retreated to his basement; the memories continued to hammer away at his mind. Relentless, steady, unforgiving, and unstoppable, the hurtful words and images that accompanied them, assaulted him to the point that all he wanted to do was run. However, escape was impossible, as the crap seemed to not only repeat itself but also get louder with every run though the mill now:

"_Now, go to your room and stay there until your mother gets home. And remember, if you ever open your mouth about this to anyone, I'll not only beat the hell outta you; but I'll tear the hide off that bratty sister of yours, too! And just to make sure you keep your mouth shut; I'll even throw in the promise to beat your mother, too! And don't think for a second that I won't do it, boy! And just so you won't even think of trying me – if I ever hear that you've opened your mouth; you and your sister will be sitting inside two different foster care homes faster than you can blink and you'll never see your mother or your sister again!"_

_"Why are you always such a rude, hateful little shit? You're worthless! Is it so hard for you to just answer someone's question when they' talk to you? You're an embarrassment to me! You make me sick! Here I am a Commander in the Navy and I've got a kid who acts like that! I can't even show my face now! I oughta just wipe the floor with you! Made to look bad by a damn six year old!"_

_"Boy, you're worthless! Haven't I always told you you're nuthin' but a pain in my ass? Always makin' me look bad! Embarrassing! Hell, you've been doin' this since you were five! You'd think you'd a stopped acting like this long before now! Didn't you ever learn anything from me? What the hell's wrong with you?"_

_"Why don't you ask yourself why they even bother to keep you around? It's probably just cause they don't wanna go through the trouble of training a newbie. Even to them, you're nuthin!"_

_"You're nothing! You'll never be anything! Just ask that boss of yours! Why the hell you think they never send you overseas? Cause you're nothin' to them! Hell, Boy, you're not even good enough to go undercover for them! Six years as an Agent and you still can't cut the mustard! You're nuthin!"_

_"damn worthless, good-for-nothin' kid!"_

_I want you home for the weekend. Be here before I get up in the morning. Both of you. Don't be late!"_

Faced with the endless onslaught of the crap in his head, Tim frenetically paced Gibbs' backyard, trying to out run them. For what seemed like hours, Tim paced and worked his hands into fists and relaxed them, clenched them again and repeatedly tried to find some way to stomp it all back down behind the cracked door that obviously no longer held its' lock in place.

There were still some pieces that hadn't escaped through the door and it was all Tim could manage to not draw those pieces to mind, too. Sure enough, it wasn't long before tendrils of those pieces began to emerge in the chaos, despite his best attempts to hold it in. As Tim's feet seemed to come to a sudden and complete stop mid stride of their own accord, the most painful of what had been locked away – ripped free of the lock, knocked down the door and roared into the forefront of Tim's mind.

_If you even THINK of saying ANYTHING to your mother about this, I'll kill her! Then I'll kill your sister! And guess what? YOU'll be sitting front and center while I do it! They'll know that YOU are the reason their life is over! That what you really want? _

As the emotions returned that he'd felt flowing through him that last fateful night as he'd stood listening to his father's dire threats against his family; the tears streamed down his face. Tim sank to his knees, the ground coming up fast to meet his unyielding body, pain, shooting through him as one unstoppable body in motion came into contact with one unmovable object. With his shoulders shaking from the release of it all, his sobs now rang through the air.

Gibbs wiped the tears from his eyes as he stood in the doorway of his porch door and silently watched Tim struggle to let go of whatever it was that had been tearing him apart. It took everything within him to stand still and leave the young man alone so he could finally let it out. The parental lion within him was roaring to be allowed to go gather his cub safely under his wing and let him know that he had people who wanted to help shoulder his burden, share his pain and help him get through it.

Parental wisdom still ingrained in him, Gibbs forced his feet to turn and take him back inside, to leave his cub with the dignity of crying it out without an audience. With all the self-discipline he could muster, the older man busied himself getting Tim a blanket and a pillow and setting it on the couch, before retreating to the basement so there would be at least some semblance of being left alone for the young man.

* * *

Completely worn to a frazzle and exhausted worse than when he'd first come home from the Correctional Facility, Tim drew in a shaky, ragged breath and slowly let it back out now that the storm had passed. He wiped his face on his shirt and dragged himself up off the ground and then forced his feet to carry him back inside the house. Seeing the pillow and blanket obviously left for him on the couch, he let out a sigh of relief for the boss' thoughtfulness and toed off his shoes. Looking at the clock on the table beside the couch, he was shocked to see it had been more than 3 hours since he'd gone outside to try to outrun his own pain and sorrow.

Picking up the blanket and snapping it out so it would unfold, Tim stopped his motions for a minute. Putting the blanket down, he too himself through the house to the basement steps. Not wanting to go down the stairs or interrupt the man who'd taken him in and given him all the space he needed, he settled for doing something he wouldn't be able to sleep well without doing.

"Nite, Boss..." Tim offered in what he hoped was a tone that was loud enough for the man to hear. He didn't want to be loud; had no energy for it. Thankfully, he was rewarded a half-minute later.

"Nite, McGee. Don't forget. I'm here if you need me." Gibbs' voice traveled up to him, carrying the calmness and compassion it had been offered with.

"Thank you. For everything I'll remember." Tim offered in return before turning around and heading back to the couch. It wasn't long before he was settled down on the couch and covered himself up with the blanket and allowed sleep to find him; his last thoughts being a silent prayer that the crap; now that he'd gotten it out would stay the hell out of his dreams.

* * *

"NO! NO MORE!

Tim's anguished cries tore through the house and hit Gibbs like a stake through the heart. Gibbs dropped his sander and bolted up the stairs. It had been an hour after Gibbs last checked on his sleeping agent, a good four hours after the young man had last spoken to him. Without wasting any time, the older man rushed to living room and sat himself down next to Tim and reached out his hand to grasp the young man's shoulder in hopes of pulling him from the grips of his wretched dreams obviously besot with the horrors of his recent ordeal.

"_This has to stop! I can't keep dropping everything and coming here!"_

"_What did you say to me, boy?" The question was spat out and the Dragon's hot, torrid breath ghosted across his face._

"_I said it needs to stop! I have other commitments that I can't always back out of."_

"_Why you…Who do you think you are? You've always been better than us, Is that it? Is that what you think? Let me tell you something, Timothy…" Flames shot out of the Dragon's mouth at the use of his name in an all-out sneeer. "You have never been anything but a snivelley little spoiled brat and you have never made me proud. You know that, NEVER! There's no one around that would want you around them because you amount to nothing! You hear that? Not to me, not to you mother or your sister and not to the people who you call friends. You think you'd be missed if you weren't here?" Steam billowed out of the beast's nostrils at the question._

"_That's nothing new. You've been telling me that my whole life. Not like I expected you to say anything different now. I've got a life. Sarah's got a life. Why do you keep doing this?" Tim gave back with more steel than he usually gave this creature who'd posed as his father all these years._

"_Doing what? Asking the kids I raised to come when I tell them to? You have nothin' back there anyway, no one ever wanted you! The full set of sharp teeth gleamed from the dragon's mouth as he angrily snarled his answer._

"_The kids you raised? When you tell us to? Why is it, that you have never once called us __**your **__kids or yourself our __**father**__? Never said the word __**love**__, not even to Mom?" Tim boldly demanded some answers he'd always wanted._

"_LOVE? YOU WANT LOVE? Let me tell you something, Timothy!__ Your own father didn't even want you! Why the hell do you think I got stuck raising your spoiled-rotten ass? And your sister's too? Love? HA! Boy, don't make me laugh!" Mirth shook the dragon's body, it literally took over him so as he indulged in the fit of laughter that overtook him for a minute._

"_What are you saying? Are you telling me you're not my father? Or Sarah's either?" Tim demanded even as shock permeated his heart._

"_That's EXACTLY what I'm tellin'you, boy!" The dragon roared even through his laughter._

"_So, then you had no right to ever lay a hand on me to begin with." Tim quietly accused, even as the hands by his side clenched into fists so tight they hurt and anger filled his veins like never before._

"_No right? NO RIGHT? BOY! LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHIN' I fed you, clothed you, kept a roof over your head, paid for every damn thing you ever needed in the this life! Don't you dare tell me I didn't have the right!" the Dragon roared, fire filling the air around them and smoke beginning to choke the life out of Tim as pain ripped through his heart and soul at what he was hearing. _

"_Don't you think it's time to let us go? Maybe it's time Mom had her say in how you've beaten me and treated me all these years. It doesn't matter what you say, if you're not our father, then you had no right to beat me the way you did." Tim struggled to get more answers even as he fought to think straight._

"_Boy, I'll show you RIGHT! You may be too old for that kind of correction, but don't think I won't set you straight just because you've grown and that sister of yours has been baiting me all day – it's about time I put her in her place – again. Matter of fact, I'll save fixing your ass for later. Right now, I think I'll put that mother of yours back in her place while I'm at it! They should be walking through that door any minute. Think I'll give them the welcome home they'll never forget." As the dragon yanked the desk drawer out and pulled out the spare belt he had always kept there, anger sizzled off of him, nearly crackling in the air around them, amidst the smoke and fire already raging._

_Oh God, the door! He's making his way to the door! Tim's mind screamed at him._

"_NO! You're not laying another hand on any of us! Ever again! I'm gonna tell Mom everything you've just admitted to. AND I'm telling her how you beat me behind her back!" Stepping between the door and the desk, Tim brought things up short just enough to forestall the motions of the beast who seemed dangerously close to becoming unstoppable.._

_Suddenly, the burn of the Dragon's hand round his throat stopped him from taking in a breath and he choked as he's physically pushed backwards into the wall. "I've told you! You EVER say anything to her and I'll kill her! You hear me? I'LL KILL YOUR MOTHER AND YOUR SISTER!" _

_The confrontation screams through his mind, vivid, fresh, real, as he squirms in an attempt to escape to somewhere safe. But, there is no escape to be had, as new memories and visions assault him;_

_The study. The room that holds so much pain; so much torture flashes before him. In his mind, the invisible scorch marks from the flames that the dragon has shot out of his mouth, seem prevalent making the lair seem more menacing. Fear shoots through him as the tendrils of fire constrict his heart as much as the hands that are wrapped around his neck._

"_I told you, If you even THINK of saying ANYTHING to your mother about this, I'll kill her! Then I'll kill your sister! And guess what? YOU'll be sitting front and center while I do it! They'll know that YOU are the reason their life is over! __I'll make you watch as every last bit of life leeches out of their eyes as they look at you begging you to stop it; begging you to take back what you did that caused their life to end this way while you watch, knowing that it was all your fault because you couldn't keep your mouth shut. Is that what you want? Is it?" __The dragon spat out his venomous words again to reiterate his point. The air becomes cloying and imposing making Tim feel as though he's suffocating._

"_You wouldn't…." The whisper was almost silent but seemed to echo in the confines of the dragon's inner sanctum as the beast stepped closer; the red eyes glowing with anger and malice. __"Why? Why bring them into it?" Desperation weighs him down even as Tim asks the question. __The hands loosen, leaving heated marks where they had been. The cool air hits them and makes him shiver. "No more!" he pleads. "No More!" He demands now with more boldness as he finds some inner strength to stand up to this beast._

"_Oh really? You dictating to me now?" The growled question stings more than the fist that hits him upside his head, despite his attempt at dodging it. The blow glancing at a place that would leave a hidden bruise for all to see. Next came the sucker punch making the air rush out of his lungs and leaving him defenseless against the assault that was coming. The scaled hands are deft and know where to hurt. "YOU ARE NOTHING! YOU DON'T DESERVE LOVE! HELL, YOU'VE NEVER DESERVED ANYONE'S LOVE!"_

_Tim hears the roar but the words don't hold any power over him anymore. They don't burn at his soul like they used to because he has the trust and the love of another fatherly figure in his life…but, he's not there! He's not in the room and he can't see the beast advancing again with the red eyes, the fire, and the air of evil that radiates off the dragon. "I have people's love!" The argument sounded weak to his own ears. It was quiet and childlike._

"_Do you? No, you don't. Don't kid yourself." He's being wrangled into position over the desk. No! he can't let this happen, he can't…._

"_Stop! No more! STOP! No more!" Muscles burn with the effort of pushing the Dragon off; of pushing away the imposing beast so that he can get out of the lair of pain. The wall, if he could just get to the wall near the door…_

"_Come back here, boy! Don't you dare disobey me!" The world tilts as he turns to face the terrifying ogre that descended upon him. "Who the hell do you think you are? Who…" Two hands shoot out towards his throat once again. The memories of them being there a short while ago still burns bright in his mind and he's not willing for it to happen again. In self-defense, he reaches out and grabs the wrists to push them away, but they are too strong and he watches with horror as the monster gains momentum and come nearer and nearer. Fear; terror and panic shoot through him._

"_What are…No! Stop!" He pushes with all his might and the dragon stumbles backwards with a look of sheer shock on his face. _

"_Why you little bastard! Who the hell do you think you are? You think you can touch me? You think you have that right? Let me tell you something now! You don't! You are destined to be a weak, little man who will follo…" Tempers rise and the beast finally gets to him, pushing him hard against the wall. His hands are wrapped around his neck, pushing down so that the air can't pass through. He sees his own hands shoot out and grasp at his father's neck in an effort to stop him from killing him._

"_LET GO OF ME!" Its face is slowly turning a deep shade of crimson at the effort of fighting and steam pours out of its mouth and nose dangerously. "You hear me! LET ME GO YOU SON OF…." suddenly from out of nowhere a hard punch lands on Tim's temple, he feels himself falling backwards as blackness overtakes him._

Gibbs lay gasping for air, his hands now trying to sooth his badly bruised throat even as his eyes remained fixed on his poor hapless agent he'd just had to do the unthinkable to. Knocking him out had been the only thing he could do to save them both. When he'd placed his hand firmly on Tim's shoulder to offer a grounding comforting force for him to withdraw from his nightmare to; he'd made a grievous error in judgment and before he knew it, Tim's hands had wrapped around his throat in a grip so tight, that there was little the older man could do to escape. He had been left with no choice but to reach out, and swing with all his strength– which is exactly what he did- catching Tim upside the head in a blow that thankfully, had been hard enough that it rendered the younger man unconscious.


	31. Chapter 30

_A/N - We humbly apologise for the long delay. Christmas was extremely busy for us and Shelbylou has had a bad time with illness on top of it._

_We hope everyone had a wonderful, blessed Christmas and are happy to have you back with us for another exciting chapter of our saga._

_Both of us are very thankful for each and every one of our readers and reviewers. Thank you._

_

* * *

_

**PREVIOUSLY:**

_Gibbs had been left with no choice but to reach out, and swing with all his strength – which is exactly what he did- catching Tim upside the head in a blow that thankfully, had been hard enough that it rendered the younger man unconscious.  
_

**AND NOW:**

As his brain came back online, Gibbs struggled to his feet and swayed slightly. He needed that minute to find his equilibrium, all the while still struggling to find breathing easy or pain free. Using one hand to support himself on the arm of the couch, he reached out to check for Tim's pulse praying desperately that it was there, and that it was steady. He let his fingers push gently on the younger man's carotid artery and felt relief wash over him in waves at the fluttering he felt underneath his fingers…_oh, Thank God!_

He sat there for a moment, feeling the pained filled relief course through his veins as he focused on the gentle, rhythmic thrum. His attention shifted slightly to where he knew a bruise would already be forming and in all probability, swelling on the young man's temple. As he swept back the hair off Tim's face, sure enough, the discoloration had started to develop over the swell of his face already. With a heavy sigh, Gibbs straightened back up with some difficulty and made the conscious decision not to wake anyone else up at this ungodly hour of… _what time was it anyway, 2am? _Instead he turned and headed to the kitchen, determined to take care of the immediate need first, taking the route that he would do for himself if the positions had been reversed.

He paused slightly at that thought…_reversed…_he hoped and prayed that day would never come where his boys were in the situation he was in now and wanted nothing more than to think that he'd never have to put his hands on 'his boys' like this again. He headed for the kitchen and reached into the freezer feeling grateful or the fact that he had the hard-packed frozen peas in a small box, rather than the loose bag of them. Past experience had already showed him that it was more effective in helping to prevent the swelling getting worse and would hopefully stop the bruising from becoming any deeper.

Making his way back to Tim, Gibbs slowly sat himself down on the edge of the couch; albeit uncomfortably with what little space there was to sit, and firmly placed the hard-packed frozen box of peas on the young man's head. he made sure to place a wadded up washcloth between his hand and the box so he was able to hold the box in place without having to worry about freezing his own hand. In a true testament of just how 'out' Tim was, the younger man never even twitched a muscle. For fifteen minutes, time seemed to freeze as the home-remedy was applied and Gibbs fought with his inner demons on what had just happened.

_He should have known better than to try to reach out to Tim like that while the young man was thrashing and crying out; signs of acute distress that even an idiot would have recognized. What the hell had he been thinking? That one moment of ill-thought action; now stood the chance of sending Tim over the edge. Tim, non-violent, non-confrontational, never hurt a fly, McGee, would be so devastated when he realized what he'd nearly done; when he realized he'd even put his hands on Gibbs in this way, they'd be lucky not to lose him to his own tortured soul. They would need all the help they could get with helping Tim through this new development. God only knew what Tim's initial reaction would be when he woke up. _

_When he woke up. Right. I knocked a sleeping man unconscious. It's been fifteen minutes. Time to call in the professional. What if I did some serious damage? Oh, God! Ducky! I have to get Ducky over here._

Gibbs took the half-defrosted box back to the kitchen and tossed it in the trash before pulling out his phone. Without the ability to talk, all he could do was let Ducky's phone ring until the M.E. answered it in hope that the older man would know something was wrong and come running.

"_Jethro? What is it that has you calling at…Jethro, it's very early my friend."_

Gibbs stood there and listened to Ducky's sleep fogged voice and found himself tapping his hand against the kitchen top to keep his nerves at bay. He tried to speak, but cringed at the strangled sound as the air rushed through his vocal chords.

"_Hello? Jethro? Is something wrong? Jethro? Oh, dear! I'm assuming by your silence that you're in trouble. Can you tell me where you are? Are you at home?...never mind, if you can send me a message and I'll be right there!"_

Ducky disconnected and Gibbs knew that the older man would currently be getting ready to run out the door and mentally cursed as he scrolled through his phone to see how to send a message. McGee had taught him this! _Damn it! I should…there! Right…_

Gibbs typed out the simple message that read _'Home'_ and sent it before making his way back to Tim, where fear and worry knotted his gut. _I'm sorry, Tim. God I'm so sorry._

As Ducky entered Gibbs' house a short twenty minutes later, what he found stopped his heart. Gibbs looked like he was physically fighting to find breath with his throat badly bruised and swollen, as he sat keeping vigil over a seemingly sleeping Timothy. Setting his medical bag down with a thud, the M.E. immediately went over to his friend to examine the injuries. Gibbs wasn't having any of it though and gently pushed him away. With a frown, Ducky made his way to the kitchen and set about heating water and finding several dishtowels to use in his endeavor to aid his friend and ease his pain. While he waited for the water to heat, he searched for paper and pen and once he'd located those two items, he walked back to where Gibbs was sitting by Tim's head, as the Team Leader steadfastly watched his agent's breathing, almost as if he was afraid it would stop.

'Jethro. I need to know what happened." Ducky told him quietly as he held out the paper and pen.

Gibbs looked at his friend for a silent minute and then nodded as he got up and took the paper and pen with one hand while pointing from Ducky to Tim in a silent request for the M.E. to take care of the young man.

" I'll check his vitals. I take it that is what has you concerned?"

Gibbs gave his standard short nod as he took a seat in his easy chair and began to write.

Ducky opened his medical bag and set about checking the sleeping man's vital signs, now worried himself. When everything checked out as normal as it would on any other given day, the M.E. found himself feeling very confused. That confusion was put to rest when Gibbs handed him the tablet he'd written on just a minute later. As he read what was written there, Ducky felt his heart stop for a second; and then break as soon as it started beating again. _Oh, dear heavens!_

_Tim was caught up in a nightmare – I put a hand on his shoulder to try to reach him _

_Wrong thing to do._

_reliving the struggle with old man McGee, _

_He thought I was that… – out to hurt him_

_He reacted. _

_The only thing I could do to get free _

_Was to knock him out_

Ducky patted Gibbs' on the arm as he correctly read the silent worry in the younger man's eyes. "He's fine physically, Jethro. As far as I can see, he is sleeping soundly. You, however, are not!" Ducky pulled gently on Gibbs' arm. "Come, Jethro. Sit while I get some heated towels for your throat. Let's see if we can get the swelling down."

Gibbs shook is head, but stopped when his injury pulled harshly. Ducky tutted loudly. "Stop beating yourself up for this. That will not help Timothy in the least! I understand you should have done things differently, however, your focus needs to be on minimizing the damage to your throat before thinking about how to best help Timothy and stop him from withdrawing into himself from the guilt and shame of what has happened here tonight. Not taking care of your injury or making it worse will certainly make things worse for him. Do keep that in mind, hmm?"

Gibbs let himself be led towards the kitchen and leaned against one of his kitchen counters.

"We all know that young man well enough to know that is in all likelihood exactly what he will do. Perhaps Abigail is the best one to call on to prevent him from doing so; they seem to remain somewhat close, despite their less than smooth relationship. We should see what she can do to be of help to him later on today." Ducky prattled on as he set the tablet down on the kitchen counter and began tending to his friend. He poured the heated water over the towels and then wrung them so they were warm and damp and brought them to where Gibbs was sitting so he could wrap them around his friend's throat.

An hour later, after insisting that Gibbs take some anti-flammatory pain reliever and helping him continue to keep his throat wrapped in hot towels, Ducky was at last satisfied that he'd done all that could be done for his friend, at least for now. With a heavy dose of insistence and some Scottish stubbornness, the M.E. managed to get the younger one packed off to bed for some much needed sleep.

Descending the stairs after having checked to see that the Team Leader had actually dropped off to sleep, Ducky was startled to find Tim stirring on the couch and hurried over to him, anxious to be where he could be seen and heard just in case the young man become dis-orientated or panicked. Ducky knew from what Gibbs had said that the troubled young man had spooked easily when in the throes of a nightmare, he just didn't like the idea of not being able to help him at the moment. With a sigh, he bit the bullet and gently examined the bruised lump once again before settling down in the chair so that he could murmur gentle words of comfort to sooth his increasing agitation.

Tim felt like his head had been hammered on, the pain excruciating as that little man with the jackhammer drilled into his brain. Groaning without realizing he'd even done so, he shifted where he lay and regretting that he was no longer wrapped in the blissful blanket of numbness that his sleep had given him. Now awake and feeling every nuance of pain shoot through the epi-center of his mind, it was all he could do to keep from crying out. His hand automatically moved up to cradle his aching head in hope that the pressure would help, but all it did was exacerbate the agony as he pressed against the wound. Needing to do something to try to escape the pain, he rolled. twisted, shifted and turned, desperately needing the numbness and relief from his own, torturous body.

"Easy, Timothy. I'm certain you are in a great deal of pain, but you must relax. Fighting it only makes it worse, dear boy." Ducky soothed.

Tim's struggles ceased and his body tensed up with confusion and maybe even a little fear. "Ducky?" he croaked out.

"Yes, dear boy. If you will allow me, I will see what I can give you that might alleviate that pain in your head, all right?"

"Please." Tim answered quietly, "Ducky, why are you here? What happened?"

"Timothy, you simply must relax. I am here because Jethro needed to get some sleep and did not want to leave you unattended." Ducky answered. It wasn't really al lie, just a partial truth because in all fairness, Tim really didn't need guilt weighing down on him as well.

Even with his head exploding with pain, Tim wasn't fooled. Ducky hadn't told him everything. _And why the hell was his head hurting like this? After all this time on Team Gibbs, Tim didn't believe in coincidences any more than Gibbs himself did. Gibbs! Something's happened to Gibbs!_

"Ducky, we both know Gibbs would never have gotten you up outta bed just to come babysit me. What aren't you telling me?" Tim demanded quietly. "What's happened to Gibbs?"

Having never been comfortable with lying to his friends and those he cared deeply about, Ducky was hard pressed to do so now, but was even less willing to lay the painful truth at this young man's feet just yet. Still, with no words to help him avoid the issue, Ducky was left speechless, something which only seemed to spur Tim's anxiousness and fear.

Ducky's silence was doing nothing to sooth Tim's worries and he found himself no longer content with depending on the reluctant M.E. to give him the answers he needed. He surged up off the couch, gathering his inner collection of energy and endurance enough to push past the pain in his head as he staggered to his feet.

Finally roused out of his helplessness, Ducky was quick to reach Tim before the younger man had taken more than two steps. "Now, Timothy, calm yourself. As I have told you, Jethro is simply sleeping at the moment. He would be issuing you a serious head slap right about now at the way you are disregarding your own health. Now, I must insist you at least sit back down, young man. Give these pain meds a chance to help before you demand more than your body can handle."

Tim slumped back down on the couch and accepted the tablets from Ducky. He swallowed them down, being sure to chase them down with the water Ducky handed him. He could feel the last bit of residual energy that the surge of adrenaline had caused, drain out of his body, leaving him wrung out and weak as a kitten. It was weird, because despite the fact that his body had pretty much reached the end of its' endurance, his mind still had that surge of frustration rise up within it, and it brought with it nothing but fear and a whisper of anger at him not being able to anything about it. It was obvious that the M.E. was hiding something from him and the only reason he'd do that was if it was gonna be painful to hear. _So, what had he done to Gibbs that he couldn't remember? What was so bad Ducky was afraid to tell him?_

"I need to use the head." Tim announced calmly, with no fight whatsoever and he calmly, he got himself back on his feet to head out of the living room to the guest bathroom. "I'll be right back, Ducky."

"Very well, lad. I shall want to check you over when you return. I had a quick check when you were asleep but now that you're awake I can be a bit more thorough." the M.E. quietly requested from his seat.

"Okay." Tim replied as he left the room. Passing by the kitchen, he noticed the coffee pot was almost empty even though the light was on for the burner. Wanting to prevent any damage to the coffee pot as well as avoid the chance of a fire, he stepped into the kitchen to turn it off and as he turned back to head back out of the room, he noticed the writing tablet on the counter right next to the coffee maker. Gibbs' handwriting stood out and Tim's own name jumped out from the written words on the page drawing him to read the rest of what was written, like a moth to a flame. With a knot in his stomach, Tim picked up the tablet and began to read it. What he read pulled the rug out from underneath his world and left him feeling the weight of the world crushing down on him even more now than ever before.

His only thought now was to check and make sure that Gibbs really was alive and well, not that Ducky would ever lie to him, but he needed to see for himself that the man he had come to love, trust and depend on was genuinely okay. The fissure of fear he'd felt with Ducky's silence a few moments ago, returned now in a crashing wave that threatened to drown him in guilt as well as that heart stopping fear. With his head still pounding painfully, Tim padded his way slowly down the hall to the stairs and resolutely headed up to check on his boss. How he reached Gibbs' bedroom, he didn't' even think to know, so intent was he on seeing with his own eyes that the man was alive and well.

Stepping through the open bedroom door, Tim was surprised to find the room was flooded with the light of the full moon that shone through the curtainless window. Gibbs was soundly sleeping with a sliver of the golden orb's bright light streaked across his face. Walking closer to the bed, Tim was bought up painfully short by the deep purple, angry hand shaped bruise on the man's throat….._Oh, my God! what have I done?_


	32. Chapter 31

_Walking closer to the bed, Tim was brought up painfully short, at the ugly bruising on the man's throat, in the shape of a hand! Oh, my God! What have I done?_

Ducky hurried to Timothy's side, silently encourage him away from Gibbs as the Team Leader slept and gently maneuvering him out of the bedroom, closing the door silently behind him as they successfully vacated the room without waking the older man; a feat that had the M.E. breathing an internal sigh of relief . Ducky softly spoke to the now distraught patient as he plodded toward the stairs, nearly dragging Ducky with him. "Timothy, you must _not_ focus on this. You were not aware of what you were doing. We can discuss…"

"I read what he wrote." Tim admitted quietly, breaking into Ducky's attempt to smooth things over.

"Then you know that Jethro accepts full responsibility for what happened. He is most upset that he made that grievous error, Timothy. Believe me when I tell you that his biggest concern is how this will affect you. Do not let this destroy what progress you have made in coming back from that dark place you were in just two weeks ago." The M.E. answered without missing a beat. Timothy had provided him with the perfect opening for him to offer the most important words of comfort that had to be heard at this moment.

"What progress, Ducky?" Tim's question asked with a boatload of doubt and disbelief, was a surprise.

Ducky patted Tim's arm and kept walking, hesitant to speak too quickly, when the young man was truly upset and seriously seeking an answer to his question. Once they'd reached the living room and he'd had time to think about answering Tim in a way that would be helpful and put his mind at rest.

"Timothy, you have come a long way. Being able to pour yourself into trying so hard to get things back to normal not only for yourself but for those you work with every day, is great progress, young man."

"Ducky, progress, doesn't do **that!**" Timothy exclaimed angrily as he pointed in the direction of the stairs that they'd just come down from Gibbs' room. "You can't tell me that me doing **that** to Gibbs is **progress**!" Tim ran from the house, letting his feet carry him to the safety of the backyard again._ He'd promised Gibbs that he'd stay under his roof and not run and damn it, it was now damn near the hardest thing he had to do, but he'd keep his word. He'd already damn near killed the man; he'd be damned if he was gonna break his promise to him on top of it!_

The saddened M.E. left the young man to his own thoughts and demons. He knew that there was no point in trying to talk to him right now because guilt had obviously already firmly entangled itself in Timothy's soul for what had happened here tonight. It had come as no surprise and fighting that part of who Timothy McGee was, wouldn't serve any purpose other than to force him to dig his heels in deeper where his moral character was entrenched.

Ducky busied himself in the kitchen with making breakfast and coffee for the three of them before sitting down to enjoy a hot cup of tea for a moment. Time passed quicker than Ducky had realized and when he glanced at his watch, he frowned at the fact that it was soon time to leave for work. Although he knew there would be no problem with going in late, the M.E. knew that Gibbs would hate that and took himself up to wake his friend. He hoped that the continued silence from Timothy meant the poor boy had calmed himself down and was thinking things through on a more even keel than he had been earlier. His first priority at the moment, was to wake Jethro. Checking in on Timothy would need to wait just a bit.

Tim stopped pacing, suddenly feeling drained and still feeling the residual pain in his head. With sigh, he walked to the head down the hall from the kitchen. All the while, he felt the comforts of an actual bed calling to him so as soon has he'd finished up, he headed back out and turned toward what he suspected was the guest bedroom. As he opened the door, and found himself looking at what had to have been Kelly's room and he felt a rush of guilt and pain rise up within him. _Damned if he could get anything right these days, _he thought and quickly backed out of that room so he could head back to the living room. Once he got there, he sighed heavily before settling back down and allowing sleep to find him.

Gibbs woke up feeling bleary-eyed and thickheaded, but within a minute, the fog lifted and he was wide awake as his mind slammed into the brick wall that was absolute worry about Tim. Ducky, ever mindful of where his friend's mind was most likely at, spoke before Gibbs had a chance to voice the question.

"He's as fine as can be expected under the circumstances Jethro. At the moment, he is pacing your backyard, though I have to admit that the poor lad's been at it for well over two hours now."

"Duck, that's what he was doing last night before he broke down." Gibbs told him. Ducky was pleased to note that his friends voice was much more normal than it had been before he went to bed, but still, it was in need of rest and the only way that Gibbs was going to do that was by using it sparingly while his throat continued to heal. Ducky watched and waited patiently as Gibbs went about his morning business before getting dressed and sitting on the bed so that he could pull on his boots.

"Come, Jethro, we'll see if we can't calm the dear boy enough to take him with us. I daren't leave him here alone while we go in to work, hmm?"

"We're not." Gibbs agreed with authority as he led the way downstairs, where the two men split up; the Team Leader in search of his agent and the M.E. in pursuit of getting his friend a hot drink to soothe his still recovering throat.

The M.E. was still fixing Gibbs a hot cup of coffee when Gibbs came into the room. "He's sleeping."

"Jethro, we can't leave him here alone. He's nowhere near ready to deal with what happened last evening. At least, not without the consuming guilt we knew he'd take on over this."

Gibbs nodded in silent agreement as he sipped the drink that Ducky had just handed him. Taking a few minutes to think on it, he finally formulated a plan that he thought would work best. "Stay with him." He whispered as he got up, picked up his keys and headed out.

Once at the Navy Yard, Gibbs headed straight for the squad room, not because he was looking forward to seeing and hearing his agents' reaction to his obviously bruised and hurting throat; but because he needed them to be told and knew it was best if it came from him. Since Vance was gonna have to be told, Gibbs figured he'd tell them all at once and be done with it.

As Gibbs stepped off the elevator, Tony looked up, "Mornin,' Boss! How's… oh, my God, what happened?" Tony exclaimed.

Ziva looked up from her computer at her partner's exclamation. As her eyes found the source of Tony's question, her mind was busy trying to put the possible pieces together as to what could have happened.

In silent answer to Tony's question, Gibbs said nothing. He knew both of them were smart enough to put the pieces together and knew there'd be an eruption when they did. Looking at them both he noted how they looked at him with concern etched on their faces, he crooked his finger at them and beckoned them to follow him as he led the way up to the Director's office. There was only one way to get this over with and he couldn't help likening it to pulling of a bandaid…fast, hard and all at once.

Vance took one look at Gibbs' throat before glancing behind the team leader at the upset agents that followed him in. He sat back in his chair, swallowing anything he'd thought to say, waiting for whatever was to come patiently. Wordlessly, Gibbs took out his phone and hit the speed dial button for Ducky. Without any explanation, the Team Leader then pressed the speaker phone button and placed the device on the desk in front of his boss.

_"Hello?" _Gibbs saw Vance's eyebrows rise at Ducky's soft voice coming out of the phone.

"Doctor Mallard. I'm going to presume that Gibbs made this call in this fashion because you have something he wants you tell me. Not to mention his agents." Vance spoke into the phone while not taking his eyes of the team leader.

_"Ah, yes, Director. It seems that while looking after Timothy last evening, or very early this morning, I should say, that Jethro made an unwise and rather hasty move that resulted in a serious situation."_

"What situation, Dr Mallard and how serious are we talking?" Vance sat back in his chair with a frown.

"_ Apparently, while trying to bring young Timothy back from the depths of what sounded and appeared to be a horrible nightmare, Jethro placed his hands on Timothy's shoulder. Timothy, while still in the midst of whatever was going through his mind at the time, reacted badly." _Ducky paused for a moment leaving everyone sitting there waiting for him to continue.

"Ducky!" Tony finally said as his patience started to wear thin.

_"My apologies. I thought I heard, Timothy moving about. Where was I?...Ah, yes well, we believe he thought his father was genuinely trying to attack him again, and simply fought for his life. We all remember seeing the tape of what happened that dreadful night, Director. We cannot blame Timothy for this, in any fashion. He was completely unaware of what he was doing. It seems to be the the case that his primal instinct to protect himself took over and he started to choke Jethro. I would like to stress the point again, Director, he was completely unaware that it was Jethro and that he was trying to reach out to him rather than hurt him. As it stands now, I am afraid that the boy is completely devastated now that he has become aware of it and I'm worried that it has set back his recovery."_

"Wait, Ducky, he knows what he did?" Tony asked through the shock that was permeating through his veins. Looking at his boss while he waited for the answer, it was blatantly obvious to see that the man was heaping on the guilt and would not accept anyone trying to absolve him of it.

_"Yes, Anthony. He found the note where Jethro had written down for me what had happened so that I could determine if Timothy was physically all right or not._" Ducky answered, the sadness palpable in his reply.

"Doctor Mallard! Why wouldn't Agent McGee be all right?" Vance demanded. He was still acting in an official capacity and needed to know the facts; what he didn't say, was that he didn't blame Tim and the thought that he had needed medical attention worried him.

_"Because, Director. The only way Jethro was able to get Timothy off of him, was to render him unconscious."_ Ducky answered somberly.

Tony's mouth dropped at the image of Gibbs having to knock Tim out.

"Where is he now?" Ziva asked with concern, though there was nothing but compassion in her eyes as she looked at Gibbs.

_"Right now, he is sleeping. That was after going to check on Jethro for himself and seeing the end results of what he'd seen in the note . At first, he took to pacing in the garden for over two hours before finally settling back down. He is fragile at the moment which is why I…Anthony, I need you to abide by what I'm about to tell you, without fail." _

Tony sat forward, leaning on his elbows. "I'll do whatever you need me to do , Ducky."

"Good._ You are not to say one single word of this to him. Either in anger or jesting. None whatsoever."_

_"_Ducky. There's no way i…." Tony tried to defend himself with genuine hurt that anyone would think he would do such a thing.

"Doctor Mallard, when you feel he is up to it, I need him brought to me." Vance interrupted, deliberately cutting this painful conversation off before it got worse for any of them.

"_Yes, Director,I thought you might, if I may offer my opinion?"_ Ducky inquired carefully.

"By all means, go right ahead." Vance replied calmly.

_"I do feel the one person he needs to talk to is the Agency Psychologist. The sooner the better."_ The M.E. firmly put out there.

"I'll see what I can do to get her on this today." Vance vowed. "Anything else?"

_"Not at the moment, although, Jethro, I do feel someone should break this news to Abigail. She will be equally devastated that this has happened both to you and to Timothy."_ Ducky reminded everyone even as he deliberately addressed his older friend with his words. Doing it this way was bound to re-focus Gibbs' thoughts, hopefully enough to stop the guilt from burying him and at least long enough for others to get through to him and do what they could to pull him out of it.

"I'll take care of telling Abby, Ducky." Tony volunteered quietly while he steadfastly kept his eyes on his boss. Gibbs glanced at his senior agent and saw concern residing in his eyes. He took it as an attempt to silently reassure the man that the Senior Field Agent was there for him and ready to do what he needed to in order to help.

_"Very good, then. If there is nothing else, I'd like to go check on my patient."_ The M.E. firmly stated.

"Bye, Ducky." Tony said as a way to end the call for all of them before nodding once at Gibbs and heading out to go talk to Abby, a silent and increasingly upset Ziva on his tail.

"You don't need to be here, Gibbs." Vance told him. "You need to go and take care of that throat."

Gibbs pointed to his phone to indicate Ducky had already taken care of it before taking his phone back and turning to head out. He stopped at the door and turned back to look at Vance. "Don't punish him for this, Leon." He said, his voice still raspy and somewhat raw, and waited to see what his Boss reaction would be.

"Gibbs, I have no intention of doing any such thing. It was a mistake and an error in judgment caused by a nightmare. As Doctor Mallard said, a bad call on your part that unfortunately, you're both suffering for. Why the hell would I hold that against him?"

Rather than reply, Gibbs nodded in agreement and headed out, suddenly anxious for the soothing liquid of a fresh cup of coffee.

* * *

"Are you serious?" Abby exclaimed in horror as she heard Tony out. Listening to the tale of what had happened between her surrogate father and her long-time best friend and former boyfriend, had given the Lab Rat a more potent wake-up call than a whole day's supply of her caf-pows.

"Unfortunately, I am serious, Abbs." Tony answered her sadly. "We can't blame the guy to be honest. He's spent his whole like being abused, so having someone shaking him awake like that, had to have scared him."

"It wasn't Gibbs' fault, Tony!" Abby said firmly with her arms crossed over her chest. Tony moved towards her and pulled her into a hug.

"Never said it was. There's no doubt it wasn't. I was just saying that Tim didn't know what he was doing because he was dreaming." He kissed the top of her head and felt her relax into him. She pulled away slightly and gazed into his eyes with fear shadowing her face.

"Oh, no! What do we do? For Gibbs? For Timmy? Tony! What do we do?" Abby lamented sorrowfully.

"We let Ducky take care of McGee and follow his lead on what we can do for either of them. You know Gibbs. He won't want any special attention or worry thrown at him. He'll probably take it from you, Abbs, but, I wouldn't push it too much. I think he's probably feeling pretty bad about the whole ordeal right about now. I mean, think about it, here he was trying to do right by Probie and look out for him, watch over him, and then this happens. I wish there was some way to take yesterday back. If I hadn't been so pissed at Probie then Gibbs wouldn't have made him go home with him instead, and this wouldn't have happened.

_**smack**_

"Ow! What was that for?" Tony asked angrily.

"The last thing that either Gibbs or McGee needs, Tony, is your misplaced guilt." Ziva told him sternly as she stood there glaring at him.

"She's right, Tony. Should have's won't help." Abby told him gently and moved back into the hug by resting her head on his shoulder. She wrapped her arms even more tightly around him and held on.

Ziva felt so many emotions coil up from within her soul, she didn't know what to do or say or even think. This was her fault; she knew it was. When Tim had begged her to show him how to lock everything that the Dragon had put him through and what it had done to his soul, she'd done as he'd asked and had only tried to dissuade him for a moment. She hadn't tried hard enough to convince him it was unwise and unhealthy and now realized that the rest of the team had been right. She should have listened. If she had then none of this would have happened. How would Tim ever forgive himself now? That was something only she was responsible for and it weighed down her heart something terrible.

Standing there motionless, frozen in blame and heartache for her friends and team members, Ziva drew Tony's attention to her without even realizing it. "Ziva. Don't! Don't you blame yourself for this! I don't care if he should have been talking things out with someone or not. It doesn't make you responsible and you know it. Don't you add your guilt to this mess! That's the last thing he needs! Even I know that!"

Ziva nodded at Tony's words, even though her heart still felt the pain of that guilt. This guilt wasn't going away anytime soon, no matter what the words she heard were telling her. She couldn't help what she felt. She felt it so acutely, for once she was at a loss as to what she needed to do for any of them. Not wanting to then to see her wearing her emotions so openly, she turned and headed out of the lab.

* * *

The day has slowly gone by, the team solemnly getting to work on paperwork while they sat and waited for a call-out, which didn't come. Before they know it, it's two in the afternoon and Ducky was walking into the squad room, stopping in front of Gibbs' desk.

"Timothy is hiding down in my suite – this has brought back to mind the first day I spoke with him at the Correctional Facility when this whole nightmare began for him."

"Yeah, Duck." Gibbs answers on a breathed out sigh of pain, for both his surrogate son's emotional pain and his own physical pain. "I know."

Tony breathes out in frustration and pain for his friend.. "How can we help him, Ducky?"

"For starters, Anthony, No one feels more badly about what has happened than Timothy himself, we must keep that in mind. Beyond that, I do not know at the moment, how best to help him."

"Did you leave him in Autopsy alone? " Gibbs asked his friend with narrowed eyes. Sure, he trusted Ducky, but he didn't want Tim being left alone to mull over what had happened.

"No, Mr. Palmer is currently watching over Timothy while he is attempting to rest some more. His attempts to find rest so far today have been fitful at best. "

"Ah, actually, Dr. Mallard, Tim's gone. He slipped out of Autopsy while I was getting some supplies from the store-room. I'm really sorry. I have no idea where he went. I checked with Abby and she hasn't seen him." Jimmy admitted sheepishly as he walked into the squad room; shoulders slumped with guilt and worry.

"Never fear, Mr. Palmer, we cannot hold you accountable for Timothy's actions or decisions." Ducky soothed as he glared at Gibbs, daring him to think otherwise. Gibbs sat back and exhaled sharply as he tried to clamp down on the comment that he was about to bite out.

Gibbs' phone chose that moment to ring and already upset with the way things were headed for his Agent, and still in physical pain from nearly being strangled to death a few short hours ago; his voice, seemed to boom out through the squad room despite it still being slightly raspy.

"Yeah, Gibbs!"

_"Need you to come to my office. Now." _


	33. Chapter 32

"_Need you to come to my office. Now."_

As Gibbs silently got up from his desk and headed up the stairs to the Director's office, he thought about the tone the man had just used to summon Gibbs up to his office. The guy had never before spoken so quietly as he'd just done, at least not to Gibbs. _Did this have anything to do with McGee disappearing from Autopsy? I hope to hell, this isn't more bad news for McGee!_

Gibbs knew that Tim needed to deal with this on his own time-scale; but he also knew that given the chance, the young man would just hide it all away and allow himself to believe he'd done the unforgivable and wasn't worthy of being on their team any longer. That was a mis-judgement that this Team Leader was not about to let happen

It was obvious to Gibbs when he arrived in Vance's office and laid eyes on the younger man that something unpleasant was about to come down on him. Gibbs was relieved when Vance wasted no time in getting to the point

"Looks like despite our not wanting to punish McGee, he's determined to punish himself." Vance told him the minute the team leader closed the office door behind himself when he came in.

Saving the man the need to use his voice, Vance handed him the paper that explained what he meant.

_**LETTER OF RESIGNATION:**_

_I, Timothy McGee, do hereby respectfully tender my resignation, effective immediately. _

_For failure to serve and protect AND_

_For physically harming a fellow agent without just cause  
_

_INCIDENT IN QUESTION:_

_I physically choked and almost killed Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs through no fault of his own and I need to accept the culpability and responsibility as well as the punishment._

_I am no longer fit to carry the badge or the identity of an NCIS Special Agent._

_I have violated the very laws we uphold._

_Respectfully,_

_Timothy McGee_

Gibbs drew a deep breath and slowly let it out as he looked up at Vance, frustrated and angry at where this had taken them and how quickly it had gotten to this point.

"You can't accept this." He said with enough anger in his tone even with his injured throat that there was no doubt where Gibbs' loyalty and concern was channeled.

"Save your voice, Gibbs. You know damn well, I'm not taking this at face value. That's not the problem. Problem is, taking it off his record. It seems that Agent McGee wanted to be quite thorough about this and has entered this into his electronic personnel file."

"He hacked into Personnel Records?" Gibbs demanded incredulously.

"No, and frankly, I'm surprised you would think that of him. He just made sure this found its way into their 'in' box. Almost impossible to retrieve it as though it didn't exist now." The Director told him seriously.

"Let him hack into it and retrieve it; erase it." The Team Leader requested.

Vance looked past Gibbs' shoulder for a minute before turning his eyes back to the Team Leader. "You're talking to the wrong man, Gibbs. I've got no problem with him taking this off his record. I know he's not exactly thinking straight right now." Nodding his head in the direction he'd just been looking, Vance waited for Gibbs to catch up.

Turning around to look in the direction the Director had just been looking and nodding, Gibbs was brought up short at the sight of Tim McGee sitting silently and observing the conversation between his two superiors from the very corner of the room that Gibbs himself usually hid in when he didn't want others to realize he was there.

"McGee." Gibbs breathed out in relief. Quickly crossing the distance between them, he drew the coffee table that stood in front of the couch where Tim sat, and sat down on it so that he could look Tim comfortably. Resting his arms on his knees, the boss man leaned forward and looked his agent square on. "You need to call Ducky. No one knows where you are and they're worried." He held out his phone after hitting the speed dial number for the M.E.

"_Hello?"_

Tim took the phone and held it almost to his face as he spoke into the speaker. "Ducky, Gibbs told me to call you. We're with the Director. I'm sorry if I worried anyone."

"_Oh, thank heavens, dear boy! Are you okay…No, don't answer that just yet. At least you are safe__. __All right. I'll let them know. Thank you, Timothy."_ Ducky answered and ended the call, knowing Tim didn't want to be dragging this out. He also knew that Jethro would not let young Timothy out of his sight anytime soon with all that was going on with him.

Tim quietly closed the phone and handed it back to his boss; the look in his eye plainly saying he was waiting for the axe to fall. This was the first time he'd faced Gibbs since he'd almost choked him to death hours ago and honestly, he wasn't scared of Gibbs, but of hearing proof that he'd broken what ties and bonds that he'd spent years building with this team leader and surrogate father.

Gibbs watched as Tim's eyes became glassy and unfocused. He knew this young man was in danger of withdrawing worse than before and he wasn't about to let that happen. "Tim. Look at me." He quietly ordered.

Tim blinked several times and finally did as he'd been told by raising his eyes to meet his boss'.

"Do you trust me?" Gibbs asked, speaking not as he'd done the last time he'd asked Tim this question, fresh out of the Correctional Facility and the nightmare that had put him there; but of what Gibbs had just accidentally put him through while trying his damnedest to look after him and protect him.

"Completely." Tim answered as he looked Gibbs square on for the first time since this unfortunate incident had taken place. He knew exactly what the man was asking and none of what happened had shaken his faith or trust in the man; only in himself and he needed Gibbs to understand that without any doubts; now that he'd been asked.

While the Team Leader swallowed hard and took a minute to work past the wave of awe that rode through him at this young man's continuing and unwavering faith in him; he thought hard as to what he could say that would get Tim over this hurdle so he could keep moving past this nightmare.

Off to the side of the talking men, Vance was finally comfortable leaving the two of them to work things out to find a way to withdraw Tim's resignation from the Agency records. As his door opened, he moved over to it to extend a silent welcome to his expected visitor.

"Thank you." Was the first thing Gibbs could think of and it made it past his lips before he could wonder whether it would make Tim uncomfortable for the boss to be this sympathetic or apologetic. It needed to be said and truth be told, he was glad it had been. "Tim. Need you to listen to me for a minute, okay?"

Tim nodded as he locked eyes with the man, not wanting him to have to over-use his throat; knowing it still had to be causing him pain. He already felt terrible that the man was having to use it this much for this conversation. That had definitely not been his intention when he'd tendered his resignation.

"What happened last night was not your fault, it was mine, and I am sorry. I am very sorry. I hope someday you'll be able to forgive me. But for now, will you talk to the Doctor, please?"

As the Agency Psychologist silently shook Vance's hand and listened to the conversation going on in the corner of the office at the same time, Vance withdrew from the room; his presence no longer needed.

Tim looked over to where the Doctor had come to stand and then he looked back at Gibbs. Seeing the abject concern in his boss' eyes made the decision easy. Having already talked to the Doc about the underlying cause of all this mess, recently certainly made it easier to agree now. "Yes."

Gibbs nodded, comfortingly patted Tim's knee and stood up. Sharing a look of concern with the Doctor, he headed toward the door.

"Boss." Tim's quiet call for his attention stopped him before he opened the door.

Gibbs looked back at his agent.

"I don't need to forgive you. I never blamed you to begin with." Tim offered, once again humbling the older man by his seemingly infinite faith and trust and refusal to hold him responsible for anything personally wrong.

"I know, Tim. But you should have." Gibbs answered him as he softened his answer with another look of concern before opening the office door and leaving his agent with the one person who could help him the most at this point.

* * *

A short twenty minutes later, the team was beginning to show signs of feeling the strain of the events of the last 24 hours and Gibbs was more than ready to let them call it a day but he knew if he let them go this early, they would only spend the time worrying about Tim. With his throat feeling extremely sore and almost raw from having to use it so much up in the director's office, he thought of a method of getting his message across to Tony that the Senior Field Agent might understand. When the solution crossed his mind, he couldn't help but smile for a minute before getting to it.

Tony was concentrating on the facts of the cold case in front of him when he felt himself smacked in the head by a paper ball. Usually the culprit of such weapons being thrown in the squad room; himself, being on the receiving end was a complete surprise; especially when he looked around to find the person behind the weapon thrown and found not Ziva looking at him expectantly, but the boss.

"Boss?" Tony asked in shock.

Gibbs pointed to the paper he'd just thrown at the young man.

Tony's brain caught up to Gibbs' very unusual method behind his madness. _Oh, right, bossman's trying not to use his voice. Duh, DiNozzo! _

Opening the paper, he had to smile,

_You two go get dinner and get back here. 30 min!_

Along with the written order, was enough money to cover the cost of dinner.

"Okay, Boss. Thanks." Tony offered in return, his smile lighting up his corner of the room.

By this time, Ziva had looked up from her own cold case reading and begun to listen to what was going on around her. Watching Tony straighten the paper and read it, seeing the balled up money fall from the paper onto his desk, she had to smile. She locked up her work station and grabbed her jacket, ready to meet Tony as he rounded his desk, keys in hand, so they could head out.

Gibbs snatched up his coffee cup and headed out of the squad room, desperate for something soothing for his throat and feeling the strain enough that he was willing to let Ducky make sure he hadn't over done it earlier.

Entering Autopsy, he was surprised to find Ducky standing over his desk, steeping two fresh cups of tea.

"Ah, Jethro, you're just in time. Come. Give me that blasted brew you live off of and drink this, it will soothe your throat much better since it has soothing honey in it. Sit and I shall get the towels that I have already warming for you. Its past time to re-wrap that throat of yours… especially since you've had to use it so much already today. Take these pain relievers while I'm getting your towels."

The younger man could only sigh with genuine relief that his medically trained friend had once again thought of everything for someone in need of his ministrations, this time literally before he'd been asked for them. Closing his eyes for a moment of silent contemplation, he quickly found himself thinking once again, of his youngest agent; hoping that he would be able get past this.

"Here we are, Jethro, come into my office and stretch out on my couch while these towels do their work for you." Ducky slid a hand around Gibbs' arm, and helped him up. He waited until the younger man had sat himself down on the couch before wrapping the towels snuggly around his throat, leaving him settled into a few moments of rest. The M.E. retreated back out to his desk and closed the office door behind him to give Gibbs as much peace and quiet as possible. He knew the MCRT was currently working on cold cases and could very well do without their boss for a spell; especially given the lateness of the hour. No doubt, Jethro had sent his team out for dinner at this point anyway.

Heading out to the elevator, Ducky decided to check on the status of Gibbs' team in person. Upon reaching the squad room, he found it empty and surmised that he'd figured correctly. Passing Tony's desk, the somewhat crumpled looking note that had somehow landed on the floor at the front of the senior Field Agent's desk caught the M.E.'s attention. Picking it up off the floor, he chuckled at what he read there, even as he set the note back on Tony's desk.

Turning to head back down to his Autopsy suite, he was brought up short by the dinging of the elevator. As the doors opened up and a lively Tony and Ziva stepped off the elevator carrying boxes of what appeared to be Chinese food; Ducky remained where he stood so he could speak to them.

"Hey, Ducky. What's going on?" Tony asked as he slowed his walk once he'd seen the M.E. standing there apparently waiting to talk to them. "Is something wrong?

"No, Anthony, I simply wanted you to know that Jethro is currently allowing me to treat his throat to some heated pain relief and as I suggested, is taking this time to catch some much needed rest as well.

"Is he okay?" Tony asked quickly, his gut clenching at the thought of his boss needing Ducky's medical expertise.

"Relax, Anthony. He is fine. It is my intention to see to it that he remains so."

"Ah. Okay. Thanks, Ducky. I guess Chinese food wasn't the best idea for the boss right about now, huh? "

"Don't you worry about Jethro. He'll eat when he's ready. Do let me know when Timothy comes back from the Director's office, won't you?"

"Sure, Ducky."

"Very good. Carry on, then." Ducky said cheerfully as he headed back down to his domain.

* * *

Having spent just fifteen minutes with the Doctor, Tim hadn't been able to talk about anything that had happened. The only thing he'd been able to do, was sit and listen as she told him how crucial it was for Tim to understand that what had happened in Gibbs' house was not his fault, and that by him continuing to hold himself accountable, he was hurting not only himself, but the people around him, who love and cared about him. She tried to make it clear that in lieu of his emotional baggage, this extra weight on his shoulders wasn't healthy and eventually, he'd reach a nadir, which could ultimately pull everyone down over the edge with him.

When she'd agreed that he was okay to go; that he didn't have to talk about things if he didn't want to; he'd felt a wave of relief wash through him. He had agreed, before he'd left, that he would seek her out the next time he needed to talk about things, if he couldn't bring himself to talk to anyone else. She hadn't looked too pleased when he'd added the part about only seeking her out as a last resort, but she'd taken it on the chin and offered him the option to do just that.

Now needing a place to hide where he'd feel safe, Tim bolted for the one sanctuary he could think of. It happened to be one that would have him keeping his promise from the night before and that in itself had him feeling better about it. He didn't know where his thoughts would take him now, but hoped they'd actually leave him alone for a change. Just in case they didn't, he wanted to be where he could better deal with the onslaught.

Tim had given this a lot of thought, he'd thought of little else since Gibbs had left the Director's Office earlier if he was going to be totally honest.

With Gibbs, it was too hard to pretend and keep the lock in place on everything bottled up. It was easier at work though with Ziva and Tony helping by allowing him his withdrawn, moody moments in peace.

With them, he could remain his quiet and calm self and by them allowing him his escape into that place in his head reserved for silent, breathable solitude and letting him escape the pain in his heart, he felt more at ease here. Gibbs saw right through that, he didn't let him hide in plain sight like that without letting him know that he was keeping watch over him for his own good.

Having Gibbs to talk to when he'd first come home from the nightmarish weekend, had allowed Tim to begin to accept what had happened to him and gave him the chance to be himself without trying to hide any of it. But he'd quickly convinced himself that it wasn't fair to dump it all on the older man. Now, he found himself wishing he'd listened to Gibbs more and that crazy inner voice much less. Maybe he could talk to him soon.

When he reached his destination, he was pleasantly surprised to find an actual resting place within the confines of his chosen hideout. Though he hadn't been here in years, and only had been on one occasion of work at that, he immediately felt safe and secure. Settling down into the comfortable chair, he drew the blanket that sat there around him and curled up as comfortably as he could before allowing his aching head to rest. His eyes started to feel heavy and they soon closed as he drifted off to sleep.

* * *

A short hour after Ducky had retreated back to his office, Director Vance was now standing in front of Tony's desk as the Senior Field Agent was genuinely reading through a cold case file.

"Agent DiNozzo, care to tell me where your two missing teammates are?" Vance's voice seemed to boom through the almost empty first floor.

"Ah, Director…" Tony sputtered, startled from his focus and now looking to see which two people the man was talking about. As he noticed the only two that were missing were Gibbs and McGee, Tony breathed a sigh of relief. "Gibbs is downstairs letting Ducky treat his throat to more heat relief and Ducky said McGee was up in your office. He wanted to be told when McGee came down and we haven't seen him yet."

Vance nodded his understanding and headed out of the squad room and up the stairs that led to his office. He knew that McGee had left his office well over thirty minutes ago, but didn't feel the need to worry DiNozzo or Da'vid just yet. He'd let the M.E. handle things on that end because this team had been through enough stressors lately.

As he reached his office, and glanced at his assistant's desk, he couldn't help but feel grateful that she had gone home for the night and he had some peace and quiet in which to think and make this call. After a couple of minutes, he reached over and picked up the phone on his desk.

"_Hello" _Vance made a mental note of how tired Ducky sounded at that moment.

"Dr. Mallard, how's Gibbs?"

"_Oh, Director Vance. Now that he's allowed himself to take some additional pain relief and I've wrapped his throat once again with heated towels, he is resting and will be fine. Especially once he __receives an update on __how young Timothy is doing as well."_

"Good. Speaking of Agent McGee, any idea where he might be?"

"I understood him to be in your office with the Agency Psychologist." Ducky answered warily.

"No. He left here less than an hour after Gibbs left him with her." Vance answered with a hint of concern.

"_Oh dear. Jethro will be extremely upset about this. I take it his team does not know where he has gone?"_

"I haven't asked them. DiNozzo did say they hadn't seen him. They thought he was still up here, too."

"_Oh, good heavens!"_ Ducky softly exclaimed and Vance could hear the worry that laced that tired tone. Back in Autopsy, Ducky pulled out the chair and sat down, only to be startled by a voice behind him.

"What's wrong, Duck?" Gibbs asked from the doorway of the M.E.'s office.

Ducky held out the phone, knowing the updated news would be better off coming from the Agency Head. "Jethro, talk to Director Vance."

Gibbs took the phone with a scowl on his face. "Leon, what's going on?"

"_Your boy's vanished, Gibbs. He left here about 30 minutes after you did. I haven't seen him since and neither has DiNozzo or Da'vid."_

"Damn it. Have you asked the Doc about it?"

"_Not yet. I'll keep you posted. In the meantime, you might wanna try and find him. I'll have your team check with the front gate and report back to you ."_

"Thanks." Gibbs offered as he hung up the phone.

"Jethro, do relax until you are sure there's anything to worry about., won't you?" Ducky urged gently with a frown.

Gibbs pointed to the video cam that fed into Abby's lab. "Check with Abby."

"Certainly." The M.E. enthused. He hadn't thought of that himself yet and turned to the cameral to open the link to the lab. He was both relieved and dismayed to see the lab's lights on as well as her music. That meant the poor girl hadn't yet gone home and with the MCRT on cold cases, he wondered what on earth was keeping her here so late.

"Abigail?"

"_Ducky! What can I do for you?"_ Abby asked as her smiling face appeared on the screen.

"Abigail is Timothy there with you? He seems to have taken himself off somewhe….."

"_McGee? No. Why? Is he supposed to be? Has something happened to him?"_

Gibbs scowled at her rising panic and her resurfacing inability to let anyone get a word in edgewise.

"Abby!" he barked, feeling the effects immediately with the returning irritation to his throat.

Now it was Ducky's turn to scowl; this time at his patient's rush to irritate his injury. Turning back to the video cam, Ducky took charge of the now silent communication link while it was still open.

"Abigail, we simply do not know where he has gone. Do let us know if you come across him, hmm?"

"_Of course. Will you let me know when you find him? I wanna know he's okay!"_

"Of course, my dear. Now, do go home. It is rather late and I do not believe you have anything pressing to do here since Gibbs' team does not currently have an open case."

"_No. I was working on tidying up around here and restocking my supplies. I'm heading home in a few, I promise."_

"Very well. Good night then, my dear."

"_Nite, Ducky. Nite, Gibbs! Please find Timmy!"_

"We will. Don't you worry." Ducky vowed as he disconnected the link and turned to look at the younger man."Jethro, let me call Anthony and see what they've found out from the Front Gate, hmm?"

Gibbs nodded and paced while Ducky hit the buttons on his phone for Tony's desk extension.

"_Ducky? If you're calling for an update on McGee, I've just talked to the front gate. He left before Ziva and I even got back here with dinner. I'm sorry, I had no idea."_ Tony answered quickly.

"No, Anthony, I'm sure you didn't. It is not your fault. It was simply a matter of Timothy slipping from our grasp. I'm sure he has taken himself home to recover from the events of the last 24 hours. I'm sure he's fine. Have you called him?"

"_Yeah. He's not answering it but it's still on, since it does ring before it goes to voicemail. Is Abby still here? Maybe she can track it. I could, but she'd be able to do it a lot quicker."_

"Ah, yes! Of course! Brilliant suggestion, dear boy! Do get on that, won't you?"

"_Sure, Ducky."_ Tony answered and disconnected the call.

Back in the squad room, Tony called Abby immediately after hanging up with Ducky and found himself sitting there tapping his pen against the desk as he waited for the Goth to answer.

"_Hey, Tony, you looking for McGee?"_

"Yeah, Abbs. Can you track his cell? It's on but he's just not answering it."

"_Sure. Give me a couple of minutes. I'll call you back."_

"No, call Gibbs when you have it. If he wants me to follow up on it, he'll tell me. I'm pretty sure he's gonna wanna be the one to do that though."

"_Oh, yeah. You're probably right. Okay."_

Tony slumped back in his chair and subconsciously fiddled with the pen in his hand as he tried to think back to where his Probie was…_Damn it, McGee, where the hell are you? _Was his last, fleeting thought before he stood up and started pacing the office.

Abby hung up and punched in the information she needed to conduct her search. Sensing she was no longer alone, she turned from looking at her computer screen and found Gibbs standing in the doorway to her lab, leaning against the door as he waited for the search to pan out.

"Hey, Gibbs. I haven't seen you all day. Are you okay?" she asked him in her most sympathetic tone.

Gibbs stepped into the lab and walked up to her, allowing her to envelop him in one of her bone crushing hugs since she was right; he hadn't seen her since she'd been told about what had happened. She was understandably in need of physical confirmation that he was okay and he rode out her hug until the computer search panned out, showing Tim was actually and shockingly, not very far away at all.

Allowing a smile to escape his lips, Gibbs pulled back from Abby's hug and kissed her on the cheek. "I'm fine, Abbs, Thanks. McGee's fine too."

"Gibbs! How do you know that if we don't know where he went?" She cried.

He pointed to her computer screen. "Trust me, he's fine."


	34. Chapter 33

_A/N : __"Our sincerest and humblest apologies for the long delay in updating.  
Unfortunately, life has endeavored to get in the way and has thrown us a curveball or two, that has delayed our return to our stories.  
We do hope you'll find it within your hearts to forgive us._

_Warning: Don't forget the tissues...yeah, it's been a while since we've said that (ahem...Fractured Rules? lol), but you know you'll shout if we don't give you a little bit of one._

_So sit down, kick back and enjoy x_

* * *

"_Gibbs! How do you know that if we don't know where he went?"  
He pointed to her computer screen. "Trust me, he's fine." _

Abby turned back to her computer screen after watching Gibbs head out. His last comment left her feeling more at ease about where Tim was, because when Gibbs made a vow like that, he meant it. She smiled as she saw the signal pinpointed on her screen, Yup, the boss was right; Timmy was fine! In fact, given his current location, he was better than fine. He'd gone to the best place he could so that he could be fine; soon.

Punching some buttons on her phone, she made a call.

* * *

Before this nightmare had befallen his youngest agent, Gibbs had never before understood that Tim had used his normally quiet and shy personality to hide potentially fatal problems. Working on getting Tim; his whole team even, through this unexpected and potentially debilitating nightmare had not only awoken him to that understanding; but had also seemingly permanently roused the long dormant parental tendencies and protective instincts within the team leader. He was actually grateful for it, too. Gibbs just hoped it would be enough to see Tim through this because everyone knew this old codger was not a people person and the last thing any of them needed was for his old habits and impatience and quickly lit fuse to scare Tim off or send him scurrying into hiding for good.

Reaching his house, the Team Leader immediately headed to the location he figured Tim would most likely be. When the backyard proved to be empty, Gibbs' heart dropped down to his boots. _What had happened to the young man now? Where could he have gone? _

Suddenly, the conversation he'd had with Tim in the car last night came back to him in a flash:

"_Tell me why you won't let anyone help you." The boss requested gently._

"_It's like I told you already, Boss. It's too much."  
"Okay. Then how 'bout you let yourself let go of it in smaller pieces? Think you can do that?"  
Tim shook his head. "I dunno how."  
"Okay. But, I'm here. And I want you to promise me…Look at me, Tim."  
Tim looked back up at his boss with surprise and worry._

"_Promise me! Give me your word that you will not leave my house no matter what's going through that head of yours. You need somewhere to escape to; you go to the basement or the backyard. But do NOT leave my house tonight! You got me it?"  
Tim nodded as he surreptitiously wiped the traitorous tears from his eyes  
…"You're not alone and it's time you let yourself to lean on us when you need to. I don't know why you think you can't…"_

"_Nobody else deserves to have to deal with it  
"You don't either, Tim and you need to remember that; hold onto that."  
"I'm trying. But, no matter how hard I try…" _

"_Okay. McGee. Just don't hesitate to come to me if you decide you're ready to let go of some of that crap you're carrying around, alright?" the older man offered._

"_Thanks, Boss." Tim whispered as he turned his head to face the window again._

As that conversation ran through his head, once again two key statements stuck out in Gibbs' mind.

_You need somewhere to escape to; you go to the basement or the backyard. But do NOT leave my house tonight! You got me?"_

"_Okay. McGee. Just don't hesitate to come to me if you decide you're ready to let go of some of that crap you're carrying around, alright?" the older man offered._

The Team Leader wasn't surprised by the next remembered statement that crossed his mind.

"_I don't need to forgive you. I never blamed you in the first place."_

With what he figured was a newfound understanding of where Tim was and why he was there, Gibbs shook his head slightly to clear his thoughts and headed to his basement, hope and relief both flowing through his veins.

Sure enough, upon reaching the stairs to his basement, and quietly taking himself down to the first small landing before the steps continued on down, he stopped and looked in amazement at the sight before him now. Curled up as much as possible for his tall framed body, was Tim McGee, soundly sleeping; which was surprising when he considered the uncomfortable way in which he was scrunched and curled to fit himself into the large easy chair where he'd come to find safety, security and someone to talk to.

Suddenly, Ducky's words from the first afternoon they'd brought Tim home from New York came back to him now.

"_Jethro, you will recall that Timothy could not find sleep until you were with him. Only you have been able to calm his storms, his fears, if you will. You have always been a surrogate father of sorts to him, even if you were distant with him. More so now that his father has been…_

Now sitting on his bottom step, watching his youngest agent sleep, Gibbs found his mind suddenly recalling something from his conversation with Tim back in the Correctional Facility that had bothered him then and he'd set aside to address later; but hadn't remembered to do so; until now.

_"What's gonna happen to me?"  
"Your bail hearing is this afternoon. We're gonna try like hell to get you outta here."  
"Where will I go?"  
"The plan is to get you released into Ducky's custody."  
"Oh." Tim replied. The unspoken disappointment radiated off of him.  
"What would you like to have happen?"  
"Doesn't matter." Tim whispered.  
"It does matter, Tim. This is your life. What do you want to have happen at this hearing?"  
Tim closed his eyes and took a deep breath as an errant tear slipped down his face.  
"Tim? Talk to me. What do you want to have happen?"  
"I'd be happy to go with Ducky." Tim answered without opening his eyes.  
_

Gibbs remembered hating that Tim had felt he had to hide what he was feeling and how he'd vowed to himself that he would see to it that they kept trying to get him to open up along the way. He remembered his frustration at Tim's reverting back to thinking he didn't matter. Before he could think about anything else now, Tim's sleep began to become restless and disturbed.

_The dragon clutches at his chest with a look of agony on his face. There is no fire now and he watches his father crumple to the floor and take his last heaving breath The dragon has been slayed and is laying at his feet with glassy, unfocused eyes staring up at him. There is nothing that he can do…nothing he wants to do, and that scares him more than anything. He doesn't want to try and bring him back; no! Right now he is safe and the beast that has haunted him his entire life is no more. He stands there in shock and doesn't hear the door opening, what he does hear though, is the sounds of his mother screaming at the sight before her…BANG!_

Tim's eyes snapped open as he was yanked from his nightmare by the resounding noise that had penetrated the air around him, even in his subconscious

As Gibbs carefully retraced his steps back to the step he'd been sitting on, he silently watched and waited for Tim to become cognitive and make the first move or begin the first conversation; in no hurry to spook him or force him into anything. He'd done all he could; safely bringing Tim out of his subconscious hell from a distance; with the loudest noise he could come up with - thankful that his idea of slamming the basement door shut had actually done the trick.

Tim's eyes flickered slightly before his eyes found Gibbs'. He didn't want to move, once he did, the numbness would evaporate and the pain would move in for the kill. Somehow, he found strength in those blue eyes not leaving his own.

The older man realized that Tim was starting to come out of wherever his mind had escaped to and he feared that a meltdown was imminent. The anguish the younger man was feeling was clearly written all over his face. Gibbs sat there, silently waiting guardedly and watching Tim's body language closely for the clues that could potentially ease them out of this situation, making sure to let Tim see the concern he was feeling for him through steady, encouraging eye contact.

Blinking several times to clear the images behind his eyelids, the young man struggled to put it all aside for now. He needed to do something; say something, but couldn't find the words. As Tim sought and found the strength to move, Gibbs suddenly appeared at his side, offering to help him to his feet. He stayed close by him as his agent accepted the help up from the chair, stretched and worked the kinks out of his body and surprisingly enough, sat back down in the chair, curling his legs back up underneath himself, covering himself with the blanket once more. This time, he remained sitting upright and appeared to be trying to find the words. Gibbs left him to it, not breaking his silence.

Finally, after several long moments full of expectant silence, Tim spoke.

"Thank you."

"For?" The older man asked calmly.

"Everything. And before you think I'm being flip or dense or anything like that, I mean it. You've kept me from falling over that edge, Boss and I wouldn't be here right now if it wasn't for you." Tim's quiet tone in the face of such a deep seated appreciation was disconcerting.

"McGee. I get that you're overwhelmed and I get that you think I'm the reason you're hanging on; but you're not giving yourself enough credit for the strength of character and fortitude that you have within yourself. You got yourself this far. Yeah, we've helped you, but you are more of a person than you give yourself credit for." Gibbs reminded him, his tone still quiet and calm.

Tim found himself staring at Gibbs with a look of disbelief. Had the boss really just said that? He sighed heavily and nodded once to show that he'd listened. "Thank you."

"You ready to let me in?" the boss asked encouragingly.

"I'm sorry." Tim's apology was unexpected.

"For?" Gibbs asked before he could stop himself.

"Not listening to you. Not letting you in sooner. If I had, what happened last night wouldn't have happened at all." Tim admitted guiltily.

"Are you ready to let me in now?" the older man pushed gently.

"Yeah." Tim admitted shyly, still having trouble believing this man wanted to hear this, but grateful beyond measure that he did.

* * *

_____"So long as he fears for his job, Agent Gibbs; he will not allow himself to even think about any of this. If we want him to be able to work through this; he has to be assured without a doubt; that his place on your team is safe; that nothing he says or admits to feeling, will take that away from him. If you can convince him that he has nothing to worry about – on that end; then we can begin to help him deal with what he's been through; help him heal."_

As he sat in the darkened bedroom watching over Tim's peaceful, sleeping form now, the Agencies Psychologist's sound advice came back to Gibbs. It had been a long, emotionally heart-wrenching night; with Tim laying himself bare, word, heartbreaking word, as he let Gibbs in on the pain of what had happened in his family's home the night his world caved in on him.

Sitting there tonight huddled in the blanket and hunkered down in the easy chair; his knees hugged to his chest tightly as if they were his safety net; his face a study in pain from a distance as he dug each piece from the depths of his very soul; Tim McGee had never seemed so young or innocent, or hurt and broken; save one other time, as he had throughout those heart-breaking hours when he words seemed to be endless and the emotion that came with them seemed to echo of the walls just as endlessly. The only other time that Tim had seemed this vulnerable and hurting was that horrible day Gibbs had to scoop him off the floor in the midst of a mental crisis and hold onto him to keep him from going over the edge he'd been pushed to by that shit of a lawyer back in the Correctional Facility.

While Tim had seemed fragile as he relentlessly bared his soul tonight, the young man had also been determined to do this without leaning on anyone. It had been obvious in his lack of eye movement and unwillingness to move from the chair, that he wanted to do this alone, needed to do it in his own way; only needing Gibbs' parental ears, heart and head to hear him and guide him.

In fact, he'd gone much further; letting his long-time surrogate father in on every facet of what he knew Gibbs had already found out to be the surface truth anyway. It was the underlying layers of that truth that Tim needed to let out into the light of day and having the man he looked up to and respected more than any other, be there to listen to every word and encourage him to keep letting it all go; helped more than he could ever say.

While Gibbs hadn't done very much talking tonight, he'd done a hell of a lot of listening and quietly encouraging the young man to keep going; to keep letting it out into the open so the wounds and scars could begin to heal. Hearing Tim voice the very emotions and the exact reasons for them that Gibbs had figured were guiding him, even as far back as that first day in the Correctional Facility when Tim had been so out of it; had damn near ripped the team leader's heart apart all over again. But he'd held it together with Tim's faith and trust to help him through this and help him find a way to put it where he could live with it without it overtaking his life the way it had been; despite his best efforts for it not to. Even as his own heart broke for the young man, he remained the steadying bouy that Tim needed him to be.

Once Tim had talked it out and emptied his vault of everything that had been sitting on his shoulders and weighing him down; even allowed himself the freedom to cry again, he'd almost instantly become a calmer, much more normal picture of the Tim McGee they'd all come to know, love and respect. After the emotionally draining need to let it out had passed, Tim had gone quiet. Gibbs had silently slipped up the stairs while Tim remained seeming lost in his thoughts; and returned with a hot cup of soothing coffee for the young man. Calmly bringing him back from his headspace, and handing the drink to him, the team leader had taken a moment to search his eyes and silently question if Tim was okay now that he'd gotten it all out. Tim had offered him a small smile that was part hopeful reassurance and part embarrassed appreciation. Gibbs simply patted him on his arm and sat back down to share some peace and quiet with him over their much-needed coffees.

The silence that had settled between them had been one with more comfort, compassion and understanding than there had ever been between them before, and although it had taken horrendous life-altering circumstances to bring it about; Gibbs couldn't help but be thankful that it was here. He found himself grateful that he'd learned to bend; with his own father; with his ex-wife when she'd believed he was deliberately trying to ruin her life; with Jenny Shepard when he'd had the chance. Gibbs was grateful that it wasn't so much of a foreign concept to him now, and that it would be much easier to relate to this long traumatized young man who had for the past six plus years had merely wanted to prove himself to Gibbs and the rest of the team. What struck him now, more than ever was the fact that Tim had been given every hurdle and roadblock instead of the support he should have been given.

Things would undoubtedly be different for Tim on the team now. Gibbs hoped the young man would understand that those changes wouldn't come strictly from his teammates' guilt of past transgressions, but also from the reality that they'd all come to open their eyes to. He needed to know that things did need to change in terms of how Tim was treated. Things had been wrong for so long with his youngest agent simply accepting that wrong. That change would be hard for all of them, but none of them were comfortable with the idea of not changing the wrong now that their eyes had been opened to it.

Watching the young man sleep peacefully now, Gibbs couldn't help but marvel at the way shedding all of the baggage he'd been carrying now made him look so much younger and more at peace than he'd been in a very long time. The boss had been blown away at Tim's admission that, while his first two years on the team had been hell, he'd come to appreciate what they'd all done for him. He recognized how they'd toughened him up, although he did wish Gibbs would rein Tony in when the Senior Field Agent acted spitefully or without just cause and even rein Abby in when she did the same. Gibbs knew that it had taken Tim some serious soul searching to get to the place where he could be that openly honest to the boss; especially about his favorite team members. There had been no malice in Tim's tone in the entire conversation, no bitterness, no anger, and no finger pointing. There had just been this quiet pleading for understanding and help; both of which Gibbs was more than happy to be able to provide in spades.

For the first time since he'd joined the team, he'd been given the freedom and the space to put everything out in the open and completely cleanse the wounds, re-open some, even; all in the name of completely purging every single piece of his pain. Gibbs had attentively listened to every bit of it and had not only been shocked and amazed by some of what Tim admitted had gone on under the boss' nose; but he'd also been horrified and pissed at other pieces of information. Some wrongs that Tim had buried deep should never have happened and in his first instinctive thought at hearing the information, Gibbs immediately told himself that heads were gonna roll for treating Tim the way he was just now hearing about.

But then the little voice inside his head reminded him that had he been the team leader he was supposed to have been; none of this would be news to him because it all would have been nipped in the bud. Gibbs could only solemnly vow to do a hell of a better job making sure all of his people respected each other equally from now on. He'd make damn sure the others would fall in line as well, although he had no doubt that this horrible nightmare for Tim had set that in motion already.

While the shadows the dragon that had been Tim's father had cast over his life from this weren't completely gone by any means; they had certainly been taken control of and were herded into a much smaller space within the young man's soul now. Maybe now, he could find the strength to learn to live with them. Maybe now, he could find the strength to talk to his 'older brother' and let him be that brother he'd always needed. The important thing was for Tim to realize he could talk to any of them that he chose to, and they would do their absolute best to be there for him; to listen and offer whatever help they could. They wanted to be there for him; needed to be able to help him for his sake as well as their own.

As his own eyes began to slide shut even as he sat watching over his agent, Gibbs' final thought of the night was; _Thank God the worst is over for Tim_.


	35. Chapter 34

Tim awoke the next morning feeling strangely disorientated and before his eyes even grew accustomed to the pre-dawn darkness, his other senses kicked in. The bed felt huge and different, the room felt different with the spaciousness of it and the windows seemed too far away. Hearing soft breathing that wasn't his own, he turned his head and found his boss sitting in the armchair sleeping where he'd apparently spent the night watching over him. Immediately, guilt rose up and threatened to consume him for everything Gibbs had done for him. Just as quickly, the older man's words from two weeks ago came back to him.

"_None of this is your fault."_

While Tim knew that Gibbs had been talking about the death of old man McGee and even what that bastard had done to him all his life; he also knew that he wasn't being held responsible for very much that had happened since that horrible weekend either. He also knew that the team wanted to help him get things back to normal as much as he wanted to get there himself and carrying blame and guilt around wasn't going to help any of them. Mentally kicking that worthless emotion to the curb, Tim silently got up and left the bedroom, thankful that Gibbs had left a nightlight on in the hall close to the bedroom door so Tim didn't have to trip over anything.

Closing the bedroom door as much as he could, Tim took himself down stairs and used the 2nd bathroom before making his way to the kitchen and starting the coffee. Since it had already been set up, all he had to do was turn it on. While he waited, he poked his head into the boss' refrigerator and scouted for ingredients for a decent breakfast. Glancing at his watch, he was bought up short at the realization that it was only 4 AM. He felt like he'd slept longer than that but wasn't tired enough to go back to sleep. Settling for waking up completely first, Tim closed the refrigerator and settled down at the table with his first cup of coffee of the day.

It felt strange, not having very much weighing him down anymore; strange and awesome at the same time. He'd spent hours mourning the fact that the one person he'd felt could help him the most wouldn't want to or be able to emotionally handle it; only to find out, the man had been trying to and wanting to be that help all along. It wasn't that he hadn't heard the man's repeated offers to listen and help; but that he'd refused to allow himself to believe the ability was there for him. Tim knew that loosing Shannon and Kelly continued to affect who Gibbs was, and what he could and couldn't deal with and he'd had no desire to make things worse for the man. Thankfully, everything had worked itself out and from what he'd seen and gotten sense of; the boss man had been actually relieved to actually be there for him through last night's seemingly endless torrent of unleashing it all.

"Hey." Gibbs soft call broke through Tim's thoughts, startling him as he sat with his cup on the table; his hands wrapped tightly around it as if holding on to a lifeline. "Okay?"

Tim looked at him and silently nodded before jumping up to get breakfast started. "Have a seat, Boss. I'll get your coffee and then I'll get started on breakfast." The young man requested unexpectedly.

Gibbs couldn't help but be startled enough to comply without any argument. As the coffee was placed before him, the older man offered his quiet thanks even as he kept his eyes appraisingly on Tim as he frenetically worked to prepare omelettes and toast for them both. It appeared that Tim needed the busy work to steady his thought process and while there wasn't anything wrong with that; Gibbs wasn't quite convinced that all was well with the young man just yet. He'd keep an eye on him for a while yet, just to be sure. When breakfast was ready, the meal was spent in peaceful quiet that seemed to soothe them both and bring a relaxing balm to the morning.

* * *

After a comfortably silent ride to work, the start of the workday seemed like any other ordinary day, with everyone going through their emails and weeding out requests for help from other teams from Agency memo's and junk mail. No mention was made of the events of yesterday and the team seemed to be slowly inching its' way back toward normal as lunchtime rolled around. Surprisingly enough Vance made a trip to the squad room and announced that the team was being granted the afternoon off and was expected to spend it doing something to build the team unity; even if that meant spending time sparring in the gym.

At the mention of the gym, Tim's eyes had lit up for a moment; until he realized that everything was still to fresh and he'd probably wind up hurting someone accidentally if he got lost in his thoughts again; despite the fact that he'd gotten everything out into the open last night. It was a chance he wasn't willing to take.

Reading the worry in Tim's eyes, Gibbs walked up to him and quietly spoke to him. "It's not as bad of an idea as you think. Might actually help you clear it all out better."

Having laid the suggestion at Tim's feet, Gibbs issued the order to move to the gym, telling Ziva to get ready to spar with Tony first thing. Thankful that his throat seemed to have fully recovered from the trauma it had gone through just 24 hours ago, the boss was actually looking forward to going at it with his team in the ring. They all needed to relieve some tension in a positive way after everything that they'd gone through lately.

Watching his teammates square off in the ring some fifteen minutes later, Tim began to get the sense that Gibbs was right. It wasn't long before he was actually restlessly anxious to hit something. That feeling scared him. When it hit him and he recognized it, it almost knocked the wind out of him, forcing him to sit before he fell out in the floor. _Why would he feel this need if he'd already purged it all? Hadn't he gotten rid of it all? Wasn't that the whole reason he'd gone through the night he'd gone through last night? What the hell was going on?_

Seeing Tim almost fall to the bench in what appeared to be a state of shock, out of the corner of his eye, Tony stopped sparring with Ziva and watched him in concern. Ziva, in turn, also watched Tim, but she immediately took herself out of the ring and over to him, sitting down beside him.

"McGee. Are you alright?" she asked him softly.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, Ziva. I'm fine. I'm okay. You should probably get back in there before Tony has a chance to relax and think about what he's doing." Tim joked with a small smile.

"You are okay?" Ziva pushed.

"I promise. I'm fine. Go on." Tim answered earnestly.

"Okay." She replied as she returned to the ring and immediately sent a scoring jab into Tony's unsuspecting ribs, undoubtedly returning the Senior Field Agent's attention to the match.

"Tim."

"Boss?" Tim turned to look at the man who'd seen the entire scene take place.

"Talk to me." Gibbs requested as he sat down next to him on the bench

Tim looked down at his feet, not sure how to explain what he'd felt. As Gibbs took a seat next to him on the bench, Tim felt that uncertainty ease up. This was Gibbs; who'd listened to every single thing he'd had to say last night; even when it didn't make sense or wasn't polite or subtle and had repeatedly encouraged him to keep going. Surely, this wouldn't be too much for him to help him with.

"Tim. I know what you're feeling. You've gotten it all out but you still wanna hit something. For me, I still wanted to hurt someone. Same reason, just different desires to help us through; the only difference is that you don't have a mean bone in you and wouldn't hurt anyone, no matter how much you're hurting. Doesn't take away the fact that you're human and need to strike out when the pain's too much." Gibbs explained why he was pushing.

"I don't understand it. I got it out. You were there. Why now? Why do I feel like this now?" Tim asked without wasting any time on wondering how Gibbs knew what he was thinking.

"Closure. The older man answered immediately. "You won't get closure until you purge the need to strike out at the unfairness of it all; the pain you've lived with all these years and the way you've had to keep it all locked up. Go with it, Tim. Let it out, all of it. And don't be afraid to focus on the anger you feel toward your mother, while you're at it." Gibbs calmly told him with a huge sense of relief coursing through him, both at being able to help Tim get to this point and help him get it figured out. He was silently thankful for his throat not giving him any trouble through this somewhat long conversation, knowing that there was still more to be said.

Tim's mouth hit the floor. "My mother?" he asked in shock. "No, Boss, I'm not…I can't be…"

"Tim. For everything you found out and realized she'd been keeping from you and from the motivation behind that man's behavior all those years being those secrets; you can't help but be angry with her. It's normal. You may not have had it cross your mind yet; but I'd rather see you address it now, than have it rise up and hit you from outta nowhere when you think you've put all this behind you."

The shock of the boss' words kept Tim motionless and silent.

Gibbs left him alone to think on it as he made his way over to the ring. "Ziva. Tony, take 5."

As the team left the ring, they looked over at their teammate in concern. Both of them immediately headed over to him, only to be bought up short by the boss standing in their way. "Let him be." He ordered quietly as he handed them each a bottle of water and pointed to the next bench down.

Suddenly, like a popped wine bottle cork, Tim was off the bench and headed for the punching bag off to the side of the ring. Gibbs grabbed up a pair of boxing gloves and quickly followed him to his destination. Once there, the boss silently handed Tim the gloves and stood back as the young man prepared to beat the bag.

Remembering the last time Tim had taken this route to deal with his feelings, Gibbs felt sure this would be beneficial to the young man. He hadn't wanted to broach the subject of Tim's mother's fault in his nightmarish childhood and adulthood beyond; but he'd been unwilling for that to come back up on Tim later. No, he wanted Tim to have it all dealt with once and for all; for the young man's own good.

* * *

Two hours later and the team was exhausted. After beating the bag to a figurative pulp; Tim had found the strength and gumption to spar with Tony in the ring. He'd begged off from going any rounds with Gibbs or Ziva and had been content with only Tony kicking his butt in the ring. Tony had played fair and in turn had been given a hell of a workout since Tim allowed his unexpected wave of emotions to fuel his punches. Gibbs and Ziva had remained silent watchmen over the match; both wanting to be able to step in immediately if Tim happened to get lost in what he was thinking or feeling and became unfocused or dangerous. Thankfully, that had not happened.

Once showered and changed, the team headed out for a late lunch and enjoyed a leisurely sitting down meal without the need to rush off anywhere. Abby and Ducky joined them while Jimmy begged off due to a prior commitment. The atmosphere was relaxed and teasing and held no talk or thought of the recent upheaval that had affected them all. Instead, talk turned to Tony's latest conquest and Abby's latest band fixation. Even Ducky managed to get one of his long-winded tales in there; during which, Tim found himself dozing for a moment, only to wake up to the sound of his teammates snickering once they'd realized he'd fallen asleep at the dinner table like a little kid.

"C'mon, McGee. Apparently, you need a nap. My place is closest and you can crash on my couch to any movie of your choice." Tony chortled.

"Thanks, Tony. That would be great." Tim gave back even as his eyes sought permission from the boss to cut from the team as the Senior Field Agent was suggesting.

Gibbs nodded and smiled encouragingly. He knew the boys needed to re-cement their relationship and this seemed the perfect opening for it. What's more, he knew that now that Tim's soul had been bared; the young man wasn't going to feel the need to run or keep quiet even. It would be great if the two of them could open up to each other. They both needed it and would be better off for it.


	36. Chapter 35

_A/N: Alas, we have returned - with abject apologies - and a request for forgiveness_

_As you know, life oftentimes steps in between ourselves and our endeavors to bring stories to others. We are truly sorry for the long wait._

_We're hoping the long chapter will help make up for this_

Since the storyline is complicated - we felt rehashing some of it would not work well - even though it has been quite a while since the last chapter was posted.  


_but do warn that re-reading the previous chapter might prove helpful before reading this one._

_Enjoy!  
_

* * *

The drive over to Tony's apartment was completely silent as both men sat lost in thought. It was a rarity, that much was a given, but it was something that Tony and Tim were both grateful for. Tony knew Tim needed the space to breathe and think without any pressure and he himself needed to get his brain into gear to make sure he handled this responsibility of watching over Tim a damn sight better than he'd handled it the last time. Truth be told, he was nervous about it and after the last time, he was determined to do better.

"Tony, Stop it." Tim quietly told him. Even with his eyes closed and his head laid back against the seat, he could almost hear the cogs turning in Tony's mind.

"Stop what?" Tony's confused question bought a small smile to Tim's lips and he couldn't help but crack an eye open for a second to see what his friend's body language was like. He wasn't surprised to see Tony's hands reflexively gripping the steering wheel and from where he was sat, he could almost see Tony's heart beating through his jacket. He watched as Tony sigh heavily.

"I scare you?" Tim asked gently.

"What? No, Probie I was just… I was thinking."

"I heard." Tim huffed out a small laugh. "Just stop, okay?" Tony shook his head and wondered when his Probie had become so intuitive. Being startled like that was never a good idea for a driver, Tony thought to himself with a mental frown, and hadn't realized that hadn't answered Tim yet, until Tim's voice penetrated his thoughts.

"Stop thinking so hard. Do we really have to talk about this again? I said I was sorry and I'm pretty sure that I promised you it wasn't your fault that I left your apartment those two nights. If I didn't, then I'm really sorry." Tim patiently explained, still not looking over at Tony.

"Wow, Probie, you pick up those mind reading skills from Gibbs did ya?" Tony snarked warmly with a huge grin on his face.

"Hmm. Yeah, now that you mention it, maybe I did." Tim couldn't help but smile as he closed his eyes once more. He moved slightly so that his head was resting against the window and let the cool window soothe him as he sat there listening to the road whooshing past.

"Thanks, Probie." Tony let out a relieved breath before glancing over briefly at Tim and frowning. "How you doin' for real, Man?"

Silence reined for a minute before Tony's serious question was answered. "Better. Much better." Tim offered honestly.

"Good. Want you to know, McGee, if you need to talk, I'm here. I know I've never shown it much, but you're my little brother, man and I wanna be there for you." Tony couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth. He'd felt that protective brotherly feeling strengthening ever since this whole nightmare had started, but he hadn't intended on actually telling Tim in words like this. But, Tony had so desperately wanted Tim to know he could count on him and lean on him if he wanted to and that he no longer cared about the tough as nails mask he'd always worn and knew that Tim had tried to follow him in that lead.

"Thanks, Tony. Really. You have no idea how much that means to me. But, just so you know, I've always known that you've had my six; it's just never been outside work before. Knowing that it is means a hell of a lot to me and I want to thank you." Tim quietly offered as he finally opened his eyes fully and looked over at the older man's profile as Tony drove.

Tony offered a small nod and parked his car at his apartment complex. After a few silent moments, he turned and looked at the man he loved as his younger brother. "I'm sorry I never made sure you knew it was more than work before, Probie. You could have come to me about anything, anytime. I get that you never got that vibe from me; I'm sorry about that, man. All these years and you never felt like you could come to either Gibbs or me? Trust me when I say that we both feel like we had a part to play in this nightmare of yours; in making it a lot worse for you than it needed to be, anyway."

"It's okay, Tony. I probably wouldn't have come to either of you even if I had thought I could. I think, sad as it is, that this had to come to a head before I would have tried to do anything differently, ya know? I spent so many years convinced of what he'd drilled into my head that I would never have thought twice about the way I was dealing with it."

"I hear ya, man. Really, I do. Watching and seeing you go through this and knowing what you went through opened my eyes a lot. It was like a huge reality check for me, McGee. Everything I'd always been pissed at with my own old man for seems pathetic compared to what you'd gone through. I mean, who cares if my father left me alone in a hotel room for two days and never noticed you were missing, or married so many times after my mother died that I lost count and couldn't keep track of all the names, right?"

"Tony." Tim softly said, wanting the older man to stop downplaying his own personal pain in lieu of what he'd been through.

"I can't believe I spent years being pissed at him for that. It's not like he ever laid a hand on me, well except for the Halloween costume incident, but I mean, ya know…" Tony kept going and seemed to be completely deaf to Tim's attempt to stop him.

"Tony!" Tim said louder this time.

"Huh? What?"

"Stop. Please. Look, I don't want you to use what you've found out about my life to start feeling guilty about what you're dad did to you. Just because my dad was physically abusive on top of everything else he did, it doesn't make your own neglect any less important and it doesn't mean that it doesn't need to be dealt with. Okay? So, stop. Please!" Tim begged. "God! I hope no one else is doing that, either!"

"Can't be helped, Probie. It's the way the human brain works. It's instinctive in most people."

"Yeah, I guess you're right. Answer me this though, Tony."

"Okay."

"Are you okay, now? Really? With your father?"

Blowing out a sigh of awed frustration because Tim's concern had turned so completely onto him, Tony thought about it for a minute. "Not yet, but I think it's closer to being okay than it's been since he kicked me to the curb as a teenager."

"That's good. I hope it gets better for you. I'm here anytime you need an ear to listen, Tony." Tim offered sincerely. "I know you think I'm lame and would never be of any help, but I'll at least listen if you need to talk."

"Tim. Listen, man…"

"No, Tony, it's okay. I didn't say that to make you feel bad. I know some things between us won't change and in a way that's good. But, I'm hoping this will maybe at least give us the opening to be more human and less oppositional towards each other." Tim quickly told him.

"Wow" was all Tony could say to that and sat there looking dumbstruck.

Tim chuckled softly as he got out of the car and waited for Tony to do the same so they could go up to the older man's apartment. Once inside, Tim walked over to the couch and sank down into it, almost moaning in pleasure as his body called out once more for sleep. Before Tony had come back from his bedroom with a pillow and comforter, Tim was out like a light. He stood there smiling as he watched his Probie with a small smile.

Sitting down in the chair beside the couch, he gently lifted the young man's head and slipped the pillow under it; he gently laid Tim's head down on it before settling the warm blanket over his peaceful form. His mind took him back to the conversations that they'd had in the car**.** He got where Tim was coming from when the kid thought that Tony would think that he was lame and wouldn't ever be someone to talk to about things. After all, Tony was always quick to shut Tim down anytime the younger man tried to offer anything helpful to say. He'd been doing that to him since the beginning of Tim's tenure on the team.

Why did Tim put up with it? Oh, right, because he was used to putting up with a hell of a lot worse. By all rights, what Tim got from the team was a hell of a lot milder than what he got at home but still, that didn't make it any easier of a pill to swallow. The cold hard truth was that Tony had treated Tim like this for all this time. Well, at least this would be one change that should be fairly easy to fix. One thing this whole nightmare had dredged up was Tim's ability to hide much more hurt and pain than they'd ever imagined. This had been a huge wake up call for Tony, seeing as he'd always assumed that Tim's family were perfect, and that his Probie had come from a home with perfect parents that wrapped Tim up in a silver lined, plastic bubble so that he was protected from harm. The only problem was, that Tony now knew that the silver lined plastic bubble was tarnished and that the people that were supposed to protect him, actually ended up being the people that hurt him the deepest. That thought rankled him more than anything and he found himself feeling more and more wound up by the thoughts that crept through his mind.

Tim's long standing insistence that all people were inherently good until proven guilty, despite what his own father had done to him, was still at the forefront of Tony's mind. Whereas before, this way of thinking had Tony believing Tim was just naïve; now it had him thinking that Tim was more good-natured than he was green. Hell, the kid was more than good-natured; he actually had a heart of gold.

He was kind, and didn't deserve to be treated as carelessly and cruelly as Tony had done to him over the years. But, the others had also taken their own turns at being cruel to Tim. Tony let his memory of several instances when they'd been harsh to Tim in the past run freely through his mind. He came to the decision right then and there that, not only would the incidents be atoned for; no matter how old the situation was; but the guilty party would also be talked to until they saw the light and saw fit to apologize to the young man and promise to treat him with much more respect in the future_. Boy, DiNozzo, you're taking this big brother thing to the max, aren't ya? Big Brother. Yeah, I like the sound of that. Now that Probie knows it's how I see it, I can finally do what I should have been all this time and really look out for him. Yup, I like it already._

_

* * *

_

"Yeah, Gibbs." The Team Leader answered his ringing cell phone and glanced at his watch. He noticed that it was seven in the evening. The team lunch had finally broken up several hours ago. A good hour after, the guys had left to make sure Tim got a decent bout of sleep under his exhausted belt, and the boss had been keeping his mind and hands busy on the new boat in his basement since he'd gotten home. It wasn't something he'd planned to do and was totally unexpected, but he had to admit that the feel of the wood under his hands felt good as he smoothed it to perfection and shaped it into something to be proud of.

"_Boss."_ Tim's hesitant voice reached through the phone and grabbed him by the throat.

"Tim. What's wrong?" Gibbs' immediate response sounded worried after everything this kid had been through and after everything that he'd had heard and seen from him, he knew it was totally justfied. And he hoped it was nothing serious this time.

"_Nothing. Sorry. I just wanted to ask you a question."_

"I'm listening."

"_I know Vance didn't argue with you when you told him to have me hack into Personnel and delete my resignation…" _

"Be here in 10. We'll go take care of that now." Gibbs ordered, suddenly pissed at himself for leaving that unfinished business out there when it could potentially sabatoge Tim's career.

"_Wow. Okay. Thanks, Boss_." Tim answered as he hung up, surprised that Gibbs hadn't ended the call in his usual style.

"What'd he say, McGee?" Tony asked as he came from the kitchen bringing Tim a soda.

"He said to get over to his house in 10 min. He wants us to go take care of it now." Tim answered as he quickly stuffed his feet into his shoes and stopped dead in the doorway. "Tony. I need to borrow your car unless…"

"Nope, I'm coming with. That's what big brother's do, right?"

"C'mon, DiNozzo, you're going a bit extreme here with that, aren't you?" Tim replied with a smirk. "You know I'm okay right?"

"Yes, McMom, I know you're okay…or you will be but I'm entitled. I'm making up for lost time, Probie. Now, c'mon before bossman kills us both." Tony stopped in his tracks and felt the blood drain out of his face at his tasteless remark.

Tim knew where Tony's mind had just taken him and recognized Tony's shock at what he'd just said. He understood why he was looking so ashen faced and that it wasn't funny given the circumstances. He refused to let Tony's guilt eat him alive at it for even one minute. Snatching the keys out of Tony's hand, he grinned mischievously and threw the man a wise crack as he quickly headed for the stairs down to the parking lot. "Thanks. I've been wanting to drive your car since forever!"

Tony caught the grin and shook his head. "McGee! Wait! NO! You are NOT driving my car!" He yelled as he quickly locked his apartment door and bolted down the stairs after the younger man.

The ride to Gibbs' house was short and comfortably silent. Ever since Tim had woken up from his three hour nap to find Tony still staring off into space, things had been somewhat quiet between them. It had only been Tim remembering that he'd tendered his resignation and hadn't officially rescinded it as far as Personnel was concerned; that had sparked any conversation and the phone call to the boss.

As Tony finally pulled up to Gibbs house, he noticed the boss watching him intensely to see what he was doing. Years of working with the man told him that Gibbs' smirk was one of a proud father and if he could hear what the man was actually thinking at the moment, then he would know exactly how proud the boss was.

_Oh, yeah, Tony was definitely dealing with Tim the way he should now. One down, the rest of the team to go._

* * *

Two hours later, and the guys were enjoying a night of shooting pool and relaxing over a couple of beers. It was something that they'd never done before and Tim found himself feeling more at ease at the normalcy of what they were doing, rather than focusing on how rare of an occasion it was. It hadn't taken Tim very long to purge the Agency's computer system of any trace of his resignation and to reward him, Tony had dared him and Gibbs to a best 2 out of 3 pool tournament at the nearest pool hall. Making sure to keep it a night of safe fun, Gibbs had insisted on choosing where they conducted their little contest and made sure that the place they went to had a decent menu so they could all eat a half decent meal first.

One pool game won by Tony, and one pitcher of brew later had Tim taking a much needed bathroom break. Gibbs glanced over and noticed that Tony was looking like he'd just killed his best friend. The change in demeanor was so sudden, that it left him wondering what was playing on his mind.

"Tony. Talk to me." Gibbs quietly ordered.

"I just remembered something I said to him earlier that I never should have said." Tony instantly answered, more than ready for help out of the mess that he just remembered making. "I didn't think."

"Spit it out."

"_I can't believe I spent years being pissed at him for that. It's not like he ever laid a hand on me, well except for the Halloween costume incident, but I mean, ya know…"_

"Okay." Gibbs answered calmly even as he hid his moment of anger at Tony's admitted callousness. "What was Tim's reaction?"

"Nothin. Boss, he kept the conversation moving, as if I hadn't said it in the first place." Tony admitted with a heavy dose of awe in his tone.

"There's your answer, DiNozzo." Gibbs' reply was direct and to the point. Something that he'd learned years ago, had told him that skirting over things wasn't the best way and that Tony would feel more relieved at having someone being direct.

"I don't understand." Obviously, Tony's mind wasn't as sharp as it usually was, and Gibbs knew that it was the half pitcher of the brew they were drinking that had dulled his mind. He took pity on him, wanting and needing this to be nipped right here and now so it didn't come back up at all. "Tony. McGee's trying to move past it so don't stop him by trying to atone for slip-ups like that. Follow his lead. Don't make a bigger deal out of anything than he's willing to do."

"Oh, Right! Got it, Bossman." Tony answered glibly and slipped his joker mask back into place.

**Smack**

"Ow! Boss?"

"Hear me, DiNozzo! If he doesn't say anything about it, don't you either!" Gibbs growled quietly as he saw Tim making his way back to their table, a small grin playing on his face.

"Tony? I'm not gone five minutes and you earn a head slap? What'd you do?" Tim asked with a chuckle.

"Just being me." Tony answered with a grin of his own. "Okay, Probie. Your match against the boss. My money's on Gibbs!"

Taking up the pool stick he'd chosen earlier and turning toward the table, Tim muttered, "Mine too."

_*Smack*_

"Ow! Boss?" Tim asked in shock.

"Stop counting yourself out before you even try, McGee!" Gibbs ordered just quietly enough for Tim to hear. The boss' eyes silently conveying the message that he wasn't just talking about the pool game as he glared at his youngest agent.

"Thanks, Boss." Tim answered earnestly as he got the message loud and clear and let Gibbs' words sink in fully.

Gibbs had to admit that the night of fun was not only a rare occasion, but was also a joy and seeing both young men kicking back and completely relaxing enough to be themselves was perfect. Papa Gibbs nearly beamed with pride the entire night as both his boys just did what came naturally to them; something which built their relationship, and made the bond between them even stronger. He couldn't help but feel happy about his role in it, after all, what are two brothers without their guiding force, right?

* * *

The guys had decided that it would be best to spend the night at Gibbs' house after the copious amount of beer that they had all drank. In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best idea given the hangovers that they all seemed to be suffering from that morning, but the thought of the fun they had last night was enough to make it worth feeling like crap. Thankfully, the Boss had taken it upon himself to ring Vance, and after a brief and interesting call to the Director, they were given the morning to get themselves together and get to work by the start of the afternoon. Luckily for them, they managed to do it after a few mugs of coffee and the three of them slid silently behind their desks before the allotted hour had arrived.

Vance glared down at Gibbs from the Mezzanine level of the stairs and it was clear that he wasn't happy with the Team Leader's decision to let his agents tie one on the night before. He watched them all briefly as they settled in and decided that calling Gibbs now would be the best bet before his team leader got too comfortable. He strode back to his office and picked up his phone.

"_Gibbs! My office. Now!"_

Vance was angry enough that his voice traveled through the phone and his voice seemed to bounce off the walls, and echo around the squad room. Gibbs winced briefly as the loud voice reverberated through his already aching head and after a brief glance at his team, he knew that they had heard the director's summons as well.

Tony's response was his typical silly grin, but it was Tim's that had concerned him. He noticed that the kids face was shadowed by guilt and worry and that was something that he had hoped last night had eliminated once and for all.

Gibbs glanced at both his boys and knew that there was only one response that would set both of them back on an even keel. "I'll deal with Vance. You two get busy…And no playin' around, DiNozzo!"

Tim breathed a sigh of relief at Gibbs' normal, barked response and dove back into his work; scrolling through his emails and opening the first cold case in the stack. It was impressive and when he glanced at Tony's computer, he knew that he'd managed all that before Tony had even finished logging into his computer.

"Tony, you alright?"

"Why yes Probie, I'm fine. I just need to stop the lemming with the jackhammer driving into my skull and I'll be peachy." Tony shook his head and reached into his top drawer so that he could pull out the ingredients for his favorite hangover cure. "Sorry, McGee. I'm just tired. You want some?"

Tim grinned and shook his head. "Nah, I'm going to stick with good old Tylenol and coffee for now. That stuff will rot your gut."

"Urgh…I'll take that over the hangover right now." He replied and put the finishing touches to his drink. "Where's Ziva?"

Ziva chose that moment to stride off the elevator carrying a file that she needed to finish what she was doing. She'd been battling with someone up in legal to get it and after an hour, she'd finally manage to coerce the young snip of a kid to part with the information.

"Good mor…afternoon. Why don't you two look…disgusting! What were you doing last night?" She asked and breezed to her desk.

"Pool and Beer." Tony replied dryly and downed his drink. Ziva's nose wrinkled slightly.

"I see. McGee, did you enjoy yourself?" Tim nodded and Tony noticed the way in which Ziva's smile grew at what she was being told. It was then, that he realized the need for the whole team to bond and decided to take matters into his own hands. It was easily done and given the fact that the afternoon was still early, he set his plan into motion.

"You two are up for making the lunch run today. Since it's still early enough in the afternoon to be considered lunch; you should go do it now before Vance has something for us to do. Go. Shoo. Move it." He sat back and grinned, knowing that his other team mates needed to be able to talk things through. Hopefully, this would give them this chance away from him and Gibbs.

Tim and Ziva looked at each other with a silent agreement that Tony had lost his mind. It was funny though, because even though Tim knew that Tony was crazy, there was a huge part of him that took an instant liking to the idea and he reacted instinctively by gesturing for Ziva to go ahead of him as he headed toward the elevator.

Once they'd disappeared, Tony sat back in his chair and put his feet up on his desk with his hands clasped behind his head. He hadn't sat like this since Kate had drawn him this way, but right now it felt good.

"DiNozzo! What the hell are you doin?" Gibbs barked at him as he came down the stairs. Not waiting for an answer, the boss high tailed it back to his squad room with his ears still ringing from the conversation he'd had in Vance's office just now.

"_What the hell are you doing, Gibbs? This your idea of team bonding? Letting them get drunk and calling in requesting the morning off? I thought you ran a tighter ship than that, Agent Gibbs? This better not happen again! Next time, I won't be anywhere near as understanding as I am now about it!"_

"_Leon, they needed it. Relax, will ya? You really think I'd let anything happen to my team? Yeah, it's been an unusual couple of weeks and you've had to cut us a lot of slack. We all appreciate that. I can promise you now that it's been worth it and the rough ride's almost over. Won't be long now before things are back to normal. All right? Besides, if you'd just gone ahead and given them the entire day off, this wouldn't even be an issue."_

_Vance glared at Gibbs for a minute as he took the time to process what the older man was saying. He knew Gibbs was right. The MCRT had been through a really rough couple of weeks and they'd needed all the slack he could afford to give them. But the fact was, the team, or at least the male side of the team had overstepped his generosity with that slack this time and he was feeling no qualms about reaming them in for it now. Then again, Gibbs did have a point. The man never did consciously let anything bad happen to his team and he'd been doing his damnedest to do right by the one in trouble and still not lose sight of the others along the way. The man was to be commended for the hell of a job he'd done; despite the lapse in judgment that he'd shown the other day; a lapse for which he'd paid dearly._

"_All right. I'll let it go this time. Go on, tell them to take the rest of the day." Vance finally offered._

"_Nah, they're here and ready to work now." _

"_How's McGee?"_

"_He's fine, Leon. Ready to move on."_

"_Seems like he thought he was ready to move on when he first got back here not even three days after his father died." Vance reminded him._

"_He thought he was ready then. I know he's ready now. Trust me. I haven't let him out of our sights long enough to not know what I'm talking about. I know he's ready." Gibbs told him calmly._

"_Fine. I'll go with your judgment. Still gonna need another assessment from the Psychologist."_

"_Yeah, I figured. Sure hope you're gonna let him do it another day, Leon. Let him have just one day without a reminder of that mess, huh?" Gibbs requested._

"_I can do that. In fact; so long as he remains on desk duty, I'll let you decide when you want him re-evaluated." Vance offered._

"_Not necessary, Leon. Don't want this dragged out for him. Just give him a day or two." The Team Leader requested._

"_Fair enough. "_

_Gibbs nodded his silent agreement and headed back to his desk._

"Where's McGee and Da'vid?" Gibbs barked at Tony now.

"I sent them on the lunch run, Boss." Tony replied quickly knowing that the boss' mood was hanging on a shoe string because of the hangover and the visit to the Director's office.

"Why would you do that when we just got here and haven't put in a lick of work yet?" Gibbs demanded.

"Boss, they need to talk. We need to eat." Tony explained and felt his stomach rumble in agreement.

"What?" Gibbs was lost at the 'they need to talk' section of Tony's answer and missed the gurgling sound coming from his agent's never satisfied stomach.

"Boss, Ziva took what happened to you the other night hard. She blames herself for not listening to you, Abby and Ducky. We never talked about McGee's decision to bottle it all back up and she's thinking the three of you are completely pissed at her for helping the situation get where it did. Add that to the fact that she thinks that McGee's never gonna forgive her for it backfiring on him the way it did and it stands to reason that they need to have that chat." Tony explained.

Gibbs felt like he'd been sucker-punched again. He'd been so wrapped up in getting Tim through this without losing him that he'd completely ignored Ziva and how all of this must be affecting her. Hearing Tony's explanation now sent shivers of unease down his spine because the last thing Ziva needed was to think that any of them blamed her for what had happened. It had been Gibbs' fault pure and simple.

Standing back up from his chair, he looked over at Tony. "I'll be in Autopsy. Send Ziva to me there when they get back." He requested and headed out.

* * *

"Ziva." Tim said quietly as he drove. She hadn't argued about it or even spoken when he'd gravitated toward his car in the parking garage and unlocked the passenger door so he could hold it open for her. As he'd closed it after she'd gotten in and walked around and got in the driver's seat, she'd been remarkably quiet. Too quiet. "What's on your mind?"

"I have a lot on my mind, McGee." She admitted quietly.

"Is it something I've done? Are you pissed at me for what I did to Gibbs? Is that it? Because you have to know, I feel really really bad about that…"

"No! McGee! Please!" Ziva begged. "Stop. No one blames you for what happened. You have to know that. Accept it. It is the only way for you to move past it."

"Yeah. I know. That's what the Psychologist told me. Gibbs said I should have blamed him even though I didn't. I don't want to get stuck in this blame game, Ziva. I wanna move on. But, it's obvious something's got you upset. You haven't said a word since we've left the squad room." Tim worried.

"Myself. I am upset with myself, McGee. You asked me to help you learn how to bury everything. I did. You buried it and when it finally came to the surface, it did so in a very bad way."

"So you think you're to blame for what happened at Gibbs'?" Tim asked incredulously as he cruised to a stop at a traffic light. He looked over at her and was surprised to find her wiping at her eyes.

"Yes, I do." She answered and Tim frowned at the choked voice that came from Ziva. It was unusual that she let things get to her like this and the fact that she was bordering on tears, upset him.

"Ziva. Don't. Please! None of us blame you, anymore than they blame me or even Gibbs. Well, except Gibbs blames himself, of course. But, I'm begging you; stop. We need to move past this. Please? Let's get back to where things should be?"

Ziva swallowed hard and wiped her hand across her face one more time before turning to smile at him. "I would like that. We need to do that. Thank you."

A horn blared behind them and Tim's eyes returned to the road and the green light he was sitting through. As he resumed driving he smiled. "I want to thank you, Ziva. I wouldn't have gotten through this without all of you."

There was a new glint in Tim's eye and she noticed a new wattage to his smile that hadn't been there before all this craziness had broken out. Not knowing what was going on or if she was imagining things, she didn't say anything about it. Instead, she just sat back and enjoyed the newly returned companionable peace and quiet between them.

Tim took the lunch that he'd bought Abby down to the lab while Ziva made her way back to the squad room. She handed Tony's lunch over to him and quietly made her way over to Gibbs' desk to put his down. What she didn't miss, was Tony watching her intently as he looked her over for signs of problems.

"Tony. Why are you watching me?" she asked him suspiciously.

"I'm just wondering if everything's okay between you two now." He told her honestly.

"And you thought that staring at me would provide you with that answer?"

"Well, yeah. I can tell you're not worried about anything anymore and you're definitely happier now than you were when you left."

"Ah. I see. Well. I appreciate your concern. And I thank you for presenting us with the opportunity to talk. And to set your mind at ease, yes. McGee and I have talked and everything is fine. Thank you." She caught the small smile that graced Tony's face as she made her way back to her desk.

"You're welcome. Gibbs wants the same update. He's waiting for you in Autopsy." Tony informed her.

"You told Gibbs?" Ziva shot back with narrowed eyes. It wasn't what she'd been expecting and felt shocked that he'd done that without her knowledge.

"Ziva. He asked where you two went and he needed to know that Probie wasn't the only one he needed to be worried about." He told her calmly.

"You want him to be worried about me?"

"Not necessarily worried. Definitely aware of your worries, yeah." Tony defended himself.

"Thank you. Tony. But, I am fine now."

"I can see that. That's great. But, now the boss needs to see it too."

"Very well. I will be in Autopsy." She replied as she left the squad room.

"Hey, Abby. I brought you your favorite for lunch." Tim offered and set her bagged lunch down on her work table. He shook his head when he noticed that it was unsually clear and glanced around to see where she was.

"Timmy! How are you? I haven't seen you in days!" Abby chortled and flew at him so she could wrap her arms around him in a hugs that had her squeezing in her normal bone breaking manner.

Grinning widely, he hugged her back waited for her emotional wave to pass so she'd let go of him and he could breathe freely again.

"I'm fine. Thanks. Sorry I haven't talked to you or seen you in a while. Things have been kinda crazy you know?" He offered apologetically.

"No, Timmy, you do NOT have to apologize. I know it's been rough for you. Are you okay? You're not doing anything stupid like blaming yourself, are you?" She demanded.

"Not anymore, Abbs. Not anymore. I'm fine. Thanks to everyone here. I'm really okay."

"That's good! Any more monsters hiding in your closet? She demanded and fixed him with a glare that told him to tell her the truth. The look of pain that crossed his eyes had her back pedaling on the question that had been meant to get him to open up to her. "Oh, God, I'm so…"

"No, Abby. It's okay." Tim answered and with a glance at the glass door to her office, he walked over to it and sat down in her desk chair slowly. Abby watched him walk away from her and sighed when he sank down in to her chair.

"Timmy, what is it?" she asked and followed him to her desk.

"I guess it just hit me that none of this…any of it, would have happened if I'd just told someone."

"Timmy, you didn't think you could tell anyone. We understand that. No one's blaming you."

"You're missing the point, Abby. NONE of this would have happened." Tim said miserably as he got up out of her chair and mindlessly left her lab without stopping until he hit the stairs so that he could descend to the parking garage. He strode past the parked cars feeling the need to sit somewhere and think; it was that need, that had him walking over to the bench overlooking the river.

* * *

Ziva entered Autopsy feeling both awe and relief wash through her. She finally felt the weight of the burden that lay on her shoulders lift because she's finally sorted things out with Tim, but then she'd arrived back only to be blown away by Tony making sure that Gibbs knew how much she had been troubled by recent events.

"Ah, Ziva, my dear. How are you?" Ducky greeted her while Gibbs stood quietly by one of the autopsy tables looking her over. She smiled at the action knowing that he was quietly looking her over to assess how she was doing.

"I am fine. Thank you, Ducky. McGee and I had a chance to talk and everything is as it should be; back to normal." Ziva answered calmly with a smile.

_"I'm afraid things aren't back to normal just yet, guys."_ Abby's sorrowful voice jumped at them through the webcam that fed from her office to Ducky's autopsy suite.

"What's goin' on, Abbs?" Gibbs asked and moved to stand in front of the camera. He stood silently listening as Abby explained what had happened with Tim and bolted from the room like a bat out of hell so that he could find his agent. Ducky and Ziva watched him go, but stayed linked to Abby so that they could try and convince her that she'd done nothing wrong. They reminded her that this was simply a case of Timothy's innate characteristics coming back to bite him and that he would need a firm hand to help him let go of this fresh wave of guilt that had obviously just hit him.

_From the sounds of it, this wave had come with the help of hurricane force winds. Could they weather this storm as successfully as they'd made it through the ones that had come before now? _


	37. Chapter 36

_A/N: Our humblest apologies for the long delay in this new chapter._

_We've almost come to the end of this journey, so we're hoping you'll stay til the end._

_Thank you to all who have stayed with us and even those who've just stopped in for a quick look._

_A very special thank you goes out to our wonderful reviewers! You're the best!_

* * *

_"Any more monsters hiding in your closet?" ..."Timmy, what is it?"  
__"I guess it just hit me that none of this...any of it, would have happened if I'd just told someone."  
__"Timmy, you didn't think you could tell anyone. We understand that. No one's blaming you."  
__"You're missing the point, Abby. NONE of this would have happened!" _

Tim sat looking at the water and with every ripple of the soft waves, came a new thought that stirred deep in his gut. From as far back as he could remember, he had taken the beatings and accepted them as the norm but now; thanks to the unwavering support and love from his team; his extended family, he knew how wrong he was to accept that twisted reality. The old man had died of a heart attack finally ending the abuse...but was it over? The fact that the dragon that had haunted his childhood had died only when Tim'd finally fought back was creating a hidden pocket of guilt and uncertainty about it all that Abby's innocent question had ripped open.

_Why do I feel guilty? Do I really think I could have changed things by saying something sooner to someone? Who did I have to trust in that I could have talked to about it? Why can't I shake this feeling that I could have stopped this nightmare a hell of a long time ago? Why can't I shake the feeling that he's always going to be there in the background dictating my thoughts and turning me into someone like him. My actions...my damn spur-of-the-moment actions have sent this spiralling out of control again and I need..._

"Damn it! What do I need to do to put this away for good?" He questioned out loud and shook his head when the only answer was the gentle lapping against the bank and the sound of small boats travelling across the water. Today was quiet, but given the time, that was normal. Most people were in the office or out right about now and his favourite spot was secluded and serene, which was exactly why he loved it in the first place. He sat back and looked around, taking in the clear blue sky and the birds flying high above him before drawing his gaze downwards to once again look at the river.

It wasn't hard to find Tim. Knowing him pretty damn well by now, Gibbs knew right where to look for him and after having a quick chat with Tony, had him in his sights within fifteen minutes of hearing from Abby what had happened between the two of them in her lab. Seeing that the young man was, lost in his thoughts, Gibbs sat down and handed him a coffee before leaning forward and doing exactly what Tim had been doing a moment before.

I'm sorry." Tim's apology was quiet, but not really un-expected after what had happened.

Gibbs shrugged his shoulders nonchalantly and nodded before looking at Tim."For what?" the boss asked, wanting to hear the reason's from his agent himself.

"Just taking off like that."

"Understandable. Talked to Abby."

"I figured as much. What happened wasn't her fault. Not that you'd blame her, but..." Tim tried to explain, but the words failed him right at the end. He sipped his coffee and went back to gazing over the water.

"But she does, Yeah, I get it. Not blaming anyone here, Tim. Talk to me."

"It just hit me, Boss. Every single piece of this, the past six years of this hell, could have been avoided, if I'd just said something! He didn't have to die like that! You know, Its my fault that he did because I never said anything to anyone! Never said a damn word! " Tim cried out as he jumped up off the bench and began to pace agitatedly.

Tim was angry and Gibbs knew that the anger being given an outlet was good. The younger man would get out what he was thinking and go back to rationalizing everything once again. What the boss didn't like was the fact that Tim's anger was aimed at himself and that anger seemed so deep-rooted, that his agent was practically vibrating with every step. It was time to rein it in before it spiralled out of control and took all the progress Tim had made in taking control of his life, away from him.

"McGee!" Gibbs barked so he could at least get the kid to stop long enough to listen to him.

Sure enough, the boss' tone stopped Tim in mid-stride, his eyes flying to Gibbs' clear blue ones. The boss saw the anger abate slightly and knew that what his agent had heard, was anger in his tone and was now gazing at him, waiting for the axe to fall.

"Sit!"

Tim sat down and closed his eyes in frustration at letting his anger get the better of him. He hated this. Hated the fact that he had the same sinking feeling that he got whenever he was summoned home and that his head, was now on the chopping block.

Gibbs must have seen something there, because he shifted round slightly to look at his agent better. "McGee, look at me!" The boss snapped out with a cold, angry tone that let Tim know that he was pissed at where the younger man's focus had nose-dived to.

Tim did as he was told and looked over at Gibbs, squinting against the sun that shone from over Gibbs' shoulder. It took a moment for his eyes to adjust and Gibbs' face came into view slowly. Tim held his boss' gaze and waited patiently to see where this was going.

"Didn't you just get done telling Tony yesterday that even if you had thought we would have listened to you, you probably wouldn't have said anything? You'd trained yourself to keep your mouth shut to protect your mother and your sister and even yourself so, that you didn't even know how to handle it differently, isn't that what you told Tony?" Gibbs demanded, though his tone has softened slightly.

"Yes." Tim answered in shock. He was surprised that Tony would have shared that with Gibbs or that Gibbs would have listened given the fact that Tim didn't think he'd want to hear it.

"Did we make it easy for you to think any different; for you to realize you could talk to us?" the boss demanded.

"No."

"Then explain to me how what you lived through and the way it ended for both of you, was your fault!" Gibbs demanded angrily.

Thrown for a loop by the boss' anger and his words, Tim could only think to say one thing. "I guess it's not."

"Damn right, it's not! That bastard's death was not your fault. I won't let you take the blame for any of it! You hearin' me?"

"I'm sorry." Tim answered softly as it dawned on him that Gibbs anger was a tactic that made him think about the way he was feeling and draw his true feelings out.

"What else is going through that head of yours?"

He started to get lost in his thoughts once again when a hand startled him out of reverie. He turned. "Boss?"

"McGee. You alright?" There was no insinuation; no harsh tones, there was just his boss talking with him to see how he was doing.

"I'm good, Boss." Tim replied automatically and cringed as Gibbs' hand connected with the back of his head.

"Try again." Gibbs purposely kept his answers short and succinct, wanting Tim to open up to him without being prompted. It was something he'd have to learn again and if he was going to do it, then Gibbs was going to make damn sure that he'd help along the way.

"Okay. No! I'm not alright. You're right, there is more. You know, when Abby asked me if there were any more monsters hiding in my closet I realized that if I'd only said something earlier...acted on stuff, then none of this would have happened! I wouldn't have gone to prison, you wouldn't have had to bail me out and I WOULDN'T STILL BE SO PISSED RIGHT NOW!"

The yell at the end of the sentence wasn't filled with so much passionate anger that even the hardened Gibbs found it difficult not to flinch slightly. "I let him run my damn life and I'm worried that I'm gonna be like him! I can't live like this, Boss, I can't live knowing that I had a hand in hurting my family even more because that bastard couldn't just walk away from kids he didn't want to have to raise. He was always so quick to raise his hands or something else... What if...?" Tim trailed off thinking back the one person he wanted to be with at the moment and started to get bogged down in his self recriminations and doubts about how he could even start a relationship with her or if he even had the right to ask.

"Not a basket case and fear is a funny thing, McGee. That man was a bully and no matter what, what he did to you and your family; he was wrong. And he was wrong about you." Tim turned and looked at his boss with absolute disbelief in his eyes.

"You think so, huh? You think I'm not like him. Come on, Boss, the apple can't have fallen that far away from the damn tree right? Why'd I let it go on for so long? I could have stopped it! I could have told someone but no! I chose to not look harder for someone I could talk to. I chose to carry on being pushed around by that dragon and...and..." Tim trailed off again and turned back to the water. The vehemence in his voice seemed to have faded with his anger and right now, all Gibbs saw was a broken, thoughtful young man.

"And what? McGee, what you gotta realize here is that people like that have a hold on ya. Have you forgotten that you don't have to worry about being the apple from that tree to begin with? Besides, you're polite to a fault and I'm not afraid to tell ya that it didn't come from anything you learned from that man. You did what you had to do to keep people safe. You survived everything and worked through it. That took strength and fortitude most people only dream of having, McGee."

"I was wrong." Tim admitted with a whisper and tried to muster up the strength not to crumble. He would not crumble in front of Gibbs!

"Yeah. You were."

Tim looked at Gibbs with amazement and shook his head. "What?"

"You should have come to me, McGee. That's where you went wrong. You should have spoken to me years ago, but you didn't...didn't realize that you could, I get that now. But, now you know better." Gibbs sipped at his coffee and huffed out a short laugh. "So, don't ever bottle up your feelings like that again! You got me?"

Tim nodded and knew that Gibbs was right in what he was saying. "Gotcha Boss."

"Okay. Now you wanna tell me what the hell this is about. Abby doesn't think before opening her mouth, but you shot outta there like a bat out of hell."

Tim's mouth quirked into a small smile. "Out of the Gothic bat cave huh?"

Gibbs chuckled at that comment and shook his head.

"I dunno, Boss. I guess I panicked when my thoughts took over and the walls started to close in. I had to get out."

"You feel better now?"

"Yeah. Thanks Boss." Tim nodded and started to drink his coffee only to be surprised at the sweet taste that met him. "Um...tea?"

Gibbs smiled once again and stood up. "Yup, decaffeinated . Caffeine wouldn't be a good idea right now and I know ya can tolerate the stuff...Oh, and McGee?"

Tim looked up at him and waited for Gibbs to finish saying what he wanted to. He felt the headslap, right before the Boss bent down low to whisper in his ear. "You. Are. Nothing. Like. Him! Remember that!"

With that, Gibbs turned on his heel and started to make his way inside, giving Tim a new set of thoughts; stronger thoughts; to play with.

* * *

Tim got lost in the fog of his thoughts and didn't seem to notice anything around him. He must have sat there for quite a while, because he missed the footsteps as they approached the bench he was still sitting on, a good hour after Gibbs had gone back to work.

"Tim?" Ziva's small frame knelt in front of him as he sat there and he couldn't help but grin as her pretty brown eyes gazed up at him. "How are you? It is getting cool out here, yes?"

He frowned and realized that the wind had picked up and there was a definite chill in the air. "Huh? I hadn't noticed until now."

Ziva smiled warmly and stood up so she could hold out his jacket. "Then it is a good thing I thought to bring this with me. We do not want you to be ill because you are so deep in your own mind."

Tim took the jacket gratefully and shivered once he'd put it on. The material had been held close to Ziva's body and apart from the faint lingering smell of her perfume on it, he could feel the warmth that still infused the material. "Better?" she asked gently and sat beside Tim with her hands in her lap.

"Much." Tim reached out and reached out for one of her hands so he could hold it. Ziva let him take her hand without giving it a second thought, smiling as he took it gently. The soft, silky skin eased a part of his heart that had seized up with his torrid thoughts of turning out like his father and he found himself relaxing. "Ziva, I..."

"I know what you are going to say, and I would like that very much." The Israeli answered and leaned in to rest her head on his shoulder.

"You do?" With a glance down at her beautiful face, he could see the earnest emotions that resided deep in her chocolate brown eyes.

"I do." She pulled back and gazed deep into his green eyes. "McGee, when you came to me and asked me to help you push down your feelings, I knew back then it was wrong for me to agree. I should have supported you in a way that would have allowed you to get them out instead."

Tim frowned knowing that they'd already touched on this briefly, but refused point blank to let Ziva take the blame for something that he had asked her to do. "No Zee, please. I don't want you to feel as though you did wrong, okay. I...I was wrong and I should have faced my problems without trying to push them away. I thought you and I had already agreed that this was behind us? Remember, I said, I want to move forward and get to a place where I can live again."

Tim's honesty threw here slightly and she felt herself starting to well up slightly at the heartfelt words. "Do you think we can? I mean, if you'll let me...I want to move forward with you, Tim. Please, don't shut me out again, like you did earlier today."

"I wasn't trying to shut you out. I just got overwhelmed and felt the walls closing in on me. I'm fine. Please, just don't feel guilty okay?"

Ziva nodded her agreement but pushed forward with the question that she wanted to ask. "McGee...Tim. I...Please will you come round for dinner later. We can talk in private and I would very much like your company."

Tim grinned for the first time since running from Abby's lab and nodded his head as he wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "That would be perfect, Ziva. Thanks."

They both sat there for a moment before the chill infused them down to their bones. They decided to stop off and get coffee on the way back, but as they walked to the office, Tim couldn't help but feel grounded and safe as he held the small, comforting hand in his.

* * *

"So, Where's this going, Zee?" Tim asked as he poured the wine that he'd bought. He'd stopped off and picked up Ziva's favorite knowing that his friend had planned to cook.

"What do you mean?" Ziva asked gently and cocked her head. Tim looked at her warmly and noticed how soft her face was when her beautiful hair hung loose around her shoulders.

"This...us."

"Mcgee...Sorry, Tim. I want this to go slowly. What we are feeling; the attraction, is strong and I do not want to rush into anything."

Tim nodded and grinned because she'd answered perfectly. He didn't know what she expected and didn't feel ready for the physical side of the relationship just yet. "That's good."

"You are relieved." Ziva grinned, her pretty brown eyes sparkling in the candlelight. "Why is that?"

"Because I'm not ready to rush into things. I don't...I'm not..." Tim struggled to find the words that he wanted to say and sat there gazing at the flickering flame. He was startled when two warm hands dropped down onto his shoulders and started to massage gently.

"You are not him, Tim. You are a wonderfully warm, beautiful person who I admire...though you are full of knots. How can you walk around like this? It must be painful."

Tim nodded gently and relaxed into her ministrations. "Yeah, my back has been one big ache for weeks now."

Ziva understood and leaned over to blow out the candle. "Come."

"Huh?"

"Come with me. I am going to give you a back rub to get rid of those tense muscles and you are going to tell me why it is, that you do not believe you are worthy of love."

Tim shook his head and blushed. "It's not that I don't think I'm worthy; although you only have to look at my track record to see where I'd get it from; if that were what I was thinking."

"Then what is it?"

He let himself be pulled up and felt Ziva's small hand push gently into the small of his back to guide him. He started walking and it wasn't until he reached the bedroom door, that he realized where Ziva was taking him.

"Zee..."

"Backrub, McGee. Take off you t-shirt and let me help." She pushed him inside and watched with interest as he slowly stripped off his shirt to reveal the undershirt he wore "You did not answer my question."

"What question?"

"If you are not feeling that you are not worthy of love, what is wrong?"

He stripped off his undershirt and stood there feeling vulnerable and wary. "I don't want to be like him." He whispered and sat down on the bed.

"Lay down. On your stomach. You are not allergic to anything?"

"Not that I know of." Tim replied and laid down.

"Good...Tim, you are not like him. You barely get angry and even when you do, you do not get violent. Do you remember how you were when you first shot someone?"

"How..."

"Abby told me." Ziva replied softly and Tim could smell the soft scent of massage oil as she poured it into her hands. "And even Tony and I could tell how much it affected you. You were closer to her at that point."

"Yeah...well, not really. I hoped that she'd give me the answers I needed. She couldn't. I know what you're saying Zee, but what if...Oh God." Tim groaned as a particularly tight knot released.

"Good?"

"Oh, yeah. Very."

Ziva leaned down and kissed his shoulder. "You are not him." She whispered and went back to helping Tim loosen up. It wasn't long before she had him laying there in a loose puddle. When she finally sat back on the base of Tim's back, she heard a gentle snore and smiled warmly before getting up and settling a blanket over him. She leaned over and combed her hand through his hair gently before kissing his temple and settling down next to him. As she laid her hand over his, where it rested on the pillow, she offered him a whispered promise.

"Sleep well, Tim. We will talk more in the morning."


	38. Chapter 37

Tim woke up the next day feeling more rested than he had in weeks. He felt loose limbed, free and relaxed because of the fantastic massage he got last night and the hours of solid sleep that he'd had. He opened his eyes and took a moment to look around before finally remembering where he was.

"Good morning." Ziva's soft, sleep slurred voice tracked over from the left and when he turned his head to look at her, he noticed the way she had snuggled up to him during the night.

"Um…Morning. How did you know I was awake?"

"You tensed." She replied warmly and moved her arm so that it rested across Tim's chest. "How are you feeling today?

Tim lay there and smiled happily at the person he had woken up with. Truth be told, it was nice. He felt warm and comfortable where she was curled up next to him and found himself hoping, that it wasn't a one-time thing. "I feel good, Ziva. It's been a while."

Ziva hummed her approval and moved to rest her head on his shoulder. Tim moved his arm so that it wrapped around her, and they lay there or a few minutes just silently enjoying each other. It wasn't long before their phones started to ring and it was with heavy hearts, that they both disentangled themselves and answered. Tim watched as Ziva got up and padded out of the room so that he could answer in peace.

"Timothy McGee."

"_Probie! Just thought I'd see how you were doing." _Tim sighed at Tony's voice and glanced over to the pretty ornate clock that adorned Ziva's wall.

"Tony, it's 0530. You called me this early to ask that?"

"_Sorry, McGoo. Nope, it's your second day back and it's started with a bang. Gibbs just called and it looks like we've got a body. Won't have to go far though, it washed up on the banks of the river in the Navy yard."_

Tim looked up and saw Ziva coming back into the bedroom carrying 2 mugs. He knew that she favored tea, and wasn't surprised to find that she had made him a cup of her preferred drink, just the way he liked it. He winked his thanks and accepted the mug.

"On the Navy yard? That's a first. What time does Gibbs want us in?"

"_ASAP. He said to make sure you're up to it first though. So, you up or it?" _Tim laughed softly at Tony's question and placed his tea on the nightstand.

"I think so. Need to get back to some semblance of normality soon right?"

"_Sure do, Probie. Okay, I'm gonna go shower so I'll see you in the yard in an hour."_

They said their goodbyes and Tim reached over to brush a stray hair out of Ziva's eyes. "Gibbs?"

"Gibbs." She clarified and sipped at her drink. "I wish we did not have to go into work today. I would like to enjoy the day with you."

Tim felt his heart leap a little at that and nodded. "Me too. There's plenty of time though Zee. We'll take it slow and see where things take us."

"Yes. We will, Tim. So…" Ziva sidled up close to Tim and leaned in for a kiss. When she pulled back, she climbed over him and padded to the bathroom. "I'm going to have a shower. Relax there for a minute and I will be out shortly." Tim sat back against the headboard and drank his tea. This was nice, and he hoped that it would be the start of something truly amazing because in all honesty, they both deserved it.

***NCIS***

Gibbs arrived at the yard and pulled into the parking lot with a yawn. He'd been up most of the night working on his boat and for the first time in a long time, he felt bone weary as the past few weeks caught up with him. Once he had parked, he made the decision to go and get his team the coffee that he knew they would desperately need and pulled out his wallet to check he had the cash on him. He cringed when he noticed that he didn't have enough before remembering his favorite coffee shop took cards. He huffed a short, husky laugh before looking up and stepping out of the car and closing the door. When he turned, his attention was drawn to the other side of the dark parking lot, where two figures had just stepped out of their car and were talking happily.

***NCIS***

Tim and Ziva decided to drive in together and enjoyed the early morning journey because of the empty roads. Luckily, Tim still had his overnight bag in the trunk of his car which meant he had some clean clothes that he could put on for the day ahead. Tim pulled into the security gates and flashed his badge so that they could be let through, and pulled into his parking space fluidly before shutting the engine off.

"This is a nice car, McGee." Ziva grinned and unclipped her seatbelt. "I can see why you like it."

Tim chuckled and nodded his head. "I will admit, this is the one luxury I love. Everything else is about the creature comforts."

Ziva nodded and watched as he pulled the keys out of the ignition and stepped out of the car. Just before she opened the door, Tim was already there, pulling it open and holding out his hand to help her out. She accepted with a warm smile and stepped out of the car and into Tim's arms so she could wrap herself around his body. Their lips met and they stood there kissing sensuously as the world around them faded away. After a couple of minutes, they pulled apart and stood there holding each other in the darkness of the parking lot before moving to grab their gear out of the small trunk.

"Well, I suppose we should go and see what has happened. With any luck, it will be a simple case and we shall be able to go home on time."

Tim huffed slightly and shook his head. "When is anything ever simple?" He asked and pulled away so that he could look into her eyes. "Thank you."

Ziva's brow furrowed into a confused frown as she stood entranced by the deep rooted honesty and gratitude she saw in his gorgeous green eyes. "What for?"

"For being you; for what you did last night and for accepting me and my ghosts." He felt Ziva's hand rest lovingly against his cheek and nuzzled into the soft warmth.

"I will accept you no matter what. That is not even in question. Now, come. We must start the day because I do not want Gibbs to be…how do you say?" Tim could see her eyes searching for the correct term as her mind turned over. Luckily, he knew exactly what it was that she was trying to say.

"A bear with a sore head?"

"YES! That is it!" She said and giggled before rising up on her tiptoes to give Tim another, short kiss.

***NCIS***

Gibbs narrowed his eyes at the sight of two of his Agents kissing and talking happily in the parking lot. It wasn't that he minded because they both deserved some happiness; he just didn't want it to affect the team and the dynamics that they had. He watched as they finally made their way over the building and followed quietly. He stepped up behind them as they waited for the elevator and caught sight of their hands slowly untwining so that they wouldn't be seen…_Too late!_ He thought.

"Morning." He said gruffly and smiled when they both jumped slightly.

"Um..M..Morning Boss." Tim said shakily.

"Good Morning, Gibbs." Ziva turned slightly and smiled at their boss. "So, we have a case?"

"Yup. Dead marine washed up on the shore." He said as the doors opened and they all stepped into the elevator. It wasn't long before Gibbs reached over and flipped the switch that stopped the carriage dead. He stood there or a moment and saw the confusion flitter across his agents faces before putting them out of their misery. "You two look happy; together."

"Oh…Boss, look…." Tim started but was cut off by a patented Gibbs glare.

"The rules are there for a reason." He said gruffly. "But, can be broken…_Obviously."_

Tim and Ziva glanced at each other at the irony that dripped off of the last work their boss had spoken and didn't know how to reply. Ziva cleared her throat and decided to jump in to save her new love the embarrassment he no doubt felt.

"Gibbs, we will not let it affect our jobs. It is…we can be professional."

Gibbs nodded "You better. If it does impact your jobs, then one of you is gonna have to transfer to another team and I'm not willing to let that happen."

"Boss, this is new. We're finding our feet here, but we won't let the team suffer." Tim jumped in and flushed at his bravado. "We're good at our jobs and going by the past twenty four hours, we're good together. Please, let us prove that we can make this work."

After everything that Tim had been through, Gibbs was loathe to deny the kid that happiness; heavens knows, he deserved it. "Listen up. You both have my blessing and trust me when I say, it's not given easily. _But…_and it's a big but, so pay attention." Gibbs rounded on them both and stood directly in front of them so that they could see how serious he was about what he was about to say. "The minute that this causes problems for my team…and that includes you two…will be the minute decisions need to be made because I won't put up with it."

The newly formed couple nodded their heads and stood there speechless. They had Gibbs' blessing that had been delivered in his own, personal way. Needless to say, that didn't matter. They had his blessing! The gruff man, had actually seen them, and rather than being pissed, he was almost happy for them and the look in his eyes, told the that he was happy that they had both found that little bit of sunshine breaking through the dark clouds that had loomed over them recently. Gibbs grinned at the stunned pair, before turning back and flipping the switch that put the elevator back in motion once again. They all travelled in silence, though Tim did reach over and take Ziva's hand so he could give it a little squeeze before they stopped at the squad room and stepped out.

"Well it's about time! What took you guys so long?" Tony shouted across as they stepped out. Gibbs was pleased to see the coffee that he held for each of them because the situation that he knew he had to deal with, put thoughts of treating them all out of his mind.

"Surprised to see you here so early, DiNozzo." The boss said as he took his coffee and moved to his desk to grab his gun and badge out of his drawer.

"Oh come on, Boss. You told us to be here early, I got here early. A bit of faith here please."

Tim couldn't help but laugh at the familiar, comfortable banter and soon melted into the atmosphere of the work that they did. This was where he belonged and this, is exactly why he was happy that he'd retracted his resignation and finally gotten back on track.

***NCIS***

Three weeks had passed. Three wonderfully brilliant, relaxing weeks that saw Tim finally getting back to normal. Everyone noticed the smile that seemed to grace his handsome face and the way in which his eyes sparkled once more. That was what he needed, that little bit of normality that seemed to ground him and put his life back on an even keel. Gibbs had no doubt, that Ziva had helped with that and he knew, that even though Tim didn't talk to them much about what had happened, he had been talking to Ziva and she had been guiding him through the turbulent emotions that still hovered beneath the surface.

Gibbs entered the squad room with his coffee and instantly felt the tension that resided there. It was weird, but for the first time in weeks, he knew something had happened and hoped that it wasn't the new budding relationship going on, turning sour. He stormed in there and saw Ziva standing behind Tim with her hands gently massaging the tense shoulders as she soothed him quietly.

"McGee! With me!" He demanded and watched as Tim stood up slowly and turned to give Ziva a quick hug. The relationship was now common knowledge, but he really didn't mind that so much, if anything, the support shown seemed to infuse the couple with a new sense of strength.

"Boss?" Tony questioned and frowned.

"Later DiNozzo. You and Ziva finish those reports." He ordered as he walked past with a bashful looking Tim in tow. "And go and get more coffee!"

Tony nodded and looked over at Ziva as she stood there watching Tim trailing behind Gibbs with a tense stance that she hoped never to see on his lean frame again. "He'll be okay, Zee."

"I know." She answered softly and walked over to her desk to grab her wallet. "I shall go and get the coffee."

"What about you? Are you alright?" Tony stood and walked over to where she was so he could offer his support. "You need to talk, you know where I am right?"

"I know. Thank you, Tony. I…this is not for me to talk about, but I am sure Tim will when he's ready. Do not worry. Should I need to talk, I will talk. But this is not about me. I am just worried about him."

Tony nodded and gave her a quick hug before stepping back with a grin. "You're good together."

"Thank you." Ziva nodded with a warm, loving smile. "He is amazing and makes me happy."

"I can see that. You make him happy too, you know? I mean, look at him. This past few weeks, the kid has been relaxed and we've had the old McGoo back."

Ziva laughed at the pet name and shook her head. "You know, he actually doesn't mind those names. If anything, he has started seeing them as a term of endearment. You did not hear that from me though and please, do not over use them."

"Yeah?...hmm…anyway, if you're going for coffee, I'll have a hazelnut cappuccino please, my little ninja chick."

Ziva thumped him hard on the shoulder and sauntered out towards the stairs so that she could go and get their drinks.

***NCIS***

Tim once again found himself standing in the still elevator cart between floors as Gibbs stood there waiting for him to talk. _Where did he start? That was the real question because if he was going to be honest with himself, the whole situation made him feel stupid and weak once again._

"You gonna tell me what's wrong?" Gibbs asked gently and leaned back against the back wall. Tim started to pace in the small space, which was no easy feat, but the anger that emanated off of him, needed an outlet, and that was the best way.

"Nothing's wrong!" Tim growled loudly. The rare reaction from this gentle man, telling the boss, his gut was right.

"That's bull and you know it, McGee." Gibbs shouted back and put out his hand to still his agent. It took him a moment to finally get Tim turned around to face him. "Talk to me. We are not going back to this because we all know what happened last time."

Tim visibly deflated in front of him and it was all he could do not to push him into talking. "Mom wants to talk. She sent me a letter and left some messages because she wants to try and get our relationship back on track. Sarah's the same. She tried to email a few times and has tried ringing but…"

"You're not ready." Gibbs supplied and saw the small nod. "You need to sometime, McGee."

Tim deflated even more and moved to the side of the elevator where he sank down with his knees raised so that he could rest his wrists on them. "I know, Boss. I really do but there's just so much damn…it's too much. Right now, I don't feel ready and you know what the real kicker here is?"

Gibbs shook his head and sat down next to Tim. His agent chuckled when the boss's joint's popped and shook his head. "Getting old there, Boss?"

The headslap wasn't unexpected and made Tim feel more at east. "Comes to us all. What's the kicker?"

"I'm happy. Right now, I've got a beautiful girlfriend with a heart of gold and my job is going great. For the first time in years, I feel free and talking to my Mom just reminds me of what that bastard did."

"You still blame her?"

"No. Not really, Boss. It's just…if I was in her position, I would have walked years ago so that my kids were safe. She stayed with him and even now, he's got a hold on the family that can't be broken. He's dead! Damn it, he's gone so why is he still dictating our lives."

Gibbs huffed slightly and shook his head. Trust Tim to over think things and see the situation differently from everyone else. "He's not, McGee. You are. Right now, you're in control and you don't know what to do with it. Trust me when I say, I understand where you're comin' from, but you gotta do what you think is right here. Your mother; hell the woman was scared and still is."

Tim frowned and stared at Gibbs for a moment. "Why?"

"Losing you. Losing Sarah. Jesus, McGee, being widowed is one thing, but to lose your kids? That's hard and you never get over that. Right now, you and Sarah are survivors and your Mom doesn't wanna lose you knowing that there's still that chance of you being there. I know you don't feel ready, but you need to be telling _her_ these things. She deserves to know how you feel and why it is you're not ready for talking just yet."

Tim nodded and rested his head back against the doors of the elevator. "I know. It's just hard."

"And you're angry."

"Yeah." Tim admitted ruefully. "Right now, I feel like I'm being forced into something that I don't wanna do."

"Then play to your strengths." Gibbs said simply and stood up before holding out his hand. Tim accepted and let himself be pulled upright.

"What strengths?"

"You're a writer aren'tcha?"

Tim watched as Gibbs flicked the switch and realized then, what Gibbs was trying to say. "Yeah, Boss. I am. Thanks."

"Anytime." With that, the doors opened and they walked back out into the squad room to finish up what they were doing. Ziva followed five minutes later and handed out the coffee's, but when she got to Tim's desk and handed his over, she smiled warmly and felt her heart soar at the relaxed expression on his face.

"Are you okay?" She asked softly and grinned when he nodded and winked.

***NCIS***

The day had got considerably better after his chat with Gibbs and now, he was home wearing his favorite MIT t-shirt and sweats. He'd taken Ziva out for dinner first, and had enjoyed the pleasant, warm conversation that flowed between them. As they drove home, Ziva let her hand drop onto the top of his leg and left it resting there as he drove; right now, he could still feel that touch as he said at his writing desk and it was the one thing that seemed to be grounding him.

He glanced down at the pen in his hand before setting it aside and reading the letter that he had just written to his mother.

_Dear Mom_

_I am sorry for ignoring your calls and letters, but I'm not ready to talk just yet. I will be soon, I promise, but right now, I need the time to work through my demons and get my life back on track. _

_There's so much that I want to say and so many questions that I need to ask. It's just hard because after what happened and what he put us through, I still can't understand why you didn't just leave. Why didn't you take me and Sarah to safety?_

_You know what the hardest thing right now is? It's the fact that I need to know why he treated us the way he did instead of just walking away from the family he didn't want but also know that those answers are never going to be answered. Why did he feel the need to take his bitterness out on us…on me? I was at his beck and call and had to drop everything so that he'd be happy and would leave you alone. I always got it in the neck and always ended up being the one to suffer the most._

_I know it's not your fault. I really do, but I just can't stop feeling as though I've been let down somehow by everyone. Don't get me wrong, I love you both very, very much and miss you, but I need time. I need to be able rationalize everything in my own mind before releasing the demons that are knocking at my door._

_You know, I can't help feeling like George, even though I haven't quite slayed the dragon. I still feel as though I am free now and know that I haven't got someone hanging over my head or looming in the darkness. Mom, my life hasn't been good and I'm sorry to say that, but right now I'm getting back on track. I am back at work and am actually living life to the best I can. I'm enjoying life. _

_On a happier note, I'm in a relationship with Ziva. You've met her and I'm sorry it wasn't under better circumstances. We're good together, Mom and she cares about me for me. That's something that I've never had before and I will admit, I'm starting to fall in love with her…No, that's not right. I am in love with her._

_Please, give me time. That's all I ask. Like I said before, I love you all dearly and really do miss you and Sarah. I just need to do some soul searching first so that I can finally bury my skeletons and close the door on the Dragons lair. It's something I need to do; I can't explain it and I don't know why, but I just do._

_I love you and Sarah very very much._

_All my love_

_Tim xx_

_P.S. Thank you so much for doing what was best for me instead of what I asked for. Calling Gibbs to come help me probably saved my life. I can't ever thank you enough for that. Maybe someday soon, I'll be ready to do just that._

Tim placed the letter down on the desk with a smile and nodded to himself. It pretty much summed it up and would hopefully mean that they would understand and give him the time he needed. Sure, he'd talk to them again, he loved them too much not too, but he needed time.

He sighed happily when Ziva came up behind him and started to massage his shoulders again. It was something that she did often now and he had to admit, the very action was soon becoming his favorite thing in the world. She leaned down and wrapped her small arms around his neck before kissing the pulse point just under the ear.

"Are you finished?" She asked with a purr.

Tim placed his hand over hers where they were clasped together on his chest. "Yeah, I think so."

"Good. Then come to bed."

Tim nodded before folding the letter and placing it in the envelope he'd written out before the letter. He propped it up against his typewriter and stood up so he could turn and pull Ziva in close. They kissed sensuously and Tim couldn't help but trail his hands down her back as she stood there melting into him.

"Come on." He said huskily as he pulled back enough to guide her toward the bedroom "Let's go to bed."

_**~Finis~**_

* * *

**End Notes:**

**Just a quick note to thank you all for following us on this journey. It has been a long winding road, and we have finally reached the end.**

**You have all been wonderful with your reviews and yor comments and we have been blown away by them.**

**Thanks again everyone**

**Smartkid37 and Shelbylou xx **

**Disclaimer:**** All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.**


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